


Olivia and Ed

by Othersideofdark



Category: Ed Sheeran (Musician)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-03-20 07:46:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 129,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3642336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Othersideofdark/pseuds/Othersideofdark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was written from August 2012 to April 2013. I'm reposting it here, cause it's too hard on tumblr now. I'll prolly be posted in chunk, sorry about that. Also the text document is kinda weird, but I don't have time to correct it all. Still, it's all there. :D </p>
<p>Also there is a trigger warning on this fic for self harm. </p>
<p>--</p>
<p>I knew I couldn't though, and I knew that I was meant to be here. I was picked out of thousands of performers by the most famous musician right now. He picked me. Ed Sheeran, picked me to go on tour with him. He lends me a bed every night, and practically pays my way around here. I'm not even signed, he just saw me in a coffeeshop in downtown Toronto and asked me to go with him, and I said I would. Now I'm sitting in his kitchen crying over hate I'm receiving. I really just want to go away though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

I wandered back into the bus casually, as my night was already done. I set my guitar down, the one passed down from my mother to my brother, and now I play it for hundreds basically every night. I put it down in the case, and walk into the bathroom. My ears are still ringing from being on stage, and I can hear people outside once in a while, talking with security and going home early and some are pretty far gone. I just want to get out of this place surrounded by people for a while, so I grab my phone and put my headphones in my ears. I switch on the screen of the clean white iPhone, and go straight to the, "Some Nights," album by fun. and just sink into the music. 

 

I take off all my makeup and wipe my face clean, revealing the redness and the acne I've had since I was a young teenager. Skin has never been my strong point, but my blue eyes will forever stick out to people, being just the right shade and the right size for my face. I have a slim nose, nothing special, and soft looking pink lips. My bottom lip is bigger than my top lip, but I like it that way. I rub my chap stick across them and go and sit down at the kitchen table. 

 

I open my MacBook Pro, named 'lilmac' ever since I got the thing. It has drawings and writing all over it, all held behind a clear case, so they don't get ruined. Andy my dinosaur is drawn on it, I've drawn him for a long time, and I could never let him go. He's just part of me. 

 

Since I was alone, I just decided to flick through social media stuff I had gotten over the months. A lot of it was really super nice, but there was some bad stuff, and sometimes I just can't take it. I guess tonight was one of those nights. I knew there was a lot of love, but the hate just got to me. "She can;t sing." "Just get out of here, no one likes you." "You're pretty but you suck at singing." 

 

I just lost it and the tears rolled down my cheeks. I suddenly didn't want to be alone, I wanted to disappear. 

 

I knew I couldn't though, and I knew that I was meant to be here. I was picked out of thousands of performers by the most famous musician right now. He picked _me._ Ed Sheeran, picked me to go on tour with him. He lends me a bed every night, and practically pays my way around here. I'm not even signed, he just saw me in a coffeeshop in downtown Toronto and asked me to go with him, and I said I would. Now I'm sitting in his kitchen crying over hate I'm receiving. I really just want to go away though. 

 

I lay my head down on the table for what I think are a few seconds, but I end up drifting into a deep sleep in my clothes right there. I barely hear the door open or the screaming girls or Ed coming in. 

 

\-- Ed's POV

 

I said goodbye to everyone and waved to them, some were crying and some were shouting so loudly, it was quite insane. I set Nigel down on the couch as soon as I saw her lying there though. She didn't look normal like she usually does. I could tell she had been crying, her tears dried to her face leaving little streaks across her skin. She wasn't wearing makeup anymore, and I love her for that. She doesn't wear it unless it's an interview or a show. I thought she didn't even need it then, but the world was different from me. 

 

I felt really bad for her crying and wanted to know why. She was sleeping and had her headphones in though, so I couldn't just ask her. I saw her mac open to many social network sites, and realized why she was crying then. A lot of it was super nice, but some of it was really mean. I'm two years older than her, so I know that it's really hard to be young and out in the open. I'm sure her nineteen year old self can't take in and process every comment towards her, so she just breaks down and cries sometimes. 

 

I take my fingertips and run them across her eyes and down her cheek and across her perfect jawline. Her face is so soft and warm, I love it. I pull the headphones out of her ears and turn off her phone, shut her laptop and look up at who's come in. Stuart's standing there, and I tell him to keep quiet, and he says, "okay," and smiles a silly smile at me and walks away, leaving us alone again. 

 

I slowly position my arms under her, and pick her up from the table. She has little red marks on her face from where they were on the table. She's fairly light and I don't have trouble picking her up. She wiggles a little bit, and snuggles her face into my chest while putting her arm around my neck, sleepily hanging onto me. I walk to the back of the bus, right past her bunk, but I really don't want her sleeping there. I never have. 

 

I met her about a year ago. I was in Toronto, and wanted a tea. She was playing at the shop I ended up at, and I fell in love instantly. Her voice was like gold, and her smile lit up the room. Her golden guitar against her blue pants, which hugged her perfectly. Her shirt meeting the band of her pants, and giving away just enough of her collarbone, while her hair was loosely hanging to one side of her face, a perfect light brown colour, with a patch of blonde underneath on one side. Her makeup playing at her eyes, _her eyes._ Captivating they were. They shone perfectly in the light, but with a hint of guard came with them, making her curious. 

 

Right now though, they were hidden behind her eyelids, and were puffy from tears falling from them. I laid her down on my bed, and grabbed two of my shirts and some trackies. I knew she was too tired and hurt to put them on herself, so I decided that it was my job to take care of her. I've waited for a long time to be able to love her properly, and now was my chance to show her how much I care for her. 

 

I went to her face first to whisper in her ear, so even if she was a little bit awake she would hear me. I told her that I would never hurt her and I promised I wouldn't look at anything on her body. I said, "Olivia, I just want you to be okay, and I want to help you."

 

\------

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

\--Olivia's POV

 

I heard what he said, and I was fine with whatever he was going to do. I trusted him so much, and really, I couldn't do anything right now anyways with the state I'm in. It felt like a dream but I was semi awake but couldn't move really. I knew Ed was here though and wouldn't let anything happen to me. 

 

I felt him undo my belt and my button on my pants, and I could feel him mildly shaking as he did it. He touched me like I was going to shatter at any time. He slipped his hand under my back and lifted me up to slip my pants off my bottom, and i didn't really care that my purple boy short underwear showed from underneath them. I felt him lift each leg up and slide off my pants. He quickly put on the trackies he had gotten out onto my lower half and started tugging at the hem of my shirt. 

 

This proved trickier. He had to get my arms out first and since he was shaking it wasn't as graceful as I think he wanted it to be. I heard him mumble numerous, "sorries," and, "I'm so bad at this." I felt him tug it off my head though, along with the tank top under it. The cool air on my body make me have goosebumps from head to toe, and I felt a hand on the back of my head once again. Ed lifted up my head and slipped his shirt over my head and pulled it on part way with my arms still inside. He then reached behind my back and undid the clasp of my bra and took it off without ever exposing me. He slipped my arms into the t-shirt and pulled it down all the way. I heard him sigh and put on his own clothes. 

 

He then pulled the cover up over me and pushed in a DVD of an old episode of 'Friends' and crawled into the other side of the bed. He sat up a bit on his pillow, and I rolled over to his belly and wrapped my arm around it. He held my hand on his belly until the episode ended and he turned everything off, so it was dark in the room. 

 

He snuggled deeper into the covers and I felt like it was okay to open my eyes a bit now, and when I did he was staring right at me. I smiled at him, and just whispered, "thank you," to him, almost inaudibly. He smiled and came really close to me, I took in every one of his features until my eyes fluted shut against my will. His lips pressed delicately onto mine at that moment, sending shivers up and down my body. At that moment a wave of tiredness came over me, and he seemed to almost sense it and pull away from me. I fell back on my pillow and he caught me and gently placed me down. As he did it he smiled and pushed my hair out of my face. I looked up at him, and closed my eyes as I rolled over and got closer to him. Ed wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. He whispered, "goodnight sweetheart," to me, and I said, "goodnight handsome," in return. Just before i fell asleep again, I felt him move my hair out of the way and place a single kiss on the back of my neck. I was soon gone after that. 

 

\------- 

 

Ed's POV 

 

I didn't want to let her go, but Mark was really pressing that I get up. I had promo today and I really didn't want to go, I just wanted to stay here with her small frame sleeping perfectly next to mine. Eventually I had to though, so I got up as quietly as possible and grabbed my clothes and went for a shower. I took one final glance at her in bed, hair all messy and body breathing under the covers. I went to the shower and washed as quickly as possible. I just wanted this over with so I could see her again. 

 

I went to the kitchen to grab a tea and get a time check, and I was pretty good on time, so I made Olivia a tea and toast with Nutella. I didn't feel like eating so I went back to my room and saw that she was still sleeping, so I put the tea and toast down on the nightstand beside her with a note, "I just have to go to promo, I'll be back soon, miss you, Ed. x" I kissed her on the forehead and on the nose, and went out the door when I heard Stuart yelling for me. Always on the run I guess. 

 

\--Olivia's POV

 

I woke up alone in Ed's bed, with a note on the toast and tea he left me. He said he'll be back soon and I really just wanted him now. I felt a little better after last night, but I still felt empty a bit pathetic to be honest, breaking down on him like that. I know it wasn't bad, but he still carried me to bed and dressed me, which a nineteen year old should be able to do, right? But I couldn't so he did for me. Add that to the list, I don't even know how I'd start to pay him back for all that he's done for me. So much. All I can be is thankful really. 

 

I stood up and grabbed the toast and drank the tea right there, I was starving. I then started on a hunt for my phone. Considering I was pretty out of it last night, I wasn't sure what happened to the poor thing, but I found it on the table still, the last place I remember having it. I checked the screen, and numerous messages and tweets came flooding in. A couple calls here and there from friends back home and numbers I didn't know, so I dismissed the majority of them. I picked up lilmac and wandered to my bunk and put both my phone and mac on my bed. I got some clothes out for the day and headed for the shower. 

 

I walked into the bathroom and it immediately hit me. Ed must have been in here recently because I could still smell his shampoo and wax in the air. Then I remembered that we had kissed last night. Almost on queue my phone buzzed on my bed, just so I could hear it and I ran to it. I flicked it on and Ed had texted saying good morning. My heart was racing because I had just remembered so much, he had kissed me, me. me. He kissed me, and I was excited about it. 

 

Now, I had known Ed for a bit now, and I had fallen asleep on him during movies and TV shows before, but we had never kissed or slept together. I don't know why my brain was just unraveling it all now, but I sensed it was a good thing that I was excited about it. I texted him back that I would just meet him at soundcheck and that he didn't have to come back for me I could make it myself. 

 

I showered happily and was just generally excited because it meant he liked me. We were really good friends, but he actually took care of me and kissed me and I liked that. A lot. 

 

\--Ed's POV

 

The interviews eventually ended and I was off to soundcheck. I knew I would walk in part way through hers, but that was okay, because I loved watching her perform. She was really special and could light up a room with her performance. She smiled while she sang and I loved that. It was like little sparks came out through her pores and set everything on fire. Finally the van stopped and we were here at the venue. 

 

You could hear her voice throughout the halls and my smile grew bigger the closer I got. I told Stuart I'd meet him at the back in a few, and he replied with a, "yeah okay, don't do anything stupid." and a laugh. I laughed back at him and just walked away, and into plain view she came. 

 

Her eyes connected with mine and she smiled at me. I wandered up to the front behind the guardrail of the stage. I haven't stood here in ages, but I felt standing front row to her at a show would be the best day of my life. Getting to see her light up right in front of you is an insane experience. I just stand there and smile, and she looks up at the sound tech, and back down at me for the rest of the song. At the end the tech says she's all good, and tells me that it's mine turn in ten, so I better get a hurry on. I give a thumbs up and look back up at Olivia, who winks and walks off stage. I walk quickly to meet her just as she reaches the hall with her guitar. 

 

"Hey smiley," she says sweetly and gives me a quick jab in the side. "Hey you," I say to her as she starts walking away to the green room. She turns around and giggles a bit at me, and it's really quite fun to have her all better, but I'm sure she's still a little damaged from last night. I can see it in her eyes, they're lit up, but there's always a subtle pain and deepness in behind them. She spins around and enters the green room where she puts down her guitar and flops on the couch. I hear the door close and I know it's just me and her now. She puts her head back on the couch and shuts her eyes and just sighs. I sit down beside her, and just watch her, take her in. 

 

She's wearing her hair down and curly today, just perfectly messy, but still styled, so it flows down to her waist. She has on a cotton dress, thats blue and white striped, that pulls in right on her waist. Her black tights hug her legs and flow right into her knitted slippers. I can see her eyeliner play at the corners of her eyes and they flick out just enough to cause some fun to this outfit. She rolls her head over to me and looks me dead in the eye. 

 

"I just really like you. I thought about you all morning and you made me so happy last night." That was it, I couldn't take her just sitting there anymore, I grabbed her and kissed her like I'd wanted to for so long.I'd waited a long year to love her properly, and now that she had said that she likes me I was determined to make her love me the way I love her. Unless she already does. 

 

"Ed- Ed- Eeeeeed, wait." She pushed lightly on my chest and held her hands on my face. "Ed stop convincing me that I love you. I already do, you don't have to think about it anymore okay? I've admired you since I met you. So stop convincing me to love you. You don't have to try, I'm already in love with you." 

 

She loves me too. When she made that little speech it made my head spin. I couldn't believe that she loved me too. It hadn't even been a day, but really we'd been secretly admiring each other for a year. "Olivia, I love you too, you have no idea. From that first day, when I walked into that shop, I've loved you. I don't ever want to disrespect you or hurt you. I know other people have because I know every word to all your songs and I don't want to be the next one to hurt you. I want to mend you and fix you and keep you safe forever. I saw what you looked at last night and I know it hurt, but I don't want it to anymore. So just don't look at it anymore, just look at me. Look at us, and remember that I love you."

 

I could see her eyes tearing up and I just held her close in my arms. She gripped my back and held my shirt in her hands. We just sat there, like best friends but so much more, until there was a knock on the door. "Hey Sheeran, hurry up, we gotta soundcheck!" "Okay I'm coming!" I shouted back. I looked down at Olivia, and somehow she had held her tears inside, for she hated crying in front of anyone. "I'll meet you on the bus, okay? I vote for a movie snuggle before the show," she said, standing up and smiling. She picked up Nigel along the way and I followed her until we had to part. "Movie snuggle it is then, Ms. Olivia." I smiled and she passed me Nigel and I hugged her and kissed her cheek until I was pulled away from her, leaving her alone. As I walked away I could hear her slippers on the floor shuffling along until I was on stage and she was outside. 

 

\-----------

 

 

Olivia's POV

 

I wandered outside at there were a ton of fans waiting. I figured I had a bit of time to kill, so I went over and said hello to a few. They were all really nice and wanted me to say hello to Ed, and I said I would, but it's really hard to get a few dozen, "hellos," to Ed so I figured I would just say a bunch of people said hello to him. I eventually ended up in the bus and decided to look at all the DVDs we had, and try and choose one. I eventually settled on, "Stranger Than Fiction," one of my favourites. Right on cue, Ed walked in and smiled at me. Even with all the people outside and milling around, I felt like it was the first time nothing mattered to me in a long time. I could lay my eyes on him without feeling weird or thinking that it was wrong for me to look at him like I loved him. I know know that he loves me back, and I feel a whole lot more settled on this trip because of it. 

 

He came up to me and kissed me on the cheek, and then walked to the kitchen and made some tea for both of us. Ed settled down on the couch and offered for me to sit in the spot in-between his legs. We usually don't sit like this, so I was a little surprised he let me sit there, I usually cuddle up beside him and put my head on his shoulder, but this new found spot was really comforting. I could feel his warm body up against mine, and he put his hands on my waist and I put my hands on his, interlocking my fingers. I looked down at our hands, and I loved how they looked. His a shade paler than mine, and his fingers much shorter than my long fingers. Both of our hands ended with rough nails, due to the fact that we both had a habit of biting them really short. 

 

I liked the way they looked together, it looked like home. I could also feel his heart beating on my back, and it was a little fast, I guess he was excited that he got to be this close to me. I suddenly felt my hair move behind me and realized one of his hands had disappeared. I felt him pick up a piece of my hair and smell it. "Mmmmmmm, your hair smells amazing love," I giggled at this and he flicked it away and rested his head on my shoulder. He reached for a blanket and threw it over our legs as the movie started. "I love this one," he said as I pressed play on the remote, "I love it too," I said with a smile on my face. 

 

Throughout the movie people came and went, and we ended up having pizza for dinner and then it was show time. We both got up and Ed threw the blanket on the couch as he stretched up, and I poked him in the tummy as his shirt and hoodie lifted up. "Hey! No fair." "Haha, yes fair, you stretched, thats fair game for poking." "Oh really?" Ed got a stern look in his eye, and grabbed me and started tickling like mad. "NO STOP NO IT TICKLES EEEEDDDDD!!!!" I screamed and screamed until he stopped and Stuart walked in. "Okay you two, it's show time, enough fun, lets go." 

 

We bother followed Stuart out of the bus and got pushed into the building by security due to the overwhelming amount of fans outside. It was really crazy for a few minutes and the quiet of the building was almost haunting. We moved along though, and got into the green room, now floating about with a couple people and sound guys, both me and Ed got our guitars and it was a bit of a ritual for us to warm up together, but tonight brought a whole new meaning. We both stared into each others eyes and made Ed's song, "Kiss Me," into a duet. It felt like it took new meaning in that moment, and right before I had to leave, we shared a short kiss, and Ed followed me out to the stage, and watched me perform. 

 

I had a forty-five minute set, and it went pretty flawless I have to say. The crowd was buzzed and that made me even more energetic. The stage is such a wonderful thing, like a really good addiction for me. It gets me sweaty and hyper, and sends a lot of emotions over the edge for me. As soon as my final song finished I ran off to Ed who watched the whole thing from the side. "It's such a great crowd tonight, that was so fun!!!" I yelled at him. He smiled really big, "do I get a kiss before I go on now?" I smiled and laughed and kissed him, making our guitars bang together. We had about five minutes for set up between our acts, and Ed took this time to talk to me. 

 

"You have to stay tonight, for the whole set okay? Don't worry I won't do anything scary or embarrassing, I just need you here so I can look over and see you okay? Make sure you stay the whole thing, I don't want you out of my sight. Do you have your phone? Don't check it okay? Just stay here focused on me, I wanna see you all the time. Okay? Don't go anywhere." I nodded my head in agreement but wondered why he wanted me in his sight and not to check my phone. I trusted him though, so I nodded and looked him in the eye and studied each word he said. I didn't know what was going on, but I figured he did, so it must be okay, right? 

 

"I have to go now, love. I love you. Don't forget that." 

 

"I won't, I love you too darling." 

 

With a final kiss he was on stage and I was captivated by his performance. Part way through a guitar tech came and took my guitar and put it away for me, and I thanked him. Ed would glance over every so often and smile at me as he played, right up until he was done. 

 

He ran up to me after his last song, "come with me, were doing something crazy." I was taken aback by what he said, but he was already pulling me on stage when the lights came back on. My heart was beating really fast when he spoke into the microphone. 

 

"Hey guys, I know who you know who this is, but I don't think you know what she means to me. I took her in about a year ago, and I've admired her for very long, and the past couple days I've realized how she feels about me too, and, Olivia, I really want to make you mine. Be my girl, Olivia. Let me call you yours for a long time, please Olivia, be my girlfriend."

 

My face was hot and I could tell I was redder than Ed's hair, but I was happier than ever. I just nodded my head and looked him right in the eyes. Everyone cheered then, and he pulled me really close and kissed me right in front of everyone. Cameras went off everywhere, but I didn't mind. It was finally us. Not Olivia, not Ed, it was Ed and Olivia, and I was so happy to hear that.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

\-----------

 

Olivia's POV

 

Ed pulled me off the stage, and I couldn't stop smiling. There was a buzz in the air, and everyone kept congratulating us. Ed stopped in front of me before he was going to step out side, and turned around to face me. He smiled at me but I could detect something was on his mind. "Are you ready to go out?" I nodded him a yes, but he didn't move. "Are you okay?" I whispered to him as much as I could. People were already looking at us, just because we were a couple now, and I didn't want to attract much more attention. He put his hands on my shoulders and said, "I got a message earlier, from a number I didn't know, and it really scared me. It said that he was coming tonight and to hold on to you or I would never see you again." I was shocked and confused to this, why would someone say this to Ed? Who would want to steal me? "Okay, heres what were going to do then," I started saying, "I'll get on your back and piggy back you to the bus. We don't have to do any signings or anything, just get to the bus. It's a short walk, no one will be getting me and taking me away from you." Ed still looked really worried, but turned around anyways and I got onto his back. 

 

We walked out the doors and there was a flood of people like usual after a show. Security followed us really closely, but kept there distance. It's when I saw him. 

 

"Ed, we have to get to the bus now." I panicked really fast then, up on Ed's back. I'm sure he felt my heart jumping out of my chest, but he was surrounded by fans. "Okay guys, I can't spend a lot of time tonight and we need to get to the bus right now." Ed's voice boomed over the crowd, probably sounding a little more stern than he would have liked it to, but I could feel him getting hot underneath me. I saw him coming closer to me by the second, and I didn't really want him to get me. 

 

It was a guy I knew a really long time ago, we were really close for a few months and he was one of my biggest haters. He took any opportunity to stab me in the gut, and I hadn't seen his face for years. Finally the fans parted and Ed had a clear path to the bus door. Ed walked quickly to the bus, but my old enemy caught my shirt just before we reached the bus, and he tore me off Ed's back and I fell to the ground. I let out a little scream as he was dragging me away and he quickly jammed his hand over my mouth. His smell haunted my nose and made my head spin just like it had when we were younger. He had an escape route to take me on, with his friends keeping the crowd out of the way. 

 

I was freaking out, I could feel my back scraping against the ground, and all I could see was the front of the bus. I could barely breathe due to his hand over my mouth and partially over my nose. The crowd noise was overwhelming and I felt a long scrap happen on my arm from being half under the bus, and I felt my right shoe come off too. I felt like vomiting everything I had up into this guys hand, and crying my heart out for him to let me go. 

 

Suddenly, he did let go, and I felt a warm pair of hands on my waist. I was quickly thrown onto a very strong shoulder, and I realized it was a security guard from the show pulling me up off the ground. My body hit his shoulder and whatever air I had in me was knocked out very quickly. I almost lost my stomach at that moment just from sheer pressure, but all I did was stare at the ground. I was whipped around like a rag doll and practically thrown back into Ed's arms which quickly pulled me into the bus and Stuart closed the door shut right behind me. I could feel Ed's hand slipping on the blood that had dripped all over my arm and elbow, and it hurt quite bad with his hand right on the deep cut. I felt the tears streaming down my face now and I was laid on the couch in the bus, just hours earlier Ed and I had spent a cuddle there, now I was damaged and lying on the same spot. 

 

I could hear the commotion outside the bus, and the crowd was screaming and the security guards were yelling at everyone to stay back. Not too much later I could hear sirens and police officers talking with the security guards. 

 

I was shaking uncontrollably from the whole incident, and Ed was holding my head as I cried into his shoulder. I felt Stuart put the first aid kit on my legs and I felt him take my arm in his hands. "Ed, help me look after this. It won't stop bleeding." Ed let go of my head and looked down at my arm, which was covered in blood and had about a four-inch cut along it. The sleeve of my dress had been ripped open too, and was pushed up my arm so the boys could see the cut clearly. "Just go and get a wet cloth, okay?" Stuart said to Ed. Ed ran to the bathroom and returned to wipe away the blood. A lot of it was on the right side of my dress and was all over the couch. I could tell the back of my dress had ripped and I could feel my back was scraped too. "My back," I managed to squeak out, and both the boys looked at each other, and Ed lifted my body up to reveal my torn dress and skin. "She's all bloody back here too," he said to Stuart and Stuart took a peak while still holding my arm closed to prevent bleeding. I just soaked up Ed's smell and the pressure he had on my limp body. "Just sit up for a second love, okay?" he said to me and walked away to get another wet cloth. I held the first aid kit in my good hand so it wouldn't fall off my lap. Ed came back with a damp cloth and said, "sorry this might hurt a bit." I winced when he touched my cut and he apologized profusely numerous times. He eventually got it all clean when a nurse walked in with a security guard and a policeman. 

 

"We tried to keep it from bleeding as much as possible," Stuart said to the nurse. "Okay, let me have a look at it now," and as Stuart moved back and the nurse looked at my wound, I knew it wasn't going to be good. "Looks like stitches it is," she said to me. I looked at Ed who was now sitting beside me holding a bandage on my back. He took my hand and squeezed it, "don't worry it won't hurt and I'll be here the whole time," he said, and I felt a little bit better, but it would still hurt a lot. The nurse then looked at my back and bandaged it up with a soft bandage and tape that felt weird on my back. "Okay then, now for this arm, I'll numb it first and then I'll stitch it, you won't feel a thing." I was still scared about everything that happened and I just wanted them done fast, so I held up my arm as best I could and rested it on a box someone had placed on the couch for her to do her work on.

 

\--Ed's POV

 

I could see so many thoughts flying through her mind all at once as I sat here holding her body while the nurse poked her needle into her arm and numbed it up so she could start stitching her long cut. I couldn't believe that bastard tried to steal her right off my back, it was the worst feeling ever. We got her back though, and I assumed he was caught by security as it seemed to quiet down a bit outside the bus. I saw Stuart talking with the policeman at the table of the bus, and he got up to give me a report form and a pen. I had to fill out all this stuff and write what happened, and I was really shaky trying to get it all out that my writing was hard to read, but I hoped that was okay. Olivia was told she would have to write one too, and she answered a few questions that the policeman asked her, but I think he sensed her shock and just took the paper and mine, and said it was okay. She looked at me, a bit calmer that before and I wiped her hair from her face and wiped under her eyes that were stained from her makeup running. Mark passed me a packet of makeup remover wipes and I took one out and wiped her face clean. She closed her eyes and melted into my hands while the nurse finished up her stitching job. I finished wiping her up, and she looked at me and smiled. I could tell she was just tired now, but still confused as ever. We got directions from the nurse on how to look after her wound and it was finally just Stuart, Olivia, the crew and I left in the bus. 

 

Olivia got up slowly and pulled out a pair of pyjamas and slipped in the bathroom. She came out with her hair tied up on her head, and her blood stained clothes in her hands. I could tell her cuts hurt and she was in pain when I scooted over to Stuart at the table. 

 

"Stuart, I don't think we should go on. There's only a month left of this tour, but I think we all need some time to sort things out and calm down. We can push the dates back so no one misses out, but I don't think we can hold out for another month. I know this is a lot of work for you, but-"

 

"No, I agree completely. We've been on the road for a long tour, and it's time to take a break. With tonight happening, it wouldn't be good to keep going, and I don't think Olivia can even play with her arm like that. I'm sending you two on a plane back to London tomorrow morning, okay? You can tell her when you think it's right, but you're going back right away. Settle down with her, work it all out." 

 

I nodded and thanked Stuart for getting my point and he shooed me away back to Olivia who was at the back of the bus in our bedroom. I liked calling it that, _our_ bedroom. I walked in and she was already under the covers fast asleep. I slipped in beside her, careful of her body and wounds, and planted a firm kiss on top of her head, and whispered to her that we were going home tomorrow. 

 

\---------

 

 

 

Olivia's POV

 

I woke up to a peacefully sleeping Ed face, right in front of me. I could tell I didn't move a lot through the night, probably because I was wiped out from last night, and my body was battered and bruised. Ed was holding my hand, and the last thing I remember is Ed kissing me on my head before mumbling something into my hair and falling asleep soon after. I saw Ed's phone sitting right above our heads on the headboard, and I reached up to see the time. 9:45 am. Wait? Didn't we usually get up earlier than this? I must have shuffled in bed just enough to make the sleeping body beside me stir, and I saw his face crumple into the pillow and he drew in a long breath and held it in his lungs. It came out in a moan a second later, and he rubbed his eyes before opening them and letting them adjust to the light. I set his phone down, and looked at him. "Sorry I didn't mean to wake you up," I said. He just looked at me and smiled, and let out a grunt towards me. "It's okay, I like sleeping in anyways." he said. "Why exactly are we sleeping in when we have things to do Ed?" I asked. "I talked to Stuart and he's giving us the rest of the tour off. He's sending us back to London today, don't worry about sleeping late." I was mildly shocked by this news, but very, very happy about it too. My body made short work of reminding me how hurt I am though, as when I tried to sit up an excruciating pain radiated up my back from the large scratch. 

 

I drew in a sharp breath and my eyes watered a little, but didn't drip down my face. Ed sat up right straight at seeing me in pain and put his hand on my upper back and rubbed it gently. His hand was really soothing on my back and he was really warm. It wasn't until that moment that I looked down and saw that he was still in his hoodie and jeans from last night. "Why didn't you change?" He looked down, "I don't know, I just crashed in beside you. I was beat, too beat to change I guess." It was at this moment that I realized how much of my pain was his too. He felt everything that I did last night, and my heart skipped at this. 

 

"Olivia, who was that last night? You spotted him like you knew who was coming already." 

 

"I did know him. Not before I saw him though. I recognized him in the crowd and realized who he was and panicked." I bit down on my lip and just stared down at my lap and focused on Ed's rubbing pattern on my back. I felt him shuffle to my face and he touched my face. "It's okay to tell me love, I need to know. Tell me whats going on inside you. I know all your songs but I need to know all your insides too. I promise I won't tell a soul, and I won't leave because of your past. I won't leave for anything actually. I'm here to stay." 

 

\--Ed's POV

 

She closed her eyes and began telling me everything about that flithy guy who tried to take her last night. 

 

"I knew him in high school for a couple months. It was winter time and I wore all my fuzzy sweaters and he had this favourite one I wore. It showed a bit of my tummy, and eventually things moved on to long spare classes sitting in the library just talking and kissing occasionally. He would run his hands up my back when I would wear his favourite sweater and he would play with it and just generally love me. I really thought he loved me. I believed him so much that I cut these hearts into my left wrist right here." She pointed to two perfectly cut hearts on her wrist, with another scar in the form of a paw print on the other side of her veins. I'd never seen them before, because she always wore bracelets on that wrist and I never saw what was underneath. "I ended up finishing my semester and since I didn't need another semester I left at the beginning of February. I started working full time and I didn't get to see him anymore. It got really ugly then, and he started getting really forceful when we would talk on the phone or video chat with each other. One night we had been talking via text, and it was about 12 at night and we were fading in and out of conversation, and at about 130am he just started yelling at me through his messages. I could hear the anger right through my phone and I ended up telling him to never speak to me again. The next day I just kept cutting the hearts deeper and deeper into my skin, so they would never leave. I could feel his lips on my wrist kissing my scars, because thats what he would do when we would sit in the library. His lips were a drug, with my razor being a paintbrush and my skin an open canvas. He made me crazy, cutting drawings into my skin all the time. The closer we got the more I cut. When he yelled at me, I couldn't handle it anymore. I broke and soaked up all my emotions and put them into songs, which ended up becoming the words you know."

 

She was shaking a little bit from telling me this, but I knew it wasn't the end, so I just sat there and let her figure out her emotions until she was ready to finish. She continued on looking me right in the eyes as she said it. 

 

"We started talking about three days later, but it was never the same. He knew he had hurt me, and I had already shut him out. I didn't want to see his face again, but he still tried to be friends with me. I found it really hard to trust him again, and eventually we ended up fading away enough that I felt okay. I was doing weekly YouTube videos at the time, and he was always a huge supporter of me. He requested that I cover a Coldplay song, Fix You, and so I did. He didn't even give me feedback or say that he liked it. He was a musician too, and was just starting to put his music up on YouTube too. It was a few days later that one of my videos ended up hitting 20 thousand views. Since it was the first time this ever happened to me, I was really excited. I was posting and people were happy for me, but he kept leaving rude comments on what I was saying. I got a really nasty comment on the video later that night, and it just felt weird. I found the users channel, and it turned out to be him who said the comment, and all I did was text him and told him to never talk to me again. He replied with a message saying, 'with pleasure,' and at that moment I knew he had just strung me out for months and played with me and my feelings. I broke down and felt really hurt. He went on my YouTube and disliked every one of my videos and made me look really bad. A lot of my friends came out thought, and liked all my videos and got my ratings back up, but it still really hurt. I hadn't spoken to him or seen him until last night. I guess he's really jealous of who I turned out to be, and decided that ruining my life and probably your career was a good idea. It really shocked me to see him, but I'm really thankful that you mended me and listened to all this. I never tell anyone." 

 

Tears were streaming down her cheeks and she kept wiping them away with her hands, but she never broke eye contact for very long. I admired her for this, she was so strong to stand up and sing about what he did to her and how he scarred her so badly. I grabbed her a kleenex and wrapped my arms around her, being careful of her back and of her arm. She stopped crying and sat up from leaning on me. She wiped her face clean and shuffled off the bed to stand up. "I guess we should get a move on eventually if were going to London today." 

 

I stood up too, and walked her to the bathroom. I took the bandages off her wounds and cleaned them up, then re-bandaged them. They weren't bleeding anymore, but her back hadn't completely scabbed yet so she flinched when I touched it still. She just held onto the sink though, I was so amazed at her strongness. She told me to get out then, find her some clothes so she could shower. I did as she wanted and tried to pick an outfit out. I was horrible at clothes and she giggled at what I chose, but put it on anyways. It was a purple plaid button up shirt and a pair of smooth blue jeans. I loved how she could pull of a really classy dress or comfy country clothes, it was like she was born for the clothing industry. I didn't look as she slipped them on, I knew she didn't want me to see her bruises that had formed, so I obliged. 

 

I then told her that I was going to shower, and for her to get me clothes. Olivia was much better at it than me. She picked out a blue polo shirt, with a little orange paw print on it, and a pair of her favourite jeans, I knew because she had told me they were nice in the past, and always smiled a little more when I wore them. It was things like that that made me fall for her, her laugh, her smile, her laziness and just her personality in general. She rolled up her sleeves and grabbed all her stuff from the bus she would need for the trip home. We both knew that the bus would end up back at Stuarts in a few days, so we didn't have to pack everything, just enough to survive. I grabbed my rucksack and went to gather her up too. Her stuff was still at her bunk, so she was standing in the hall when I finished. She was scrolling through her Twitter feed, and I could see her eyes welling up, but she was smiling, so I knew that she was reading a lot of support from her fans. She was feeling loved and I loved seeing that. I walked up to her and twirled a bit of her hair in my hand, which she had dried while I was showering. It was silky smooth as was the rest of her, and she wiped her eyes and looked at me. "Are you ready?" I nodded and soon enough we were walking through the airport. 

 

 

 

\-----------

 

Ed's POV

 

Since no one knew we were going to the airport, no one was around to catch pictures of us or flag us down to sign numerous CDs and posters. I was thankful for this, because I really didn't want Olivia getting bumped or hurt anymore. I could tell she was in pain when she walked, probably from her cuts stretching and moving as she did. I let her walk on her own though, I knew she would hate to be picked up and carried. We got through security and bought our tickets no problem. We had been on planes before, but it was usually with everyone else too, it was kind of weird just being us two, yet I was loving every minute of watching her. I can recall the first time she was on a plane. She was eighteen and very lost in the world I brought her into. 

 

She had spent time with me and the team throughout Canada and the States, but we hadn't taken a plane anywhere yet and she hadn't been to England. I remember her pulling her little luggage behind her with a worried expression plastered on her face. What made it worse was the amount of fans in the airport that day, it was overwhelming to everyone, but we eventually got on the plane in time. She sat in her seat fiddling with her clothes nervously. I sat on her left and Stuart on her right. She looked out the window past me just wanting the flight over with. I just started talking to her then, and we played silly question games and she seemed to settle down. She was really quite, sexy, actually when she got worked up and nervous. She would get a little redder and hot enough for a sweat to break out on her skin when she was bothered or excited. I found it really attractive, and as I sank into my seat on the plane, I just looked at her, and loved how now she was a young lady, peering out the window. She had her head on straight, and didn't freak out on planes anymore. 

 

She looked at me and smiled as the plane took off, and she grabbed my hand. She squeezed it and put her head on my shoulder, and I put my head on hers after grabbing a blanket I had brought with me. I threw it over our legs, and just breathed her in. 

 

"Ed?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Remember that first plane trip when we just asked each other really random questions the whole time?" She picked her head up and looked at me while resting her elbows on the armrest between us. 

 

"Yeah I do actually. Why?" 

 

"I just really enjoyed it and thought it was cute. You had so many questions and I loved it. I still love how you ask me whatever you think is appropriate, and you don't hold back telling me that you know somethings wrong. You just ask politely, and then you listen to me so well. I love that about you." 

 

I smiled down at her and kissed her perfect pink lips. "I love knowing everything about you." 

 

She smiled back at me, "Ask me something you really, really want to ask me right now." 

 

I thought about it for a second, and remembered the paw print on her wrist. 

 

"Tell me about the paw print on your wrist beside the hearts, and tell me all your others. I'd love to know. You've never talked about them or even mentioned them before." 

 

She looked down and blushed when I brought up the paw print but she spoke anyways. 

 

"Okay, the paw print then, it was when I was 18. I had been listening to your music for about a month I suppose, and I actually was getting involved in your fandom. I never told you cause I thought it would be awkward, or you would push me away. You actually kinda saved me, musically speaking. I was quite dead with my music, and I was slipping away pretty quickly. I heard you on the radio one day, and I instantly tuned into your voice. The first thing I noticed about you performing in your youtube videos was the fact that your guitars all had paw prints, and a lot of your merch did. You revived me before even knowing me, and I never wanted to forget you, even if we never met, so I put a paw print on my wrist. I just thought it was fitting. As for the the rest of my scars, a lot of them are faded, but I have four horseshoes on my right outer ankle. I used to ride horses before I left home for Toronto. I lost a horse I was training in the winter, and he was really special to me, so I put his horseshoes on my body, to never forget him." 

 

The fact that so many memories sat lying right in front of me was almost overwhelming. The way she turned her emotions into art right on her body was amazing. Yeah we had talked about what we like and did before, but I'd never seen her this open to anyone before. I loved her more than I did before, if that was possible, and I just wanted to know every secret. I can't believe that I revived her music for her, so much that she put my paw print on her wrist, and she didn't even know me then. I knew she wasn't just pulling on my heartstrings to get something out of me with this, she was just telling me the truth about her. I asked and she delivered, it made her even more beautiful than before. 

 

"Ever gotten a tattoo then?"

 

"Ha, no. I've been too scared for one actually. Theres a difference between scaring yourself and tattoos, I just can't hold it together through a tattoo." 

 

"Well you'll have to get over that then." 

 

Olivia's big eyes looked right at me, and darted back and forth. I just grinned at her, and grabbed her and hugged her tight. I felt her laugh into my shirt, and she lightly punched my stomach. 

 

"You're a bastard! No way I'm getting one!" She said.

 

"Oh come on, you must want something if you scarred yourself with a knife. I know you and how creative you are. You must want one."

 

"Maybe," she said with a smirk in her voice.

 

"Done deal then."

 

She whipped her head up at me and I just smiled. I knew where I was dragging her when we got settled at home. 

 

 

\---------

 

Ed's POV

 

We sat and talked the rest of the flight, legs under the blanket, until we landed. We got off the plane, and for sure there was a flurry of activity happening. A lot of people knew both of us in London, despite Olivia being from Canada. We do tour together so she's as well known here as back in Ontario on her home turf. 

 

Since we had flown to the biggest airport in England, even though we hadn't announced that we were coming home yet, reporters were waiting there to pounce on anyone who came through that airport. We were instantly spotted, my hair not making the situation any better. "Why are you home?" "Is Olivia seriously injured?" "Will the tour go on?" 

 

I just grabbed Olivia by the hand and protected her through the airport. I didn't really care if they took pictures of me protecting her, I just wanted her safe. She was still in a lot of pain, and the cameras were really close to us now. I felt one bump into my arm and that was enough for me. 

 

"Excuse me, but we're not in the best situation at the moment, can you all back away a bit and let us get out of here? We can't answer any questions right now, but we will in the next few days." 

 

I tried to be polite as I could, but still firm. All the reporters looked at me and took a step back. We could easily get to the doors now, but I still heard a few camera clicks from behind us anyways. A few fans who just happened to be travelling through at the same time waved to us and we waved back before escaping the airport and getting in a cab. Thankfully we just had what was on our backs and didn't have to grab any luggage. 

 

Once in the cab Olivia let out a sigh and closed her eyes. Her hand was on the seat of the car and I reached out and held it, and she opened her eyes. She held my hand up to her mouth and started nibbling on my index finger, which was peeling due to the calluses that had formed over the years. It tickled but the sucking felt nice on my hands. She did weird things but I loved them for some reason. She sucked and nibbled on each finger and left little red lick marks on each of them. No one had ever done that to me before, but it was quite comforting. I realized then that she did it to her own hands too, just as callused as mine. Then I noticed I did too. I'd suck on them and get them wet to get the old calluses to peel, and new ones to form. It felt heavenly to do it, and her lips made it better. She stopped and just held my hand to mouth and shut her eyes, resting her head on the back of the seat. With her hand holding the back of mine, she kept a hold of it while letting it slide down to rest on her collarbones. She was warm just slightly under her top, and I could feel the softness of her skin under my hand, and the hard bone underneath her skin. 

 

She was surly just soaking up every bit of me through my hand at that moment, and I couldn't help but return the feeling to her. I loved every bit of her and couldn't wait to get her home. It was her flat, but we had shared it before, when Stuart would kick me out, she would be there with a couch and a pillow for me. Blanket too of course. 

 

Before I knew it we were back at her place, I paid the fee to her disgust, and she walked up to the big building. She had a small flat up on the 7th floor, but it was hers, completely. It was part in the city, part out of it. She could walk or take transit anywhere in the city, but it was out of the busy bustle of downtown. It was just perfect for her, a little country, a little city. She unlocked the door and we headed for the elevator. She said a few hellos here and there, everyone being quite chill around us. We reached her door and we walked inside. 

 

Since we had been gone for a few months it was cleaner than when she was here all the time. Still, they're was a scattering of clothes throughout the living room, and her flowers were out of control on the balcony. Numerous sketchbooks plied on the chairs and on the kitchen table. She had this crazy sharpie obsession, and they were throughout the flat. She owned about five or six guitars, and about three of them sat on the couch upright, just as she had left them there. It was getting darker, due to it being about 6pm now, in late September. It was still warm during the days, but a chill came out at night. Her flat walls were painted a water colour blue, with a lime green one on the right side of the living room. On the left was the kitchen, a pale yellow colour with white appliances. No dishes were in the sink, they were all in the rack to the left, she had done them all before we had left. In the corner behind the kitchen but to the left side of the couch, was a small table. You could tell she didn't eat there much though, but rather ate on the couch and coffee table. The TV sat on a table, with brown boxes filled with DVDs and Xbox games. She always beat me at them. There was a short hall to one bedroom on the left, hers, and a bathroom at the end. It was white, with yellow towels and a yellow shower curtain.

 

Her bedroom was purple, but one wall had been filled with polaroid pictures. They floated all around her bed, of all these memories she had. She took the majority of them herself, but every so often a picture of herself would pop up. She was one of the most photogenic people I knew, but she always denied it. The rest of the bedroom was consumed by the rest of her guitars, more sketchbooks, and little treasures she found on her travels. A picture of her and her mom sat on her nightstand, they looked happy. Her bed wasn't made, her pillow and comforter strewn about on the mattress. I could see her blue sheets underneath and threw my rucksack on them. I turned around and there was a massive full length mirror on the wall. A cabinet stood to the left of it, and you could see she did her hair an makeup here, with the powder apparent on the top surface. Her hamper and clothes lived in a closet to the left of the cabinet, but the doors never shut, she just left them open. 

 

"Ed, do you want a cuppa?" she called from the kitchen. 

 

"Yeah, sure, love." I wandered back down the hall and fell onto the couch after removing the guitars and setting them on the wall mounts she had. I kept one down though, just so I could play to her. Her and her mum had this thing about twinkle lights too, They were strewn throughout the whole house, up across the celling, and they were nailed up about a foot down the wall. She had turned them on instead of the lights, and it set everything off perfectly. She came walking to the couch with both teas in hand, looking perfectly content to never do anything again. "One minute mister," she said to me, and wandered off to the bedroom. 

 

She came back in a white shirt, with plaid pj bottoms on, and her hair tied up in a messy bun, white hair tie showing. I had picked up the guitar I had left on the floor and was strumming mindlessly when she returned. She sat right beside me, and i lifted the guitar so she could crawl in my lap. I set the guitar down on both of our laps and she leaned back and let me strum away. I hummed mindless tunes into her ear, and she gently fell asleep in-between the humming instruments. She smelt so good and was so calm in my arms. 

 

She stirred in my lap about forty five minutes later, after I had finished and had turned on the TV. She rubbed her eyes and drank some of her tea. It was ice cold, but she always left it too long so she didn't care. "Mmmmmm, you're so warm." She shifted positions and I took her legs up on the couch and cradled her like a baby, "You're so sweet baby." I kissed her right on the lips and she kissed back. her lips were like sugar, and worked perfectly in mine. I kept pushing deeper into the kiss, and she offered everything she had back to me. Our tongues learned each others mouths, and she bit my bottom lip and pulled away, dragging her teeth across it. I let it flop back into place before sitting up and turning the TV off. I picked her up and placed her on the sink of the bathroom. 

 

I tugged at the hem of her shirt, knowing there was a tank top underneath. 

 

"Eddddd it's going to be cooooold." 

 

"Mmmmmmm," I tugged a little harder but she protested. "Olivia you know we have to take care of you before we can sleep." 

 

She lifted her arms at this and I slipped the shirt off. I peeled off the old bandages and cleaned her cuts, half cuddling her when I cleaned her back. She would lick me and nibble on me as I leaned over her, and it would make me giggle. I would tease her with kisses and hum to myself as I went. I got clean bandages from my rucksack and tucked them all in on her arm and back. The creams were cold on her and she would shiver, but we soon got in bed. I just took off my pants and left my t-shirt on for her, and climbed into her bed. 

 

I felt her bare legs on mine as she curled into my chest and realized she took off her pants under the covers while I was getting in. I smiled at this and held her safe as we both fell asleep in her flat for the first time. 

 

 

\--------

 

Ed's POV

 

I woke up to a sniffle sound right in front of me. Olivia was there with her eyes closed, with her hands gripping my shirt. I held them with one hand and took her head in the other. 

 

"Shhhh, it's okay, Olivia it's okay." 

 

She was still asleep but crying a good bit. She suddenly woke when a cry caught in her throat. She sat up right away and started coughing. I sat up and rubbed her back until it was over. She wiped her eyes and looked at me, with panic across her face. It was the early morning, but there was enough sunlight for me to see clearly. 

 

"What happened love?" I asked her. 

 

"I had a nightmare. It was happening all over again. He grabbed me again." 

 

I took her in and held her tight against my chest. "It's okay, it was just a dream. He's not actually here, it's just you and me here, no one else." She was a little shaky and moved away from me. 

 

"I just want to lie back down." 

 

She pulled the covers with her and closed her eyes really tight, but I could tell she wasn't sleeping because she kept shifting around. She pulled the covers and her back was exposed with the t-shirt she was wearing covering her thin frame. I rolled onto my knees and put my hands on her back and started rubbing. Her eyes opened at my touch, but slowly closed as I began massaging her hot body. I looked at the clock. 6:43. I didn't mind being up this early, considering we had all day to do whatever we wanted to. I assumed Olivia would just want to stay in, and I was fine with that. I finally felt her body relax, and looked down at her face. She had fallen back asleep, and looked much more peaceful than when she had woken the first time. 

 

I slipped out of bed and covered her back up. I figured I wasn't going to get anymore sleep, so I flipped through her movies and DVDs, many being my favourite because we have similar tastes. I pulled out some Pingu and started watching it. Part way through I got up and made some tea. It was about 7:30 when I decided to wander back to the sleeping body in the bedroom. She was lying in bed on her phone, which I guess she retrieved sometime last night when she was changing. Her eyes flicked up to me, and I knelt on the bed, tea in hand. 

 

"I don't want to move so don't make me get up." 

 

"Who said I was going to make you get up?" 

 

"I don't know, you always make me move." She stuck her tongue out with the last comment. 

 

I took a sip of tea and looked back at her. 

 

"We should at least get cleaned up though, no?" I said to her. 

 

"Mmmmmmmm. It hurts though." 

 

"We'll get there when we do, it's okay. What do you want for breakfast?" 

 

"I'm not overly hungry." 

 

"Well you have to eat, so I'll make something." 

 

\--Olivia's POV

 

He walked away before I could protest eating, even though I didn't want to move at all. I could feel all the bruises up my sides and on my rib cage. My arm was achey and I had no energy. I guess my body was healing itself. It made everything else a hundred times harder to do though. The nightmare had scared me, but Ed's hands had put me back to sleep. He made sure not to run across the scab on my back, he just did the upper part and my shoulders, and it was amazing. 

 

He came back in with a plate with two pieces of toast, just with butter. 

 

'It's hard when you haven't been home for months." 

 

"Sorry, I'll stock better next time." 

 

He loaded my mouth with bread and took a bite himself. He seemed cheery but really caring at the same time. He leaned on a pillow, just in his slacks and his t-shirt. I could hear something running in the distance, but I wasn't sure what it was. He kept pushing at my lips every couple of minutes with more bread, and I obliged until I didn't want anymore. 

 

"Stop it, I don't want anymore." 

 

"Mmmm, but it's soooooo tasty." 

 

I moaned at him and smiled with tight lips when he got up and walked out of the bedroom, finishing the last of the bread. The water noise suddenly stopped and he walked back in. 

 

"So how about getting cleaned up then, lazybones?"

 

He came around to my side of the bed and I rolled onto my back. I scrunched my face up at him and looked away. He was being annoying anyways. I just wanted to not move and he kept making me. I snuggled under the covers but he whipped them off of me in an instant. Forgetting that I took my pants off last night, the cold hit and I suddenly remembered. I just wanted the blanket back. 

 

He grabbed me under my arms and pulled me up onto him grabbing my things firmly. I snuggled into the crook of his neck craving for the bed back. He walked into the bathroom and set me down on the floor. I looked and saw an entire bubble bath waiting for me. 

 

"No, Ed. Why?" I put my arms around his belly and waist and he held my shoulders.

 

"Because everybody needs to be clean and baths are fun. Come on." 

 

He tugged at the t-shirt I was wearing and I let him pull it off. I was just in my underwear then and I felt horridly self conscious. I covered myself but then realized he wasn't looking at my body at all, he was still looking at my face. He took off his shirt and pants then, taking his boxers with him. He got in the tub then, and sunk into the water. 

 

"Ahh, so nice. You're really missing out you know." 

 

He looked at me and I nervously slipped off my undies and slid into the water. I watched him close his eyes as I got in, he knew me too well. I slipped into his chest and the water was instantly relaxing. I could feel the bandage on my back let go, and I felt Ed grab it and toss it in the garbage can beside us. I felt him gripping at the one on my arm, and he peeled it off revealing all the stitches on my arm. It was still really tender but the water felt good on it. He slowly rubbed my neck and played with my hair in the water. I heard the squirt of the shampoo bottle behind me and he giggled when it made a bubbly fart noise. I laughed at him and felt the goop land on my head. It was followed by a rush of bath water from a cup he had gotten from the kitchen earlier. He rubbed the shampoo throughout my hair, and tilted my head back to rinse it. He then threw some in his own hair and repeated the process on his head. 

 

His hands snaked around my torso and he leaned into my wet shoulder with his face. I felt little wet nibbles on my shoulder and they gave me shivers and goosebumps. Ed kissed where he had bitten and leaned back. I stood up and grabbed a towel. He just sat there and looked up at me. 

 

"Stop staring silly." 

 

'I can't help it, your amazing you know." 

 

"Lies, love." I smiled down at him and got out of the tub. he sighed and stood up as well, grabbing a towel. He fluffed his hair and I tossed mine in a towel and left it down. I didn't really care that it was wet, I wasn't going anywhere today and I figured Ed knew that. I wandered into the bedroom and peered at the closet. I had a small amount of clothes on tour, and didn't really know what to wear today. Ed sauntered in at that moment, old clothes in hand, and flicked his dirty boxers at me. 

 

"Hey! Keep those away from me!" I laughed as he got his own clothes from his rucksack and put them on. He came up behind me and looked into the closet himself. All the drawers were labelled as to what went where, and he immediately opened my underwear drawer. 

 

"Wait a second there." He had already dug deep in the drawer and pulled out a lacy see-through bra and matching lace underwear. "I vote for these." He said as I pulled them out of his hands and threw them across the room so he couldn't get them. I pulled out my regular boy short underwear and settled on sleeping shorts and a t-shirt and hoodie combination. Ed had been lying on the bed as I changed, and I wasn't sure if he had looked or not. Considering we just bathed together I didn't really care, except that I was battered and bruised. 

 

"Come here now," he said to me, fetching the cream and bandages for my back and arm. It was cold when he applied it, but he was done in no time, with I was thankful for. I was lying on my stomach then, on the messy bed. He laid beside me and we looked at each other. He shuffled closer and kissed me firmly on the lips while holding my neck. His lips were amazing, working against mine. Just his lips on mine made me crave him even more. He suddenly moved and rolled me over. He pushed my shirt up to my bra line revealing all my bruises. He bent down with his face, and started kissing on every single bruise. He just wanted me to be okay, and he was trying to fix me with everything he had. His lips went all over my stomach and when he was done he kissed my belly button. He pulled my shirt back down and looked at my face. I just melted underneath him, and he smiled at my face. 

 

We spent the rest of the day lounging around the flat, just doing things that best friends would do. When it got late we cuddled up on the balcony with a blanket and Ed hummed to me and eventually I fell asleep in his arms. He picked me up and cleaned my wounds while I slept, and put me to bed right in his arms. 

 

 

\---------------

 

Olivia's POV 

 

We lounged around for the next few days while I healed and my bruises started to turn a better colour. Eventually Ed's phone rang and it was Stuart. 

 

"Bus is back in town and it's time for us to get out and do something love." Ed said to me. "Lets go get our stuff and go out for some lunch." 

 

I rolled the idea around in my brain, and decided it was good enough to get up for. I didn't know what Ed wanted to do, but I felt that I could trust him enough to go out with him. I got up and wandered to the bedroom. I stared into the large closet and grabbed some clothes. A pair of blue skinny jeans and a sweater from back in Canada. I hadn't really washed my hair this morning, so I decided for a hat too. It was cold enough for hats to be acceptable, so I chose my grey and red LIGHTS hat I had ordered one day a few years ago. It was a knit beanie type hat, with a maple leaf sown right into it. I always loved it, for she was one of my favourite artists of our time. I'd seen her multiple times live, and she was stunning. 

 

Ed just put on his regular hoodie with jeans look, and we were ready to go. Stuarts wasn't that far away from my flat, so we walked there with no problem. We picked up all our stuff off the bus and get instruction on how to handle the situation with the fans. We both hadn't tweeted or checked anything in days, which was fine with us. We dropped our stuff back at my flat, which was considerably more messy with guitar cases, clothes and movies all about the living room. We then took off to do something in this town. 

 

We walked down the cool streets hand in hand, stopping once in a while for fans and pictures. Over all we were generally left alone and wandered deep into a park. Ed would run around sometimes and sing really silly things to me, and then come back and stop me at kiss me and then dart off again. Once in a while he would hide somewhere and then sneak up behind me and grab me. I knew it was always him coming though, I could hear him giggling as he came, so I was never afraid. I eventually settled on a bench, and he came up behind me with a handful of leaves and let them gently fall across my lap and hair, like they were falling right out of the tree. He jumped over the back of the bench, and sat down beside me, with a cheeky smile on his face. He took my jaw in his hand and gave me the sweetest kiss he could right at that moment, and looked in my eyes as he pulled away from me. 

 

I smiled at him at his sweetness, and blushed a good shade of red. His hands slid through my hair to the very ends, and the look of pure love was written across his face. He just sat and stared for a minute, having a perfect moment between us. 

 

"This might sound crazy, darling." He spoke to me. "But even if this entire world falls apart and burns up, I won't let you go."

 

He grabbed the back of my neck at this, and kissed me really firmly, right on my lips. I felt his lips massaging mine, and I grabbed the sides of his face and pulled him tighter. Right at this moment it started raining, first slowly, and then a downpour. We just held onto each other tight in the kiss, and I stopped worrying about anything. We were together, and I couldn't be happier. 

 

"Ed,"

 

"Yeah?"

 

We were whispering to each other while keeping our faces close as possible. My eyes flicked up from looking at his lips. 

 

"I love you."

 

He smiled down at me.

 

"I love you too."

 

\-- Ed's POV

 

It was raining really hard, but we didn't even care. She was beautiful being all soaked and even with her hair flat and sticking to her face, she was stunning. Her blue eyes shined through the rain, and her lips turned a perfect shade of pink as she got colder. I just wanted to be here forever, but she suddenly shivered when it got a little later, and it had been raining for quite a while. I took her hand and stood up. Her skin was really pale from being cold and her hands were like ice. I took my hoodie off and wrapped her up in it. It rained the whole walk home, but we made it. She was shivering by the time we reached the door, and I had to open the door with her key because she was too cold to do it. We got up to the flat and stepped inside. 

 

We peeled off our clothes and dumped them into the bathtub so they wouldn't soak the floor. She got into a shirt and a hoodie, and some warm pants and sat down on the couch. I slipped on a hoodie too, and a pair of old pj pants. I sat beside her but turned to face her. I cuddled her into my chest and rubbed her back to warm her up. Her lips were on my neck and were really cold still. Her nose was drippy and it was making her cough a bit. I got a blanket that was on the floor from previous days, and wrapped both of us in it. I held her until she stopped shivering and her hands warmed up. 

 

"It's a good thing you warmed up. You were colder than a snowflake there." I said as she turned and sat in my lap. 

 

"Snowflakes are pretty."

 

"Thats why you're my snowflake."

 

I felt a small giggle come out of her and she started playing with my hands in her lap. She traced up my fingers and then down onto my arm. She started tracing the tattoos on my skin, following the little shapes. 

 

"Okay, so if you were to get a tattoo what would it be?" I asked her. 

 

"Hmmmmmmm, I'm not sure. I've always wanted a tattoo on my feet actually." She wiggled her toes under the blanket. "I had scars on my feet from cutting one day. On my right foot I had a bow, and on my left foot I had a cat face, but it was just ears, a nose, and whiskers. They both sat above my pinky toe on the soft spot of my foot." 

 

She stuck her feet out and you could still faintly see the cut marks. 

 

"So that's settled then." I poked her belly and she elbowed me back. 

 

"You're so mean, I'm too scared to get it done." 

 

I knew where I was taking her tomorrow whether she liked it or not. 

 

 

\------------------------

 

Olivia's POV

 

We awoke together the next day quite early and it seemed Ed had a plan for the day. I was feeling alright, but the cold yesterday had defiantly took a toll on me. I showered and got dressed anyways and we were out the door and in the streets before ten. Both Ed and I were pretty social people, but I knew more of Canada than England, so I was kind of at the mercy of Ed for connections and friends. I was fine with it though, he had really good and nice friends, and I was always kind of a tomboy anyways. He was holding my hand through my mittens which I had pulled out of my closet. I had a purple pull over hoodie on and a pair of jeans. I had on my old high tops that were past worn out. I loved them well but could never give them up. 

 

He pulled me up some stairs to a building that was clearly a tattoo shop. I hesitated going in but he pulled me through the door. 

 

"Hey Kevin!" He yelled at the owner and they shared a handshake and a hug. I peered around the shop awkwardly not really knowing what to do. 

 

"And who is this miss with you?" Kevin said. 

 

"This is Olivia," Ed said to him. 

 

"Ouuu, the lady of the hour I see. Pleased to meet you Miss Olivia." I stuffed my mittens in the pocket of my jumper and shook his hand. He pulled me in and hugged me like he hugged Ed. 

 

"Hey, hands off my lady." Ed said and pushed playfully at Kevin. They both laughed. 

 

"So what can I help you with today then?" Kevin looked at Ed and smiled. 

 

"The lady has an idea to get done actually." I looked up at Ed and silently yelled at him with my eyes. 

 

"Oh alright, ever had a tattoo hun?" 

 

"Um, nope. It's my first today," I said nervously. I bit my lip a bit trying to hide my nerves. Kevin laughed and walked over to a bed. 

 

"Well come here then and have a sit down, tell me what you would like done then." He patted the bed and I walked over with Ed behind me gently nudging me along. I sat on the bed and Ed ripped my shoes off as soon as my feet left the ground. He seemed quite excited and happy to be here. 

 

"Um, I have two little scars on my feet from when I was younger, and I'd like them tattooed on. You can kind of see them still, this ones a cats ears, whiskers and nose, and this ones a bow." I pointed to them as I talked and Kevin looked down at my feet and looked at them. 

 

"Okie dokie, this can be done for you. What colour would you like the bow?"

 

I had never really thought of this before, so I had to think about it for a second. 

 

"Orange." I said and looked up at Ed. I smiled at him knowing his favourite colour is orange. He had done so much for me through this past year, I couldn't choose another colour. I wanted to remember him till I died, and I felt this was a good way to remember.

 

"So the cats all black lines and the bows black and orange, correct?"

 

I looked down at Kevin and nodded. He rolled on his chair and started drawing up the stencils. I felt Ed sit down beside me and grab my hand. 

 

"I get to hold your hand for the next part." He smiled at me and I bit my lip. I started getting nervous then, because Kevin turned around and took my right foot in his hand. He had black rubber gloves on and had prepared everything he needed behind him. I watched him clean the area and put the stencil on my foot. He held it up for me to see. 

 

"All good with a bow right there?" 

 

I looked at it and nodded my head and smiled a timid smile. He rubbed the top of my foot gently. 

 

"Don't worry, I'll be quick and you'll barely feel it, promise. It won't hurt for too long." 

 

I leaned into Ed's shoulder and held his arm with my free hand as the needles poked into my skin. Ed watched my foot where I couldn't bare to look. I kept my eyes closed and tried not to move for Kevin. He did it really quick, just like he said he would, and I looked down to a perfect orange bow on my foot. I smiled really big and he asked, "do you like it?" 

 

"Yes! I love it." I was grinning really big. Ed squeezed my hand and I looked up and kissed him, grabbing the side of his face. He knew the tattoo was part me, and part him, and that was amazing. 

 

"Hey, stop scarring my eyes guys." Kevin said and slapped Ed's leg that was in reach. "Next foot has to be done now." He rolled to my left foot and took hold of it, cleaning it just like he had on the other. He stuck on the stencil, and showed me. It looked perfect so I gave him the go ahead on starting. I had to stay super still, and I peeked while he was doing his work, and seeing the needles go into my foot was really weird. He finished up and I looked down at it. It was perfect, it was exactly like the cuts I had made in my previous years. My eyes felt hot at the perfection, and I really didn't want to cry so I held them back. 

 

"It's all good right?" Kevin asked, and I realized he was staring at me and so was Ed. 

 

"Yeah, it's absolutely perfect. It looks just how I cut it the first time. Thank you so much." 

 

"You're welcome sweet."

 

He then wrapped up the tattoos and put my socks on my feet. I slipped into my shoes and Kevin said that Ed knew how to take care of them so I'd be fine. I paid for the work, and Ed and I wandered out of the shop. I couldn't help but smile while we walked down the street. We walked around London for a while and Ed showed me his favourite shops and I looked at pretty dresses and clothes in the windows and told Ed which ones I liked but didn't try anything on. We eventually got hungry and he pulled me into a Nando's. We ate chicken for a late lunch and it was really good. We didn't get Nando's often enough so we enjoyed it when we got to eat it. Ed scarfed his down and was pleasantly happy afterwards. 

 

He took my hand and walked me out the back door of the restaurant. We walked down a vacant street and out onto a sidewalk. 

 

"Where are we going?"

 

"You'll see," he said in a low voice. I just walked beside him letting him lead me. We walked for a while and I was feeling tired. It was around five and we were somewhere in London but I wasn't sure where. I had never been this way, but it seemed Ed had a plan. We walked through another alley way, and into the back of a bar with a stage. They're were some people moving around and I could hear the act on stage at the moment. I had no idea who it was, but I was assuming we weren't here to watch the show. Ed lead me to a stairwell, and walked up it. We were above the stage now, looking down at who was playing from the lighting bridge. We paused and looked down at the act for a minute, until Ed tugged me along. We went up more stairs and the music was fading away. We got to a door and went through it. A rush of cold air hit my skin as we walked out onto the top of the tall building. There was a bench at the edge and we sat down on it. Ed cuddled me in and as the sun set and the stars came out he played with my hair. 

 

"Olivia," 

 

"Mmmmm," I was falling asleep in his arms when he started touching my ear with his fingers. 

 

"Ever since I laid my eyes on you I was in love. I knew I had found everything that I was looking for when you were up on that stage. I just can't believe I got you all to myself. I want you to have this." He turned to face me and took out a necklace from his pocket. It was the other half to his own necklace, forming a heart with the two. He slipped it on my neck, and it hung down to just below my bra line. He kissed me then, holding my head in hands. I wrapped my arms around his neck and shuffled onto his body. I pulled my legs around his waist and I felt his hands around my waist supporting my back. I breathed him in and our tongues slipped into each others mouths. I felt him slip his hands up my hoodie and he started exploring my back. His fingers traced over the scabs that were now falling off, and up to my bra, all the way to my shoulder blades and back down. He would trace little lines with his fingers and I just wanted to let go right there. 

 

"Ed," a muffle came out through a kiss. 

 

"What?" 

 

"We can't here."

 

"Why. I want you so bad." 

 

"It's too cold."

 

"Mmmmm."

 

He groaned at me and kept kissing me. He slipped his hands down my thighs and it sent shivers up my spine even through my jeans. 

 

"Lets get a cab then." He said between kisses. His hair was ruffled now and I was bothered but we escaped the theatre unnoticed. We got a cab back to my flat and as soon as the door shut he pushed me up against the wall and held me tight. 

 

\--Ed's POV 

 

I couldn't handle it anymore. I had to have her. She was up against the wall and I was pushing harder and harder into her lips. She had her head against the wall and was breathing heavy. She tilted her head back and I kissed down her neck and sucked and nibbled on her neck leaving little marks along the way. She tugged at my hoodie and I pulled it off without hesitating. My t-shirt ended up going with it so I bare chested against her. I pulled her mittens off and her hoodie, leaving her in a bra. I looked down at her shoulder and noticed it was the one she had thrown across the room when I pulled it out of her drawer a week ago. I smiled at this and kissed down her chest which was heaving quite heavily now. I grabbed her thighs, picked her up and walked to the bedroom. 

 

I tossed her down on the bed and crawled over her with my knees beside her hips and my hands beside her head. I looked into her eyes and they were full of lust and desire. I took my index finger and traced it down her lips, down her neck and across her torso. Most of her bruises were gone now and she was the look of pure beauty. She was thin but her belly poked out a little bit. It was slightly muscular, much more than mine, but not overly defined. Her ribs stuck out from her breathing and her shoulders made her look soft as a doll. I kissed all down her body and undid her jeans and pulled them off her legs. Scars marked her legs and her shoes fell to the floor. She was just left in her bra, socks and lacy underwear that matched her bra. I sucked and kissed her thighs and she arched her back at this letting out a soft moan as I drove her crazy. 

 

I slipped my hands under her at this moment and unclipped the clasp of her bra. I slid it off her arms completely revealing her underneath. I sucked on her nipples and she massaged my scalp at the same time. I could feel myself growing on top of her through the fabric of my underwear. I moved back to her lips and her hands made fast work of my belt buckle and pants. I pushed them off the bed and kept working her body with my lips and hands. She would scratch her nails across my back and suck on my neck making me feel hot all over. She would bite me every so often and it made me feel fuzzy and weak. 

 

I took the sides of her underwear in my hands and pulled them down and she kicked them off. I saw more scars being uncovered by the minute and saw all of them now with no clothing on her body. I pressed my lips over them and along her underwear line. I could already tell she was hot and wet, she was almost leaking right there. I attached my mouth to her, and her hips raised at the touch. I followed her and grabbed her naked bottom. I flicked my tongue inside her and felt her start to shake under me. Her chest was heaving so hard and I could feel her heart beating through her insides. I slipped a finger inside and her eyes went wild. Her walls contracted as I hit her G-spot and she pulled on my hair. 

 

"Mmmm, oh my," escaped from her lips as it happened and I bit down on her hip bone leaving a mark. Her body was wriggling under my hands and she was soaking everywhere. Her feet were on my back and she hooked her toes in the band of my underwear and pulled them off. I was finally released from the fabric and it felt good to be out now. I slid my fingers out of her and grabbed my wallet while sucking the wet off my fingers at her. I threw a condom out on the bed and she grabbed it. She ripped it open with her teeth and I crawled back over her. I thin film of sweat had layered our bodies by now, and her sweaty plans took my shoulders and laid me down on the mattress. She straddled me and rolled the plastic over my member. Her hands touching me made me shiver and I breathed heavy under her eyes. 

 

She then knelt over me, and slid over me holding my body still as she adjusted to my size filling her up. I pulled my feet up to support her back and she grabbed my thighs with her hands. With a nod I lifted my hips up and let them buck under her. She rode me like no one else ever had. Her thighs gripped my sides and her head flipped back in pleasure. Her hair fell across my knees and I felt her walls contact numerous times. I kept my hands on her hips and helped her in the motion, even though she didn't need any help at all. I would buck under her and she would handle it so well. I could let myself relax and I felt my orgasm growing inside me. She started twitching then and I flipped her over without hurting her. 

 

I took her legs and put them on my shoulders. I worked into her now and I felt her holding it back. I looked into her eyes and nodded for her to go first. She let go and twitched uncontrollably under me. With this I couldn't hold back anymore and let go with her. A rush went through my entire body as my fluids came surging out of me into the condom. We stopped moving and just layed there together for a moment, catching our breath. 

 

I slid out of her gently after we calmed down and her body arched one more time at the movement. I took the condom off and threw it out in the garbage. We were both beat from the excitement and she moved up onto the pillows. I shut the light off and pulled the blankets up with me. I wrapped my body around hers, and held her hand in front of her chest. 

 

I just gave everything to the love of my life, and it was the best feeling in this world. 

 

 

\----------

 

Ed's POV

 

I woke up really early in the morning to a hot but shivering Olivia in my arms. She was sweaty and her skin was hot, yet she was shivering and trying to get closer to me for warmth. The blankets had been pulled right up to her chin, and she looked pale in the little light I had to see with. She sniffled her nose and her eyes were leaking. She was sleeping but it was restless. I cleared some hair out of her eyes and she started coughing. It sounded quite phlegmy, and I rolled over and turned on the light that was on my nightstand beside me. I found my phone and stood up from the bed. I found Stuarts number and rang him. 

 

"What Ed? It's like 3 in the morning." He didn't sound impressed but I didn't know what to do. 

 

"I think Olivia's sick,"

 

"Why's that?" 

 

"She's really hot and sweaty, but she's shivering in bed. She's really restless and her nose sounds all runny and she's coughing a bit." 

 

"Oh, oh, did you take her temperature?"

 

"I don't even know how Stu. You have to help me." 

 

"Okay, okay. Check the bathroom for a thermometer." 

 

I rummaged through her cabinet in the bathroom while pulling on a pair of boxers. I found one and walked back into the bedroom. 

 

"Okay, I have one Stu, how do I do this?"

 

"Just push the button on it if it's electronic, it goes under her tongue, in her mouth."

 

I kneeled beside her now sweating body. She looked really hot and had pushed the covers off her legs. I took her chin in my hand and poked at her lips with the thermometer. She protested at first but I had her head so she couldn't get away. She wasn't opening her eyes but moaned under me. I pushed my phone up against my cheek and held it with my shoulder. 

 

"Come on sweetheart," I mumbled under my breath and finally poked the meter in-between her teeth, slipping it under her tongue. I pressed the button on it and it beeped back at me to tell me it was working. 

 

"Just hold it there until it beeps again, okay?" I grunted and sat down on my feet on the bed. I could hear Stuart shuffling and assumed he had gotten up. I held Olivia's hot face in my hand and she kept wriggling under my hold. I pushed my hand through her tangled hair to try and calm her down. Her hands had escaped the blanket and were pulling at mine. 

 

"Hey, hey, shhhhhhh." I wiped a tear off her cheek that had escaped. The thermometer finally beeped and I pulled it out of her mouth to look at it. 

 

"102.5 Stuart."

 

"Okay, so she has a fever for sure, just stay tight okay? I'm gunna run over and help you. I'll pick up some stuff along the way at a drug store." 

 

"Okay, thanks man. Sorry for waking you."

 

"It's fine man. See you in a bit." I heard him hang up and threw my phone and the thermometer on the night stand. I stood up and put some clothes on both our bodies. It was clearly annoying Olivia that I was bugging her, but I didn't care, I wanted her better. She let out a weak cough and curled into her pillow rubbing her eye on the way. I looked at the clock. 3:13am. Ugh, it was so early. I knelt back on the bed and rubbed my hands across Olivia's back. I could feel the fever through her shirt and I wanted Stuart here now. I heard the apartment ringer go off and I went and let him into the building. A few minutes later he knocked on the door and came in. Wish granted. 

 

We went to the bedroom and he looked down at her. 

 

"Her fevers pretty high so I think we should give her some meds to knock it down a bit so it doesn't get really bad for her. Go get a glass of water okay. I'll read the package." He pulled out two packages of cold medication, one for night, one for day. I got a glass of water and returned. 

 

"Okay, so we're just going to give her one right now." He ripped a pill off the package and popped it out into his hand. He tossed the package in the garbage and saw the used condom in it. He looked up at me eyebrows raised but smiling. 

 

"Finally got someone to have sex with you, huh?" He said meanly to me. 

 

I rolled my eyes and stared at him with a frown. 

 

"I wouldn't be speaking if I were you," I said to him. He laughed. 

 

"Whatever, you have to help sit her up, she has to be semi awake to swallow you know." 

 

I grunted and put the water down to pick up her shoulders. I wrapped one arm around her and propped her up. Her head was floppy but she opened her eyes an moaned. I took the pill from Stuart and nudged it into her mouth. 

 

"It'll make you feel better, please, come on," I said when I saw her start to spit it out. Her head rolled into my shoulder and I grabbed the water off the stand. I raised it to her lips and her shaky hand held it over mine. As soon as she had it down she flopped back into me. She was completely exhausted. I gave Stuart the glass and laid her back on the pillow. We both stood up and walked out of the room. I could hear her rolling in the bed and shuffling the covers around. 

 

"Just keep an eye on her. The meds are 6 hours, ones for day, ones for night. It says on the package. Try and get her to drink and eat, it'll be good. I'll come by tomorrow, and check her temperature every hour, alright?" I nodded at him and said thank you. He was my saviour, I wouldn't know what to do without him. He yawned and headed for the door, leaving me to tend to her. It scared me having to look after her, but it's what I signed up for. 

 

I walked back to the bedroom and she was sprawled across the mattress. I figured I would take the couch tonight, but I'd stay up until the meds kicked in. I could tell they hadn't yet, she was still stirring a bit. I grabbed my pillow off the bed and held it to my chest resting my chin on it. I set it down on the ground and pulled the covers over Olivia. She was starting to calm down, and I could see her breathing getting regular and sleepy. I pushed her hair back and found a hair tie and tied it up best I could to keep it out of her way. Her hands and body were limp now, and I could hear her deep breathing in the room. I let out a small smile and kissed her temple. I shut the light off and took my phone, pillow and blanket with me. I settled on the couch, which I was fine with. I set an alarm on my phone for every hour so I could keep an eye on her. I shut my eyes, and last I looked it was 4:15am on my phone. 

 

\--

 

I woke every hour and checked on her. He temperature had dropped considerably from the medication, but her fever kept her a little above normal for the majority of the morning. Stuart came by and gave me some food, soup and easy things to eat. He hung around for a bit and told me I had a few gigs in about two months. I was okay with this, I felt like everything could settle in two months and I'd be ready to go. It was about noon when he left and I went to the bedroom where Olivia was still lying. I peaked my head around the door to see her lying with her eyes open and little tears falling down her face. 

 

"Hey, whats wrong." I looked at her face and crawled into bed with her. 

 

"Nothing, I just feel so bad. I want it to go away. Everything hurts." She started sniffling more to this and I took her hand in mine, "Hey, it's okay. It'll be okay in a few days. Promise." She let out a small smile at this and went to sit up. She rubbed her eyes and looked at me.

 

"Couch?" I said. 

 

"Yeah, okay." 

 

I got up and picked her up with my hands under her thighs. She rested her head on my shoulder and lightly held onto my neck. She coughed into her hand and it sounded all wet. I slid her body down onto the couch and handed her a box of kleenex. I wandered into the kitchen and made her a bowl of soup that Stuart had left. I sat down beside her and she went to grab the bowl from me, but I held it away from her. 

 

"Hey give it to me." 

 

"Let me help you." She rolled her eyes but let me spoon the hot liquid into her mouth. Our legs were intertwined on the couch, and every so often a cough would come out or a sneeze would happen. Eventually we settled down and watched mindless movies and didn't do much. I would take her temperature and give her medicine when she needed it. She was pretty hilarious when it would get late and she would take the night time medicine, she would get really sleepy and giggly. She would say silly things and be all limp in my arms. I would carry her to bed and sleep on the sofa, so she had the bed to herself. 

 

After a few days she was off the meds and up and walking around. She still dealt with a runny nose and a cough, but her colour came back, and by the end of the week she was ready enough to get out of the apartment. We had to go to get her stitches out anyways, it was two weeks and her arm was healed enough to have them out. We had breakfast and got outside and started walking towards the hospital. 

 

It seemed that everyone decided to converge on the hospital the same day that we decided to. We walked to the front counter and asked how long of a wait it would be. 

 

"Four to five hours at this point now." The lady said behind the counter. 

 

"Okay, thanks." I said and turned around to Olivia. "That's a long time, I have a better idea." She looked at me and cocked her head to the side. "Don't worry I won't hurt you." I lead her out of the hospital and took her home. 

 

"Okay, come sit on the sofa." I patted the fabric and she sat down, eyeing my hand. I held up a pair of nail clippers and she immediately shook her head. 

 

"No way your taking my stitches out with those." 

 

"Don't worry, my dad did it when I got stitches as a kid. It won't hurt. Better than sitting in line for five hours." I raised my eyebrows towards her and she slid the hoodie off that she was wearing, revealing a t-shirt and her bare arm. 

 

"Doctor Sheeran is in the house." I declared and she laughed at me. I took her arm in my hand and started snipping the black strings in her arm. She looked away and I finished snipping. I grabbed the first stitch and slid it out of her arm. 

 

"Ahhh that felt so gross! Stop it!" She shivered when I pulled it out and squirmed away from me and made a face. 

 

"Hahaha, just the rest of them to go." I grabbed her back and pulled out another one. She kept getting shivers and she made a sour face until I was done taking them out. 

 

"There done." 

 

"Thank goodness. You did it slow enough I could feel it coming out from under my skin. It was so gross." She shivered one last time and I grabbed her around her waist blowing raspberries in her ear and nibbling on it. I made munching noises and leaned back on the couch. She laughed really hard and elbowed my stomach. 

 

We ended up messing around like best friends until she settled in my lap and I played with her hair in my hands.  

 

 

\--------------

 

Olivia's POV

 

I was really hot. Like, boiling. But, it wasn't from inside me this time, my back was wet and I was confused why. I didn't hurt so I didn't think I was bleeding. I rolled over to a sleeping Ed, we were in bed, but he had completely soaked his shirt with sweat, and his face was redder than usual. He was snoring, and he was usually a sound sleeper so I was surprised. I felt his cheek, hot as ever. _He must have caught my cold. Poor soul._

 

"Ed baby, wake up." I touched his face and he groaned. His face firmly planted into his pillow and a weak cough came out. His soaked back raised as he was breathing and he looked up at me. 

 

"I don't feel well." He said in a raspy voice. 

 

"I know, I'm sorry for getting you sick, let me get you some meds." I rose out of bed and switched on a light on my bedside. I walked out of the room and heard a slam from the bedroom. It was followed from a wrenching noise, and a muffled gag. I ran back into the room to see Ed bend over the side of the bed throwing up the contents of his stomach into the garbage can. His hand was on the nightstand which had moved slightly when he grabbed it. I sat beside him on the bed rubbing his back and taking his hair out of his eyes until he was finished. I went to the bathroom and grabbed a wet cloth and wiped his face clean. He was shaky from the violent puking that had just occurred and I could tell his head was spinning. I walked back into the bathroom raiding the cabinet for something that would help. 

 

"Okay, this won't help your nose or your cough, but you won't throw up hopefully if you take it." I popped a Gravol out of the packaging, and put it in his mouth. Grabbing a glass of water from my nightstand I helped him swallow the pill and drink a little. He drank some more and spit out the residue of throw up into the garbage can. He laid back down looking rougher than I'd ever seen him. I wiped his face a bit more. 

 

"It'll be okay, don't worry, you'll sleep soon." I patted his chest and pulled the covers up a bit. His eyes fluttered shut and I picked up the garbage bin, getting rid of the contents through the garbage shoot in the hallway. I filled up a bucket and put it bedside Ed in the bedroom, just incase anything more came up, protesting the Gravol. 

 

It was a good thing I did, about twenty minutes later the rest of his stomach came up, but the Gravol stayed down for the majority. A bit of yellow medication came up, and he shook his head and closed his eyes tight at the bitter taste. Most of it stayed down though, so I left him be, just rubbing his back. It was about 5 am when it all ended and Ed fell into a Gravol-induced sleep. His entire body was limp, but his fever was rampant. I ended up checking it at about 6:30 and it read a solid, "101.3." I checked it every hour, at his sleepy protest of course, he was like a child when he slept, and it stayed solid at 101.3 until about noon. 

 

The Gravol was 12 hours, so Ed slept the whole day, giving me a chance to catch up on laundry and dishes. The guitars were placed back on the wall, with hooks being added for Ed's. They all hung proudly, battered in their own way, each and every one of them. "Cyril," sat the highest though, being the only retired guitar of Ed's, a good crack right in the middle of the body. I was looking at them when I heard a faint, "Olivia," from the bedroom. 

 

I walked into Ed sprawled in bed, still mildly sweating from the fever. 

 

"Hey hunny, whats up?" I said. 

 

"I have to pee so bad." He replied. I smiled at him, "well you can't pee in bed mister, come on, it's not too far of a walk." I pulled him up in bed and he held onto me for a second with his eyes closed, waiting for the room to stop spinning. He opened his eyes and looked me dead in the eye. I could see the effect the Gravol had taken on him, his eyes were droopy and he was really pale. I held his hand and he slowly stood up, wiping his eye when he was upright. He held onto me tightly and half slid across the doorframe of the bedroom, eventually getting to the bathroom. He immediately sat on the toliet, completely exhausted from the walk. 

 

"Don't pee yet, let me take your pants off first." I didn't need a pee mess in the bathroom, thats for sure. He stood up just enough for me to slip his pants and boxers off his pride, and he slipped back down pulling me with him. I had to straddle his legs not to fall, and I landed on his bare legs. He leaned on me then, with his head in the crook of his shoulder. I wrapped my arms around him, and heard a tinkling sound beneath us. It was one of the most interesting pee's I'd ever had happen. 

 

I heard the sound stop and he rolled up off my shoulder with a smile on his face. 

 

"All done darling." He smiled bigger when he talked and I laughed on his lap. I stood up and so did he, with his pants on the floor along with his boxers. He just stepped out of them, and started drunkly walking to the bedroom. I figured he could go for some clean clothes anyways, so I followed the semi naked man back to the bedroom. He just flopped on the bed and rolled over onto his back. 

 

"Hey wait a second before getting comfy handsome." I pulled out some of his clothes which now resided with mine in the closet. His skin was still damp when I touched it, but I slid his boxers up to his bottom. He lifted his bum off the mattress so I could slip them on. He quickly shoved his hand down the front, clearly adjusting himself to be comfortable. I waited for him to finish, and he smiled happily at my face. I stuck my tongue out at him and took his one foot it my hand to put some pj bottoms on. 

 

As soon as I had it in my grasp he whisked it away from me. I looked up at him and he was laughing his fool head off. He kept protesting the pants until I hit his leg and he looked at me with a grin. 

 

"Listen you, if you stop wiggling this will go smoother." I straddled his hips at this, reverse cowboy right on the band of his boxers. He couldn't get away anymore, so I reached down and slid on the pants. When I leaned over I felt a warm hand on my right butt cheek. 

 

"I like this view," came out of his mouth and I couldn't help but smile. He was tired and groggy from the medication, and he had no control over himself anymore. It was annoying, but I loved him for it. I slapped his leg and moved my hips up. 

 

"Stop having fun back there and lift up so I can get these on you." His hips raised and he purposely pushed hard into me. I wanted to kill him for making me feel hot, but I couldn't help myself. I sat back down on him and turned around, sitting facing him. I grabbed a t-shirt I had gotten out, and pulled at the bottom of his shirt. I leaned over and rubbed my body against his sweaty one as I raised his shirt. He lifted his arms up and the dirty shirt came off his head, revealing his messy, orange mop on his head. I kissed his nose and pulled his arms through the new shirt. I could feel him getting excited underneath me when I suddenly got off him and covered him up with the covers. 

 

His eyes were pleading with me not to go. 

 

"No fun for sick boys, only healthy boys can have fun." I touched his nose and he moaned at me, wiggling in the bed. 

 

"So not fair. Don't be a tease. Oliviaaaaaa." He pouted and I kissed his forehead. His eyes shut and I leaned down to his ear. 

 

"Don't you worry, I'll be here when you're completely ready, then the teasing stops and the real fun begins." I breathed down his neck and he shivered under the blanket. One more peck on the nose with his eyes closed and I wandered out of the room, tossing the dirty clothes in the hamper, leaving him to sleep away the afternoon. 

 

 

 

 

 

\--------

 

Ed's POV

 

I had slept all day and I knew that. I woke up and realized it was completely dark outside. I could hear the faint noise of the TV, so I figured it wasn't that late if Olivia was still up. I could tell she was watching, "Stranger Than Fiction," I knew the sounds too well because we had watched it so many times together. She knew every line. I could tell my throat was scratchy and sore just from breathing. I didn't feel as groggy as I had earlier in the day, I guessed the medication had worn off. I was thankful for this, but I felt like I was hit by a truck. I hadn't eaten at all, but I wasn't hungry. Actually my upset stomach was quite apparent. I reached down to the side of the bed, feeling the cool plastic of the bucket beside me. I blinked my eyes as the feeling of a gag came up my throat. I leaned over that moment pulling the bucket closer, and placed both hands on it. I let out a hard gag but nothing came out of my mouth. My throat was burning though, and I couldn't take a breath in, I had to force it. My eyes watered and my mouth hung open over the bucket. Spit dripped from my lips and I gagged again, but this time I felt the hot liquid of my stomach come up into my mouth. The acid burned and my eyes started dripping into the water of the bucket. 

 

A hard breath came into me in the form of a sob, I couldn't control it. I was weak and helpless leaning over the bed. Olivia walked in and kneeled in front of the bucket touching my hands. I heard her talking but no words were coming in. I could just feel the pressure on the back of my eyes, and the burning in my throat. I felt her push some of my hair out of the way, and wipe away a tear from my cheek. My veins were sticking out of my arms, and I thought that was weird. My pale skin had turned red, but I felt my breathing returning to normal. I sucked in a few mucus-filled breaths, and wiped my mouth. I sat up with all the force I had, and Olivia had a wet towel with her. She sat on the edge of the bed and wiped my face clean. The cold felt good, but I still felt like crying. My nose was filled and my throat burned. The taste of my stomach acid was in my mouth and it tasted awful. I didn't want to feel like this, I wanted to go out and have fun but I was trapped in a cold-infested body. I just started crying then. 

 

I could feel the wet streaks down my face and my chest was heaving from sobbing. I had Olivia in my arms and held her tight. She was rubbing my back and swaying us gently back and forth in the bed. I knew I had bugged her earlier when I teased her and she teased me back, but she didn't even care. She still came back and still cared for me. I knew I wasn't thinking straight at all at this moment, but I just kept trying to figure out why she would be with me. I was horrible at relationships and helping people, but she stuck around. She got that bow on her foot, an orange bow, because of me. Because orange was _my_ favourite colour. 

 

I then realized that I was thinking this because I really didn't want her to ever leave me. I couldn't go on without her, and I noticed that I hadn't told her that I had a few gigs in about a month and a half. I would have to go away from her for a bit, to play shows and do interviews. I realized that I was really going to miss her and I couldn't hold it in anymore. _Then it came._ Stuart never said that I had to leave her to go and play shows. We toured together already, why don't I just bring her with me? My sobbing was subsiding, and I was getting sleepy again. I tuned into what she was saying then. 

 

"Don't worry, what ever happens, what evers wrong, I'm not going to leave, I'm going to stay here with you forever, and I won't ever forget you, just know that it will be okay, whenever you need to cry or tell someone something, you can tell me, because I love you. I love you a lot and I couldn't bare being without you, just please tell me whats wrong." 

 

She was crying too, and I pulled away from her but looked her dead in the eye. 

 

"I'm sorry, I just, I just lost it. I'm really worn from this cold and I just couldn't hold it." 

 

"It's okay, I just need to know you're okay and nothings wrong." 

 

"No, nothings wrong, I just love you so much and never want to lose you." 

 

"I promise to never go anywhere." 

 

At this, she pulled out of her hoodie the necklace I gave to her on the first night we gave everything to each other. She held her end up to mine, and clicked it into place, forming a perfect heart. My insides fluttered, but in a good way, and I smiled. I reached up and touched her wet cheek, and pulled her in for a kiss. I made it quick and didn't open my mouth because I was sick, but I was in dire need of her lips. 

 

"We're going somewhere." 

 

She looked up at me, with her head in my hand still. 

 

"Um, where?" 

 

"You'll see, it's not for a little while, so don't worry about me being sick then, but, it's gunna be fun, don't worry." 

 

She smiled and wrapped her arms around me, squeezing my body. I winced at this and moaned unintentionally because of my stomach soreness. She leaned back and smiled at me. 

 

"Lay back down, let me get something to help you with that tummy of yours." 

 

I obeyed her and laid back down on my pillow. She walked away and I turned my head and noticed she was wearing a hoodie, but her legs were bare and I could see her white underwear poking out. She was just about as white as me, but far more toned. Every muscle was long and lean as she walked across the room. They looked smooth and solid, flowing right into perfect feet. I could see the tattoos that had healed nicely with my help, and they stood out against her skin. I don't know how she kept herself toned without doing anything, but I was jealous. She was suddenly gone out into the hall and I was left alone. I stared up at the celling, and listened to her movements in the bathroom beside me. I heard the tap and the shuffling of the package. She walked back in, and I turned to see the front of her legs this time. They were perfectly smooth, hydrated and shaved or whatever with skill. As she walked closer I could see the lines across her bare body parts. Birds on her inner left calf, stars on her left outer knee, horseshoes on her right outer ankle, and a rocketship on her left inner ankle. The most permanent one was a large slit on her left knee, it wasn't a picture. She came right up to the bed and my hand slipped around her knee looking at the large scar right in front of me. 

 

"Explain this one." She looked down and back up at me and laughed. 

 

"Pleeeeeeeease." It was hard to speak due to my throat, but I wanted to know. 

 

"Okay, it's really not exciting, I fell off my bike at a friends when I was little, and ended up hitting broken glass and slicing my knee open. Stitches were in order back then too, and I sobbed my eyes out at the hospital. I was just a kid, and that one will probably never fade."

 

I smiled at her, and looked up to see her face. 

 

"Anyways mister, stories aside, you can't get out of taking this. Promise it'll make you feel better." 

 

I really didn't want to be drug drunk for the next 24 hours, and my stomach didn't agree to liquids or medicine either. I wanted to hurl at even thinking about anything hitting my stomach, and turned my head when she touched my lips. I let go of her leg and grabbed her hand. I let go of it as soon as I grabbed it and started rubbing my eye. I was partially turned from her, and just wanted her to go away with the medication. At the same time I didn't want to throw up again, but I wasn't sure what was worse. Throwing up all night or feeling fuzzy and out of control. I decided the latter was the better and I would at least sleep a bit if I took it. 

 

I rolled back over with my eyes closed and opened my mouth enough for her to slip in the pill. I felt a straw next and sucked in the liquids, the cold rush felt good in my mouth. My fever had dropped in the afternoon, but I still felt hot on the inside, and my mouth was dry. I felt the pill hit my stomach, and I instantly felt like throwing it all up again. I hated stomach things, and I had a stuffy nose on top of it which wasn't making me feel any better. I spit the straw out and just laid there with my eyes shut. I felt the cold cloth on my face once again, and relaxed into the wetness. Olivia's body left my side for a minute, until I felt the bed depress on her side. I felt her wiggle in close, and take my hand in hers. I knew she was looking at me, studying my face. I opened my eyes and turned my head to her. She smiled and let her eyes flutter close. I let mine do the same, waking the next morning with her beside me, even with me being sick, she stayed with me. She would always stay with me, no matter what. 

 

Her body laid perfectly motionless, and I admired her body beside me. Her hand in mine still, hair sprawled across he pillow. I could see her shoulders, and admired how they looked. She hadn't scarred herself on her shoulders, it was like she didn't have any at all. Actually, to a lot of the world it was like she didn't have any. I didn't know that she had them until that night when she was almost taken from me. All I knew was what she put out, and a lot of that was a face for the crowd. She never really put it on in the bus when we toured, but she never opened herself up like a book either. She had guards, but it's what she learned to do. She was a heartbreak singer, all her music about past relationships and about people who hurt her. When she would sing, "don't let me in, don't let me in," she literally meant it. She hid from people with a painted face, but the words from her mouth held the true meaning of her. 

 

I looked up to her for the fact that she put out what she does. She shares herself with the world, but still keeps a smile on her face, a strong face. When I think about it, she did everything herself to get where she is. She pursued her music despite people hating on her, wether in person or over the internet. I had googled her name soon after meeting her, and I saw a lot of wonderful things, which persuaded me to take her on, but I also saw negative things. I meet a sweet girl in that coffeeshop, but her past haunted her. She had shown me this over the past weeks we spent together. She sat through those tattoos even though she was scared and shaking in my arms. She stood up on that stage, just her and the crowd, when people were out to get her. She took care of me when I cried, and said that she would never leave, and her actions told me she wasn't kidding. 

 

I couldn't believe that the body lying in front of me was this person underneath. She wasn't just another pop star act. She was real, and had layers underneath her face and music. I knew this from the moment my eyes met hers, but I never expected it to be so deep and painful to her. I admired her, and adored her, and never wanted to hurt her. I was in this to the end, no matter what happened, I was gunna be here. She wasn't leaving me, and I wasn't leaving her. 

 

She moved then, taking me out of my brain. She rolled over and faced me, cuddling the pillow that had ended up between us at some point in the night. Her fingers stretched out and then squeezed my hand. She sighed and opened her eyes, focusing on me. She smiled and stretched her legs under the covers. 

 

"Hey." she said.

 

"Hi sleepy," I smiled at her cuteness, and moved a bit closer to her. Her lips curved upwards, speaking again, "how are you feeling today?" 

 

"Okay, tired, but okay. I don't think I'll throw anything up today, but my throat hurts really bad." 

 

"Mmmmmm, thats good," she reached over me, letting go of my hand, and grabbed the thermometer. I knew the routine and opened my mouth and held the stick under my tongue with my hand. She pressed the button and we waited for the next beep to happen. I didn't feel feverish anymore, so I expected it was fine, but better safe than sorry. It beeped again and she read the numbers. 

 

"You're all good love." I smiled and grabbed her hand again, resting it on the pillow in front of us. I just stared into her big blue eyes, and she looked in mine. 

 

\----

 

Ed's POV

 

She seemed so settled and calm in that moment, it was beautiful. Her body was relaxed and her hair was messy, but in all the right ways. I wanted to take a picture, she was that perfect. She broke eye contact, and kissed my fingers. Letting go she sat up and ruffled her hand through her hair. It was knotted beyond belief so she just let it lay all crazy down her back. She stood up, but grabbed another comforter off the floor. She had about three, I don't know why, she just had them around, and I must admit, it was nice having big fluffy blankets everywhere. She wrapped herself up and shuffled out of the room sleepily. She looked back at me before leaving and smiled a cute smile into the blanket when she realized I was watching her. I saw her blush a bit and she walked away. I heard the blanket drop and the shower turn on. 

 

Olivia's POV

 

He got to me. He seeped into everyone of my pours, and I couldn't help my heart race just by looking into his eyes. The way he stared and watched my every move, I loved that. He just watched silently, asking questions when he wanted and being silly when he wanted. I couldn't contain my heart bursting for him, I just wanted him all to myself forever. No one else could have him. He was mine.  

 

I slipped into the hot shower, and just let the water run down my hair. It was really messy and knotted, so after shampooing I let the conditioner soak into all the fibers. I finished up and wrapped myself in a towel. I roughly dried my hair in a towel, and brushed it a bit, detangling the long strands enough that I was satisfied. I wandered back into the bedroom, smelling the air, fresh with body odour and sweat from both of us being sick, one after the other. I peered into my closet, and riffled through the clothes. I slipped on some underwear and a bra, knowing a pair of eyes were watching. I was going through the pants section, and I ran across a particular pair. 

 

Breeches. They were a pair of pants from when I rode horses, before I left for Toronto. I grew up in the country, far away from cars and buildings, but rather my life was strewn with horses, early mornings, and ribbons. I was a half decent rider, and usually placed when I would show. I still had some ribbons somewhere deep within my closet, but I never dared pull them out, they were from a different life time, I was different now. I pulled the pants closer to my nose, and could smell the horses still on them. It was a sweet hay-mixed-with-dirt-and-sweat smell. They're were stains of green slobber on them and I smiled when I thought of it. I let them fall back into the closet and went to continue on. 

 

"What were those pair?" I heard Ed ask behind me in a raspy voice. 

 

"Nothing Ed, just something from a long time ago, I didn't know they were there." I protested on telling him, it was nonsense anyways. I didn't ride anymore, I don't even know why I kept them.

 

"Olivia." 

 

It was just the tone that he said it in, and the memories that came back with those pants.

 

"Drop it Ed, not right now, I don't want to talk about it." I bit my lip when the words came out and my eyes stung from tears hitting them. "Sorry, that came out wrong. I just," I sighed, "don't like talking about it, it's from the past, it's over now and it doesn't matter where they came from or how much I did in them, it's another lifetime." 

 

I came out more controlled with my sentences, but I still felt bad. I grabbed a pair of yoga pants and a pull over hoodie and walked over to Ed, with the pair of breeches in my hands. I laid them over his covers, and he touched them with his hands, clearly not knowing what they were. 

 

"These are funny pants, Olivia, why do you have them?" 

 

I laughed and looked down at him, pulling the stretchy fabric with his little hands. 

 

"I rode horses when I was a teenager," I said as I pulled on my pants and hoodie. "I had a lot of the gear, I would show and I kinda remember winning my first, first place ribbon in these ones." I looked at the tag on the pants, and there was a little red, "1st place :)" written on the tag, identifying them as the pants I got my first place ribbon on, when I was about 14. Ed scanned the pants and looked back up at me. 

 

"I bet you were pro." 

 

I laughed at his comment, "I wish, I was far from, if I was pro, I'd be on a horse right now, not on stage Ed." I smiled and giggled as he contemplated my comment. 

 

"Yeah I guess so. Far away from me." He pouted at the thought.

 

"Hey, but I'm not. I get to be right here, which is amazing, couldn't ask for anything better." I stole the pants back and shoved them deep into the closet once again. As I was doing it, I saw a box at the back of the closet. It was a helmet box, and it had a big sticker on it, reading, "Horse things." I reached out for the box and pulled it out. I couldn't bare open it, so I placed it on Ed's nightstand. 

 

"Do you want breakfast or a tea or something?" I said to him, even though he was looking at the box and not at me. 

 

"Maybe a cuppa." He said, so I went into the kitchen to get him one. I heard him pick up the box, just like I knew he would. Maybe if he looked first I could when I went back to him. The kettle clicked and I poured the water into two mugs, making two teas for us. I went back to the room, and saw Ed, sitting in bed studying each picture he pulled out, smiling at each as he placed them on the thick blanket. I walked over and peered at the pictures, not really looking closely, just enough for them to register. 

 

"You were to pro!" Ed said while picking another picture out of the box. I laughed and put his tea down on the stand, while walking over to the other side of the bed. I put my tea down and kneeled onto the mattress, picking up a photo. 

 

I saw myself, on a pony, pretty much wrapping my legs around his belly because my legs were so long. We were going over a tall jump, probably about two-foot-nine-inches I guessed. I had my game face on, even though I was clearly jumping at home, for fun. I smiled and flipped the photo over. "Blue, July 7th, 2009." Three years ago. Life was so different, I couldn't believe it. Suddenly Ed was laughing out of control beside me. 

 

"What are you laughing at?!" I leaned over his lap to the picture he held in his hand. "Oh my. Stop laughing!" I hit him in his gut and stole the picture away. It was me and a horse, I was making a face at him, and he had his lips curled up and his teeth showing at me. It was pretty funny, I must say. I looked so comfortable and young. I was just fooling around and having carefree fun at the time. I tossed the photo down onto the bed and frowned at Ed who was still laughing. I looked down into the box, that was filled with pictures and other things. 

 

I put my hand in, pulling out a worn pair of spurs. I rode in them only when I needed them, but they still took a beating over the years. I put my hand in again, and flipped over a bunch of photos pulling out a old helmet. It had a white film of makeup on the sweat band, because of wearing makeup to shows. The soft black layer of the outside of the helmet still had dirty hand marks on it. Ed grabbed it and pushed it on my head. 

 

"Hey wait," I said as I pulled the helmet out of my eyes. I looked at him and he looked at me. He smiled. 

 

"Born to wear that helmet." He said. 

 

I had to admit, it felt like home to me. Actually, on the back of a horse and behind a guitar were the only two places that truly felt like home. I could just be myself and thats why I rode for so long. Eventually I had to choose one, and horses got pushed out. Ed dug in the box too, and pulled out a ribbon. It was crumpled, but you could still see the lettering and the colour of the place I had come it. It was clearly red, which meant first. Ed looked up and smiled at me, in a very proud way. 

 

"First place love, you're the best." I blushed at his comment and looked in the box. I reached down and pulled out an even more elaborate ribbon than the first place. 

 

"Division Champion." I stared at it, remembering the day it happened. I was about 16, and it was a complete fluke. I had a bit of a frustrating ride that day, but had pulled it off to look flawless in the ring. Me and my horse had a argument part way through our round, but I masked it enough to get a good placing. I never thought I would get a champion that day, but I did, and I was super surprised. I smiled at the memories and felt Ed's hand on mine. I looked at him, and he had a burning in his eye. 

 

"You should go riding sometime." The words popped out of his mouth. 

 

"No way in a million years. I rode for a long time, but how could I do it now. I haven't ridden in a long time." 

 

His eyes pleaded with me, but gave up anyways. We had a life to remember about, and horses weren't part of it. He had to get that, but I'm sure I wasn't out of the water with it, he always had a plan and a way to get me to go along with it. 

 

"Olivia?" 

 

"Yeah love?" 

 

"Do I have to stay in bed all day today?" I looked at him and he had a pout on his face. 

 

I laughed, "No, you can come on the couch anytime you want. You just slept all of yesterday, you could have come out if you were awake." I shrugged my shoulders as I talked and he put some pictures back in the box. He took the covers off his legs and stood up, mildly wobbly from not moving yesterday. He walked out of the room picking up the comforter I had left on the floor when I went and showered. He seemed happy, but I felt a plan brewing in that brain of his. I looked back down at the ribbons, and took one and made space for it on the wall of pictures above my bed. I taped it up there, so we could remember it all the time. I smiled and went into the living room. 

 

Ed had curled up on the couch and was watching some show I wasn't too interested in. I put two pieces of bread into the toaster and waited for it to be finished. I walked back into the living room and sat down beside Ed, and before I was settled he had stolen a piece of toast from me. 

 

"Hey, thought you were sick." 

 

"Mmmmm, I'm hungry though." 

 

I didn't mind him taking my toast, so I shrugged it off and ate only one piece of toast. 

 

"Do you want another or no?" I asked him, and he shook his head no, clearly being more interested in the TV than eating. I saw him sucking the bread pieces out of his teeth, and every so often a sucking noise would come out of him. His program finished and I looked at him. 

 

"Where are we going?" I asked. 

 

"What?" 

 

"You said were going somewhere, but not right away, later sometime?" 

 

"Oh, my secret." I peered at him, but turned away. I was itching to know where we were going, but he clearly wasn't going to tell. He reached out and grabbed my arm pulling me closer. I could smell his sweat from far away, and I had just showered and he was clearly sweaty on his skin, I could feel it on his hand. I made contact with his chest, and his clothes were dirty. 

 

"Ed, no. Ugh, you're so gross." I pulled away and he made a sad face. 

 

"Awwwe, I wanna cuddle." He pouted at me. 

 

"If you shower I'll cuddle. Okay?" 

 

He got up then to my surprise and took my hand. He started walking towards the bathroom and when we reached in he turned on the shower. 

 

"Ed I already showered." 

 

"I just want a cuddle right away after I'm done." I rolled my eyes and he got in the shower. I'm sure he showered as fast as he could, and was done in about 5 minutes flat. The bathroom was steamy, but I heard the shower stop so I opened the door part way to let the steam escape. I was leaning on the sink, and suddenly a very, wet, naked Ed came out at me. I didn't have a big bathroom, or an escape route, so he got me before I could even move. His hair was dripping all over me, and I could hear him sniffling up his snot from it being steamy in the tiny room. 

 

He let go of me and kissed my forehead. I stood there shocked and wet, and he grabbed a towel, while looking at me and smiling. 

 

"I hate you so much." 

 

"Should have waited for me and let me shower with you then." He was being cheeky, and obviously felt better than the day before. I wanted to punch him, but he walked out of the room before I could, and I heard him in the closet. I had to put on a dry hoodie now, so I walked back into the bedroom taking off my wet clothes. I was mad at him for doing that to me, I was comfy in what I was wearing. He had already grabbed clean clothes for himself, and was standing behind me. I had to rechoose what I wanted to wear, and I was grumpy now, so I was having trouble deciding on what to put on. Suddenly a pair of warm arms wrapped around me, along with a warm hoodie. Ed was humming in my ears and zipping up one of his hoodies around my body. He had bothered me and he knew that, but it was a best friend thing, so I let it go. His sweet smell came over me, and I shut my eyes and leaned into his chest. I could hear his nose sniffling every time he breathed in, and I turned around into his chest. I wrapped me arms around his waist, and let myself sink into him. 

 

"Lets go out, okay?" He whispered into my hair. 

 

"Okay, only if you feel up to it." 

 

"Two days, I'll be there, with you, out for dinner. Promise." 

 

I smiled into his shoulder, realizing he had just asked me out on a date, in his own little way. I was excited, even though I wasn't a girl you took out and showed off to people. I was okay with Ed showing me off though, I loved him, and he loved me, and we could conquer the world together. 

 

I got a kleenex for him and he blew his nose, and ended up giving himself a coughing attack in the process. I blew my own, for my cold hadn't cleared out either. Ed was worse than me still, so he sat back down on the couch, looking exhausted. First showers after colds always took out way too much energy, but felt so good. I could tell he was happy that he won me back, and he was thinking about a lot. I'm sure he would try and get me back on a horse eventually, but I knew he was planning our date too. He was watching TV, but would scroll through a page or too on his iPad every so often. I didn't look, I just went around doing usual things. I picked up all the old sheets on the bed and put on clean ones. I grabbed the comforters, except for the one Ed was snuggling on the couch, and put them in the laundry hamper, and started to make my way to the washers in the building. 

 

"I'm just going to wash these, okay? I'll be back in a bit." 

 

"Yeah okay, text me if you need help or whatever." 

 

"Okay." 

 

I walked out the door with the hamper, and went downstairs. My phone buzzed on the washer beside mine, and I read the text on the screen. 

 

**"I miss you, hurry up. - Ed x"**

 

I smiled at the screen and finished putting the soap in the washer and turning it on. I lived in a big building, so I couldn't just leave the stuff unattended, so I had to wait. I got my phone and sat down on a bench near my stuff. 

 

**"I miss you too, how can I ever survive without you when you tour?"**

 

**"You won't have to the next time I go. You're coming. :)"**

 

**"Really? Where are we going? :3"**

 

**"Oh, just Australia. :D"**

 

**"SERIOUSLY HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME. IM SO EXCITED."**

 

I wanted to kill him, how could he not tell me he was touring in Australia next?! And that I get to go with him!

 

**"I just like you when your surprised. :P"**

 

I was practically jumping out of my seat with excitement, when I heard a voice near me. 

 

"Excited much?" 

 

I looked up and saw a man sitting there, probably about the same age as Ed, but much nerdier looking and slimmer. I laughed, "Yeah, just got news of a trip I'm being taken on." 

 

"Oh yeah? To where?"

 

"Australia, my boyfriend just told me he's taking me there soon." I smiled really big at the stranger, and he looked happy too. 

 

"Wow, that sounds crazy, he's a lucky man to get to take you there, a pretty lady like you, any man would be lucky to have you." 

 

I was taken aback by his comment, and suddenly I felt my guard come up and my shyness kick in. I looked away, and I heard my washer stop. I got up and got the wet blankets from the washer to the dryer. I dropped a pillowcase on the ground, and looked back to the man standing right beside me passing it to me. I took it from him and avoided eye contact. 

 

"You're a singer aren't you? I've never been with a singer before, they really are pretty, and man, you with a guitar and a lovely voice, I couldn't ask for more."

 

His hand was on my low back now, and I felt myself getting scared with him so near. I pushed on his chest hard and held my phone in my hand. I had pushed him enough to put him back with his plans, and he had taken his own phone out of his pocket. I unlocked my own phone, and texted Ed quickly. 

 

**"Please come save me."**

 

"Ouuuu, who you texting, hmmm? Come on, you can't possibly be texting that _boyfriend,_ of yours. You're such a cheater, with a face like yours? No way you can stay to just one guy." 

 

His face was close to mine by this point, and I was backing up into a wall of washers. I had no where to go, and I was freaking out. I felt the sweat on my forehead, and the guys breath on my neck. 

 

"HEY, she's mine. Get away from her." 

 

Ed's booming voice made several heads in the laundry look up at him, and then to me and the stranger in the corner. The guy looked up from staring at my lips and took a step back. 

 

"Woah so bro, I didn't mean any harm, I, I, I just…." 

 

Ed grabbed my hand and pulled me into his chest. The guy scattered and ran out of the laundry. I held Ed's sides tight, and bit my lip with my head on his shoulder. 

 

"It's okay, he's gone now." Ed said into my ear, "come, lets sit down, we can do the bedding together." 

 

We sat down and Ed didn't let go of my hand the whole time we sat there. I rested my head on his shoulder, and closed my eyes. I hated creepy guys like that, I got them once in a while due to being a girl performer, I had no defences, except for the people around me. I wasn't just some girl anymore, I was recognized, and I was targeted by other men, and it scared me. The buzzer went off on the dryer, and we got the bedding upstairs and back into the apartment. We ate soup for lunch, and Ed's nose went red from it dripping and him blowing it. He grabbed a guitar and sang to me anyways, out on the balcony. His voice was rough, but it was still really sweet. I sang some of the high parts where his voice would give out, and mine wasn't much clearer. We eventually laid down and Ed played with my toes and traced the tattoos on my feet. 

 

I liked being secluded from everyone and the craziness that took over when touring started. Soon the calm would go away though, Ed and I were going to Australia, partly for press, but I felt it was going to be much more than just a regular tour. 

 

 

\----------------

 

 

Olivia's POV

 

We sat around for the next two days, and Ed went out for lunch with Stuart. He was gone for a long time, and I woke up alone on the morning of our date. He had left a sticky note on his pillow beside me, and I picked up the pink paper. 

 

"Meet me in the lobby at 7pm. Have a lovely day, and don't leave the flat. Oh, and theres a surprise for you on the couch. -Ed x"

 

I was curious and excited by his note, but I was missing his face and his lips a lot. We had woken up next to each other since the night he asked me out on stage. Now I was alone, just like I always was before. But I knew I would see him soon, and that he had just made a plan for us. I rolled out of bed, and saw that it was about 9 in the morning. I rushed to the couch, needing to know more about what he had planned. There was a big box on the couch. 

 

I walked to it, and read the next sticky note on it. 

 

"Wear this tonight? For me?"

 

I opened the box, and a pretty dress was revealed. It was a faint purple, and was designed to look retro, but still modern. It had a scoop neckline, with sleeves that would fall to just below my elbows, and it pulled in right at my waist. It flowed out from there, with the fabric being a little stiff, so it would stick out in an a-line shape. A white belt surrounded the waist line, the whole thing was beautiful, but still fun at the same time. At the bottom of the box laid two shoes, grey, with purple soles like the colour of the dress. The whole ensemble was really pretty, and I was impressed with Ed's choice of clothing. 

 

I smiled and laid the the clothing out on the couch, and pulled out my bin of nail polish. I pondered at the colour choices while making myself breakfast and some tea. I plugged my iPod into my stereo, and turned around. I noticed a guitar of Ed's missing from the wall, and smiled at him. The rest were neatly lined up, along with mine on the other wall. We were truly musicians to the core, and couldn't live without being surrounded my it. I went back to the nail polishes, picking out a straight white bottle, and a nail file. My hands got wrecked from touring and playing guitar, so cleaning them up would be nice. I filed them and put two coats of white onto them. I skillfully painted the tips a light pink, like an inverted french manicure. I put a layer of top coat on, and set to let them dry. 

 

I was just sitting singing to the song that was playing on my iPod, a lovely version of LIGHTS' "February Air," one of the first songs I heard by her. I heard a knock on the door and was mildly surprised someone would knock. The guy from the laundry, and then the guy who tried to steal me both flashed into my mind for a moment, but then I remember that Ed wasn't home, so I decided to take the risk. 

 

I opened my door to no one standing there. Just a bouquet of white roses, with another sticky note on them. 

 

"Missing you so bad. I'm dying. -Ed x"

 

I smiled at the note and picked up the flowers. 

 

I put them in a glass of water and placed them on the coffee table. I could hear Ed's voice from the speakers in the room and my stomach did a flip and warned me how much I missed him and how excited I was about tonight. I looked at my phone and read the time. 11:45. I was dying, I had to find something to do in this apartment. I decided upon looking at pictures from the last tour. I hadn't yet, but I knew I had a million photos from it. I hadn't put the last batch of pictures on my mac yet, so I grabbed the card from my camera and pushed it into the laptop. 

 

About 1500 photos popped up on the card, and I started importing them. I was scrolling through them when I hit the bottom. Pictures not from the tour were there, staring back at me. Ed had taken my camera and snapped about 30 pictures of me sleeping in the morning light on different days we had been home. I smiled at them, knowing he just wanted to savour the moment a little longer than he could. I never knew he took them, he was quiet enough to sneak them in. 

 

I let them all import and started sorting through the entire file of pictures. It was close to 5000 photos, but hey, it was a long tour. They're were pictures from my first time on stage, Ed had taken some, and so had Stuart. They're were numerous photos from backstage, and on the bus. Some were really funny, and some were just of what we did on the bus. Ed with lego, or a guitar, or me with a guitar or choosing a movie. Stuart eating and getting fat, or a tech guy mocking someone. We would stand in front of the city signs and take a picture, there were plenty from across America, and across England and Germany. More pictures of both me and Ed on stage were in the file, and to think we'd be back at it soon made me smile. 

 

Eventually my stomach growled, and I decided on lunch. It was about 2 by then, and I grabbed a can of soup from the cupboard. I ate it on the couch while watching the Lion King. It made me think of home, it was my older brothers favourite movie. 

 

I watched movies and sat around until about four, when I got up and took a shower. I figured three hours would let me be prepared and be early. I curled my hair and pulled the left side back, pinning it with a white bow. My combover flowed down my shoulder, and the blonde under bits came out of the darker brown that was my natural hair colour. I brushed the curls and hairsprayed them, so they looked more old school than messy, to go with the dress Ed had gotten me. I did the same with my makeup, with black eyeliner on the top lid, and light brown eyeshadow to play up my blue eyes. I put on a set of delicate false lashes, just to pump my own up a bit. I finished off the look with a natural lip, I never cared for lipstick, and I don't think Ed would like kissing the goo anyways. 

 

I went into my closet and opened a drawer full of jewellery. I took the necklace off the Ed had given me, and slipped the emblem off the rope. I pulled out a long silver chain, that had bows and feathers hanging off of it. I put Ed's emblem onto the chain and it fit perfectly. I pulled out a few sparkly but cute pink bracelets, and a ring that was a little sparkly white cat face. It was wearing a black bow tie, and I always loved it. I put the gems on the bed sheets, and went to get my dress and shoes. I placed them on the bed too, and everything looked like a perfect match. I bit my lip in anticipation and walked back into the bathroom. I Naired my legs, which I felt worked better than shaving, and checked my hair once again. 

 

Back in the bedroom I picked up the dress, checking the time. 6pm. Time to get ready and set, I thought to myself. I stepped into the purple fabric, and pulled it up onto my body. It fit like a glove and I was impressed at Ed. I put the necklace on, and it fell to my waist band. The bracelets set off the dress, and so did the ring. The shoes were like standing on a pillow, they were so comfortable and fit super well. I could walk easily in them, and checked the time. I had about ten minutes, so I grabbed a white clutch and put some essentials in it. A bit of makeup, my phone, kleenex, and bandaids just in case. I took a dress coat with me, because I knew it was cold out. I made my way out the door, butterflies rampant in my gut as I locked the door. I slipped the key in my clutch and headed for the elevator. I stood alone waiting for the doors to open, and played with my dress as I waited. Finally it came and I stood silently as it headed to the lobby. 

 

The doors opened right on 7, and I looked up to see Ed standing and waiting for me. 

 

He was wearing a black suit, with a white shirt, and a blue tie. He still wore his trainers, but that was just him. They were black and blue, and suited him. He held another bouquet of flowers, these ones being daises, and he handed them to me as I walked up to him. He stared at me face, and then his eyes trailed down my body all the way to me feet. I felt my cheeks get hot as he stumbled through his sentence, "You, you, lo, look, _gorgeous."_ I smiled at him, "You look so handsome all dressed up and I love daisies." I saw his face go red and he took my hand. "Lets get this show on the road then love?" I nodded and took in his accent. I had missed his voice all day, and I was glad to be back at his side again. 

 

We walked out the doors, and Ed held my coat for me as I wiggled into it. I did up the buttons and the belt, and Ed grabbed the door of a limo that sat out front of the building. "Ladies first," he said as I slid in and he sat down beside me. He kept staring at me and smiling, I loved how I could read how excited he was just by looking at his eyes. 

 

"Where are we going?" I asked. 

 

"Not telling," he said while grabbing two cans from the fridge in the limo. He passed one to me and I read that it was a can of Guinness. I laughed as he sat down beside me and popped the can in his hand open, passing it to me. He took the one in my hand and opened it for himself, taking a swig. I took one too and felt the alcohol leak down my throat. I was never a heavy drinker, but Ed was, so I tried to keep up with him. We had both finished the cans of beer we were drinking, and I was clearly feeling it more than Ed was. I could feel the warmth in my brain, but kept my composure, and walked straight into the little restaurant Ed had gotten a table for us at. 

 

It was quiet and dark, with low lighting and dark table cloths. Ed sat me down in a chair, taking my jacket, and then sat across from me. The lights twinkled off his eyes, and he kept staring into mine. He held my hand across the table, and I could tell he wanted to be closer to me than he was. He was craving my touch just as much as I was craving his. He lent a little ways across the table, and I lent into his lips, massaging mine against his. They were warm and inviting. Soon enough we were int pour meals though, and acting as best friends again. Ed had taken off his shoes, and had his feet on mine. They were warm and his socks were soft. The meal balanced out the alcohol intake from the car, and I happy drank another beer during the meal. 

 

Ed leaned over the table when he was finished eating, and whispered in my ear, "I'll be right back, okay?" I looked at him and nodded. He got up and walked away, to where I couldn't see him. I took another sip of beer, and noticed a little stage on one wall of the restaurant. Nigel sat there on a stand proudly, and Ed appeared out of the back looking out into the restaurant. It was only me and him, and a few other people in the place, so he didn't introduce himself, he just sat down on a stool in front of the microphone with Nigel. 

 

"This is for you love." he said through the microphone. He smiled and leaned back as he started playing, "Give Me Love," knowing that it was one of my favourite songs. He played a few more, and I finished my beer, when he got up and took my hand, grabbed my jacket and lead me to the back of the restaurant. When he lead me to the back, and I noticed it was the same spot he had taken me a few weeks ago. The roof had been decorated with lights, and a little radio was playing. It was a record player, playing some acoustic love music, but it was mainstream still. I could hear LIGHTS, "Romance Is," playing, and Ed took my hand and pulled me close. 

 

He was shaky, but lead me around the rooftop dancing with me. He pulled my jacket over my arms when I got cold, and just as he did, a few snowflakes started falling around us. It was mid-October, but at night it was cold enough for it to snow. It hadn't yet, and both me and Ed smiled as the snowflakes fell around us. He slipped his hand behind my neck and kissed me sweetly as the snow accumulated around us. We sat down on the sofa that was now under a shelter, and he started speaking to me. 

 

"Olivia, this has been the most perfect night I've ever had. I can't imagine spending it with anybody else." He dug my necklace out of my jacket, and pushed his emblem to mine, forming the heart once again. "I waited a long time to give the other half to someone, I never want to fall in love with anyone else, I just want you, and I always will." He whispered the last part in my ear, and kissed along my jaw line all the way to my lips. He dropped the necklaces and deepened the kiss and grabbed the back of my neck again. Our tongues moved with each others, and I wrapped my legs through his. I could feel his warmth through his pants on my bare legs, and on my lips. He suddenly pulled away and breathed a choppy breath into my mouth. I could see the steam from his breath, and I was breathing rapidly too. 

 

"I have a surprise for you." He said to me, and I cocked my head to the side. "What else can you have up your sleeve, you've given me the world." He looked up and smiled. He reached down under the sofa, kissing my leg as he went. He pulled up a box, and placed it on my lap. It was moving a bit, and I could hear scratching on the inside. I looked up at him, puzzled, and read the sticky on the box. 

 

"Don't shake it. Just open it."

 

I peeled the lid off, and a tiny meowing kitten came out of it. I looked up at Ed, and hugged him tightly. The kitten was perfect, it was all grey, and long-haired. I had told him a long time ago that I like cats over dogs, and I really like grey long-hairs. She was so small and fragile, but I picked her up and cradled her. 

 

"Does she have a name?" I asked, and Ed shook his head, "no, I figured I could let you do that." He kissed me, and I had to think. "Ummmmmm, what about, Neko? It means cat in Japanese. I always thought that was cool." Ed nodded to me a yes, and took the kitten in his arms. "Our little Neko. Brrap Brrap." He sang to the kitten a bit and played with it. I laughed at him and got a shiver. 

 

"Want to go back inside and eat some cake?" Ed asked. 

 

"Yeah okay." We got up and looked over London city for a second, put the kitten in the box, and went back into the restaurant. We ate cheesecake and Ed got it on my nose. 

 

"Wait, let me get that." I laughed as he licked it off my nose leaving a wet spot. 

 

"Hey, stop it you." I laughed some more and dribbled the cake down his chin. He swiped it with his finger and put it in his mouth. "Mmmmmmmm, yummy," he said. 

 

Eventually we finished and got back in the limo with the kitten in the box still. I snuggled close to Ed, and he held me in his arms. It was quite late already, and I was tired from the night. I yawned and Ed kissed me on my lips. I was falling asleep in his arms, so he carried me back to the flat with the box in his one hand. He laid me on the couch and let the kitten out of the box to run around. He had gotten someone to set up a kitty litter and a little bed while we were gone, so he joined me on the couch quite quickly. He took his jacket off and hung mine up for me. 

 

He straddled me on the sofa, wrapping his arms around me. I felt him unzipping my dress, and I let him pull the top down. I let my shoes drop to the ground, and I wiggled out of the dress. I had worn a bra underneath because of the cut of the dress, so I was left in my lace underwear and bra. They were white like Ed's shirt, which I started unbuttoning. He whipped it off and threw it behind him. He was pushing me into the sofa now, kissing me passionately. I undid his pants and belt, and they fell off his bum to his knees. I heard his shoes drop to the floor, and he stood up and left his pants on the floor. He picked me up, bringing me to the bedroom. 

 

I could feel his present member on my thigh as he came over me on the mattress. He bent down and nibbled on my ear. 

 

"You just enjoy yourself, let me do the work." He whispered in my ear, and I nodded to let him have full control of my body. He pulled me up off the mattress and unhooked my bra, and threw it off the bed. He held my hands above my head, and tied them to the headboard with one of his shirts that was near him. He kissed and left hickeys all over my neck and my body, sucking and massaging my breasts with his hands and mouth. He grabbed my waist, and sucked on my belly button. He was biting me now and I was very hot, my liquids almost coming out of me. I was breathing rapidly, my abdomen going up and down with each breath. He was kissing and sucking along my underwear band, and I let out a groan, raising my hips to make a point. 

 

He pulled my underwear off my body, revealing my already wet spot. I could feel myself leaking, and I felt his hot breath on my spot. He teased in my folds, making me whimper. I couldn't do anything with my hands tied, and my voice would just let out groans. His tongue slipped into me, and started flicking. I gasped and my hips raised once again. He followed me, lapping up the liquid that was coming out of me. He held my thighs with his hands, pushing me open more to get in deeper. He pushed a finger into me and started his work. His mouth kept on other parts of me, while he pushed another finger into me. My hands were pulling on the tshirt they were wrapped in, and I could feel my legs shaking. My walls contracted and he smiled against my skin. 

 

"Hurry up," I squeaked out, and he slid his own underwear off. He was very present and slipped a condom on while keeping his fingers inside of me. He leaned against my moist body, while stretching out my need for him. I was almost twitching just with his fingers inside me, when I felt them slip out. I relaxed underneath him, and he let me settle a bit. I felt his tip still teasing, and he pushed it inside of me. My back arched and he followed me. Sitting up a bit he started thrusting, getting into a rhythm. I let myself relax fully under his control, and I felt my orgasm coming on. He held onto my hips as he worked, and I gripped the tshirt in my hands. I groaned loudly as my orgasm came but he kept his pace even though I could tell he had one coming too. My walls contracted around him and that was it, he lost control and fell onto me while he let go inside of me. I could feel him twitching inside and it made mine worse. He bit my tummy, and gripped my sides with his hands. He groaned, as I put more pressure on his penis with the wash of my orgasm. 

 

He breathed heavily onto my skin as he let us subside from our highs, and pulled out of me slowly. I could still feel my wet dripping along my thigh, and I was still hot. I heard the rubber of the condom come off, and he was dripping onto my stomach as he untied me. My arms fell onto his neck, and we continued kissing, until he rolled over onto the mattress, and pulled the covers onto us. We snuggled until the next morning, and I felt the kitten on the bed with us when we awoke. 

 

 

\--------

 

Olivia's POV

 

I could hear giggling beside me as I kept my eyes closed even though I was awake. I opened my eyes to Ed laughing because Neko was licking his nose in bed. I smiled and watched him pet the fluff ball and she snuggled into his chest and chin. I rolled over and kissed his warm lips. I patted the cat, and she started licking my face too. I pushed her away and sat up on the edge of the bed. We had about a month until we had to get on our flight to Australia, and a lot of work had to be done. Both of us had dropped our rigorous practice schedule, so both our voices weren't up to what they used to be. Ed was still quite stuffy, and getting it to clear wasn't easy. Numerous meetings were planned, and Ed had to figure out who his openers were, and what he wanted the show to be like, and just general things had to sorted. 

 

\-- 

 

Ed's POV

 

A month had passed, and the preparation for the tour had been finished about a week ago. I was holding two guitars, one in each hand, and Olivia held another in hers. Her other hand wrapped around mine, we were holding the guitar together. Her hair was long down her back, in loose waves as we walked through the busy airport. Fans lined the halls, but we had to get to the plane on time still. We dropped our stuff off and all the equipment was loaded onto the plane, as were we. We found our seats and settled down. 

 

She was looking out the window, deep in thought, so I touched her hand that was beside me. She whipped her head around and stared at me with big eyes. I was surprised I startled her, I didn't mean to. 

 

"What's wrong love?" 

 

She looked down at our hands and smiled. 

 

"I don't know, I just feel kinda frazzled for some reason. Just uneasy but I don't know why." 

 

She looked into my eyes and I squeezed her hand. I let go and wrapped my arm around her and let her rest her head on my shoulder. I pulled out my iPod and flicked through until I hit the band, "Passenger," on the list. I put one headphone in my ear, and the other in hers. Her eyes shut as the music played, and she drew patterns on my jeans as the plane took off. Eventually her hand laid still on my thigh, the warmth coming through the fabric of my pants. Her breathing got regular and she fell into a deep sleep. Some fans gave me some cards and things as we walked through the airport, and I pulled some of them out. I read letter after letter, letting me know how much I meant to them, even though we had never met. A lot of them said they thought me and Olivia were perfect, and I thought that was sweet as I knew she was my only love. 

 

Stuart was sitting beside me, and he passed me a small box, smiling at me as he did. I ripped the packaging off it, as best I could without disturbing Olivia. A little knit doll of myself popped up out of the box, and it had a little hoodie and guitar with it. I thought it was super cool, and I put it under Olivia's hand. She would like it too. She could snuggle it when we were apart. 

 

"Hey, hows it going between you two?" Stuart asked me quietly. 

 

"Really good, she seemed kinda flustered today though, I don't know why, she's usually chilled right out. I hope that nothing wrong, I don't want to lose her or anything." I was playing with a strand of her hair as I talked. "Stuart, I'm scared. She self harmed herself, and I don't want to be the next reason she does. I don't want to hurt her. I want her to be happy, but I'm afraid I'm not good enough, you know? Like I'm going to let her down and she's going to lose herself. That guy who tried to steal her that one night, he never got locked up. He just got some community hours and a fine. He's still out there. I never told her, she doesn't know. She scared herself because of him a long time ago, then he came back and left another scar on her arm, what if he comes back again? Or someone else comes. She's vulnerable Stu, I don't know how to keep her safe." 

 

I looked down and bit my lip when I was talking, and Stuart patted my arm. "We'll keep her safe. Don't worry, she's here, keep her near, and don't let go yourself. She's yours, cherish that, and maybe through this tour, it'll be time to take the next step. You'll find the time to ask her. You'll know when."

 

I looked down at her sleeping skin, and how I knew that I had to ask her. I had to make her mine, for good. 

 

\-- 

 

Olivia had woken up on the plane, and we had gotten out of the airport and located the bus. The airline had misplaced two of my guitars, so we were sitting on the bus waiting for news, and driving to a place to crash for the night. Olivia had brought a few of her guitars, and was mindlessly strumming with her eyes closed. I was sitting at the table with a bunch of lego a fan had given me, and I had stopped to watch her play for a bit while she sat on the comfy couch. 

 

The way she strummed was beautiful, how her whole body moved with the chords, and her feet moved to the beat. Her hair fell onto the body of the guitar, and her fingers stretched onto the fret board. She wasn't moving rapidly, just enough to make an audible sound. She was beautiful, inside and out. 

 

She looked up then, straight at me. I guess she noticed that the sound of Lego had stopped, and she realized I was staring. I looked down at my Lego, and back up at her. I laughed and so did she, as she put her guitar down and slid in next to me. 

 

"How does this work?" She said as she picked up the instructions and peered at it. I looked down at the pieces and started teaching her. We built up the pieces one by one, until we were finished. She looked at me and kissed me, grabbing my face. I wound my hands around her back, and she broke away to smile at me. Her blue eyes were sleepy, but she was happy. At that, she turned and yawned, putting her hands behind my neck. 

 

"Wanna cuddle?" she said sweetly. 

 

"Yeah, lets." 

 

She got up and wandered to the back room of the bus. All the bunks had names on them, and the door to our bedroom clearly stated, "The Sex Spot, aka, Ed and Olivia." I had laughed at it, and Olivia had punched Mark on the arm for writing that. I thought it was funny, but she didn't as much as me. I guessed we kind of asked for teasing though, we were the only couple on the tour. I followed her into the room, and saw her slipping on pj bottoms as she peered at a movie to watch. I looked over her shoulder at what she had picked out as I slipped on my own pants that she had left on the bed for me when she got her own out. I saw her slip, "Despicable Me," into the player and crawl onto the bed. I got in before her and let her slip in-between my legs. I pulled the covers up over our legs and squished them down around our sides. 

 

She was asleep about twenty minutes into the movie, but I didn't mind. She was safe here, and I could be calm. I was always watching when we were out in public, that night really shook me up. More that I would ever let her know, and I would never tell her that the man who tried to take her was still out there. I wanted her to enjoy our trip, and not have to worry. I didn't make her my opener for that reason. I want her to have fun, it was a short run of shows, but I was okay with that. We needed time with everyone, time to travel, and get back into the world again. This was our lives, and we needed to hold together even though we might get pulled apart physically through tours and promo. I didn't want that to happen, but I had to let her be her own artist too. 

 

So I would hold her now, in my arms, and cherish it, just like Stuart said. I was never leaving, but I wouldn't always be by her side either. I had to face this eventually, but right now I shouldn't be thinking about it. I was actually getting really tired, and I found the remote on the headboard of the bed. I switched everything off, part way through the movie I wasn't paying attention to. I wiggled both of our bodies under the covers, and gently moved Olivia so she was in the crook of my shoulder. She snuggled her arm around my belly, and sighed. The lights were off already, so I tenderly kissed her lips, nose, and forehead, before whispering an, "I love you," to her and then I drifted into a deep sleep along with her. 

 

I woke with a start though. Too much of a start for the first day of a tour. 

 

 

 

\---------

 

Ed's POV

 

I heard a bang outside of the bus, and I sat up in bed. Olivia was gone, and I heard screams outside. It was a really loud bang, like a gun shot. I ran out of bed to outside. I saw Stuart they're and a couple tech guys huddled around Olivia's body, which was in Stuarts arms. Body guards were around a man, and I realized it was the same man that tried to take her before. I saw a gun on the ground and ran up to Olivia and Stuart. 

 

"Ed, he shot her. You have to help. Someone get help!" Stuarts words rang in my ears. 

 

_He shot her._

 

Everything stopped then. I could just hear myself breathing inside my head. My ears hurt and stopped working. I just stood there, with tears coming to my eyes. I could see blood spilling out of her back, onto Stuarts lap. 

 

"Ed, Ed, ED, you have to put pressure on it!" One of the tech guys was shaking me, I realized it was Mark, and I clued into what he was saying. I looked down and kneeled beside Olivia's body. He had shot her in the back, and she was coughing. Red goo was escaping from the corners of her mouth, and I took my t-shirt off. I held her on my body and pushed as hard as I could into the bleeding spot. The hoodie she was wearing was soaking with her blood, but she was still awake. I could feel her breathing against my body, and it was choppy. She was limp in my arms, and I could hear Stuart talking to her behind me. He was telling her to keep her eyes open, to not fall asleep, to just hold on, help is coming. I heard sirens then, and her body was pulled up off me, and a team of medics went to work on her. She was loaded into an ambulance, and I just stood there and watched. My t-shirt was on the ground, covered in blood. People were watching the commotion, but I didn't care. The guy was in a police car now, the body guards held him until the police came. 

 

But I could just stand there. I was numb. She was dying, and I couldn't save her. 

 

I held her last night, but I wouldn't tonight. 

 

She was going, and I was breaking. I felt it happening. 

 

Suddenly I was moving. Stuart had grabbed my arm and was shoving me in a car. Mark was there, and he passed me another shirt. I couldn't think. We followed the ambulance to the hospital, and I watched her go into a room where I couldn't see her. She was already covered in wires and tubes though, and I was scared to what I would see when she came back out. Would she be dead? Or just barely living? Would she remember me? They're were so many questions in my head as we walked along the blank corridor to a waiting room. A nurse was showing us the way, and we sat down with me in the middle. I could feel the chair on my body, but my senses were acting weird. I knew I was sitting, but I couldn't feel it right. My head was spinning. 

 

Stuarts hand rested on my knee then. He had said something to me but I didn't hear it. I looked at him with a blank face, and he repeated what he had said. "Don't worry, you know she's strong, she wouldn't leave you." 

 

Comfort. 

 

Or at least thats what he was going for, but I felt myself get defensive at it. My Olivia was hurt, and I knew that, it wasn't going away, and she probably would leave me. She had a hole in her, and she was still just skin and flesh even if she had a strong mind. I could feel her going, inside of me. She was sliding away, and I couldn't grasp onto her. I was grabbing for her, but she was still slipping through my hands. 

 

We sat in that waiting room for hours, and I didn't eat or drink or do anything. I just sat there, searching for her in the empty walls of this hospital. I searched and searched and searched, until a doctor came in. He sat down in front of us, and started speaking. I was a little calmer now and I wasn't spinning, so I could hear his words. 

 

"Olivia suffered a pretty big blow from the bullet, but it thankfully missed a lot of her vital organs. It hit a bit of her spine though, so a piece of it had to be removed. It went through part of her intestine, so we had to do surgery to repair it. She's in a deep sleep right now, in the ICU, but you'll be able to see her now. Be prepared though, she's really rough from it. We thought we were going to lose her, but her heart kept going even with all the blood loss. It's actually pretty remarkable, it's like someone was pumping it for her, refusing to let her go, like she has someone that she hasn't finished enjoying yet. She wants to grow old with someone, she doesn't just let go." 

 

He said the last part while looking into my eyes, and I knew what he meant. He stood up then, and walked out of the room. Stuart touched my arm, "are you ready?" I looked at him and nodded. All three of us walked down the halls until we hit the ICU. Stuart rang in, and we were let in. 

 

She had her own room, and her own nurse was sitting at the doorway looking at her papers. She rolled herself out of the way to let us in. 

 

Olivia had cords and tubes all over her body, and thick blankets over top of her body. A large breathing tube was down her throat, making her breathe. The tape covered her pink lips, and her skin was pale. Her arms and hands were taped with needles in them, along with her chest. I could hear the breathing machine, and the other monitors would beep once in a while. Her eyes were shut, and I knew how she slept, her eyes would move as she dreamed, and they weren't moving now. I knew she was just there, being a body, her brain wasn't processing right now. I found a bit of her hand though, and held onto it. Stuart pushed a chair under me, and I sat there and laid my head on the plastic railing of her bed. I let my tears drip off my cheeks and off my nose. The three of us sat there, in silence, just looking at her. Every so often she would shuffle on the mattress and something would beep at her movement. The nurse would move a line or two, or give her another medication once in a while. 

 

Mostly she just slept, and we just watched. Stuart would rub my back and I would start crying again. I could feel the drops on my arm, and I wondered if Olivia could feel them when they rolled onto her arm. I eventually cried so much that nothing else would come out. I just sat sniffling my nose, tracing circles on her skin. Stuart went and made calls, Mark went back to the bus, a couple other tech guys came, but it was mostly me and Stuart. Someone brought one of my guitars in, and it was perched up against the wall near me. It was about 3 in the morning and I hadn't slept, and Olivia hadn't moved in hours, so I leaned back and touched the guitar. I picked it up and strummed a bit. 

 

I felt weak in my hands, and all I did was hum a bit here and there. I leaned my head on the body of the guitar, and looked at Olivia's face. 

 

"I'm sorry," I whispered, "I didn't mean to hurt you, I wanted the world for you, and now you have nothing. I ruined everything. I didn't save you." 

 

I ran my hand across the paw print scar she had on her wrist. Someone had come and left the bracelets she wore on the table beside her. I picked them up and slipped them on my own wrist. The necklace was there too, and I held the emblem to her hand, and held it there. I wasn't letting go of her, I couldn't, so I would stay there, until she was better. My eyes watered again, and they closed as sleep overtook me. I fell asleep, her hand in mine, with the necklace intertwined, and my head on the guitar. I fell asleep thinking about how much I loved her, and I wished for her to hold on, to not let go, to keep going, because I want to grow old with her too. 

 

 

Olivia's POV

 

I felt a pain in my back, and I was falling down. I could feel myself slipping away but I couldn't figure out what had happened. Ed wasn't there for a moment, but then he was. I felt wet and cold, and a lot of pressure. Everything was blurry and happening fast. They're were strangers and cords and tubes and a lot of yelling. I was just me though. I didn't know what was wrong with me. It was weird, I was floating somewhere that I had never been before. Everything was getting darker and darker. I was moving fast, and I felt pressure on my face. It felt like a mask, and then everything went dark. 

 

 

\-----------

 

Ed's POV

 

Olivia laid with little movement for the next 5 days. I only left if I was told to leave the room, or if I had to pee, or to change my clothes. I washed my face and wiped some of my sweat off with a towel in the bathroom. I looked tired and worn, but I didn't care. I wasn't leaving, and I would be there when she wokeup. I walked back to the blank room, and took hold of her hand again. It was still warm, letting me know she was alive still. The breathing machine still ticked, as did the rest of the monitors. They told me this morning that they were stopping the medication that would make her sleep, and that she should wake up sometime. Every so often a nurse would check her to see if she would respond. She hadn't yet, and it was already 4pm. Her head had been taped down to the bed, so when she woke up she wouldn't pull any cords or move the breathing tube in her throat. There was another tube down her nose now too, it was feeding her. 

 

I sat down on the chair that I had sat in for days, and the nurse that was attending to her walked up to her face on the other side of the bed. 

 

"You can talk to her you know, she'll probably hear you now. I'm not sure if she would when she was on the medication, but it doesn't matter, I'm sure she felt you. Why don't you talk to her some more, it might help her wake up a bit. Don't worry, it'll be okay when she does. She didn't hit her head, so she shouldn't have any memory loss, she'll remember you." 

 

I bit my lip as the nurse walked away. I looked at Olivia sleeping still, and I was kind of at a loss for words. I had talked to her a bit while she was sleeping, but I mostly held her hand. I slid the chair a little closer. I heard the nurse move her stuff out into the hallway, so I could say whatever I wanted. The guitar still sat beside me, and I picked it up. It always made things easier. I strummed a bit, "mmmmm, maybe I fell in love, when you woke me up….." I stopped. 

 

"Olivia, I want you to wake up so badly. I miss you so much. I thought I lost you, and that you left me. But you didn't, you fought your way back, like you always do." I touched her arm a bit as I was talking. "I miss you sleeping beside me in the morning light, and how you do the dishes, and how you wear your bed head all the time. I miss how you you laugh, and how you cuddle with the cat. I miss how you fit into the crook of my legs, and how you fit in my lap. I miss how you sing, and how happy you look on stage. I want to hear your slippers shuffling on the ground again, and your pink lips smiling at me, while your blue eyes sparkle under the lights in your living room. Come home now. It's okay. I'm here, the guy that haunted you is gone. He's all locked up now, he can't get you from there. Please come back to me." 

 

I leant down on my arm that was resting on the bed guard, and my tears fell onto the mattress. The heart monitor beeped a bit then, and I looked up at it. It was beating faster than it usually was, and then I felt her hand flinch in mine. The nurse popped her head back in the room at the sound of the beeping monitor, and I looked at her with wide eyes. She smiled at me and looked back at Olivia in the bed. Her eyes opened slowly, and I stood up so she could see me. 

 

"Hey." I said, smiling at her. 

 

\--Olivia's POV

 

I was foggy and I didn't know where I was. I felt something in my throat and I couldn't move much. Ed's fiery hair was sticking out about me, and he was smiling at me. I could see that he had been crying, and I knew something had happened. The walls were unfamiliar and so were all the machines around me. Something was bound around my waist, and I felt numerous things going into my arms and chest. I could feel wires on my body too, hooked into pads that were stuck on my body. Something was beeping. I didn't know what, but I assumed it was attached to me. 

 

I could feel tape on my face, on my lips and on my nose. I could see the tube coming out of my mouth, and out of my nose. Ed was holding my hand, and it felt warm. The last thing I remember was standing with the crew outside of the venue Ed was playing that night, and then a pain, and then I was falling down. I didn't remember much after that, I needed to know. I couldn't ask though. For some reason I wasn't breathing fast even though I was panicking on the inside. I felt a tear leak out of my eyes and Ed wiped it away. He was talking too. 

 

"Don't cry, it's okay, I know you're upset, don't worry. He just got you again, okay? He hurt you really bad but you're still here. He didn't kill you but he tried really hard. But you denied him and you're still here. Please don't cry. You're still here."

 

One of his tears fell from his eyes and landed on my forehead, but he wiped it away quickly. I was trying to stop crying, but it was really hard. He had done this to me? It was coming back a bit now. I remember gazing over my shoulder to look at the bus to see if Ed was up or not. As I looked back down, he caught my eye. He was hiding behind a couple of other people, but as I scanned his body I saw it. I saw the gun in his hand. I turned around to Stuart, but it was too late. I heard the bang and felt the pain radiate down my back. He had shot me. 

 

I really started crying then and a monitor was beeping out of control. Ed was trying to shush me, he kept telling me it was okay. His hand was on my head, wiping up tears. I figured out where I was, I was in a hospital bed with a bullet wound in my back. He had tried to wipe me away for good this time. I was scared, when I saw another head pop into my vision. It was a face I didn't know, a nurse I assumed. 

 

"Don't worry sweetie, you're safe here. No ones going to hurt you, everyone here loves you. Just calm down, nothing bad is going to happen. You're okay, you're not going anywhere and no ones going to hurt you."

 

I was settling down with Ed's touch, and the words people were telling me. I wanted to talk, but I couldn't. The nurse walked away then, pushing a few buttons to calm the beeping from the monitor. I relaxed without it, but being tied up the way I was, was hard to bare with. I couldn't move my head, all I could do was wiggle my toes and move my arms a bit. I felt like I had been hit by a truck, but I knew it was worse. I didn't dare move my back, or even try to move my head against the tape that held it down. Ed sat down, out of my vision. His hand was still in mine, and I felt his lips all over the palm of my hand. I longed for them to touch my lips, but he couldn't because of the tube. 

 

"I thought you were gone. I thought I would never see you again." 

 

I squeezed his hand as best I could, it was all I could do. I didn't want him sad. I heard what he had said before I opened my eyes and sorted myself out. I woke up to those words. I missed him just as he missed me, but I just couldn't tell him. I wanted to, but I couldn't. We just sat there instead, in silence, until the nurse walked back in. 

 

"Now that you're awake, we can get that tube out and let you breathe on your own, okay? It's gunna feel weird, but it'll be okay in a second. I'm just going to sit you up a bit." 

 

The bed moved underneath me, and the nurse slipped a pillow under my head, so I was more sitting up than before. She pulled the tape off my forehead, and unhooked me from the machine. I could still breathe through the tube, it was strange. 

 

"Now, I'm going to pull this out, and I'll need you to blow out as much as you can as I do. You'll cough a lot, but you'll be breathing on your own in just a few minutes." 

 

I held Ed's hand tight, and the nurse counted to three, and I blew as hard as I could. The tube slipped out of my throat, and goo covered it as it came out of my mouth. I gagged as it hit my reflex, and my eyes watered. The whole tube was out though, and I was coughing like a seal because of it. Ed held my arm and my hand at the same time. I finished sputtering and coughing, and laid my head down on the pillow. I swallowed a bunch and my throat was dry and scratchy. I could feel the other tube down my throat still, but I licked my lips, and croaked my first few words. 

 

"I missed you so much."

 

It was all I could muster, but I saw Ed's eyes water at the sound of my voice. I had been away for a long time, I could tell. He was taking all his energy not to cry, but I honestly felt so loved when he did. I knew he had stayed with me, he looked tired and like he needed a shower. He missed a lot because of me, because he cares. He lent down then, to my face, and pressed his lips to mine. I could hear the monitor on my heart beating faster when he did, and he smiled while kissing me. The guard on the bed had been dropped for him, and he put his knee onto the mattress. I was a mess, but he didn't care. He moved me a little bit and climbed onto the bed beside me. His shoes dropped to the floor and he was careful not to pull any wires. 

 

I pulled him closer to me and kissed him again. He snuggled into my wired up neck, and held my hand across our laps. It was late already, and I was completely beat with just a few hours of being awake. I fell asleep with his head in my neck, his gentle breathing on my skin. Every so often a nurse would come in and wake me, checking my temperature, and doing things with the monitors on my body. Ed stayed asleep through it all, snoring quietly beside me. They would work around him, and he was eventually tucked under the blankets with me. 

 

His hoodie was soft and he smelt like he would after a show, but without the smell of his cologne. He was just purely him, and I loved that. I loved him, and I just wanted to be back where we should be. Back at a venue somewhere, not lying in a hospital bed together. I was really excited for the tour, but it was all halted up now. We would get there though. We would get there. As Ed repositioned and his messy hair touched my face, I just wanted him to do one thing. 

 

I wanted him to ask. 

 

\----------------

 

Ed's POV

 

Olivia and I spent the next few days in the ICU still. Her feeding tube was removed and I would get to feed her applesauce and soft things. It was fun, I would act like a kid and she would laugh at me. She still got tired easy though, and she would sleep a lot. Stuart came in and out to see her, and me, and he said it was okay that things were getting pushed back. I could see that he was worried though, two tours pushed back was a lot. Everything was settled though he told me, and I thanked him profusely for all the work he did. Soon enough Olivia was out of the ICU and in her own room. She was looking more normal, with less tubes and bandages. I could tell she was annoyed that she had to be laying down for so long, and she would toss and turn in the bed and rub her eyes a lot. I would hold her and rub her hands and feet, and she would settle more then. 

 

She had an x-ray today though, and she was due to go down for it in about half an hour. 

 

"You should go for a bit, I'm bound to be a while with an x-ray."She said to me. 

 

"No, I'll wait for you." 

 

"Ed, you've been cooped up in here for ages with me, honestly, go back to the hotel and shower, and sleep a little bit. I'll be fine, I promise I'm not going anywhere. It's okay." 

 

With that she kissed me firmly, driving her point home. I knew at that point I wasn't changing her mind. 

 

"Okay, okay, I'll go, but I'll come back tonight, okay?" 

 

She shook her head and I stood up from beside her. I didn't want to go, but she was being forceful, so I was going anyways. I picked up some of my stuff from around her bed, and gave her one final kiss before heading for the door. 

 

"I love you," I whispered into her ear. 

 

"I love you too."

 

I could feel the grip she had on my t-shirt slacken, and I stood up and walked out the door, with one last smile at her from the doorway. I walked down the blank corridors and bit my lip as I went. I was scared to leave her, I breathed her every movement and I felt like I couldn't exist without her near me. I rang Stuart to where I was going to find my stuff, and grabbed a cab to the hotel we had been parked in. I stumbled into the hotel room, suddenly being very tired. There were some clothes thrown on the bed for me, and I grabbed them and headed for the shower. 

 

I let the hot water run down my body, sinking into all my pores. It felt good to have a proper shower, and get all my sweat off my body. I finished washing, and just stood there. Olivia was right, I needed a sleep, and with that I closed my eyes and leaned against the shower wall on my shoulder. I let my body roll onto my back, and I slid down to the bottom of the shower, just breathing in and out amongst the water. I sat at the bottom of the shower, and tilted my head back and felt the water over my eye lids and I let it drip into my mouth. It felt good, just relaxing into the space around me. My head felt like it was spinning a bit, but it was okay. It felt good. My shoulders relaxed and my chest let go all that I was holding inside. I knew my eyes were watering under my lids, but when the tears fell from my eyes I couldn't feel them because they were swept away by the shower. Can't see tears in a rainstorm right? 

 

I sat there for a little while, until my fingers looked like raisins, and so did my toes. I stood up then, shutting off the stream of water. I got a towel and held my face into the soft fibres of it. I ran it all across my body and ruffled my hair with it. It was getting longer, and needed a trim. Finding some clothes and a pair of scissors, I stood in front of the mirror, and started cutting the orange hairs. They fell to the floor, leaving a mess. I shaved off my quite thick beard that I had grown, even though I had shaved at the hospital. I left the scissors on the sink and walked into the bedroom in a haze. I flicked the TV on and found a music channel that would lull me to sleep, even if I didn't need help getting to sleep, it was still comforting to have something in the background. 

 

I felt the soft blankets of the hotel bed and crawled into them. Before my head even touched the pillow my eyes were shut and my head was asleep. The last thing I heard was a Weezer song, "Pork and Beans," I believe. 

 

\--

 

I woke up in the same position that I had fallen asleep in, and my body was stiff from sleeping so deeply. It was already dark, and that meant I had slept all day. I stumbled out of bed, finding my legs again. I flicked the TV off, and stuffed a bunch of clothes into my rucksack. I looked over the room and saw that my guitars had been found, and were in the cases on the floor. I smiled at both of them, opening each case to check if everything was okay and in tact inside. I gently closed the cases, and grabbed my rucksack and headed for the door, slipping my phone in my pocket from it sitting on the kitchen counter where it had been left. I checked it first, and they're was nothing that needed my attention right now so I slid it away. 

 

As I was wandering through the hospital, I ended up in a gift shop. I picked up a toy horse and got it for Olivia. The lady wrapped it up and stared at me a bit as she did. I turned around to a bunch of people looking at me, and I clued in that I am here for a tour, and people knew what had happened, so they were staring because I am famous. I just kept my head down and got into Olivia's room without trouble. Generally fans were pretty tame, but sometimes one or two would get crazy and invade on my privacy. Thankfully they didn't today, because I was still drowsy from sleeping all day. 

 

When I got to Olivia's room, she was asleep, with her back to the door. Her hair had been washed, and so had her body. She smelt like baby powder, and I really liked it. Her skin was soft as I snuggled down behind her. I pulled the little horse out of the bag and nuzzled it between her hands. The knitted doll that I had pushed into her hands on the plane also sat in one of her hands. Someone had brought it in a while ago, and she was snuggling it while I was gone. I smiled at her, and laid awake behind her, listening to the goings on of the hospital, until I fell asleep for more of the night. I woke up a couple times from nurses coming in and checking Olivia, but she slept through the majority of the commotion, I guess she was used to it. She rolled over into my chest throughout the night, and held onto my side with her warm hand. I was surprised by how child-like she could be when she was tired. She was always a tomboy, and was fairly put together, but I knew every side of her now, and she was more than that. She was amazing and sweet and funny, but at the same time professional when she needed to be, and rough at all the right times. Just feeling her touch made my heart flutter still, and thats what I loved about being with her. She made me just as nervous as the first time I kissed her in the bus, and her smile still lit me up as much as when I would watch her on stage. 

 

Eventually it was morning, and papers came for her discharge and for her physiotherapy that she would have to go through to get her back better. She could walk with help right now, but it was hard. A lot of her muscles had gotten weak after lying in bed for so long, and she would have to work to get them back to normal. I was flipping through the papers in the back of the cab we were in, and ran across a part that said that horses were really good for physiotherapy. I scrolled through my iPad on the mattress after we got into the hotel room, looking at places to get Olivia on a horse. I let her watch TV, but I wouldn't let her look at what I was looking at. I wanted it to be a surprise, and hopefully she would like it. It wouldn't be for a bit, but I was going to get there. 

 

I found a place and emailed them, when Stuart came over. He had two bags of fan stuff for us, and they're were lots of blankets and teddy bears. They're was also lots of cards and letters, and I read them to Olivia as Stuart made something to eat for everyone. She would smile at me as I read, and you could see her making mental notes about every letter, until Stuart brought in the food, and we ate and talked about what was happening. We were told that it was up to us to what we wanted to do here, as Olivia couldn't sit the flight back to England yet. The rest of the time here was ours, which made me happy. It was about 3 weeks, but it could be more if Olivia didn't heal fast. 

 

We ended up staying in the hotel room for about 3 days until I had a radio show one morning. I left Olivia in the blankets on the bed, and took a shower and got dressed until Stuart knocked on the door and we hopped into a van that was taking us to the radio promo. I wasn't feeling as worn, but leaving Olivia to sleep was still weird. 

 

"Stuart I want to go somewhere after this okay?"

 

"Um, okay? Where?"

 

"You know where, it's time."

 

"Okay," Stuart smiled at me, and I smiled back, then turned and blushed as I looked out my window. The radio promo went fine, and soon enough I was staring down at a bunch of glittery rings. I bit my lips as I scanned each one, and Stuart looked too. 

 

"There's a lot Ed."

 

"I know." 

 

I kept scanning the rings, but one stuck out to me. It was like the diamonds were snowflakes, one large one in the middle, with two smaller ones on each side. It was perfect, and I pointed to it and showed Stuart. He just looked and smiled at it, then smiled at me and patted my back. I knew I was right just from his reaction, and the store assistant pulled it out for me. I held the delicate ring in my fingers and smiled as it glittered back at me, it _was_ perfect. It was put in a little box, and given to me. I was nervous with it in my pocket, but not really because of the value of it, but more because of the meaning behind it. I was going to ask Olivia to marry me, and I was nervous about it. More nervous than any show, or any interview. This was meaning we were serious, and that we were denying anything anyone had ever said about us. We were one now, not two people anymore, one. 

 

I think it was partial excitement too though, about planning a wedding and the fact that I would never lose her. Not that I thought I would now, it's just a new meaning, a new safety. 

 

I knew exactly how I was going to do it too. I knew exactly how I was going to ask. 

 

\--Olivia's POV

 

It had been a week of solid radio and gigs for Ed, trying to play at least some of the venues that were booked for him. It was his choice to play them, with a little bit of force from me, making sure that he knew that I was okay in our hotel room or in the green room. Stuart and security were always close to me now, always keeping an eye out. Moving was getting easier day by day, but sometimes it was really painful. Sometimes I couldn't sit up in the morning, and Ed would wrap his hands around me and lift me up and hold me until the pain stopped. Once I got moving though, it was better. 

 

Today was the first day just Ed and I were going out, and he had kept it a secret from me to where we were going. He seemed a little fidgety though, a little nervous about something. He would tap and hum little bits of whatever was in his head, and he would stare into nothing and bite his lip. I figured it was to where we were going, and I hoped he would settle soon. We walked down the hall of the hotel, and when the elevator got to the bottom floor, we had to hurry to the van that was meant for us. We tried not to attract attention, but it was difficult sometimes. Thankfully it wasn't bad today, and we got into the van. 

 

We travelled for what felt like ages, and for the last ten minutes Ed held his hands over my eyes, making sure they were closed. He lead me out of the van, and let me open my eyes. I was faced with a pasture full of horses, and my mouth fell open. The smell of hay and the barn came over me, overwhelming me. My heart was beating really fast, and a lady came up to us. 

 

"Hi, I'm Katie." 

 

Both me and Ed said our hellos, and shook her hand. 

 

"So I hear that you're here because you were injured and need physio, right?"

 

"Yeah, he actually surprised me with this." 

 

I smiled up at Ed, and I was getting excited. I think I would be more nervous if he had told me, and I understood why he hadn't. This was his little way of showing how much he payed attention and loved me. We followed Katie into the barn, and were given helmets, and since it was pretty much a trail place, they had already tacked our more-than-safe horses. They were out in a dusty area, dozing in the afternoon sun. 

 

"Okay, so this grey one is Andy, and the brown one is Laddie. You can choose between the two." 

 

Ed was already making friends with Laddie, so I walked up to Andy. He was muscular under his dark grey coat. We were led to a mounting block, and we both got on our horses. The english saddle under my bum felt so familiar, but at the same time it felt foreign. I looked over to Ed and he was a fish out of water for sure. I knew how to sit and hold my reins, but he certainly didn't. Katie had to show him, and even then his hands and legs were all over the trail. The longer I sat on Andy though, the more things came back to me. A lot of it was automatic for me, just being trained to do things without realizing I'm doing them. We trotted around for about half an hour, until we were both fairly solid in what we were doing. Ed stopped when Katie asked if I wanted to go for a little canter, and I bit my lip when I said yes. I wasn't sure if I was ready physically, but my head wanted to feel that sort of rush again. 

 

I trotted around a corner, and sat down into the saddle, moving my outside leg back to push Andy into a lovely canter. He smoothly rocked back and forth underneath me, all the way around the ring. I circled the large grey a couple of times before pulling up. Ed was smiling at me as I looked at him, and he was clearly impressed. He had seen the pictures, but I think seeing it in real life was a little overwhelming. 

 

"Why don't you take him over this little cross rail Olivia?" Katie asked me. I nodded, pushing the horse back into the smooth canter he had. His ears pricked at the sight of the jump, and his pace quickened a little. I held him up from rushing the fence, and moved my body into the two-point position as his body came up under me. I pushed the outer parts of my fingers into his neck and mane at the same time. We landed and I pulled up at the end of the ring, smiling broadly at both Ed and Katie. 

 

"That was so good!" Katie was smiling really big. "But I know that someone else would like to go on some trails, so I'll let you two go off now on your own, have fun okay?"

 

We thanked her, and she showed us the trail head and we looked at the map to figure out where we wanted to go. Soon enough we were riding through the forest on a lovely afternoon. 

 

"You were so good back there, it was crazy. I was scared, but excited for the jump. You looked so pro darling." 

 

Ed smiled at me, and I blushed and looked at him through my lashes. His orange hair was poking out the bottom of his helmet, and he looked very out of place on a horse. He was happy though, happy because I was happy. I must admit, I was a bit down from being in the hospital for so long, and being away from Ed while he was at promo or a show, was hard. But this made up for it all. He got me back where I needed to be for a while. Out of the city, into the country, and onto a horse. I had missed it more than I knew, and spending the moment with Ed just topped off the feeling. 

 

We were in a vacant field then, and Ed stopped his horse. I rode around him, so I could face him, and I positioned my horse right close to him. He was staring at me intensely, and I was confused as to why. 

 

"Are you okay?"

 

"Olivia," he looked me dead in the eye, and reached out to touch my arm, "you know how much I love you, and I know how much you love me, and, um, I know you get tan lines from where your bracelets lay on your arm, and I was wondering if you were okay with having a tan line on your ring finger of your left hand?" He slid out a little box from his pull-over hoodie pocket, and opened it, revealing a perfect ring for me to wear. I started shaking and my right hand covered my mouth as I nodded him a yes, and held out my left hand for him to slip the ring onto. He was shaking and smiling too, and I stared down at the ring. Everything was perfect. 

 

"They look like snowflakes, and you're my snowflake." I looked up at him and leaned over and kissed him. We rode back through the forest holding hands, and every so often either one of us would look down at my hand, looking at the ring, and knowing what it meant. We got back to the barn, and I showed Katie what he had given me, and just about all the other people in the place were "ooooing and awwwwhing," over it. I blushed multiple times, right up until we were back in the van. 

 

Today had been an excellent day, and my body was feeling much better. I was on cloud nine, and so was Ed. We both crashed into the hotel bed giggling like school children. Ed leaned over me on the covers, and kissed me full on. Our tongues battled for dominance, and Ed's body leaned over mine. He tucked us in the covers, after pulling my pants and shirt off, along with my bra. He replaced it with his own t-shirt, after taking off his hoodie and throwing it on the ground. His belt made a thud on the ground when he took his pants off, and he shut the light off from under the covers. 

 

He pulled me in once again, and our legs tangled together under the sheets.  

 

\-------------------

 

Olivia's POV 

 

I woke and it was dark, I could tell it was really early in the morning, but I defiantly wasn't sleeping. A sharp pain was radiating up and down my spine, making it hard to breathe. My face was in Ed's chest, and I felt tears coming to my eyes because of the pain. I was on pain killers, but through everything that had happened yesterday, I had forgotten to take them before I had slept. My legs were still tangled with Ed's, and I couldn't move. It was really painful, and I felt a tear slip out of my eye and soak into Ed's skin. I could still hear that he was asleep, the gentle breath from his mouth floating down onto my head. It wasn't helping the pain though. It was getting really intense the more I panicked about not being able to move very easily. My hand was on Ed's side, and I squeezed it enough for him to shift. 

 

"Ed. Wake up. Uggggh, please wake up." A choppy breath came out of me onto his chest, and he stirred and flicked his eyes open, but pressed them down hard right after. 

 

"No, help me." The words came out of my mouth and finally Ed spoke.

 

"Whats wrong?"

 

"It's my back, you have to get my meds, I forgot to take them, I'm in so much pain, please help me." I was full on crying now, when Ed shifted out from under me, forcing me to move on the mattress. I yelped in pain, but Ed softly caught me and laid me on my back on the mattress. 

 

"Don't move, I'll be a minute." He said while wiping away the tears that were falling from my eyes. He got off the mattress, and I could hear him shuffling through our stuff, finding the right bottle of medication for me. I heard a bottle of water crack open, and he walked over to me again. He looked sleepy, and he let out a yawn. He put the pill in my mouth, and tipped the bottle so the contents leaked into me. He dripped some down my face as he did, and he had to save it with a finger on my cheek. In the same movement he traced his hand along my lips while I swallowed the pill. My eyes were still leaking, so he kept wiping them up with his soft fingers. I could tell he just wanted to crash back into his sleep, and I felt bad making him get up for me. 

 

"Sweetie, come lay back down, it's okay, I'll be okay in a few minutes."

 

I felt the mattress depress beside me, as Ed didn't lay down, but he knelt beside me. He literally bent over my neck, and plowed his head into the mattress. His shoulders were over my face, but I could still see the ceiling. I could feel his breath on my neck, and then he just got more odd by the minute. He stuck his tongue out, and started pushing it into my neck, making little spit marks as he went. They were tickley,but warm. He started kissing all around then, working back into a more sitting position as his lips trailed all over. His eyes were closed, and I could feel his eyelashes on my neck. Pulling down my shirt and comforter a bit, he massaged my collarbones. 

 

It's when he hit it. 

 

I felt everything crash down on me then, all the happiness of earlier leaving my body. I forgot everything from the day, and sunk back into the low I had been in while I forced Ed to tour. The scabs had formed over the cuts, making them very visible. I made sure to cover them up with my clothes during the day, but I was hopeless and vulnerable now. I felt his eyelashes part, and he stopped dead when he hit the cuts. I just stared up at the white of the ceiling, wanting to disappear. He looked down at the images on my body. 

 

The lightweight feathers floated down my right collarbone, etched into my skin. They eventually dissipated into nothing, just fibers left behind. I had done it when I was alone one night. Being lonely is a big thing for me, but I never tell anyone because I don't want anyone to wait on me. I don't want to hold anyone down, especially Ed. I had stood in front of the mirror, and painted with my blood one night when I was feeling particularly low. I cut away to run away, and now I was lying here, in front of everything that I have, letting him see what I did to myself. I was letting him see that I was weak, weak all by myself. I wasn't as strong as he thought I was, and I could feel a lot unfolding in front of me. I knew that he knew about the other times, but that was different. That was when I was in my bedroom, before anyone knew who I was, before Ed. 

 

I felt his breath over the cuts, and I felt them throbbing under me, even though they weren't open anymore. I couldn't look at him, I would lose everything. I felt him shift, and I thought he would get up and leave like every other person did in my life. It's what started this, this cutting. I would get low enough, and no one would be around, so I would cut away everything that I felt, and then cover up so no one would see. I was always hiding my secret, except for when I spoke about it in my music. I never openly just said it, but lines related to it. Everything that I did artistically related to being alone. 

 

Instead of getting up like I thought he would, Ed lifted his hand and ran it down the scabbed skin. He knew why they were there instantly, he knew it was because I was low. Thats why he took me out, put me on a horse, and let me be free. He knew I was happy in only a few places, and since I couldn't be on stage right now, he put me somewhere else. 

 

But the thing about it, is he was already too late. I had already crashed, and he wasn't there to save me. I forced him away from me, just like I had done to so many other people. The medications eased one side of my problem, my physical pain, but my emotional side reared an ugly head due to them. I saw the look in his eyes when he left me all the time, and I knew he left me reluctantly, but I pushed him away anyways. I hated myself for doing it to him, and hurting myself in the process. I really was happy with him, but I wasn't happy with myself. 

 

Ed reached the bottom of the scabs with his fingertips, and leaned into my skin. 

 

"Olivia, I know you. I know why you did this. I know you were pushing me away, but please, come to me when you don't feel okay, I'm alright with you being you. Please, I'd rather you come to me than push me away and harm yourself. Please, I love you."

 

I felt the tears leak off his eye lashes, and I felt worse than I ever had in my entire life. I knew I had hurt him then, and I felt horrible about it. 

 

"I'm sorry." It slipped out of my lips at an almost silent volume. My throat was closed up from the hurt I felt now. 

 

Ed sat up from my neck, and slipped off the mattress. I felt his arms under me, hoisting me onto his chest, while slipping me out of the covers. I held his back, and wrapped my legs around his torso. He placed me on the cold surface of the hotel table, and took my hands in his, after switching the light on. My pain medication had kicked in by now, and the pain I had felt earlier was sinking away. The pain inside of my head wasn't going away though, and as Ed grabbed my face to make me look him in the eye, I felt myself resisting him. I didn't want to see his disappointment in me. 

 

He kept persisting, and when I looked up, I didn't see disappointment. I saw that he was worried about me, and I hated that just as much as I hated disappointment. 

 

"Stop," I slipped out as I dropped my eyes. 

 

"No."

 

My eyes shot back to his at his answer. No one ever said that to me before. No one ever told me that they weren't going to stop. Everyone said that they were going to leave, let me go. I gave them all good reasons to go, including Ed. He said that he wasn't going to though. 

 

I felt his hand on the ring he gave me. He was wiggling it back and forth on my finger, and I got the point. He was right, I was tucking myself away from him and I knew it. I knew that I owed him so much, and that I would never be able to give it back. I was ruined by my crazy past who tried to kill me, literally. I was letting it get the best of me, and I was pushing Ed away because of it. It's why I forced him to continue on his tour, to make him work, so I could wallow alone in my pain. Even though I did it, it never made anything better.  

 

As I felt my eyes looking right into Ed's, I figured I had no choice anymore. He was never going away, even if I hated myself, he never would. A lot had happened lately, and it was all sinking in now. It never had in the nights alone, only here, now, with Ed. Everything was becoming serious now, including Ed. We fit because of being best friends, but we also fit because of how much we cared about each other. Before I was shot, everything was carefree, but now I realized that life could go at any moment. I knew now, that I was serious about marrying Ed, and that he was right about having to go to him. My communication was horrible this past week or so, and I ran away, but it was time to come back now. He told me this, like he always could, by just being quiet, and letting me work it out, holding me when I need it, but knowing when to persist and making me move on, like he was right now. I looked down at our hands, and squeezed his. 

 

He left me then, rummaging through the room. A loaf of bread and a jar of nutella were retrieved, and he spread the goop along the bread. He made one piece for me, and one for him. It was the same thing he left for me when he found me broken on the bus before. The first night he kissed me and told me that he loved me. I smiled at him now, many months later, in a different country, in a different space. Still, the same feeling lingered between us. As we finished our midnight snack, I yawned and Ed picked me back up. I felt better now, knowing that everything had been revealed, and that he was still okay with me. At that moment, I decided, I was done. Done running away from anything. I was ready to get back up to the person I was before, to be the person I was when I was on that horse, even if I wasn't on a horse. 

 

I had to do it. 

 

Ed laid me back into the covers, and held me in the nook of his body. I felt his teeth nibbling on my ear, nutella breaths into my nose. I felt his warmth on me, as he held me, not too tight, but just so I knew he was near. He was perfect, in so many ways. He understood me so much, and I loved him because of it. I knew tomorrow was going to be a good day, and so were so many other days. I just had to keep going, keep Ed in my life, and plan an entire wedding.

 

An entire _wedding._

 

 

\-------------------------------

 

Ed's POV

 

Since that night on, I wouldn't leave her alone. I would gig, and I would make sure she would come in the green room and that someone would be with her. Either Stuart or Mark or someone who she enjoyed being with. I knew she was really trying to keep herself from getting low again, she would come out and watch me play sometimes, and she wasn't being quiet anymore. She would get up with me instead of sleeping in, and would take care of me more. Sometimes her body would stop her, but her mind kept going anyways. I liked having her back, not that I didn't love her while she was gone and hurt, it was just a different side of her. Feeling those cuts though, that was the hardest thing I've ever had to face. I didn't save her like I should have, I let her down instead. 

 

I knew from her that she was done now, and that she felt bad to what she did to herself, but that she wasn't going to go back anymore. I convinced her that she shouldn't, and that I wasn't going anywhere, and that we are getting married and that I love her more than anyone else. I knew that she had been left before, but I wasn't going to. 

 

But right now that didn't matter. I had finished up the last few gigs I had, and we were on a plane back to our small flat. Olivia was flipping through a wedding dress magazine, and there was a lot. I knew she was going to be beautiful no matter what she chose though. It was going to be a small wedding, we had decided, because big wasn't really our style, and we wanted it private. I sunk back into my seat, holding her hand softly. I raised her fingertips to my mouth, and gently nibbled on her skin, and she smiled at the movement. Shutting the big book, she looked back at me, with her eyes locked onto mine. 

 

"Thank you."

 

"You don't even need to love, you're my snowflake, I love you." 

 

"I love you too darling." 

 

She smiled at me, melting me to the core. I leaned forward and kissed her lips, wanting more every time we touched, because of missing her when she wasn't around. I was happy here, with her, and I never wanted it to end. 

 

\--

 

I spent the rest of the flight telling her silly cheese jokes, and funny stories. She would laugh and giggle, and every so often Stuart would look over when we got loud, telling us to be quiet with his eyes. Eventually we were walking down the hallway to our flat, giggling and laughing as loud as we wanted to. 

 

"And as we were walking in, he didn't see the glass door, and walked right into it. It was hilarious." 

 

She was laughing out of control when she opened the door to the flat. Neko came bounding towards us, and she picked her up. 

 

"Ohhh, the neighbours have been feeding you so well!!!"

 

The kitten had grown quite a bit, and was now more cat like and long. She was pretty still, and quite playful. She licked Olivia's nose, and then flew out of her arms back into the apartment. The light was pouring in, and everything was pretty much where we left it. The bed had been made, and we both fell into the soft covers. It was mid-afternoon, a perfect time to be lazy. Neither of us had slept on the plane, so we napped a bit before lounging and talking in the bed covers. 

 

"Olivia, have you ever thought of buying a real house?" She was lying on her back, staring up at the ceiling. 

 

"Um, not really. I've always been alone, so I've never needed much space, but maybe now, yeah, it would be good."

 

"Yeah, something simple and not too big. Cozy like this one. I'd like that. Me, you, and the cat, in our _house."_

 

"Mmmmmmm, yep." With that, she rolled on her side to face me, scrunching a pillow up under her arm. 

 

"Ed, "

 

"Yeah," 

 

"This is beautiful." She smiled at me, and I knew what she meant. She meant what was happening between us was beautiful. I knew that she adored me just as much as I did to her. She stared at me with her big blue eyes, and I felt mine slowly scan down her face, settling on her pink lips. I leaned into the pillow, pressing mine to hers. I gently placed my hand on the back of her neck, pulling her a little harder into me. I touched my tongue to her lips, mildly opening my own. She let me in, and the warmth of her mouth enveloped mine. She moved under me, and I followed her when she laid back down on her pillow. I leaned over her, resting my chest on hers. I pushed her head into her pillow as I kissed her, just leaning back for a few breaths now and then. I trailed kisses down her jaw, and nibbled on her ear a bit. Her breath was hot on my face, and I could tell she was getting hot underneath from it. 

 

I pulled her up then, rolling over and placing her in my lap. I wrapped my arms around her torso, lifting her t-shirt up a little bit so I could get to her skin. I caressed it, while pushing her hair out of my way with my nose to get at her neck skin. It was soft and pleasant, white as a snowflake, but warm like the sun. I loved cuddling her like this, she was amazing under her clothes, scars and all. I ran my hands along her waistband, and over her hip bones. She shivered on top of me, and pulled the covers up over us. With my hands covered, I gently slipped one down her underwear. I could feel the wet already, and started nibbling on her uncovered shoulder. She laid her head back on my shoulder and closed her eyes as I slipped a finger into her. She wiggled on me as I went, putting my other hand down with my first one as well. I pinned her legs down with mine, spreading her a bit, and held her still with my arms against her body. She had access to my ear lobe and was sucking and biting on it every so often. I played in her folds with one hand and kept a rhythm going inside of her with my other hand. I could feel the heat building on her skin, and her walls eventually contracted around my fingers, and she twitched on me as she let go all of her wet onto my hands. I held her tight as she finished and relaxed into me. She let out a sigh and I smiled at making her happy. 

 

I slid my fingers out slowly, and she twitched at all my movements. I let her go from my grasp, and wiped my fingers on a kleenex from the nightstand. She turned around on me and pushed me down onto my pillow when I had finished wiping, and pulled the cover up a little further. I already knew that I had a growing erection happening, but when her hand hit it, it excited me even more. She was lying on the mattress right up next to me, head on my chest. I held her shoulders as she ran her hand up and down my shank, making me feel very good. I got twitchy then too, and moaned as I felt the hot knot forming in my lower abdomen. She scooted away from my chest then, going under the covers. I felt my pants get pulled down, and her warm mouth wrapped around my member. The suction of her mouth felt heavenly, and I quickly became twitchy, releasing my liquids into her mouth. She took them in and swallowed them, breathing heavy as she did. I could feel her hands on my hips, following my gentle thrusts, and her mouth was sucking and repositioning as I went. I finished and she slid off of me, licking my tip at the end. She pulled my pants back up, and I reached down to adjust as she did. 

 

Her head popped up from the covers, and she drank a bit of water from my nightstand before laying back down beside me. She kissed my neck, and left hickeys behind also. I pulled her back to my mouth, once again sliding my tongue into hers. She tasted different now from me, but she still tasted so good. I would forever crave her and her body, and her ways. I loved her in so many different ways, and each and every one of them was amazing. She might not think that, but I did. I felt her legs curl around me, holding on to every last part of this moment. I played with her hair, and traced her ear with my finger as she laid back on my chest. 

 

"Love? Do you want something to eat?" I spoke into her ear. 

 

"Okay, if you want to." 

 

I kissed her once more, holding her face. I pulled her up with me, carrying her to the couch where I set her down, with a blanket. I made tea and toast, and we ate on the couch. I fed the cat too, and it came and cuddled with us as we watched old episodes of Star Trek, and drank numerous cups of tea. Olivia was lying over my lap as an episode finished, with her head on a pillow, and my hands were on her stomach. I was admiring her face instead of watching the show, when she looked up at me. 

 

"Stop staring, bugger," she pushed at my face as she talked and I laughed at her, grabbing her hand. 

 

"No, I don't want to, I like it too much." She laughed and gabbed at my stomach, but kissed my arm that was close to her. 

 

"Lets go out tomorrow okay?" I said. She looked up and shrugged her shoulders. 

 

"Sure love, we can." 

 

I had been scrounging through the numerous sketchbooks laid out on the kitchen table, and had found numerous pages that I liked, and I wanted a trip to the tattoo shop to see Kevin, and I knew exactly what I was getting. I had torn the picture out of her sketchbook but she didn't know. Tomorrow she would, and tomorrow it would be added to my body, forever with me. 

 

 

\-------------

 

Olivia's POV

 

Both of us slipped into hoodies and boots, and ventured out into the snowy streets of London. It was snowy, but sunny and warm still. Ed had his hand covering mine as we walked into the warm tattoo shop. The usual greetings followed when we came in now, Ed was a good friend of Kevin, always hugging him and being like brothers. Ed had visited a lot while I was sick, and couldn't stand, but when I could I would go along with him. It was usually short visits though, but this one I could tell was going to be longer. I saw Ed stuff a piece of paper into his jeans pocket before we left, and I was curious to what it was he was going to get done. 

 

"Alright, Ed your up today, right?" 

 

"Yeah mate, lets talk about this." 

 

Kevin nodded and Ed took a seat down on the chair that was out for him. I sat on his lap when he patted it, and he wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his head on my shoulder. Kevin opened the picture up, and smiled at Ed. 

 

"This is really good, I can't wait to do it. Now, should the misses know?" 

 

I felt Ed shake his head no, and I looked at him over my shoulder. 

 

"Why not?"

 

"Secret, don't worry, you'll like it." 

 

I rolled my eyes and leaned back on him. Kevin was turned from us and was tracing out the tattoo for Ed's arm. Whatever he had behind his back was going to sit on his left upper bicep, but on the inside of it, close to his body, almost hidden from view. Kevin finished up the stencil and Ed and I stood up so that Ed could lay on the bed. I sat on the chair again, and wheeled myself over to Ed's right side so I could hold his hand through it. 

 

He held my hand but never squeezed as the needles and ink penetrated his skin. The black ink soaked into him, forming little letters. He distracted me from watching what the letters formed, talking to me and kissing me as Kevin did his work. Ed was extremely calm as he was getting tattooed, it was like he would just nap right then as it was being done. Kevin finished and revealed the fresh ink to us. Ed's skin was red and puffy, but the quote stuck out as clear as day. My eyes watered as I read each letter. 

 

"It's how I tell myself, that I love me."

 

It was a line I wrote a long time ago, back when I was about 17. I had written it in a sketchbook and forgot about it, but somehow Ed found it. I knew why he got that on his skin, it was because he knew that I forgot to love myself sometimes. He knew about all the self harm and the harsh comments I used to describe myself. He had a part of me with him all the time now, and it was perfectly me. I saw him everyday, and he would remind me to love myself. He kissed me then, taking my breath away like it was the first time he kissed me. 

 

"I love you so much and I always want you to love you too." he whispered. 

 

My eyes watered on his shoulder, but I kept the tears in when Kevin's voice broke through. 

 

"I take that it's good."

 

"Yeah mate, it's perfect, thanks so much man!" Ed was beaming at the fresh ink, and had a twinkle in his eye. 

 

"Come here love, lay down." Ed said as he slipped off the bed and then he patted it. I was cautious of his plan, but I laid down anyways, trusting my fiancé. I heard the sound of him slipping on a pair of rubber gloves, and then my shirt was being raised up to expose my hip bone. 

 

"Hey wait, what are you doing?" I looked down to Ed with a stencil in his hand, pressing it down onto my skin on my hip bone. 

 

"Trust me."

 

"Ugh." I laid my head back down and heard Kevin talking to Ed, "Okay, and then you go like this, okay?" 

 

I could feel two sets of hands on my body, and squeezed my eyes shut as I heard the machine start up. Ed's warmth radiated through the gloves, and I could feel it on my skin. The gun hit my skin and rattled off my hip bone. I breathed in a sharp gasp at the pain, but was determined to lay through it. Ed took his time doing his work, and my hip bone was on fire by the end. It was a gentle burning all throughout the tattoo by the end, and it felt more like a nuisance than anything. Ed finished and wiped away the excess ink. He pulled me up, and I looked down at my hip to see what had been created down there. A little black paw print staired up at me, and I smiled at it. It matched the one that Ed had on his arm, amongst his other tattoos. 

 

"Awwe, Ed, you're so amazing, I love you. You did such a good job love!" I grabbed him around his waist and we cuddled each other in the shop for a moment. We were both cleaned and covered by Kevin, and a big smile was plastered on my face. We wandered the streets of London, and had Nando's for dinner. It was dark really early, so we went up to the rooftop of the restaurant to the couch, and cuddled while looking at the sky. Ed's mitten-covered hands warmed my red cheeks, as we turned on a little heater for some amount of warmth. I could feel myself warming up a bit, and I laughed as Ed rubbed back and forth on my face before picking me up and placing me on his lap, while my legs snaked around his torso, so we were facing each other. I kicked my boots off so I was just in my sock feet, but my toes didn't get cold because they were squished in-between Ed and the sofa. Ed's breath showed in the cold, and his skin was paler and his cheeks red from the night. We were laughing though, about nothing but being cold, and it was lovely. I put my hands into the pocket of my pul-over hoodie, and pulled out two hats. Mine was my LIGHTS toque, and I pulled out a blue toque for Ed. His little red hairs stuck out of the bottom, but his eyes ignited with the colour of the hat. 

 

He smiled and flicked his eyes up and down, from my lips to my eyes, asking for permission like he always did. He held my back while I held his face in my mittens, and his cold lips pressed onto mine. I smiled against him, and he smiled back. I felt the ring on my finger, a certain buzz came with it. I was excited to marry him. 

 

"Ed," I said as I leaned my forehead up against his, "We should have a winter wedding."

 

"That sound absolutely perfect and stunning," he said. 

 

"We would have a year to plan it then, make it right, you know? I think that'd be a good idea." 

 

"Yeah, it sounds perfect. Lets do it. Lets make a date right now." 

 

He slipped his phone out of his pocket, and laid his mittens onto my lap. His fingers got redder as he flicked through the calendar on his phone. 

 

"What about January 11th? It's a Saturday, after the holidays, everyone would be calmed down and we could get married then. We could fly your parents out and it'd be perfect." 

 

"I'd marry you any day, but January 11th sounds perfect to me." I said while sliding his phone out of his hands and into mine. I pressed a few buttons and typed in, "Wedding day," into the calendar. I looked up as I pressed, "Save," and saw a huge smile come across Ed's face. It was set then, the countdown was on.

 

We cuddled and looked at the stars for a few more hours until I was sleepy and we were both cold. We stood up then and I slipped my freezing boots back on for the walk home. As we walked through the city, snow started to gently fall around us. It was all over our clothes and toques by the time we reached the buildings door, and I got my key out. It melted into our hoodies once we were inside, and a chilly wetness came over us. The clothes were dropped to the floor inside our flat, and were replaced by pj tops and track pants and blankets over us on the mattress. We cuddled close together, our hands still cold despite wearing mittens. Soft, loving words were whispered into only our ears, and so were the softest kisses on the planet. Eventually we warmed up and pants were taken off, along with Ed's shirt, so that our temperature remained warm, but not hot. 

 

Ed's hands ran up and down my back, tracing the scars of both accidents, and he hummed softly in my ears. He pulled my face up to his when he felt my eyelashes flutter shut on his chest. I didn't open my eyes, I just let his lips explore mine, even though they knew each other already. His thumb traced across my eyes and nose, and he covered me up so I could sleep. I fell asleep in the safety of his arms, not wanting to be anywhere else. The snow fell outside, but we were safe in our bed.  

 

 

\------------

 

Ed's POV

 

Her eyes were shut loosely in the morning light. I could hear her breathing, and my vision saw her pale skin. Her lashes were still dark from the previous day's makeup, mildly smeared from sleeping. Her hair fell all over her and her pillow, and it slipped under the duvet. I could see her white sleeping shirt covering her shoulders, watching the rise and fall of her chest while she slept soundly. She was close to me, I had my arms wrapped around her warm torso. Her back muscles moved ever so softly, and her lips were plump on her face, while her neck was beautifully arched to her jaw. I could feel her legs tangled in mine, smooth and creamy, milky white like the rest of her. I touched her soft face with one of my rough fingertips, feeling the layer of makeup on her skin. She pushed herself into the pillow at my touch, and wiggled under the covers to get closer to me. Her forehead rested on my chest, and her chilly nose pressed up against me. She sighed and her breath gave me shivers. I held her tight in my arms, cradling her body and head. My chin rested on the top of her head, and I never wanted to move. I smiled in the morning light, letting this perfect moment happen. I felt her legs curl tighter around mine, and I could feel her eyelashes flicking on my skin. I looked down as she moved a bit, and I saw her rubbing around her eyes. 

 

"Good morning love." 

 

"Mmmmmmm, good morning." 

 

Her eyes were red and dry from sleeping with her makeup on, and I could see little flakes of mascara under her eyes. I pulled her chin up and kissed her firmly, before rolling out of bed and into the bathroom. 

 

I knew where all of her stuff was, I memorized it quickly when I moved in. Pulling the packet of makeup removing wipes down, I smiled at the thought of her snuggled in the covers again. I walked back to the bed and got back into the warmth of the covers. I pulled out a wipe and Olivia closed her perfectly blue eyes. I gently rubbed away the old makeup, revealing her light eyelashes and pale skin. Her eyes popped open and I rubbed away the black smears under her eyes. She looked up to me and smiled as I went. I was careful, and revealed her natural face again. I loved her both ways, with or without makeup. She was always beautiful, even when she thought she wasn't. 

 

She smiled and flicked her eyes down to my lips, and sealed hers to mine. I felt her warmth again and it was lovely. 

 

It was going to be short lived though. Tomorrow we were both scheduled to play a show, along with interviews. It was back to work tomorrow, and I really didn't want to leave this moment. Olivia must have seen my expression change, because she pulled me in and whispered, "Don't worry, we'll make it through," and reassured me that it would be okay. I was still nervous though. Olivia hadn't been on stage or in an interview in a long time. I knew questions would come up, and I wouldn't be there to help her through. I would be stuck in another interview, counting down the minutes to when I saw her again. I hated being away from her, but I had to trust that she would be okay. She was a strong lady, my lady. She denied everything when she was shot, she didn't die, she stuck around, even though someone wanted her dead. 

 

We would be able to do this, rumours and accidents and everything else, we would make it through. 

 

\--

 

The next day came, and we got up early and out the door. I carried both our guitars and we were loaded into a van. Olivia looked magnificent, in a blue dress with thick tights on. She had on light makeup but with her thick eyeliner and lashes, her eyes really stood out. We eventually hit the venue, and we had to separate for our interviews. I went up to a room, and Olivia stayed in the theatre section. There was a window and I could see Olivia talking to an interviewer, and she looked fairly relaxed. I wanted to know what he was asking though, wether it was personal or not, or about her music or what she was going to play tonight. I was asked to sit down, and my own interview started. 

 

The interviewer asked all the general questions, about my music, about my show, and just when I thought I was in the clear, Olivia popped up in his questions. 

 

"So, about the accident that happened, and you being the closest to her, how did you two handle it, and hows it going between you two? You're always bombarded with people asking questions, so how do you get through? Is it stressful on your relationship?"

 

"Um, well, we're really private people, and we're very close. We made it through and everything is good between us."

 

"Hows Olivia with her self harm?"

 

"I don't think she would want me to talk about it to anyone." 

 

"Oh, so she still struggles with it?"

 

I was getting defensive and frustrated with this guy now, how dare he suspect anything about her? 

 

"Look, Olivia tells people what she wants to about herself, and I respect that about her. I don't want anymore questions about her and self harm. We work through what comes up, and we are very much in love. We are getting married, and thats all you need to know." 

 

The interviewer looked shocked as I stood up from the table and walked out the room. Everyone parted for me, clearly sensing I was upset. I barged into my green room, and sat down on the couch, completely ignoring who was in the room and who wasn't. I closed my eyes and leaned back into the couch. I felt the fabric press down near me, and a familiar hand grabbed mine. I felt her hand in my hair, and her head was on my shoulder. 

 

"Olivia, they asked about you, they just want everything, I'm sorry it has to be like this." 

 

"Darling, it's okay, I know they ask, because they ask me too. You don't have to say anything you don't want to, I can answer the questions about me, and you can answer the ones about you. Don't be upset, they're just trying to do their job."

 

She was the voice of reason, and she was right. We were together and a few questions shouldn't pull on us or affect us. I would have to get used to it, people were interested in my life, and in Olivia's. It would be like this, all the time, unless we were at home or in the studio. 

 

She kissed my lips, and stood up from the couch. I let her hand go, still feeling mildly deflated from the interview. I opened my eyes, and watched her make nutella and toast for us, along with tea. We just had to soundcheck and play the gig now, so we watched movies until it was time to go on. I could see the nerves on Olivia's face before she was about to go on. Her guitar was around her body, and she was picking at the strings. I touched her hand and she looked at me, putting on a bit of a smile. I took her and kissed her over her guitar, when her name was introduced to the crowd. 

 

I saw her walk on stage, and as she began her first song, she relaxed and fell into the music. Through her performance she told little stories and reasons why she wrote a song, or how she was inspired to write it. 

 

She was on her last song, and was speaking before she played it. 

 

"Now, this next song is really personal to me, and I know that a lot has happened to me lately, but I'm still here, and so are you guys, and that makes me really happy. This song is about self harm, and a lot of people know that I lose myself sometimes and cut my skin away. But, I want you to know, that if you feel low or hurt or bullied, you can come to me and tell me, you know, tweet me or anything, just tell me how you feel and I'll listen, because I've been there, and thats what this is about. It's about getting help from someone who loves you, no matter who that is, wether its your mom or your dad, your best friend or the one you love the most. Tell someone, they can help you. This song, is called Red Ink, and it goes like this." 

 

She started the chords, and sang the words out, letting herself be seen to the crowd, 

 

_"tattooed myself_

_yesterday_

_red ink_

_with a razor blade_

 

_hid it under my clothes_

_never let anyone know_

_hid the pain_

_as i watched it rain_

 

_oh you don't see my underneath_

_you see my teeth_

_when i laugh just to keep you sain_

_i hold in myself_

_to keep you awake_

 

_i laid down_

_let the water run through me_

_you didn't hear_

_can't see tears in the rain_

 

_i stay away from you_

_don't let you hear the words_

_just so you won't worry_

_and call my name_

 

_oh you don't see my underneath_

_you see my teeth_

_when i laugh to keep you sain_

_i hold in myself_

_to keep you awake_

 

_don't look at me_

_don't tell me I'm pretty_

_my naked body tells stories_

_of lost nights_

_and broken lights_

 

_tattooed myself_

_yesterday_

_red ink_

_with a razor blade_. "

 

Everyone was silent by the end of the song, and Olivia held her wrist up. She showed everyone the marks on her wrist, and slowly but surely, more and more hands came up from the audience. People were showing their scars too, and it was beautiful. Someone screamed out, "Thank you for saving me," and people started cheering. Olivia was smiling and spoke into the microphone. 

 

"Wear these proudly, and make sure to help people with their own troubles. No one deserves to die from someone hating on them or from feeling low. The fact that your here means that you've been given the chance to help someone else out. Ed helped me a few weeks ago battle myself, and he brought me back to who I was before. I want to take that and spread it across the world, and help people with self harm and hurt. Will you help too?"

 

The crowd screamed at her, and she smiled. 

 

"If you go home tonight, and send one loving message to someone who needs it, then you will have helped. You will make a difference, and it'll be for the good. I'm going to let Ed come out now, but please, come and say hello at the end, I'd love to meet you all. Thank you for listening." 

 

She came off stage and kissed me and hugged me. 

 

"Thank you for saving me. You just saved so many people."

 

 

\---------

 

Ed's POV

 

We went out after I played, and there was a lot of people to see us. We decided to stay together and see each fan at the same time. Because we weren't going anywhere tomorrow, we stayed as late as we could, filling a bin with things for each of us. There were a lot of fans who showed Olivia their scars, that were like hers, and she listened to each of their stories, and told them that they were beautiful, and hugged them tight. She was the sweetest human being alive, and I loved her so deeply. A lot of people wanted to see her ring, and she showed it off to everyone. They would look at me and smile, telling me I did a good job. I would laugh, knowing that they would never know what she meant to me. We got back to the apartment, and I brought the bin up with us, and set it down in front of the couch. Olivia undressed as she walked to the bedroom, making me curious. I followed her, but stopped in the doorway. With her dress on it looked like she was just wearing regular tights on, but it was revealed that she was wearing a lacy garter belt, hooked onto tights with matching lace trim. Her bra matched, and she stretched as she turned to face me. 

 

She walked up to me, and I did everything I could to not pounce on her. I traced my hands down her sides, loving her body. She whispered in my ear, 

 

"I think we should go on tour soon." 

 

I smiled, and just nodded, not trusting my voice. Her hands were resting on my chest, and she let them slide down as she walked away, unclipping her bra and letting it drop to the floor. She unhooked the suspender part of her tights, and slid them off, leaving them behind. I just watched her back move as she did, swimming in her beauty. I saw her underwear and belt slip off her hips, letting a white bottom show. She sat on the edge of the bed, and slid into the covers, rolling over to face me, putting her arm onto the duvet. She looked at me, her eyes waiting for my next move. 

 

I slid my own clothes off of my head and legs, leaving me in my own boxers, which I slipped out of while climbing into the covers. Her body was chilly as it hit mine, but it was still soft. She wrapped her legs around my torso, and I could feel her wet on my belly. I reached down and slipped two fingers into her, with the easy access she was giving me. I made her groan and cum into my hands, with her body wiggling on top of mine as we switched positions. Little kisses down my neck with her lips were driving me insane. I reached down to my own member, and slipped on a condom. I was barely finished when she sat herself onto me, making my hips buck at the suction on me. She worked slowly, but perfectly. She breathed heavy, and so did I, until we both came at the same time, colliding into a puddle on the bed. It felt lovely, having her back, having everything I wanted. She came off of me, and pulled away the condom too. She never left my body, holding onto me the whole time. It was like we were magnets, always stuck to each other. I held her tight, and she wrapped around me, holding on. 

 

"Tonight was perfect, I love you so much." She whispered in my ears. I nuzzled into her, soaking her in. 

 

"Don't thank me, you're perfect the way you are. I couldn't ask for anything more." She smiled and hugged me tighter. She rolled over off of me then, and looked me in the eyes, with a smile on her face. I followed all her movements, until we settled and fell asleep, each body intertwined with the other. 

 

We awoke the next morning, face to face, arms around each other. It was cold in the room, and Olivia's cold hands were on my chest. Her cold lips kissed above her hands, before she got out of bed, putting on one of my t-shirts that was on the floor. I heard her stereo turn on, and some indie band she listens to started playing out. I walked out of the room, finding pants and some underwear as I went. 

 

I could see that she had found underwear herself, when I lifted her shirt up a bit to rub the jelly-like cream on her fresh tattoo. I took the old plastic off her hip, and replaced it with new stuff, while swaying and humming in her ear to the music. She made tea and sang while she let me touch her, without any resistance. We drank from the same mug, a big one she had bought one day. The tea was left on the counter in the bathroom as we showered together, wiping Olivia's face clean, and washing her hair so it was long and flowey as she dried it. I sat on the toilet and let her do my hair too, she dried it and flat ironed all the curls out. I closed my eyes at her touch, as she smeared the V05 wax into my ginger hair. 

 

She fixed her bangs, making them sweep across her forehead, and pulled on some clothes happily. Today was a good day, and I loved seeing her happy. I picked up a guitar off the floor of the bedroom and followed her playing silly things to her. We ended up on her snowy balcony, and I dropped the guitar on the floor, stepping outside into the winter world, just singing to her. I grabbed the railing on either side of her, whispering in her ear, "Lets get out of here." Picking her up, I ran out of the apartment, down the stairs and outside into the cold. We were both wearing our shoes from being on the balcony, so I set her down into the snow. I pulled two hats out of my hoodie pockets, that I stuffed in before. One was Olivia's knitted cow hat, and mine was my blue toque. We put them on, along with some mittens from Olivia's pockets. We walked down the snowy streets, kicking snow at each other and occasionally throwing snowballs at each other. We ended up in the park again, and I was saying silly things to Olivia, when she pushed me into a snowbank. I pulled her with me, while I was laughing, and we both ended up in the snow. 

 

"We should go ice skating." She said, looking up at the sky. 

 

"Yeah we should." 

 

"Do you have ice skates?"

 

"Umm, no, do you love?"

 

"I don't think so, I never brought them with me."

 

"Come on then, lets get some then." 

 

I pulled her up out of the snow, and we wandered looking for a shop that would sell skates. We found one, and started looking at all the skates. Olivia pulled a pair down, and sat down to try them on. I kneeled down and slipped her shoe off. I looked up to her blushing face, smiling down at me. I laced up the skates, slipping the laces through the holes as I went. 

 

"Do they fit?" 

 

"Yeah I think so, I like them, they're cute." 

 

"Okay, help me then."

 

We looked through the shelves until we found a pair for me. I laced them up, not making her get down to do mine for me. I had to try a couple pairs until we found a good pair. We bought both pairs and headed for the skating rink that was in the park. I once again slipped on Olivia's pair, and laced up the hockey skates onto her tiny feet, pulling her jeans over them. I put my own on and stood up. I hadn't skated in a long time, and slipped a bit when I first stepped on the ice. Olivia wasn't much better, falling down right away. She pouted when I laughed, but I pulled her up. We got into a rhythm, remembering how to skate again. We slid around on the ice, when Olivia leaned into me and started talking. 

 

"Look, we're not alone," she pointed to a tree and you could see a man with a camera hiding behind it. 

 

"That's lovely," I said as we slowed down and the man stood up. 

 

"Do you mind if we take some pictures?" He yelled out. 

 

"I feel you already have, so does it really matter now?" I yelled back. The guy bit his lip, "It's okay, you can take a couple I guess," I said looking down at Olivia. She shrugged her shoulders and pulled her hoodie a little straighter. We skated a little closer to the edge as a few more photographers came out and lined up along the edge of the pond. Olivia hugged her arms around me, and I held her shoulder, and smiled a bit for the camera. I wasn't really angry or anything, just a little annoyed at them interrupting. Olivia didn't seem that way, she smiled and giggled at being out in the open. 

 

"Can we see your ring?" One man yelled out, so Olivia pulled off her mitten to reveal the diamond. She held her hand out and the cameras went off. They finished up and waved and disappeared into the snowy park, off to stalk someone else. 

 

"Crisis averted?" I said to Olivia, making her laugh. 

 

"Just as long as they don't creep my window I'm okay with it." We laughed, and held hands while skating again. 

 

We skated for a long time, until we were tired and so we went to a shop and got hot chocolate and ate cookies. 

 

 

 

\-------------------

 

Olivia's POV

 

"Okay, so you have a photoshoot tomorrow right? But that won't take all day?" Ed asked me as we were eating cookies in the small coffee shop.

 

"Yeah, I'll probably be done at like, 2? I have to be there for 9."

 

"Okay, I'll pick you up cause I have a surprise."

 

"Okay, you know where to find me and everything?"

 

"Yeah, I saw the papers."

 

"Okay, lets go then?" I asked, and he stood up taking my mug and placing it in the bin for dirty dishes. I slipped my hat back on and we went back out into the cold. It was getting windy due to it getting later in the day, so we hurried home. A few people stopped us for pictures when we were walking, and we signed CD's and posters even though it was freezing. All of our fans were so dedicated and sweet, I was thankful to have them. I think Ed wanted to be alone sometimes though, he would get a little crabby on occasion. We made it back to the apartment, with the cat wanting to love us. All three of us snuggled up on the couch, and I remember Ed picking me up and putting me in bed. 

 

\-- 

 

I woke up early, my phone buzzing somewhere in the apartment. I could hear the alarm ringing out, and I slipped out of Ed's arms to get ready to go. I could hear Ed shuffling in the blankets at the loss of my warmth, so I put a pillow in front of him and his little hands wrapped around it like he would with me. He settled, and I walked into the living room pulling the ringing phone out of a pile of clothes on the floor. The screen blared up at me as I slid the phone to make it stop. I went to the bathroom then, switching on a hot shower. It felt good at 730 in the morning, letting the heat sink into my body and wake me up. I was instructed to not worry about my hair or makeup, it would all get done at the shoot I had to do this morning. I slid on a hoodie and some pants and headed out the door, kissing Ed on the temple before getting out the door, with my phone in hand. Thankfully it wasn't too cold, but my wet hair still sent shivers up and down my back. 

 

The warm studio was inviting, with a few people scattered about. A makeup artist, hairstylist, and a clothing stylist helped me get ready, while the photographer talked to me a bunch. He was really nice, and we shared a few laughs. There were about three racks of clothing, and I tried on numerous outfits until the photographer was happy with the outfit. It was a long white dress, with a fitted top, with a scoop neck and sleeves that hit at about my elbow. The bottom of the dress was white tool, flowing all over the floor. It was gorgeous, almost like a wedding dress. I still hadn't found one I liked, but that was okay because I still had a really long time before the wedding. With help I went onto the set, and sat down on a big couch that was covered with toys and keyboards and guitars. My hair was fixed a bit, being pinned on my head in pretty curls. My bangs swept across my face, and my makeup made my eyes pop out, with false lashes and thick eyeliner. I was passed a beat up guitar, and was told to just act like I normally would with a guitar. I fiddled around with it, as the photographer snapped numerous shots of me. I was passed different items as the shoot went on, and I ended up switching outfits about four times too. There was some retro looks, some dresses, and a skin tight yellow leotard. It was the last one, paired with massive high heels, that were bright pink. My lips were painted pink too, and I made faces at the camera as Ed walked in to see me. 

 

I watched his eyes scan my body, clearly excited by the outfit, he never saw me like this. I was passed a cupcake, and ate it seductively. Ed's eyes flicked from me to the computer screen on the table when the pictures popped up. He was smiling, when the photographer declared that he was finished, and he asked Ed if he wanted to go in the shots for fun. He came up to me in his jeans and hoodie, a clear contrast between me and him. I was also much taller than him now, with the high heels giving me an advantage. I kissed all over his face, leaving a trail of pink lips marks on his face. As I went he turned his face to the camera and the photographer took pictures. Another cupcake got involved, and I fed it to Ed while making faces myself at the camera. I was asked to lay down on the couch, and for Ed to hold my legs and lean over me. I stuck my tongue out at his face when he leaned over me, kneeling on the couch, in-between my legs. It was his turn to kiss me, and I could hear the camera going off and the few people in the room watched as Ed worked down my jaw and my neck. The photographer stopped taking shots and stood up, clearly happy with the work he had done today. I pushed Ed up and laughed at him. He was all gooey from the lipstick on his face, but it was cute. He got up and pulled me with him. My makeup was taken off, and I pulled my limbs out of the stretchy leotard, and pulled my hoodie back over my head. I walked out of the dressing room, and everyone was gawking at the photos on the computer. I looked too, and it was weird because they didn't even look like me. They were me, but in a different way. I felt this way with all the photoshoots I had to do, like, _Is that actually me?_

 

I touched Ed's hand, gently pulling on his pinkie. 

 

"Stop peaking you," I said with a giggle. The other people looked up then, and shook my hand and said their goodbyes. 

 

Ed and I walked outside, to a waiting car. 

 

"You're beautiful you know," Ed said as he opened the door and helped me get into the car. I looked him in the eyes and blushed as I sat down and scooted to the far side of the car to let him in too. 

 

"Stop it silly," I said before kissing him. The car took off, clearly being preplanned by Ed. 

 

"Where are we going?" I asked. 

 

"You'll see, I told you, it's a surprise." Ed smiled at me as he talked, holding my hand. We drove for about ten minutes when we pulled into a driveway of a little house. Ed leaned over to my face, whispering in my ear, 

 

"Welcome home love." 

 

I lit up when I realized what he had done. He bought a house for us. I was excited and jumped out the door. 

 

"Ed, seriously?! It's so cute and perfect, thank you so much, I love you so much." I said as I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him in the snow. I ran up to the door, with Ed behind watching me act like a school kid. 

 

"Open it Ed!" I said as he made his way to the door, slipping the key in the lock. He pushed the door open, looking at my expression. My jaw dropped open at the little house, as I stepped inside. 

 

It was an open concept house, with a couch and living room area to the right, and a table sat behind the couch, forming a dining room area. A bathroom was off of the dining room, with a sink and toilet, and kitty litter for the cat. On the opposite side was the kitchen, with an island and stove and sink and everything. The back portion of the house was our bedroom, with a massive mattress under a window. We had our own bathroom off of our bedroom, with a separate shower and bath, a sink, and a toilet. There was a window in the bathroom, so when you would take a bath you could look out. All the floors were hardwood, except for our bedroom that was a creamy carpet. The backyard had a pool and a deck, and there was a little shed too. Ed led me out to it from our bedroom, and revealed that it wasn't a shed at all. It was a recording studio he had made for both of us. I was shocked at the little area he made specifically so we could be creative. I hugged him tight and snuggled my face into his neck. I smiled and thanked him numerous times. It was cold so we went back inside the house, and Ed showed me that off of the living room was a big deck, connecting with the front porch. There was a table and chairs, the whole thing was amazing. Some things were already in the house, like a bed, table, couch and tv, but we would have a lot of moving in to do. I looked at him as we snuggled on the couch a little bit, and I kissed his lips hard.

 

"I can't believe you had this up your sleeve and didn't let out any secrets at all. I love you so much, I can't even believe this." 

 

"It's all for you love, every piece of it, so we can live together and be happy." 

 

He squeezed me hard, soaking up the moment, clearly happy too. He kissed my ring while looking at me and smiling. 

 

We had to leave though, leave our little private spot to go back to our apartment and eat and pack a bit. We got back in the kid, Ed now feeding off my excited kid-like energy, and he smiled all the way back to our old home. We ate fajitas and drank tea and watched, "The Avengers," until I stood up and looked around the small flat. 

 

"We have a lot to move Ed." He looked around too. 

 

"Yeah we do but we'll get it all over there, don't worry." He gave me a reassuring smile, clearly sensing I was overwhelmed already. I would have to pack all my clothes, all my pictures on my wall, all my sketchbooks and book shelves, all the dishes and guitars, everything. I felt Ed tugging on my hand to go to bed, jolting me out of my brain. I followed him to the bedroom, listening to his words when he started talking under the covers. 

 

"Don't worry about moving being a big deal, just savour the last moments we have here, okay? Moving will be fun, it won't be hard. It's okay." He smiled at me and held my hand tight. I smiled back and nodded, leaning in to kiss him. 

 

 

\--------------------

 

Olivia's POV

 

Over the next few weeks we moved all our stuff into the new house. Pictures of us were stuck up onto walls in our bedroom, clothes were hung up, dishes placed in the cabinets. It was December twentieth, and we were cuddled up on the couch, watching old kid movies. We didn't have a tree, but Ed had made a sort of present-tree, which I thought was lovely. We had strung up my lights from the apartment in our bedroom, and they would glow as we cuddled at night. 

 

I yawned in Ed's lap, and he flicked the TV off. He picked me and the blanket up that we were under, and carried me to our bedroom. We had the lights set up so that a switch would turn them on, and he flicked it with his finger. The room lit up perfectly, light bouncing off the glossy pictures on the walls. Ed hung up my old ribbons one day while I was grocery shopping, and I smiled at them on the wall. He laid me down on the thick duvet we had gotten, the bed was bigger here than the one in my apartment, but I liked it. I was already in pj pants and a shirt, so Ed just slipped my bra off from under my shirt, tossing it in the hamper. He pulled the covers over me, tucking me in like a child. He slid his shirt off leaving him in his trackies and boxers, and snuggled close to me under the covers. I pulled them over his body, getting closer to him at the same time. I could feel the cold from the window above us, softly cooling the room just enough. The light shone through the window and you could see that it was snowing again. 

 

I drifted in and out of sleep and kisses from Ed as he hummed to me, slipping in words here and there. I eventually felt him get up and turn off the lights, kissing me once more on my forehead, and sleeping himself then. 

 

\-- 

 

I woke up to a gentle strumming noise far away from me. I could hear it getting closer but I kept my eyes shut and wiggled a little bit. My legs were stretched out and I could feel the bed depress around them as the strumming was coupled with soft singing. I could feel the bed moving as Ed crawled up my body higher and higher while playing his guitar and singing, "Lego House," to me. He was up on my torso now, when I opened my eyes to him smiling at me while he played. He set his guitar down onto my body, and I could feel the vibrations through me. I smiled back at him, and he threw his guitar on the blanket beside me, laying on top of me, kissing me sweetly. I placed my hands on his face, soaking in everything through him. He had a t-shirt on, his trackies still, and a pair of socks. His beard was growing in a little bit, making him look older rather than younger. He pulled up off me, leaving me wanting more of his lips. He looked gorgeously masculine sitting atop me, with messy hair and the perfect clothes. He held my hands in his, warm and loving. 

 

"Come here." He said as he pulled me up and out of bed by my hands. I could hear the stereo playing throughout the house, but it wasn't loud in the bedroom. I knew he had put on the album, "Uncaged," by the Zac Brown Band because I loved it from back in Canada. I could smell pancakes in the air, and I saw them on the table, with maple syrup, even though Ed didn't like it, he knew I grew up on it. He sat me down, and wrapped a blanket around my shoulders, and we started eating. 

 

"These are sooooo good! Mmmmm, make these more often." I said. 

 

Ed laughed and spooned some into his mouth. 

 

"They are really good, aren't they? But a better thing to think about is what were going to do today."

 

"I thought we had a meeting with Stuart?" I asked, confused. 

 

"It's snowed so much last night he can't get into town, and neither can we, so, were snowed in." He looked at me and grinned, quite happy with staying home. 

 

"But he did call and said that we have to go to this ball slash dinner thing on the thirtieth, which means dresses and suits my lady." 

 

He scrunched up his nose at having to wear a suit, but I just smiled and picked up his plate since he seemed finished. 

 

"I like you in a suit. You're all handsome and stuff, not that you aren't now." I said while kissing him and walking to the sink in the kitchen. His lips were sticky and buttery, but I could still taste him through his messy eating. I peered out the kitchen window while putting the dishes in the sink. It had snowed a lot last night, probably about two feet. 

 

"We should make a snowman." Ed said from the table, licking his lips getting the stickies off. 

 

"I haven't made one in years," I said, laughing at his idea. I heard his chair slide out from the table, and his jacket ruffling when he picked it up. I heard him coming up behind me as I washed the plates and placed them in the rack on the counter. I was smiling as he put my jacket on my shoulders and wiped my hands with a tea towel. I pushed them through the sleeves while turning around to zip up Ed's jacket. I slid the zipper up to his chin, but he pulled it back down a bit anyways. I zipped my own up and stepped into my boots that Ed was holding at my feet. I balanced myself with my hands on his strong shoulders, I could feel his muscles through his jacket. He put on his own boots and we stepped outside into the chilly day, feeling the cold through my pj pants. 

 

Ed immediately started rolling a snowball into the bottom half of our snowman. We had to reshape it a couple times, but eventually we had three, and Ed lifted them onto of each other, while I got a carrot and some rocks for a face. We put it all together with some stick arms, and it was quite impressive. It stood as about as tall as my smallish frame, and a it was a little shorter than Ed. I was looking at it, when a snowball hit my leg. I looked at Ed and he had a childish look on his face. I scooped up my own snowball and chucked it as hard as I could at him, but he ducked from it, and picked up more snow in the process, hitting me again with it, even though I was running from him. He was getting closer to me as I was throwing more snowballs at him, but he reached me and tackled me into the snow, attacking my face with kisses and spit. 

 

"Ed stop! No, ahhhhh, you're so gross!" I was yelling as he took control over me, holding me down. He suddenly stopped and looked down at me, smiling. 

 

"I love you."

 

"I love you too."

 

 

\-------------

 

Olivia's POV

 

I could feel that my pants were wet and cold, but I never wanted Ed to get off of me. His eyes were staring right into mine, and even though he had tackled me and I was out of breath from running, it was perfect. We were one, just there, in the moment, lying in the snow, kissing and smiling at each other. I could smell the sweet pancakes on his breath, along with his sleeping smell and some sweat. I could see every freckle on his cheeks, and his birthmark on his eye. I could see all the fibers of his hair and beard, each dimple on his cheek, his smile lines, and the colours mixed in his eyes. I let the visual sink in, and I felt like I was melting the snow around me because of the heat of my heart towards him. We were attached as souls, and I could never imagine anything more than that. I was happy as Ed traced his cold thumbs across my cheeks, soaking in my own skin. I didn't have to guess when I was with him, I never compared him to any past love, I just knew it was right, from the beginning. 

 

Ed leaned down, kissing my nose and holding onto my face. He trailed down to my mouth, hovering over my lips, breathing into my mouth, flicking his eyes from mine to my lips and back, finally sealing us together. It was a simple moment, but a perfect one. He wrapped his arms around my neck, pulling me up and kneeling in the snow over my legs. I hugged him tight, while keeping my lips on his. They were cold as ice, but filled with everything I wanted. We cuddled and kissed in front of our house, sheltered from everyone and everything. Ed kept me safe and sound, protected and loved, happy and grounded, and I loved every piece of him. My face was in his jacket, that was mildly smoky smelling, he must have smoked this morning I figured. I knew he smoked, and I didn't mind if he did it away from me, but if I saw him I would flick it away from him. I knew he would never stop, so I let him be usually. 

 

I was starting to shiver from being wet and cold, so Ed moved away from me and pulled me up off the ground. He grabbed my hand, and ran back in the house, turning up the music after throwing his boots off. I was laughing as he sung along with the music, peeling wet cloths off at the same time. They made sloppy noises on the floor, and so did mine. I found a cleanish blue tshirt, plaid button up shirt and a black hoodie for myself, and Ed put on a tshirt and a knit sweater from the closet of our bedroom. We both opted for jeans too, with slippers on our feet. The voice of Newton Faulkner floated throughout the house, and I stood up on the bed, while Ed stood in front of me holding me hands up, singing as loud as he could. He grabbed my thighs, and lifted me off the mattress. I held onto his hair as he ran around the house, laughing and singing, with a big smile on his face. He stopped and slid my face to his, and I wrapped my legs around his torso, while he held my back. I kept his face in my hands while I kissed him in the living room, pushing my tongue through his lips, completely wrapping myself around him. 

 

\--Ed's POV

 

I held her body close to mine, never wanting to let her go. It was a reckless day, nothing serious was going to happen, so we just overpowered each other and laughed like school kids. I didn't want to have any other girl in my arms, ever again. I wanted her to run away with me where we would never be found again, it would just be us doing whatever we wanted. 

 

I laid her body down on the sofa, and kissed her again. My lips were already getting sore from kissing so much but I didn't care. Her skin was like a drug to me. Soon enough I heard my phone beeping though, and I looked up over the couch to see where it was and if I could reach it from where I was. I couldn't so I let it be, knowing that it was just a text. I focused my attention back to Olivia, but it beeped again when I didn't answer it. I walked away from Olivia and picked up the glass phone and plopped on the sofa beside Olivia sighing as I did. Before I got a chance to look at the the texts it started ringing in my hand. I saw what the number was, and answered it. 

 

"Hey Stuart." 

 

"Hey mate, um, were you and Olivia out front a bit ago?"

 

"Um, yeah, how'd you know?"

 

"Paparazzi are hiding in your bushes Ed, they got pictures of you." 

 

My heart sank, I couldn't believe it. They found us, and only after a bit of being here. I thought we were safe, but we weren't. They saw what were doing, and were invading our privacy. 

 

"What do I do Stuart?"

 

"Just hang tight inside, okay? Were getting on it. I just wanted you to know, just so you don't do anything outside that you don't want anyone else seeing right now." 

 

"Okay, we will."

 

I hung up the phone and let my head fall back on the sofa. I felt Olivia's hand on my thigh, and I looked at her. 

 

"They found us love." I said. 

 

She just looked at me with kind eyes, and a gentle smile on her lips. She scooted over to me, and wiped under my eyes that were getting a little wet even though I didn't want to cry. 

 

"It's okay, don't cry, we'll sort this." She said quietly to me. 

 

"I just wanted this to be ours. I didn't want anyone to find us here, I just wanted a place where no one would bother us or see us. Where we could just do whatever we wanted and no one would know. I wish they would just leave us alone, they have us when we go out and stuff. I wish that was enough for them but they follow us and I hate that." 

 

She was hugging me as I talked, and I nuzzled my face into her shoulder, feeling her rubbing my back. I was upset that it happened, that the first real moment we were together at our house was stolen and would be shown to the world. I hated that they followed us around and showed other people our private moments at home. 

 

Olivia got up, and tugged at my hand a bit for me to go with her. I got up reluctantly, but followed her to the back bedroom, where she went to the bathroom and turned on the tub, getting it to fill up. She put bubbles in it, and started tugging at the bottom of my shirt. 

 

"Oliviaaaaaa. I don't want to. Mmmmmmmm."

 

"Mmmmmmm" she said as she pulled again at the hem. I put my arms up even though I just wanted to sleep, and my shirt popped off my head, but I kept my eyes closed. I wasn't the fittest guy around, and I wasn't one to take my shirt off. I heard Olivia's clothes hit the floor, and I felt her hands on my belt buckle and button of my jeans. They fell to the floor, and I rubbed my face before opening my eyes. I saw Olivia's thin frame sliding into the bubbly water, and she reached to turn off the tap. She looked at me, expectantly, so I slipped off my underwear, and slid in opposite to her. The water was nice, but I felt defeated. Our legs intertwined, and I held her calves beside me. She slid in close to me, wrapping around me, and started rubbing my back, small circles all over. She covered all of my muscles and down my thighs, until I relaxed into the bath water. She moved to my face then, massaging circles along my cheeks, and then replacing her fingers with her mouth, moving all over my nose and onto my lips. She sopped up all my worries and made everyone go away. I know it was early in the day, but I just wanted my bed now. I opened my shut eyes to Olivia getting up and grabbing a towel. She was still kind of self conscious about herself, you could tell. I wasn't much better though, hiding my tummy in a towel as I stood up too. I pulled the plug out of the tub, and stumbled to the bed. 

 

I laid face first on the mattress, with the towel covering my bum. I felt the bed move on the other side, and the shuffling of the covers indicating that Olivia had crawled under them, completely naked. I pushed the towel away from me, and climbed into the covers beside her. I grabbed her, touching as much of my skin as I could to her body. I felt a little better, and Olivia's skin was getting goosebumps. I played with the little hairs at the nape of her neck, and it made her shiver. I felt myself get an urge towards her, and I tried to mask it by wiggling a little bit, but still my member wasn't making it easy to hide my feelings, since it was pressing up against her tummy. She smiled on my neck, and traced her hand down my side. I got goosebumps all over my body, and nibbled on her neck skin a little bit. Her hand continued moving, over my bum, towards the front, finally tracing down my shank, making me relax and buck sideways a little bit. She smiled, and kept playing with me. I could feel myself dripping a little bit, not being able to hold on. 

 

I finally ripped her hand away from me, having enough. I was fired up now, and shoved two fingers into her hole, making her jump and reposition in the bed. She laid on her back, her legs spreading without control. It gave me all the access in the world to her, and she was wet. Soaking wet. I could feel the heat as I wiggled my fingers in her, hitting her g-spot numerous times. She was whimpering from it, not knowing where to put her hands, so I pulled my fingers out of her, leaving her heaving. I got up, finding something to tie her with. I rummaged through the closet, finding a belt. I got back on the bed, pulling the covers down and sitting on her hot body. I was leaking onto her belly, so I took her hands and tied them together behind her back, and then tied the belt around her waist, not letting her move. She was mine now, and she was calm, but her face was full of lust. I watched her while getting a condom and slipping it on, the sound of the rubber making her try and get to me with her feet. I held her still, making her wait. I held her for a moment, then inserted myself into her, while spreading her legs with my body. I didn't give her a chance to readjust before I started thrusting into her, making her wiggle and contort against the belt, and against my body. Her legs and feet dug into my back at the pleasure and she wimpered under me. I heard her make a indescribable sound before she relaxed and clenched around me. Her suction was unbelievable, but I held on until she had finished before letting myself go into the condom. It felt good doing it, it felt like this was really our home now. I pulled out of her, and released her from the belt. She instantly attached her body to mine again, sucking and biting down my neck, leaving marks. 

 

I held her tight in bed, and even if it was early, it felt late. It felt like a roller coaster actually, but a good one now, now that we had made this bed home. 

 

 

 

\-----------------

 

Olivia's POV

 

I felt myself still wrapped up in Ed's arms when I woke up. It was late now, the house blanketed in a darkness of night. We must have fell asleep, I rolled over out of Ed's arms, and could feel him searching for me. The loudly playing stereo was now blasting out some sort of Alt-J, I couldn't remember which song it was, but it was comforting anyways. The sound flowed in and out of the walls, making it feel homey and amazing. I could feel my hunger in my stomach, and a half decent amount of soreness from the previous engagements of the day. I stood up in the darkness, looking for a shirt to cover myself with. I found one of Ed's and threw it over my head, making my way to the kitchen to scrounge some sort of food for myself. All I found was a package of crackers and a few cans of ginger ale, so I sat on the couch and munched on my night time snack. I could hear Ed's footsteps coming behind me, and when he proped himself on the couch beside me he stole a swig from my pop can and a cracker from the package on my lap. 

 

"What time is it?" He asked. 

 

"I don't know, I was just hungry." 

 

"Mmmm, good point." 

 

He snuggled into me, pulling a blanket off the floor and onto us. He looked sleepy on the outside, but he was still just as awake and ready to go as he was before. He pulled me onto his lap, breathing into my ear and giving me goosebumps. He had only clothed himself in a pair of boxers, and I knew he knew that I had nothing on but his t-shirt. I could feel his hands under the blanket, inching towards me again. He had full control of me when I sat in his lap, so he pinned down my arms with his as he stuck a finger into me, cleary wanting me to react more than he himself getting pleasure. His pleasure was making me wiggle and contort on him, making me happy, but when he slipped in another finger, it didn't feel good, it hurt. 

 

"Ed stop, please, it hurts." 

 

He stopped moving his fingers and pulled out of me lighting fast, not wanting to hurt me. 

 

"Are you okay? Whats wrong?" He said quickly, being frightened that he had done something wrong. 

 

"It's okay, I'm just sore from before, you didn't do anything wrong, don't freak out okay? I just need time to not be sore anymore. Just be gentle, it's okay." 

 

He squeezed my thighs, stroking circles with his thumbs. A wave of tiredness came over me, and I let my head fall onto Ed's shoulder. He would run one of his thumbs over my folds once in a while, making me wiggle a little bit at the fun of his game. He could never be finished, he always wanted more, but that was okay with me. I was sucking the cracker bits out of my teeth, when Ed stood up with his hands under my thighs, letting me slid onto the floor, grabbing my bum as he went. The blanket dropped to the floor, and Ed walked back to the bedroom, leaving me there to stare at him. His body was a little chubby, but lovely. He looked comfy and cozy, with his bum being round and cute, down to his feet that were blessed with cute toes. His back had strong shoulders, up to that head of his. It was perfectly round, with his hair all over the place from the day spent in bed. 

 

He walked to his side of the bed, going out of view from me, but I saw him flick his underwear across the door frame, making me bit my lip. I followed him into the bedroom, taking off his shirt, making my hair trail down my back. I crawled into the bed with him, and he made short work of finding my lips and pressing his to mine. We couldn't go full out twice in one day, but that boy could kiss as long as he could. His tongue searched all of my mouth, running across my front teeth and under my top lip. He straddled my body, working over all of my scars and skin, down to my belly button. 

 

"Olivia," he said. 

 

"Yeah Ed?" I said in-between gasps for air from his movements. 

 

"You're amazing, in every way." 

 

I smiled at his comment, when he continued talking.

 

"I just don't know how you did it. I can't believe you couldn't see your beauty, I can't figure it out." 

 

"Ed, come here," I said, pulling his face up to mine, both my hands on his face, "I didn't know because no one told me. Actually the told me the opposite. They told me I wasn't good enough. And I heard it for a long time. I actually had a girl tease me for being skinny in public school. It's the first memory I have of being bullied for how I look. Ed, a lot of people pushed me down and I believed them, and then they left because they would see my cuts and think that I'm crazy, when it was them who started me into it."

 

I could feel Ed's eyes staring at me even though it was dark in the room. I felt his fingers trace along the feathers on my chest, the only cuts I did when I was with him. 

 

"Cut me." 

 

"What Ed?"

 

"Come, show me, please." 

 

"Ed I'm not cutting you, I can't."

 

"I want to feel it Olivia, I need to understand you, please, I get tattoos all the time, I can handle it." 

 

I felt his body come off of mine and off the mattress. The lights were flicked on, and the soft light fell on the room. Ed was climbing into a shirt along with his underwear again, while I sat up on my elbows with my mouth open at him. He saw me, and went to my face, 

 

"Please, just show me, you don't have to do it, just show what you did." 

 

"Ugh fine." 

 

I got up off the mattress, finding a pair of underwear and a hoodie of mine. I wrapped my hair up on my head, and went to the closet. I pulled out a box that went to every place I lived, and it was stuffed with memories, good and bad. I sat on the bed, and opened the box, digging to the bottom. I pulled out a kleenex, and dumped the contents inside of it onto the blanket. Ed sat on the other side, watching what fell out. 

 

A razor blade pulled from an old shaver, wrapped in tape to make a handle. 

A bottle of hand sanitizer. 

A bloody kleenex. 

 

"There, I would just clean the blade with the hand sanitizer, and clean my skin, then usually mark the outline with a sharpie, and then cut it out. It would bleed a lot, but I would just soak it up with a kleenex, and then put some bandaids on. It would heal up over a week and then scars would be left behind." 

 

I could see Ed looking at the things on the bed, then at the scars on my calf that were visible at the moment. 

 

"Olivia, lets get rid of it."

 

He looked up at me, and I knew what he meant. He wanted me to throw it away. I kept my eyes locked on the mattress, not wanting to let them go for some reason. 

 

"I don't know if I can Ed." 

 

"You can, trust me, it's okay, you don't have to go there anymore, I'm here. I'll make you better."

 

I smiled and touched the blade like I always did in the past. I tossed it into the garbage, closing my eyes as I did. I could feel Ed's hand on my knee as I tried to keep my tears down. I knew that I never wanted to go back there, but I was still afraid that if I let go completely that I'd lose myself somewhere. My blood had been on that blade, it was a part of me. But a bad part. I tossed the rest of it away, letting go completely, mentally and physically. 

 

I tossed the box on the floor and rolled away from Ed, laying back down on the mattress. I had to be honest, I felt like a wreck all of a sudden, and I wanted to be alone. Ed put his hand on my calf, when the tears started leaking down my face. I sniffled my nose, and Ed came over me. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see anyone. 

 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, I just wanted to see, I didn't mean to hurt you, "

 

"Ed, you didn't, I did. I upset myself, okay? Just be quiet I don't want to think anymore, I just want to sleep and cry and whatever else, just sleep a bit." 

 

My emotions were out of control, and I could feel it. Ed slid the duvet out from under my body, covering me in it. He knew what I said wasn't meant to hurt him, wasn't meant to shut him up, he knew I needed time to sort everything out. He got under the covers behind me, and rolled me towards him. He knew he brought up bad memories, but he made me throw them away, and it hurt now, but it'd be better soon. He held me as I cried, just like he did on the bus the first time we slept together. I let myself go into him, let everything flow out for the first time in a long time. It came out in sobs, right into Ed's chest. 

 

All he did was hold me there, he let it come out, like he wanted me to for a long time. He had searched for the trigger, and found it, he figured me out, he got me to let go. 

 

 

\-----------

 

Ed's POV 

 

Olivia didn't get up for a long time the next day. She stayed in bed, while I got up and ate and watched tv. I didn't mean to cause what I did, I just wanted to see it, make it real for me, I knew it was real for her. Instead I pulled out her memories, and when I did, I had to get her to throw them away. Until she did she wouldn't feel completely better. I knew it wouldn't come all at once, she'd be broken for a while, but she'd come back eventually. 

 

It was past noon when I heard her stirring in the bedroom. I could hear her pulling on clothes, and I finally heard her open the back door and slam it shut, not at me, at herself. I knew where she was headed, she wasn't running away, she was just going to the studio, and I let her be for about 15 minutes until I pulled on my own boots and ventured out to the sma shack. 

 

I shut the door quietly, hearing that voice killed me. I was in the shadows of the studio, around the corner from where Olivia was. I could hear her loud and clear, she was just singing with her guitar. Singing something I had never heard, that she never shared. It was raw and flowing, making me tear up. 

 

"And the monsters came out and get me

They tear me down 

But you came out and grabbed me

Took me from my fears" 

 

She kept going, but my ears wouldn't let anything in anymore. It was just a blur, hearing how I stopped her. How I saved her. How much she loved me and how she knew that I wouldn't leave, but she said it all in code, in ways that she would understand but no one else would know. They would see a surface, but there was a deeper part, a part only she could play and express. It was amazing and flawless, but it had stopped now. I heard her footsteps coming towards me, and I realized my situation. I had no where to go, and I couldn't hide in the studio because she would wonder where I was in the house. She knew I wouldn't leave her, I wouldn't go out. I saw her round the corner and look up at me standing there. 

 

"Ed. Are you okay?" 

 

She must have seen my stunned expression on my face because she kept talking when I just stood there. 

 

"Ed. It's okay, don't look so stunned, it's okay that you heard that." 

 

She came up to me, wrapping her fingers around my neck and holding me. Her fingers snaked into my hair as I held her back, holding tightly to her. 

 

"It's okay that you know that you saved me." 

 

"I'm so happy I saved you." Came out of my mouth from no where. 

 

But it was truth, I was happy she was here and that I never gave up or left her. She was worth everything I had put in, the times that I let her sleep when she couldn't do anything more, when she was in the hospital and I slept in a chair for a week, when she tried to push me away, it was all worth it. 

 

I could smell the sleep on her body when I pushed my face into her neck. She was cold, and kind of shaking a bit. 

 

"Are you okay?" I leaned off of her and looked at her. 

 

"I'm really hungry actually. I don't feel that great."

 

"Come here, let me help you."

 

I took her hand and lead her back to the house. I wrapped her up in a blanket on the couch, and went and made some toast, I figured it was easy to eat and it was a good place to start when you hadn't eaten for hours. I put the plate on the couch and got her to stand up and sit in my lap, with the blanket around both of us. She ate the toast and stopped shaking while I warmed her up with my body heat. We were part way through watching _Juno_ when Olivia dropped her head onto my shoulder, snuggling into me. It felt good, having her wrapped in my arms, all safe and snuggly. I adjusted a little bit under her, and she pulled the cover up over her shoulders, and with a sigh her eyes began to shut again. I could feel her heat on my chest, and her breathing slowed down as she slept. I couldn't believe that I got to marry her as I rolled her ring on her finger while she kept her eyes closed. 

 

I eventually ended up letting her sleep away the rest of the day on me, until I carried her to bed. 

 

\-- 

 

The next week went by fairly fast, our Christmas was spent perfectly, staying inside and opening the few presents we had in the morning. The paparazzi scandal had been handled, and soon enough it was the thirtieth, and we had to go to an end of the year ball in downtown London. 

 

We were whisked to different places to get ready, Olivia in a dress shop/salon, and I was in a suit shop, grumbling about finding something to wear. I wasn't a suit guy, but I wasn't allowed to wear a hoodie to the event later tonight. There was going to be a red carpet and cameras, and then a dinner and a dance. I was eventually put into a suit that fit, and was pushed downstairs to get my hair done and some makeup plastered onto my face so I would look half decent. My mind kept wandering to what Olivia was going to look like when I saw her. She was always beautiful, no matter what, but there was nothing like seeing your fiancee dressed to the nines on a night out. A bundle of energy suddenly came through the door, and all five of the One Direction boys came piling through the door. We greeted each other, and then three of them went up for suits, while two stayed down to get their makeup and hair done like me. We chatted while it was happening, and of course relationships came up. 

 

"So you put the big ring on it huh?" 

 

"Yeah I did. She's perfect, so I thought it was a good plan." 

 

I smiled at the thought of her again, being impatient about seeing her. 

 

"Ouuuu, so, she's coming tonight right?"

 

"Yeah, I can't wait to see her. I'm having all this anticipation about what she's going to look like. I'm anxious."

 

I laughed at the last bit, but it was true. I couldn't wait. It was soon, as I was told to get into my suit now, and that I'd be leaving in five minutes. 

 

\-- 

 

My tummy had butterflies as the car pulled up to get Olivia. I got out of the car and turned to the stairs of the shop where Olivia was. The door pushed open, and the most beautiful girl emerged, and she was mine. 

 

 

\---------------

 

Ed's POV

 

Her hair had been dyed and curled, falling down to her waist, pulled back on the one side. Her eyeliner had been perfected, a black line drawn across her top lid, with some false lashes along it to pump up her own lashes that had been smeared with mascara, making her look perfect, but not overdone. Her lips were a perfect shade of pink, just light enough to see it, but not so bright that they drew attention, actually, I just wanted them on mine. Her dress was strapless, showing off her shoulders, but her hair fell over the feathers on her right shoulder so no one could see them. The top of her dress was black and fairly tight, but the bottom was a peachy colour, floating around her legs, shorter in the front, and longer in the back. Her legs were wrapped in grey tights due to it being winter, and her feet slid into chunky combat boots, completing the look. She was absolutely stunning, and I gawked at her body and her face. 

 

She was laughing as she walked up to me, laughing at something someone had said to her. I smiled at her happiness, that was one thing she never hid. If she was smiling and laughing, it was real, she never faked. Her bright white teeth beamed from her, and I couldn't help smile back at her as she took my hand, shaking me from my daze. 

 

"You look so handsome!" She said to me, bubbling over from her day. 

 

"Er, uh," I was stuttering over my words because of her, "you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen, ever," is what came out of my mouth, it was all that would form. I couldn't believe I got to take this out, show her off, and then I got to take her home, and in about a year, I got to marry her. I smiled at her as she blushed, and lead her down to the car that was waiting for us. Thankfully the whole event was inside, because she was cold and I could tell. The car was warm though, and she warmed up. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her the whole ride over to the event, and she planted warm kisses on my lips more than once, clearly turned on with me in a suit, and I couldn't help enjoy when she would clean off my lips from getting lipstick on them. 

 

The car stopped and we stepped out of the car, me first, and then I helped Olivia out of the car. A makeup artist fixed the few things that were out of place on us, and we were ushered onto the covered red carpet. It was an invite-only event, so the red carpet was just photographers and a couple interviews, and the flashes went off everywhere. We were asked to stand on a certain point while our names were screamed out at us. We just kind of scanned and smiled at as many cameras as we could. Olivia's arm was linked in mine, and she was mildly leaning on me. I looked at her, and she looked at me, smiling. I couldn't resist and planted my lips on her in front of all the cameras. I could hear cheering from the photographers, so I held her a little bit longer before pulling away. I could feel her smiling on my lips, and it was lovely. I pulled away and stepped back, holding her hand up and kneeling on one knee while holding my hand out to show her off. She made a face, fluttering her eyelashes and putting her hand in front of her lips, blushing at the same time, acting flattered at my gesture, but she burst out laughing soon after. I was laughing too as I stood up and pulled her into my arms again, taking her down the carpet. We talked to a few reporters before walking up the big steps to the venue. 

 

We were told where to sit, and we had been placed with the One Direction boys, so I already knew it was going to be a fun night. They all came clambering to their seats, and they were all gawking at my Olivia. She blushed at the attention, and laughed at all of them. 

 

"Keep your dirty hands off her, she's mine," I said, jokingly at them. They held their hands up, surrendering to me, and we all laughed at the banter that was going on. Someone came on stage and started playing when Stuart showed up and sat down beside Olivia. 

 

"Wow you two are the prettiest couple here tonight." 

 

"Hey, not even, how could a ginger ever fit in that category?" I said to him. 

 

"True, I guess the lady makes up for your hair." 

 

We laughed and banter took place over dinner, while some famous people played the stage. I wasn't overly interested in it though, I was more stuck on Olivia and how professional but fun she could be. She would keep up with all us boys, but she would still be a lady about it. She drank a beer, and scarfed down just as much food as I did, but kept herself perfect looking, and her comments made it known that she saw to be treated as a lady, but that she would always keep up the boys. She was perfect, and I loved it. 

 

"So are you actually gunna dance tonight, or will I have to sweep your lady off for a dance because you won't?" Harry leaned over and said to me, adding a wink at the end to stir me up. 

 

"I guess I'll have to take one for the team on this one," I said, becoming protective enough, but not forceful. I took another swig of my drink, when an announcer came on stage and thanked everyone for coming and that it was great to get together and have good music and fun together. He was right, sometimes the music business could get too serious and all about chart positions, but really it was fun to get together and enjoy a dinner together. He then announced that a dance floor was open now and that we could dance if we wanted to. I had to be honest, I was nervous when Olivia looked my way and smiled at me sweetly. 

 

I manned up a couple songs in, standing up and taking Olivia's hand in mine. She smiled at me again, clearly happy that I took her from the conversation her and Stuart were having. 

 

"Come dance," I said to her. 

 

"Okay," she said, blushing and looking at the ground to navigate the chairs to the floor. 

 

I took her onto the floor, pulling her a little deep into the people, so I could figure this out. I felt a little odd being on a dance floor, I was never a danceish fellow. I heard Olivia laughing as I just stood there biting my lip. 

 

"Here, it's not too hard," she said pulling me into her, and placing her hand on my shoulder, and putting mine on her back.

 

"No searching back there darling," she said with an evil grin, but I just laughed at her. She put her other hand in mine, and I held it up a bit. We started moving in slow circles across the dance floor, and I ended up stepping on her toes a couple times, muttering some, "sorries," to her, but she just said that it was okay and she smiled when it happened. She started talking to distract me a bit, making me relax into her. She ended up slipping her hands up to my neck a few songs later, pulling her body into mine and getting into a much more comfortable position. My hands held her hips close to mine, and I could smell her scent on her. It turned me on wickedly, and I pulled her away from the crowd to one of the bathrooms in the place. 

 

"Ed, where are we going?" I heard her ask, but I was frisky, so I just kept going. I pulled her close to my face before we hit a bathroom, we were just in a less crowded hallway now. I pulled her face into my lips, pushing hard onto her. She held my hands, and I just wanted to get out the place. 

 

"Do you want to go?" She said to me, looking me in the eyes as she broke our kiss for a second. I nodded at her and with one more quick peck, she pushed her hair out of her eyes and lead me back through the crowd. We hit our table again, and told Stuart that we were going now, and to say goodbye to the One Direction boys because they had disappeared into the crowd along with a lot of other people now. He said okay, and that he would see us later in the week. I was pulling Olivia through the place, and when we got outside again there were photographers still, and as Olivia and I got into the waiting car I made a face at them, making it clear what was going on. The alcohol I had drunk through the night was mildly affecting me, and after the driver knew where we were going I planted my lips on Olivia's again. She straddled me on the seat of the car, her dress floating down my pants, and a layer of sweat forming on her neck and back. 

 

As soon as we were dropped off and inside our house, clothes were dropped to the floor by Olivia first, revealing a tight corset on her body. It was grey like her tights, making her look paler than usual. I dumped my suit jacket and tie on the couch along with her dress, and took my shoes off at the door, as I followed her trail of shoes and tights to the bedroom. Her laced body was lying on the mattress, waiting for me. I unbuttoned my shirt and tossed it aside, and dropped my pants to the floor, the belt buckle making a thud as it hit the carpet. I crawled up her body, kissing her passionately while watching her eyelashes blink a couple times. She was breathing quickly, but it was short because of being cinched into her corset, which was pushing her breasts up making them round and plump. I sucked along the top of the corset, making her push her body to mine. I decided to leave her in the corset, but pulled her lace panties off her leaking parts. I immediately put my mouth to her, sucking and flicking into her, making her go wild. She grabbed my hair and pulled hard on it, putting her feet on my shoulders when I put two fingers into her. She came onto my hands, leaking everywhere. I pulled my fingers out quickly and whipped my underwear off, standing up off her, making her sit up at the action to look at me. She smiled as she scanned my body, waiting for me to return. I slipped a condom on myself making her wait, making her crazy and she laid back on the bed letting her legs go lose and open to me. I smiled and crawled back to her, lifting her legs over my shoulders and placing myself at her entrance. I slipped into her, making her groan and sweat even more. 

 

I let her go first before releasing into the condom myself. 

 

I enjoyed the whole night very much, and as I pulled out of Olivia and she slipped off the mattress and into the bathroom, all I could do was think about how I had her all to myself, and how I always would. 

 

 

\----------------

 

Olivia's POV

 

I let the corset drop on the bathroom floor, finally being released from the tightness. Ed had left me in it, clearly letting me battle against the fabric of it the whole time. I turned the shower on, and started wiping away my makeup that had been smeared a bit from being in bed. The false lashes were light in my hands, but felt heavy on my eyes the whole night. I wiped my face off more throughly in the shower, and soaked my hair in the water, letting the curls go. I felt pretty tonight, but I felt a little fake at the same time. It was a lot of makeup, but thats how it is at large events, you have to look good, especially when all those photos were going to be in some magazine tomorrow. It was pressure for sure. I'd never let Ed know that I felt that way though, making him feel that he was pressuring me because he's the one who pulled me off the streets of Toronto and put me on his stage with him. I could never make him feel bad for anything that he gave me, because I honestly appreciated it so much, it just got heavy on me sometimes. I knew he already partially knew this, but I didn't want to make it present now. 

 

I finished washing my hair and pulling out the extensions that had been added to make it look fuller, and stepped out of the shower into a warm towel and a pair of arms. Ed had snuck in and gotten one ready for me, probably snuggling the towel to make it warm, because it smelt like him. He held me there, gently swaying a bit as he did. 

 

"Why'd you leave so fast, I liked you in bed." 

 

"I dunno, I wanted to shower." 

 

"Come back now, pleeeeeease." 

 

He stretched out his 'eeee's' making it hard not to say no, so I followed him back to the bed without drying my hair or putting on any clothes. I ruffled my hair as Ed climbed into bed on his side, and then I climbed in on my own side while I dropped my towel on the carpet. He pulled me in right away, kissing my nose and gently stroking my cheek with his hand. 

 

"Are you okay love?" He said. 

 

"Yeah, I'm all good." 

 

"I didn't mean to overwhelm you with all the cameras and stuff tonight, it's just how it happens with stuff like that."

 

He read me like a book, he knew right away, that I felt mildly overwhelmed, and that I would sleep in my makeup usually rather than leaving him alone and showering. I knew he thought that I was gorgeous tonight, but he also knew that it was a lot of cameras on us. I don't know how he did it, he just did, he learned my patterns and used them to know how I was feeling. I felt a few tears leaking from my eyes at his comment, and I could hear him sushing me as he held me in bed. 

 

"I don't know how to be perfect Ed." 

 

"Olivia, look at me," he said as he pushed my head up to look me in the eyes, "you are perfect, perfect to me, and if anyone else says anything different then ignore them because their wrong." 

 

"But I'm all messed up Ed, I cut myself open, that's not normal or pretty or something to be proud of. It just sucks." 

 

"No, it's just pain that other people made you feel that you didn't know how to deal with, and you wanted it to go away, and that was how it went away, with more pain, in a physical way, but thats gone now, now you're here and we're not going back there ever, were going forward and dealing with inside feelings in a better way, a way to actually help you. Don't worry, I'm here, it's okay." 

 

I let out a breath that I was holding in, along with tears onto Ed's chest. 

 

"Ed, I actually tried." 

 

"Tried what love?"

 

"Tried to kill myself."

 

He looked down and wiped away a tear streak on my cheek, his warm hands comforting me. 

 

"You can tell me, it's okay, let it out love," were his words, and I choked back a tear to tell him the story. 

 

"I was thirteen and I was really depressed. I had health issues and would always have a headache that wouldn't go away. I was depressed and just thought that if I went away it would be better, I wouldn't have to hurt anymore, you know? So I took some rope and was going to hang myself, but I couldn't bring myself to actually jump off my bunk bed and do it. I just sat there, with a rope in my hands, ready to suffocate me, but I couldn't let go, I knew there had to be something better. Now I'm here, and I'm with the best person I could ever imagine, and people are taking my picture, and saying that I'm pretty and that I'm an amazing person, but they don't know, they don't know that I almost didn't make it." 

 

I could feel my breathing getting choppier by the second, but it was settling down with Ed humming and telling me that it was alright. He held me close, not letting me go. I could feel his lips on my head, soaking away all that was bad and frightening to me in my brain. I was calming down as he did, and I could feel myself getting sleepy in his arms. Tomorrow would be a better day, maybe not such a roller coaster, maybe we would go out and do something better than this. 

 

\-- 

 

Ed's POV

 

I let her sleep in my arms, sleep escaping my own body and mind. She had just told me her deepest secret, telling me that she almost didn't make it past thirteen. I'm glad she did though, I'm glad she made it into my arms and that I could help her face her thoughts and that I got to make her happy. Eventually sleep came over me too, my brain not being able to hold on any longer. 

 

\-- 

 

We woke the next day, in the same spot, cuddled together in bed. Olivia's hair had dried and was sprawled out over the pillows and the duvet. Some was in her face, and I wiped it clear from her eyes. The movement caused her eyes to flutter open, and her body wiggled against mine. 

 

"Hey sleepyhead," I said, and she smiled. 

 

"You're one to talk," she said, smiling at the same time, as we both knew that I slept in plenty myself. 

 

While we were laying in bed saying random things to each other, there was a knock on the door. Olivia got up and answered it, putting on some clothes on her way to not disturb the mailman that was there when she opened the door. A package was given to her, and she crawled back into bed with it so we could open it together. She ripped open the large envelop, and slid out about ten glossy photos from the photoshoot she did about a month ago. Each picture was stunning, and I held them up and stared at her face and body. Every curve and feature on her was brought out through the camera, making her more stunning than she already was. A letter to her from the photographer and team was also in the package, along with a memory stick of more photos. She dug her mac out of the pile of clothes on the floor, and plugged in the stick and let the pictures pop up on her iPhoto. She passed the computer to me, letting me go through them. Each one was amazing and perfect, but one caught my eye. 

 

She was in a white tool dress, and it flowed down and across the sofa she was sitting on. Her eyes were stunning, along with her hair and shoulders. All I could think of was her coming down the isle to me in another white dress, coming down to marry me. I could just imagine her being my bride, becoming my wife. I couldn't wait, I wanted to see her in it now. She had gotten up to make tea, so I yelled at her. 

 

"Have you gotten your dress yet?"

 

"Yeah, maybe, maybe not." 

 

She walked back to the bedroom with two teas in her hands, setting one onto my nightstand and sitting on the edge of the bed beside me. 

 

"Why?" she asked. 

 

"Because I can't wait to see you in it and I just was thinking about how perfect you're going to look." 

 

She turned and blushed at my comment, clearly feeling a little self conscious about it. I touched her arm, making her look back at me lying in the bed. 

 

"Olivia, I'm glad you didn't go, I'm glad you decided to wait for something better, because I wouldn't be here with you know if you had, I would be alone, floating somewhere by myself, but instead I get to be with the most wonderful girl ever. I love you so much." 

 

Her eyes were tearing, and she bent down and firmly kissed me. She slid the laptop off of me, straddling my body that was still covered with the duvet. I held her waist, letting her work my lips. Her tongue was inside of my mouth, hands on my face, lips soaking mine with her spit. She worked her way down my jaw to my ear. 

 

"Thank you so much for always being here, and never leaving, everyone else walked away but you stayed, I can't thank you enough. I love you just as much as you love me and don't ever forget that, keep that locked away and remember it when I leave you for a while, keep it for when I'm being messed up and try to push you away, keep it when I'm crying but you're holding me in bed, keep it for when were old and wrinkly, in wheelchairs and hospital beds, keep it when were not around anymore, because I'm always going to keep your love in me, forever."

 

I could feel her tears running through my hair as she talked, and mine were starting to leak out of my own eyes. I pulled her closer to me, holding her tightly. 

 

"I will, I will always keep your love in me." I whispered to her as we cried good tears together in bed. 

 

\---------------

 

Ed's POV

 

I let her continue kissing me as I held her waist and hips, letting her wash over me as she pleased. She nibbled on my ear and held my face tight, sinking beside me on the mattress. I looked at her, raising a hand to wipe away a tear mark on her skin. I smiled as she shut her eyes at my touch, letting herself go and sink into my touch. We healed each other, through touching and simple words in the morning light. 

 

Olivia rolled over me, getting her tea off the nightstand and taking a sip from it. I moved under her, sitting up and getting my own. She was on her stomach, looking at me, mildly pinning down my legs as I drank the warm liquid in the mug. 

 

"So what do you want to do today?" She asked while looking down into her own mug. 

 

"Mmmmmm, I say we explore this land around us," I said, knowing that we hadn't ventured out too far past our backyard yet, but I also knew we owned about three acres of land, so there was a lot to explore on lazy days. I saw her pondering the thought as she continued playing with her mug of tea, rolling the liquid in the bottom of it. 

 

"Okay," she said, gulping down the rest of the liquid and placing her mug back on the nightstand. With one final kiss on my lips, she stood up, and so did I, flicking back the covers as I did. I saw her wander into the kitchen, and heard her putting some sort of bread into the toaster. I found a pair of clean underwear and a hoodie in a basket on the floor, and wandered out to join her. She was eating half a bagel, and I stole the other half off the counter from behind her, knowing that she placed it there to hide it from me, not wanting to share. I partially hugged her, placing one of my hands on her hip, while spotting the bagel behind her and snatched it before she could get it from me. I stuck my tongue out at her as she pulled a face at my actions, but smiled at the end while I was walking away to sit on the couch. I heard her footsteps follow me to the couch and she sat down beside me, still eating her half of the bagel. I flicked on the tv, and almost every program on was some sort of entertainment show, so I left on one to play out, not really caring what they said. They got onto who was the best dressed of the weekend, and Olivia popped up at number two. She shifted uncomfortably on the sofa, fiddling with the bit of bagel in her hand. I took her hand as she put the last bit of her bagel in her mouth, causing her to look at me. 

 

"See, I told you you're beautiful." 

 

She blushed wickedly at this, and slapped my arm while she got up. 

 

"Stop it, it's just a tv program, it doesn't mean anything." 

 

I smiled to myself knowing that the world agreed with me, saying that Olivia is beautiful. I got up too, already finished my bagel, and walked up behind Olivia who was washing the cups from our tea. I snaked my arms around her waist at the sink, leaning my head on her shoulder. She smelt sweet, and her neck was warm. She turned her head and planted a kiss on my nose as she placed the mugs in the rack on the counter. She turned around and held me back like I was holding her. 

 

"You know what does matter to me though?"

 

"What?"

 

"You. You feeling that I'm okay, that I can hold out. That means the world to me. Being okay for you is all that I want."

 

She smiled and kissed me. 

 

"You are always the best of the best for me." I said pulling my lips away for a second to talk before firmly pressing mine on hers to make sure she knew I was telling the truth to her. She smiled under my lips, a flattered feeling rippling through her lips and into mine. She broke the kiss and pushed me to the bedroom, putting on some pants herself and tying her hair up. 

 

I found my own pair of pants, slipping them on, along with a pair of boots because the snow was quite deep in the backyard. Olivia was waiting for me at the back door, dressed in jeans, two hoodies, mittens, a hat, and a pair of Uggs. We both stepped out the door hand in hand, stepping through the snow. We hit a forest like area soon after, and the snow was much lower and easier to walk in. A path had been cut through the trees, big evergreens that held the snow on their needles. It became really quiet and peaceful about ten minutes into our walk, just Olivia and I, going somewhere that we didn't know. The trail lead to a large field, completely covered in perfectly smooth snow. No one had walked through the field, and the sun glinted off the surface. 

 

"Ed, look!" 

 

I followed Olivia's pointed mitten to a deer, standing in the field, all alone. It was looking at us, just as much as we were looking at it. Out of no where, another one came bounding up beside the first one. The second one was unaware of us standing at the edge, so it bounced around in the snow. Soon enough the first one felt we weren't a threat, so it joined in the bouncing and snow flicking in the field. The rest of the herd came bounding along a few minutes later, and the two deer joined the group, running away in a cloud of snow. It was a beautiful moment, and both Olivia and I looked at each other. I grabbed her and pulled her into the deep snow of the field kissing her and pushing my tongue into her mouth. I pulled away to look at Olivia's glowing eyes and smile, aimed up at me. 

 

"Ed, this is amazing." 

 

I pecked her lips one more time and laid down beside her in the snow. We looked up in the sky that was perfectly blue and sunny. 

 

"You know I remember exactly what you were wearing the first time I saw you Toronto?" I said. 

 

"Do you really? Tell me, because I know what I was wearing, and what you were wearing," she laughed at the end, knowing this stuff about each other. 

 

"Yeah, you were wearing those bright blue pants you have, and the white and grey shirt you have, the one that falls off your shoulder all the time," I smiled thinking about it, "and your hair was curly, and pulled back on one side, and your eyes lit up the room. That was the main thing. You were barely playing to anyone, but you smiled like a dork anyways." I laughed as she threw snow on my jumper at my comment. "Okay, okay, you were smiling and lighting everything on fire because your smile is that awesome."

 

"Okay, fine, but you were wearing dark jeans, and you had on your dark green hoodie, and you had your hood up so no one would see your hair. You had on your glasses too, and a pair of black and white high tops. I remember you were with someone, but you walked away from them and stood right at the front of the stage. You stared up at me, and slipped your hood off, revealing your crazy orange hair, and all I remember thinking was to keep going and not to freak out. I was like, instantly nervous at your presence right in front of me." 

 

I smiled at knowing this, knowing that I made her feel nervous at first, because I was honestly nervous too. She was gorgeous and talented, how could I not be nervous? 

 

"I was nervous too right then." 

 

"Were you? But why?" she said. 

 

"Because, your pretty and the set was perfect and you sounded like gold, and it just made my heart flutter. You give me butterflies all the time, and that was the first time." 

 

We were looking at each other then, smiling at the things we remember about each other. I pulled her to me, kissing her soft lips with mine. She kneeled in the snow, pulling me up with her hand on the back of my head. She smiled and bit her lip and stood up. 

 

"Come, lets keep going." she said to me, while starting to walk away from me, looking up in the sky at the sun. I could tell she felt good, her small frame was bouncing as she walked, and she had a big smile on her face as she looked back at me, still sitting in the snow by myself. I got up and ran to her, grabbing her hand making her break into a run with me. We were laughing and running through the snow until we found the opening in the trees for the rest of the trail. This part of the forest was maple and birch trees, and the sun glistened through the branches that were covered in snow. Olivia and I walked hand in hand, until we hit closer to our house, where there was a little pond with a bench near it. We dusted off the bench and sat down for a cuddle. Olivia drew circles on my face with her fingertip, while I smiled down at her. She ran her finger across my lips, making my bottom one flop out and then snap back to my teeth. I studied her face, every little piece of it I knew. We stayed there for a while, just doing random things until we wandered back into the house. We got the mail out of the mail box at the same time, and Olivia threw it on the counter in the kitchen. We stripped our clothes off in trade for matching black onsies, Olivia's being one I gave her while we were on tour. I made some Kraft Dinner on the stove and we both crashed on the couch to eat it straight from the pot, while we mindlessly watched _The Princess Bride,_ laughing at the marriage scene, because the priests voice was hilarious. 

 

We cuddled and watched movies while the dirty pot sat on the coffee table for the rest of the night, until it was late and we climbed into the cold sheets on the bed, holding each other for warmth, sharing kisses until sleep took over both of us.  

 

 

 

\----------------------

 

Ed's POV

 

We had woken tangled in the sheets together, and were talking about nothing while laying in bed. I heard the lock on the front door slide open, and I knew Stuart was going to come in any minute. We had given him a key, just in case anything happened, and he could use it whenever he wanted to. I heard him throw his jacket and boots to the side, and he put something on the kitchen counter too, I didn't know what, but he was making me curious. I heard him mumble something before he came into the bedroom, probably something about how messy we are in the house. 

 

"Okay you two, I know you're awake, now get up." 

 

Both me and Olivia had shut our eyes at the sound of him coming in, but he clearly didn't think we were sleeping. I couldn't help smiling and flinching a bit, which gave away our cover all together. He threw a pair of underwear at my face, and I rolled over at him, pitching them back and laughing. Olivia was laying on her back now too, laughing away. 

 

"Okay, okay, we're up," I said while I sat up and got out from under the covers. I found some pants on the floor and tripped my way into them. Olivia had already gotten hers on along with a hoodie and had walked into the kitchen, along with Stuart who had parked himself on the couch. I could hear Olivia ruffling through the bags that Stuart had placed on the counter, and she soon called me while I was trying to find a hoodie that I could wear. 

 

"Ed come here, you'll like this," she said. 

 

I grabbed a shirt quickly and walked into the kitchen, looking at her hands for what she wanted to show me. She nodded her head to the side, pointing to a stack of boxes on the counter. I immediately started looking through the boxes of Lego that fans had bought for me. There was a lot, and it was all really cool stuff. I pulled out a train set box, and plopped myself down on the rug in the living room and started ripping the plastic off the box and started putting the puzzle together on the floor. Olivia sat down on the couch beside Stuart with a handful of letters from fans, smiling as she read them to herself. 

 

"Hey Ed, before you get too involved in that, lets have a smoke outside okay?" Stuart said to me, and I looked up at him, but shrugged my shoulders and stood up, pulling on a pair of my boots. We both went outside, and Stuart gave me a smoke and started talking as we puffed. 

 

"So, you're going back to America soon, okay?"

 

I nodded at the statement, curious to why he couldn't tell me this inside, as it was pretty cold out.

 

"But I need to know if you want Olivia to come or stay here. I need to know if you feel safe bringing her, or like, if you want her to play or whatever you want, you have to tell me, but you can't get out of going, thats the only thing." 

 

I rolled my cigarette in my fingers, pondering what I did want to do. 

 

"Yeah, I want her to come. And I want her to play."

 

\-- 

 

Ed's POV

 

It was two months later, and we were sitting at a table in Florida, eating ice cream, as we had just finished a round of radio interviews and were taking a bit of a break. Olivia's hair was tied up on her head, and a bandana slash scarf was wrapped around her bangs, holding them off her forehead. She had done her makeup, a slick of dark brown eyeshadow across her lids, a black line outlining her blue iris', and black mascara to tie it all together. I could see little sweat marks around her hairline, making her look more delicious than my ice cream, which was melting down my hand as I was staring. I licked it up, cooling myself down by a lot with it's coldness. 

 

"Okay, so, we'll be in Toronto in two weeks, but only for a day, so, bring your parents down for dinner and we'll slip them the invite then." 

 

"Okay, I can't wait to show my mum my ring." 

 

She held her hand up in the sun and smiled as the diamond glistened in the light. I reached out and grabbed her hand, kissing the back of it, and trailing kisses up her damp arm a bit. She giggled and pulled away, making me more attracted to her than before. 

 

\--Olivia's POV

 

His lips were cold from his ice cream, giving me goosebumps even though I was hot. My legs were sticking to the paint on the picnic table we were sitting at near the beach. 

 

"Lets go for a walk, yeah?" I said, desperate to move around a bit before heading to soundcheck. 

 

Ed stood up from the table, munching on the cone of his ice cream. He grabbed my hand and we headed for the sandy beach. We walked along the edge of the sea side, Ed shoving his socks in his back pockets, along with my flip flops I was wearing. He had shoved the rest of his cone into his mouth in order to hold my hand and carry his shoes. I was laughing at him while he was trying to chew the mouthful of cone he had, it was filling his mouth. 

 

"I guess all those times that you put like, forty maltesers in your mouth is paying off, yeah?" 

 

He nodded as he swallowed the last bit in his mouth. 

 

"Yeah, but I usually don't swallow all of them, I usually end up spitting them out when one of them hits my gag reflex." He was laughing, and his hair was sticking to his face because he was sweating a bit. 

 

"I bet that water is really relaxing," he said. 

 

"Ed, no, we're in clothes." 

 

"Yeah, so?" He said as he ran into the sea, dropping his shoes on the shoreline near me. 

 

"Ed!" I shouted at him, but he dove in head first anyways. 

 

"Come on, it's amazing out here," he yelled at me, swimming on his back a bit, looking at me from the water. I bit my lip at my situation, when he disappeared under the water. I couldn't see where he had gone, when he popped up running at me out of the water. He was close and I wasn't as fast as him, so he grabbed me, scooping me up. He pulled my phone out of my back pocket, throwing it in one of his shoes before running into the water with me, tossing me in when it was deep enough to. I flailed in the water at his legs, he never actually let go of my arms, I realized this when he pulled me out after a little bit of me struggling to get my footing. The shock had caused me to start breathing heavy, even under water, so I came up spewing and coughing. Ed was holding my hand and rubbing my back, but he still had a smile on his face when I looked up at him. He was being rambunctious, and he knew it. I pushed on his chest when I caught my breath and he fake fell into the water when I did. He stayed under the water and grabbed my legs, getting me into the water for the second time. He slipped up my body when he felt me fall, wrapping his arms around my waist, keeping me upright. He pushed us into deeper water, never letting me go. I held his neck, feeling safe in his arms. He went as far as he could, just so he could barely touch with his head out of the water. I couldn't touch with my head out of the water anymore, so I was relying on him to keep me up a bit. I could swim, just not that well. He was smiling still, damp hair clinging to his face, blue eyes sparkling up at me. 

 

"Hold your breath, okay?" 

 

I nodded, held my breath and he pulled us under the water, attaching his lips to mine, holding my head to his with one hand, not letting me float away from him. The sensation of water and his lips was overwhelming, making me want to breath in sharply at his actions, but I didn't. He pushed off the bottom of the sea, bringing us back to the surface, sucking in the air through his nose while keeping his lips to mine. We were both breathing heavy through our noses, air rushing across each others faces, pushing each others tongues into the opposites mouth. The water was salty and warm, along with Ed's lips. He pulled away and smiled at me.  

 

"That was fun," he stated, curious to what else he could do. 

 

His hands started exploring then, pulling up the front of my shirt, along with his own, touching salty skin to salty skin, smiling at me with every movement. I was smiling too, he was warm against me, even under the water. I ran my hands through his hair, making it stick up again, along with the red tone coming back a bit, because when it was wet it turned a dark brown colour. 

 

"Okay, so, yellow and orange flowers for the wedding I think would be good." 

 

I laughed at his statement at this moment, but nodded when I thought about how it would look against the snow. 

 

"Yeah, it would kinda bring a summer element to the wedding, wouldn't it?"

 

"Yeah, I like it." 

 

He slid his hands up the back of my shirt, touching all the skin he could without revealing anything, considering we were in public. I could hear my phone ringing from where we were swimming, and I assumed it was Stuart looking for us. 

 

"Stuarts not going to believe this when he sees it." I said. 

 

"Nope, but I bring the unexpected, so, he should be used to it, but come on, before the guy has a heart attack lets answer him." 

 

Ed let go of me, and we swam back to the shore, just in time for my phone to start going off with texts from Stuart. Ed wiped under my eyes that were makeup strewn before picking up the phone and dialling the number to ring Stuart. 

 

"Hey, yeah, were coming, we just got a little…sidetracked." 

 

 

\------------

 

Olivia's POV

 

We walked into the bus, partially dry because of the heat of the day, but our hair was still damp and we smelt like the sea. 

 

"You two, soundcheck and showers, right now." 

 

Stuarts voice was stern, so I pushed Ed back out the bus and towards the venue, smiling as we went. Ed took off for the building at a run, me trailing behind him. I heard Stuart slam the bus door as he trailed after us. We burst into the theatre, the smell of sweat and old chairs being overwhelming. Ed stopped running and took my hand at a brisk walk towards the green room. We didn't have a huge team, so the place was fairly empty as we walked the halls to get our guitars. We both grabbed what we needed from the green room and walked towards the stage, running across a arms-crossed Stuart along the way. 

 

 

"You two need to learn to be on time, you're like half an hour late!" Stuart said to us, trying to keep his cool. 

 

"Hey, it's okay, we just did it once, we were just having some fun," Ed said to Stuart, who rolled his eyes back at Ed, his eyes looking up and down at the pair of us, wet and sloppily presented. 

 

"Just soundcheck," was all he said before he walked away from us, clearly not impressed still. 

 

Ed went first, playing through a bit of his set, taking about five minutes. I wandered out onto the stage after him, guitar slung around my body. I stood behind the mic, and looked out across the dimly lit theatre. It's walls were red, along with the seat covers, black arm rests on the sides of them. It was an old theatre, you could tell. The stage was black and big, with stairs at the sides of it. I could see a balcony section above the sound technician, the railing black and strong looking. The ceiling was decorated with white and gold accents, making the place look stunning from stage. The lights were bright and hot, but I didn't mind. I plugged in my guitar and sang a bit into the microphone, sinking into the atmosphere. It reminded me a lot of a little theatre from my home town. It was the first stage I truly played on as a shy fifteen year old, holding a wimpy clarinet in my hands, sitting in the front row of the concert band I was part of. I remember being shaky as the curtains opened, but I settled into the feeling right away of being on stage. I played on that stage numerous times after that first time, and now I stand on a different stage every night. It was odd to think back, but it's really what got me hooked. The rush and high from being on stage is like nothing else in the world. 

 

I wrapped up what I was singing, and got a wave and a thumbs up from the sound tech, so I unplugged and walked off stage, back into Ed's arms, and out from my memories. I took my guitar off my shoulder and held it in my hand, while Ed slid his around onto his back so the neck of it was pointing down. He grabbed my hand and walked us back to the green room, seeming to have calmed down a bit after our run into the building. He kept looking at me, with a grin on his face, and when we had gotten to the room I hit him in the belly, smiling and uttering the word, "what?" to him as he opened the door. 

 

"Nothing, I just like you a lot, thats all." 

 

He shrugged his shoulders as he talked, and I smiled and rolled my eyes as I slid my guitar into it's case. 

 

"Do you like me enough to, I don't know, shower with me?" 

 

I probed the idea into his head, and he looked up at me with a cheeky smile as he set his own guitar into it's case. He started walking towards the bathroom in the green room, peeling off damp clothes as he went. I followed him into the steamy shower, listening to him hum as he went about adjusting the temperature so he liked it. I grabbed his arm as I l slipped on the shower floor, pressing my other hand against the glass to steady myself. 

 

"Woah, don't fall love," he said as he held me steady as I got my footing. 

 

"Sorry, it's really slippery," I said as I let the glass go along with Ed's arm. 

 

Ed grabbed the shampoo bottle from the floor, putting a glob into his hand, and planting it on my head. He pulled me close and rubbed his hands down the length of my hair, making it froth up. His fingers started massaging my scalp, and my eyes started to close and I held my hands on his hips as he worked his magic. I groaned when he stopped and moved me under the stream of water. Soon enough his hands were back on my head, rinsing out the foam from my head. I held his body still with my eyes closed, but my head back under the water. He finished and I opened my eyes to him smiling at my face. He pecked my lips and I picked up the shampoo bottle, putting the liquid into my hand. I rubbed it into his hair now, feeling the fibres in my hands as I went. He bent down a bit so I could reach the back of his head, getting each section clean. I could feel the wax coming out as I went, his hair going from sticky to smooth in the water. I dipped his head into the water now, the soap coming out quickly from his hair being shorter than mine. 

 

He grabbed a body puff off the shower ledge now, squirting soap into the coarse fibres of it. He foamed up the puff and rubbed it on my body, arms, back, legs and torso. He rubbed it on his body too, pulling both of us under the shower head, rinsing us off. 

 

"Close your eyes," he said, so I did. I felt his hands on my face, rubbing away the makeup residue that had dripped down my face in the shower. I felt him wipe a face cloth to get it all off my face, revealing what I actually looked like. He kissed my nose and reached to shut the shower off, running his hands through his hair after he had. I squeezed the excess water out of my long locks, as Ed wrapped a towel around my body, rubbing on my arms. I laughed as he went, as he made sounds as he worked along my body. I held the towel around myself and stepped out of the shower, slipping one last time on the way out. I rolled my eyes at the slippery shower, ruffling my hair in the towel. I heard Ed slip out of the shower behind me, not being as graceful, falling to the floor on the mat. I swung around to his face being scrunched up at the pain in his back, as he fell right on the edge of the shower. 

 

"Are you okay?!" I said urgently at him, kneeling down to his level. 

 

"That'll leave a bruise," were his words as he wiped his face with his towel, clearly not impressed that he hurt himself. He tired to get up, wincing in pain when he tried to. 

 

"Just sit for a second, let it settle a bit before moving it." He nodded at me, and I stood back up going to find some clothes. I took the clothes off the counter that had been put out for us and walked back into the bathroom, putting Ed's down in his lap. He pulled on his t-shirt no problem, and awkwardly slipped on his underwear while sitting on the floor. I pulled on my clothes at the same time, and walked back up to him on the floor. I took his hands in mine and pulled him up off the floor. 

 

"Ow," he said as I pulled and asked him to turn around. I lifted up his shirt to reveal a big red bump on his lower back. 

 

"Hmm, maybe we should put some ice on that." I said, slipping my phone off the counter that it was resting on, typing out a text to Stuart to grab some for us. I helped Ed step into his pants when Stuart came into the room with us and a bag of ice. 

 

"Come here you," he said to Ed and he followed him into the other room, limping a little bit at the pain the bump was causing him. 

 

"Okay, um, maybe just lie down on the couch and we'll put this on your back and you can just lay down for a bit till it feels better, okay?" 

 

Ed nodded and did what he was told, and Stuart pulled his shirt up a bit, revealing the bump on his back again. 

 

"Wow, you did a good job falling down," he said when he saw the damage. Ed rolled his eyes, not knowing what his back looked like, just what it felt like. A towel was laid on his back along with the bag of ice, and Ed winced when the weight was placed on it. I switched on my hair dryer with one last look at Ed, who was now flicking through which movies were in the room with Stuart, finding one to watch as he laid there. I dried my hair and curled it with my straightener, and applied my makeup for the show tonight. I walked back into the room, the sounds of _The Matrix,_ playing from the tv. Stuart was gone, and Ed had passed out on the couch, one arm hanging off the sofa edge, the other tucked up against him and the back of the couch. I pulled the towel and the ice off his back a bit to look at the bump, which had gone down a considerable amount. I pulled them off, pulled his shirt down, and threw a blanket over him, letting him be as I sneaked out of the room. I smiled at his sleeping face, perfectly content and lost in whatever he was dreaming about. 

 

 

\--------------

 

Olivia's POV

 

I let the door gently close behind me, and headed outside for a little bit. The town we were in was big, but not overwhelming. 

 

"I'm going for a walk, Ed's sleeping." I yelled into the bus at Stuart. 

 

"Okay, don't be too long, shows at seven, okay? Be back before six thirty." 

 

"Alright, I will." I said, checking the time on my phone, making a mental note that it's only four. 

 

I pulled on a pair of shoes as I walked down the street to a row of shops, mildly looking in each of their windows. I set my eyes on a H&M, peering at what was in their windows. I pushed the door open and was greeted by the ladies at the desk, who immediately started whispering to each other after saying hello to me. I just dropped my eye contact, and started scanning the rows, pulling a creme coloured dress from the rack. It was lace, short, and pretty. I ruffled through the rack to find my size, and draped it across my arm. I continued through the store, pulling a couple more dresses, and a few tops. I slid into the change room, pulling my own top off. I let the lace down onto my body, tweaking it so it fit properly on my body. I smiled at it's shape and colour, wondering what Ed would think. I decided that he would like it, slipped on the other tops I had, and walked out of the change room. I left a few items on the rack, because I didn't like them. I walked to the counter then, placing my things on the counter, and grabbing my bank card from my pocket. 

 

"I just want to ask, are you like, _the_ Olivia?" 

 

I looked up at the cashier, who was beat red at her question. 

 

"Um, what do you mean?" I said, mildly caught off guard at the question. 

 

"Like the Olivia thats marrying Ed Sheeran and gets to tour with him?"

 

"Oh, oh, yeah I am." I let out a mild laugh at the end of my statement, and the girl looked back and smiled at the other cashier that was standing behind her, looking just as excited as she did. 

 

"Um, do you mind if we see your ring?" She asked, the other one walking up closer. 

 

"Uh, okay." I held out my hand and they "ooooed," and "awwwhhed," over it. 

 

"He picked such a pretty ring!" I blushed at her comment, realizing that not everyone had what I had. 

 

"Yeah, he does a good job." I said, smiling at both girls looking at my ring. I pulled my hand away, just as the girl apologized about not ringing me through faster, rambling on to me because she was nervous. 

 

"It's okay, really." I said, shrugging my shoulders because I really had no other place to be, except maybe checking on Ed to see if he was awake or not. I figured he wasn't, I hadn't gotten any texts or calls from him, so I assumed he was sleeping still. 

 

"Have a good day, and say hi to Ed for us?" I cashier said as she finished and passed my clothes to me.  

 

"Yeah, I can do that. If you write something down for me I can give it to him if you like." 

 

Both girls scrambled for a piece of paper and a pen, scribbling down some sort of excited message for Ed, with twitter names and all. 

 

"Okay, I'll give it to him later. Bye." I waved as I walked out, both girls basically exploding with excitement that Ed would know who they are. 

 

I smiled as I walked, scanning the other shops in the area, when I ran across it. I ran across my dress, in the window of a shop. I quickly entered the small bridal shop, the owner of the store coming out from the back of the shop at the sound of the door opening. 

 

"Hello, can I help you?" she said to me. 

 

"Yeah, that dress, in the front, thats the one I'm getting married in, can I try it on?" I said, mildly rambling because now I was the excited one in the area. 

 

"Of course you can, I'll get it for you."

 

The shop lady pulled the gown off of the mannequin, and brought me back to a change room. I stepped into the dress, pulling the sleeves over my arms as the lady tied the bow at the back. She also put my hair up, securing it loosely with a tiara and a vail. I turned around to the mirror, and gasped. It was it. It was the dress. My tummy did flips inside of me, my hands mildly shaking as I looked at myself, as a bride. The lady stood beside me after I had a moment alone. 

 

"So is this the dress?"

 

I couldn't fathom words, so I just shook my head yes. There was only one problem though, I was on tour, so, how would I get it fitted and made? and, how would I keep it from Ed? 

 

"Um, I have a problem though. I'm on tour, and my fiancee, is, Ed Sheeran, whom I'm on tour with. Were only here till like, midnight." 

 

The lady smiled at me, touching my arm at my problem.  

 

"Call your manager, we'll sort this out, it's okay." She said. Good idea, Stuart will help. 

 

I rang Stuart, over-excited, but I eventually got out where I was and what was going on. He walked into the bridal studio awkwardly as a fish out of water, but gawped when he saw me in the dress. 

 

"Wow, Ed's going to die," he said to me and the shop owner. "By the way, he's awake and wanting to know where you are. Took quite a chat to get him away from me." 

 

I laughed at Stuart, "well it's a good thing your the boss and can order him to do whatever you want him to." 

 

"Yes, because he listens to me." We had a laugh, but then it was back to the real problem - keeping a massive dress a secret from Ed, while being on tour for the next two months. Stuart talked to the shop owner and me, figuring out a plan. 

 

"Well, the dress fits really well without any tailoring, so you could just take this one, only about two other people have tired it on. I could mail it to someone in London, if thats okay? I have a shop out there that would hold it in storage for you, or you could send it to someone to hold onto it for you, it's up to you." 

 

"Why don't we send it to the record label, we can keep it in my office if you like?" Stuart said. 

 

"Yes, because I haven't figured out my bridesmaids or who's involved, so keeping it in your office would be good, Ed never goes there, so I think it would be safe there," I said. 

 

"Okay, then, how about one picture in it just so you remember it, and then I can take it and box it up and ship it," the store lady said. 

 

I shook my head and stood up straighter when Stuart held up a camera he had snatched on his way out of the bus. I smiled and stood there as the flash went off. Stuart showed me the photo as I was untied from the dress. I smiled really big at it, every piece of it hitting perfectly. I couldn't wait for Ed to see it. Stuart left while I was getting back into regular clothes, and I paid the hefty fine for such a special dress. The lady hugged me, and I felt my nerves pick up thinking about having a dress. I grabbed my stuff and slipped out the door, walking back along the pavement towards the venue again. 

 

\-- 

 

I got back to the green room to an Ed sitting on the couch with a handful of Lego on the table. He looked up when I walked in. 

 

"Where'd you go?" He asked, curiosity getting the best. 

 

"I just went around, I got some clothes cause I felt like it." I said, slipping my shoes off and sitting next to him with my bag of clothes in hand. 

 

"Let me see," he said as he took the bag from me and pulled out the clothes one by one. 

 

"I like this one, you should wear it right now," he said as he pulled out the lace dress that I had bought. 

 

"Okay, give it to me," I said, taking it from him and ripping the tags off. I slipped the top I was wearing off my head, replacing it with the dress. I pulled off my jean shorts from underneath, letting the dress settle on it's own. 

 

"Mmmmm, yep, I like it." Ed said to me, pulling me in and pressing his lips to mine. I smiled on his lips, realizing how much I missed them. 

 

"Hows that back of yours mister?" I said, resting my hand on his shoulder, keeping my face close to his. 

 

"It hurts," he said, pouting out his bottom lip at the same time. "Stuart taped this cold thing to it, and it feels funny," turning around and lifting up his shirt to show me. There was a cold pack taped to it, along with a towel so it wouldn't be freezing on him, just so that it kept it cold. 

 

"Mmm, better than it swelling up really bad and then it would hurt even more though." I said as he turned back around, pushing his bottom lip out again. I hooked my one leg on his and kissed his nose, making him pout less than he was. I pushed my lips to his, forcing him to stop pouting all together. I let out a small smile as we were kissing, and started blushing as the thought of my dress floated through my brain again. 

 

"What are you smiling about?" Ed probed. 

 

"Nothing." 

 

"No tell me."

 

"I can't. It's a secret." 

 

He squinted his eyes at me, blew a breath out and looked down at his Lego again. 

 

"Fine. I'll let you have a secret." 

 

I pushed him at his comment and he laughed, picking his Lego back up, leaning forward. I set my hands on his upper back, and squished in-between him and the couch, careful not to unstick the pack on his lower back. I rubbed my hands on his thick shoulders, feeling his muscles and bones. He leaned into me, relaxing into my hands. I pulled his shirt up and slipped my hands onto the bare of his back, massaging the pale skin underneath it. It was warm and soft, creamy almost. I leant my head on his back after a while, listening to his heartbeat through his back muscles. I held my hands on his ribs as I listened, the beat being strong and steady, never wavering. I could hear him breathing too, it was slower than his heartbeat, but just as steady. It was all working together, keeping him alive, and it was heavenly to listen to. I closed my eyes and sighed when he sat up a bit, turning to look at me. I opened my eyes to see his, along with his smiling pink lips. 

 

"Does it all sound right?" he said, making me giggle and nod. 

 

"Good, but we should check yours, yeah?" I laughed as he pulled me in front of him, pressing his ear to my back now. He himmed and hummed at the sounds before pulling me to look at him. 

 

"Sounds perfect to me, but then I can't find anything wrong with you anyways." He pushed his lips to mine again, when the door opened, and the sound of the crowd flooded the room a bit. 

 

"Show time you guys." Mark the tour manager said to us. 

 

\----------------

 

Olivia's POV

 

Adrenaline. 

 

I can feel it pushing it's way through my veins as I silently memorize each step closer to the stage. My left hand is holding the neck of my guitar, weaving it through the hallway, while my left hand sits on top of the guitars body. I can hear Ed mildly humming behind me, silently reaching out to touch my back a few times, dragging a finger or two up my spine, letting me know how he's behind me, and how close he is to me. He's followed me down like this since day one, gently nudging me along, letting me know that everything is alright, that he's here still. I can hear the crowd quieting down into that eery silence before an artist walks on stage. It's that moment between the lights going out, and the act starting on stage. It's a silent way of the entire crowd saying, "We're ready, our hearts are pounding out of our chest, and we're ready to have this moment together." It's a bond, a bond between every single person in the room, a bond thats hard to forget, even though you're standing beside a complete stranger. I feel Ed pull on the strap of my guitar, five seconds before I'm walking out onto stage. He pulls me back to him for a moment, pushing his lips to mine, a hand on the back of my head, letting me know that he's here for me, that he loves me. 

 

Then I'm there. I'm on stage, walking across pitch blackness to the glow stick that sits behind the monitor speakers so we know where we're suppose to stand. I find the plug on the floor for my guitar, pushing the end into the metal jack on the end of it. I push on the floor petal, making a sea of lights come on in front of me. Both Ed and I play through the same system, I just don't touch the loop pedal while I'm playing, I leave that alone, I just play through it. The hot lights come on then, burning into me as the crowd erupts into my face. I can only see to the third set of rows in the crowd, everyone pushed up against the barrier, screaming and clapping. I start into the first song, and I'm pulled away mentally. I'm sinking into the music, into the floor, into the crowd in front of me. I keep going for a steady fourty five minutes, singing to the crowd, and having them sing back to me. I know I'm not as big as Ed is, but I'm still big enough that people know the words to my songs. It's a big feeling, knowing that. Knowing that someone took the time to not just listen to my songs, but to learn them, feel them, memorize the words. They've been played hundreds of times on iPods, radios, computers and phones. Part way through I sit down on the edge of the stage, and I unplug my guitar. I bring the microphone and get everyone to shush in the place. Everyones just looking, listening as I set the microphone down to play a solid set of songs with just my voice and my guitar, full on acoustic. It's amazing, a warm feeling overcoming everyone and everything. I finish, stand up, and walk of stage, right into Ed's arms. I take my guitar off my shoulder, holding it in my hand as our lips lock, shocks running up and down my body at the touch. 

 

Suddenly their gone though, and he's trailing his hand across my jaw as he walks on stage, making the crowd roar even louder. His eyes are still on mine, and he's smiling. He's smiling as he turns to face the crowd, and he plugs in his own guitar now. From then on, it's just grace. It's raw and open, a wound that won't ever heal. It's everything he ever wanted, but it's peaceful, and gorgeous. 

 

But soon it's over too, and it's just us again. 

 

\-- 

 

Ed's POV

 

"Come here, I need to sit down," I said as I pulled her out of her happy trance at the side of the stage. She was staring at me, delight in her eyes, but my back pain was overtaking me in joining her. I had hurt myself, bad. I pulled her into the green room, plopping my guitar in it's case, but leaving it open. Olivia's had already been put away and was back on the bus, someone had taken it out while I was playing. 

 

"Here, sit down love," Olivia said to me, and I wimply sat down on the couch, going slowly because my back had started to hurt from standing on stage. The real heat of the injury was starting to come now, I could feel the swelling going away and pain coming instead. It wasn't a sharp pain, just constant, like it would never go away. The ice pack that had been stuck to it had been removed before I played, so it wouldn't drop while I was up there. Stuart said that it was okay, but he wasn't sure if it would get worse or not. Olivia came and pulled my shirt up at the back. I heard her pull in a breath and let it out slowly when she was looking at the injury. 

 

"That's a nice bruise," she said, smiling at my sweaty face. I grabbed the towel off the coffee table and buried my face in it, not wanting to deal with my back anymore. The door opened then, both Stuart and Mark flooding in with a few more tech guys, who scooped up my guitar and headed outside to the bus. 

 

"Good job you two!" Mark said to us, coming over with Stuart. 

 

"Thanks," Olivia said, nodding for the two of them to come over to look at my back. 

 

"Ouch," Stuart said when he leaned over me. Mark just pulled in a breath, and asked how it was feeling after moving a bunch. 

 

"It hurts a lot actually, it's just constant now, it's not sharp pain, but it's defiantly there." I said. 

 

"Hmmm," Mark said, looking at Stuart who was still holding my shirt from when he looked at my back. 

 

"Well, lets get you to the bus, and then we'll find something to put on it so you can get some sleep and help you feel a bit better." 

 

I shook my head and stood up with the help of Stuart's hand. I was a bit stormed outside, but security got both me and Olivia to the bus with no trouble. I sat down again in the bus as Stuart searched for something in the bathroom and Olivia brought me a pair of much more comfortable sweat pants. I slipped them on, letting my jeans hit the floor with a gentle thud. Olivia sat down with me, kissing my lips gently, telling me that I did a super job tonight and how much she loves me. I smiled back at her, telling her all the sweet things I could about her. I let my eyes scan her face, taking in her skin and her eyes, her pink lips and perfect nose. I couldn't help pressing my lips to hers once more before leaning forward when Stuart came back to me with some sort of gel in his hand. I bit my lip as I slid forward on the couch, and Olivia pulled my shirt up and off my head due to it being sweaty and gross. Stuart spread the cold goo across my back, making me shiver and gasp when he touched me. Olivia ran her hand through my hair, making me look up at her as she returned from tossing my clothes in the hamper on the bus. 

 

"Here, take a Tylenol, it'll help dull it down, and it'll make you sleep." 

 

I took the pill and water from her other hand, putting it in my mouth and swallowing it fully, along with about half the water bottle. Stuart had bandaged up my back with the gel, and I could feel it numbing out the pain a bit. It felt nice, even though it was cold. The tape of the bandage felt odd though, like it didn't move with me at all. I sat back on the couch pulling on another tshirt that Olivia tossed at me while she was walking around the bus finishing up her nightly routine. She placed a warm cuppa in my hands, and threw a blanket on us while she sat down and cuddled into me with her own cup in her hand. She had taken off her makeup by now, and was settling in for a sleep it seemed. It also seemed that the bus had been loaded with the equipment we used, and that we were going to be heading out soon. 

 

I could feel myself starting to relax from the medication and the tea, and was ready to pack it in. Olivia was cuddled up to me on my shoulder, with her empty mug in her hand still. She woke up a bit and stood up, taking my mug and hers, placing them in the little sink we had. 

 

"Come," was all she said along with an outstretched hand to help me up from the couch and to the back of the bus, leaving the blanket behind. I shut the door and climbed into the bed, letting my head fall onto the pillow before I barely had the covers up my body. I was too tired though and just let them fall wherever as I shut my eyes, drowning out what was going on around me. I could hear the drawers shut and Olivia throwing her clothes into the hamper as she got into her pjs. She pulled the covers up over me then, pushing my legs onto the mattress more and tucking me in with a kiss on my temple as she placed a strand of hair behind my ear. I felt her side of the bed depress as she got under the covers with me, pulling my head near hers so she could snuggle up to me. She kissed my lips one last time before whispering an, "I love you," to me, making me smile just enough so she would know I heard her. She turned around then, backing into me, making me the bigger spoon. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her tight, and in return she snaked her fingers through mine and relaxed with a sigh under me. I let sleep take over me then, taking me into my dreams. 

 

 

\--------------------

 

Olivia's POV

 

Ed's hand woke me up, sitting on my ribcage twitching as he dreamed away. The bus was moving still, indicating that it was late and that we were on our way to another city. It was dark, but I could still make out Ed's features when I rolled over to face him, taking his hand in mine and placing it in front of him. He was breathing heavy from the Tylenol I had given him for his back. I could see his eyes moving behind his lids, and every so often his mouth would twitch or he would make a sound. He seemed to be becoming a little unsettled in his dream, scrunching his face up and gripping the sheets in his hand. I ran the pads of my thumb across his lips, trailing my hand down his cheek to the back of his head. He grained loudly and grabbed my side, pulling me to him in his sleep. I pulled myself around his neck, holding his head beside mine, gently sushing him from whatever he was dreaming about. His breathing slowed down to a more regular pace, and his body relaxed as he calmed down. I could feel his arm going slack on my body, so I let him slide back onto his pillow, removing my body from his. I pulled my shirt down that had ridden up throughout the night, and slipped silently from bed and to the bathroom. 

 

I bit my lip as I saw my appearance in the mirror. My hair was tied up on my head, frizz coming out of it, my skin pale and natural, my body slim, skin tight around it. I shut the door before sitting down on the toilet for a midnight bathroom trip. I smiled as I saw the black paw print surface on my hip bone. Ed had done it so many months ago it felt like another lifetime. I scanned my feet, seeing the first set of ink on my skin. From there I could see the numerous other self made scars, mainly the feathers floating on my shoulder. I was back in front of the mirror, looking at the marks on my skin, regretting every stroke that I had made. I blinked my way back to reality, that I'm not there anymore, I left it behind. 

 

I slid back to Ed in our bed, running my eyes along his features again, even though I knew them all already. I laid there, facing him, but not touching him. My mind was wandering, wandering to how amazing he is to me. He's been through so much because of me, but he never left. I had to go through a battery of tests before I was allowed to come on tour with him because of my wounds, which were healed really, but better safe then sorry was what I was told. I was put into numerous machines at the hospital, all fairly scary to me, a lot of foreign things I was being put in. X-ray machines, CT scans, MRI's, and other things I had no idea what they were. One night was really bad though, I had to have a CT scan earlier in the day, and I had to drink this solution so that the machine could pick up what was going on inside me. I was fine during the day, but late at night I got sick from it. I was leaning over on the cold floor of our house, throwing up anything in my stomach into our toilet. Ed came in and pulled my hair out of my face, leaning over me and rubbing my back. We spent the majority of that night on the bath mat, wrapped in a blanket that Ed got, me in-between his legs, his arms wrapped around my shivering body, holding onto me so that I wouldn't fall over in exhaustion from throwing up. It was so bad that he would have to hold me up while I chucked into the toilet. I remember my arms and legs being limp, Ed's arms the only thing keeping me tilted over so I wouldn't choke on my own vile. I remember leaning my head on his shoulder while he hummed in my ear and rocked us back and forth. It was a long night, probably one of the longest we've had together. He was there though, through it all. 

 

I softly came back to reality, and wiggled up close to Ed's face, kissing him lightly on his lips that were relaxed and warm against mine. He pushed back a little in response to me, and the corners of his mouth moved upwards slightly at the touch, even though he was fast asleep. I pulled the covers up, and fell asleep again right beside him. 

 

\--Ed's POV

 

I woke stiff and sore, and grumpy. Thankfully there was no promo today, just a gig later today. I pulled the covers closer to my face, pulling them over me when I heard noise from the other side of the door. 

 

"Mmmm, Ed." I had forgotten that there was another body in bed with me until she made a noise and pulled the covers back over her body. I rolled onto my stomach and groaned into the pillow, soaking up the smell of sweat off of it. Suddenly the door swung open and we were being told to get up. 

 

"You two, up now, let's get this show on the road at some point today." 

 

"Yeah whatever," I said towards Stuart, who I had now identified from the voice, "We'll get up when we want to." 

 

"Sooner than later would be better," he said before walking out of the room. I felt Olivia get up on her elbows close to me, peaking her head at me. I rolled over to look at her, her slim figure partly covered by the disheveled covers, hair tied up and messy, the way I like it. 

 

"Cover hog," were the first words towards me from her, along with a cheeky grin on her lips. All I did was smile back at her, and I stuck my tongue out at her as well. She patted my face and stood up off the mattress, leaving me alone as she went to get a tea I assumed. I could hear the chorus of, 'good mornings' towards her as she said her hellos to the team on the bus. I decided to roll out of bed too, making a slow walk towards the kitchen in the bus. My back was defiantly not as good as it used to be, but I was upright. Olivia placed a tea on the counter for me when I walked up to everyone. 

 

"Hey, how's your back mate?" Mark said as I took a gulp of tea, letting the heat of it loosen my throat up from sleeping. 

 

"It's stiff, thats for sure," I said to him, putting the tea back on the counter, "Want to look?" I said as he got up from the table. 

 

"Yeah sure, turn around," he said, so I did. He peeled the bandage off and wiped the gel off with a kleenex, making me twitch at the touch because it was still tender for me. 

 

"It's still really bruised, maybe you should take it easy today." 

 

I looked over at Olivia who was looking expectantly at me, waiting for my answer. When I didn't she realized that I wanted to do what she wanted to, I didn't really care if I was hurt myself or not. 

 

"Movie day maybe?" She offered to me. 

 

"Okay, that sounds good, but only if I can dawn a onesie." I smiled at the end comment, knowing that she wasn't a huge lover of the adult size baby wear. 

 

"Okay, whatever you want love." She said before hiding her smirk behind her mug of tea. 

 

I walked back to our room, pulling out two matching onesies for us, slipping mine on over my t-shirt and underwear. I smiled at the warmth of it, immediately smiling. I walked out to Olivia flipping through the movie cabinet, finding something to watch for the day. I pulled on her shoulder, making her look up to me with her onesie in my hand. I pushed it at her, making her go change even though I could tell she felt dorky doing it. I scanned the titles of various movies, biting my lip as I was having trouble choosing one. I pulled out, _Indiana Jones,_ just as Olivia came back dressed for a day on the couch. I smiled at her appearance, everything hugging her perfectly, even though the onesie was big on her. She had pulled on slippers too, completing the look with her hair piled on her head still. 

 

"Stop staring and put the movie in you," she said, blushing at me staring at her and turning away to the couch, sitting down with the rest of her tea. Most of the bus had vacated by now, but Stuart was still in the bus, working on some sort of paper work. I threw the movie in and moved my way to the couch, sitting Olivia in my lap like I liked her too. Spooning with her was one of my favourite things. 

 

"You two look cute as two peas in a pod," I heard Stuart say, and he walked over his phone in his hand, holding it up. 

 

"Let me take a picture," he said as Olivia covered her face from the phone, clearly embarrassed at anyone other than close people seeing her face without makeup. 

 

"Come on, don't worry, you're beautiful love," I said, pulling her hands away from her face and kissing her hand over her shoulder. She smiled and leaned back to kiss my cheek while Stuart snapped the photo. He showed it to us and then tweeted it 

out to his followers. Hundreds of tweets came flooding back at how cute we are, and we laughed and read some of them as they came in. Soon enough we settled into the movie and played with each others hands as we always did, until soundcheck came around and so did the show. 

 

\-- 

 

Countless shows passed, came and went, started and finished. Before we knew it, the last one was coming. It was a few minutes away, we were walking down the hall to the final stage of this tour. I pulled Olivia's guitar strap one last time, and she turned around with a smile plastered on her face. 

 

"Remember this forever, okay?" She said as she pressed her lips to mine and wrapped her arms around my neck. I held her a little longer before she pulled away, and the lights were on and she was on stage again. 

 

I watched her before I played like I did every night, and as a final thing, we played together for about three songs at the end of my set. We jumped down into the crowd after, leaving our guitars on stage, saying hello to as many people as we could at the front of the room we were playing. It was packed, but it was great. 

 

What was better though, was the thought that our wedding was only a few short months away. 

 

 

 

\--------------------

 

Ed's POV 

 

Olivia was perched on the side of the tub with her feet in the water in my lap, iPad in hand, while I was sunk in the water gently playing with her toes. She was in a white shirt, and I could see her bra through it. Her hair was up in a messy bun, her face clean without makeup. She was in pj shorts, letting her flawless legs show and then disappear into the bubbles of the bath. 

 

"I wish you could come in," I said. 

 

"I know, but you know I can't, you it's that time." 

 

"Mmmmm, I know." 

 

"Next time love," she said, leaning down to kiss me before returning to her game of Temple Run, clearly failing when she switched off the glass tablet, setting it on the counter in the bathroom. 

 

"Okay, come here." she said as she moved behind me, letting her feet sit on either side of me, putting her hands on my shoulders and massaging away my sore muscles. 

 

"Mmmmmm, thats lovely," I said as her thumbs pressed into my skin. I followed the patterns she was making on my skin, she worked from my outer shoulders, up my neck, and around my hairline. It was making my eyes cross sleepily, when she moved back down my shoulders to my upper arms, taking my right one in both her hands, kneading the muscles. I shut my eyes as she hit a sore bit, wincing a little at the pain from it. 

 

"Sorry, knot," she said, and I shook my head as she worked it away. It felt better after a while, and she moved across my forearm and to my hand. She pressed her thumbs into my palm, pushing and pulling at the tendons. It felt good, and I let my body slip down more into the water around me, closing my eyes and just focusing on the energy of her fingers. I felt her slid her hands back up my body to my other side, placing a gentle kiss on my cheek as she went. I smiled a bit and let out a small giggle, just as she picked up my other arm, pulling the colourful skin out of the water. I opened my eyes to her eyes scanning the pictures, smiling at ones she knew, and just looking at the ones she didn't know. She started rubbing down them, just as she had on the other arm. She started using her lips then too, kissing once in a while on the ones that she loved, or knew that were because of her. 

 

She was leaning down and in the light from the window I was in awe. She was a picture, a picture of soft skin, mixed with more tattoos than before, strewn across her body. I could see down her loose top as she leaned forward a little bit, and I saw the words, "never forget who you are," with a little Simba underneath her left collarbone. It had been done in Toronto, her home really, it was a treasure to her. The feathers on her left upper chest had been tattooed on in white, with hints of brown and pink on them. Down her forearms laid more words, "Let the other side of darkness kiss your face," half on her left arm, half on her right. A rocketship now laid on her inner left ankle, and cherry blossoms curled around her right hip bone, flowing down her underwear line. Four horseshoes hid behind her left ear also, some sort of significance laid there too, she got them on her left because she was stronger on her left rein then her right. I didn't really understand, but she did, so that was what mattered. They were beautiful on her skin, I wish I could carry ink like she could. 

 

She finished with my body by kissing the ends of my fingertips, sending goosebumps up and down my body. 

 

"Okay, my turn?" she asked, and I nodded, turning around in the water so that I was facing her at the end of the tub. I took her right foot in my hands, and started working the middle of her foot. She leant back on the wall, making the picture of her in my mind a movie instead. Her head leaned on the wall, rolling back and extending her neck. It was perfectly white, almost sinking into the light creme colour of the wall behind her. I worked my hands up to her toes, and then pushed my thumbs into the top of her foot, running across the ink that was in her skin there. I went up to her ankle, feeling the bone under her skin, along with the tendon at the back of her foot. I kissed her toes and picked up her other foot, letting her right foot sink back into the water, resting on my thigh. Her left foot was exactly like her right one, but with different tattoos, but still, it felt the same. They were equally beautiful and worn, but perfect. 

 

I dragged my hands up her legs after setting the left foot back in the water, kneeling up and taking her body in my hands. I pulled her closer to me, so her legs were in the water up to her thighs. I put my head on her body, in-between her breasts, listening to her body work. She held her hands on my neck, and then trailed them up to the sides of my face, pulling me up to kiss her, and then she held my neck again, letting me put my head on her shoulder and neck. I ran my nose up to her ear, making her body erupt in goosebumps. 

 

"Mmmm, give me love," I said into her ear, making her smile and breath out onto my wet skin, making me shiver. I revelled at her, at every single bit of her. 

 

She pulled my head back to look at her, super close to my face. Her blue eyes poured into mine, just as our noses touched, and our lips pushed together. I rose out of the water, pulling her up with me, her shirt sticking to my wet body. She laid her head on my shoulder while wrapping her legs around me. I stepped from the bath and took her to the bedroom, not bothering with a towel. I put her down on the mattress and pulled her now wet shirt off of her head, tossing it on the ground behind me. 

 

I moved her more up the bed as I crawled over her body, while she kept her hands on my neck, steading herself underneath me. I pulled the covers down and put her in them, knowing that I couldn't tease her without getting some sort of disappointment for both of us, she wasn't able to do what we wanted right now, but I was okay with waiting. I pulled the covers over my back, and pressed my body against hers, as her hands moved on my shoulders, wrapping herself around me. 

 

"Ed,"

 

"Yeah?" I said while moving myself to be more on the mattress and more off of Olivia's frail body. 

 

"This is seriously gross, but I need a tampon." 

 

I smiled as she laughed at what she had just said, clearly ruining the moment but making it better as she laughed. 

 

"Wait a sec." I said as I rolled from under the covers back to the bathroom, slipping on a pair of underwear on my way. I picked up the box of tampons off the floor beside the toilet, and swiped the iPad off the counter where Olivia had left it. I got back to the bedroom and got back in the covers, placing the box on Olivia's stomach, and the iPad on mine as I got comfortable. 

 

"Sorry this is nasty," Olivia said as she pushed away the covers and jammed her hand down her pants. 

 

"Stop watching, gosh," she said as she pushed my face away from me watching her. 

 

"Sorry, sorry, I don't do that kind of thing, curiosity is my weak point." I said, making her smirk. 

 

"Be thankful you don't have to do this," she said as her face screwed up and she reached for the garbage can. I looked away then, picking the iPad up and got into a game of Temple Run until Olivia had settled back under the covers. 

 

"Stop being so good," she muttered after watching me play for a bit, getting a massive high score, better than anything she had ever done in the game. I laughed and set the game down on my lap, moving into a more comfortable position close to her. A tv had been put up on the wall across from our bed, and for some reason Olivia had insisted that she wanted her Xbox in the bedroom. She had always been a bit of a junkie when it came to video games, and considering that I was a loss with them, I generally watched her play more than joining in. She reached for the tv remote and her controller, which was white, while mine was black. I heard the xbox turn on when she held the centre button down on her controller. 

 

"Get yours," she said, looking at me with a smile, "I promise we won't play against each other, I just want you to play a bit with me, but we won't have to battle or anything, promise." 

 

I groaned and rolled over, swiping my controller off my nightstand, turning it on just like Olivia had with hers. She scrolled through the games on the device with blazing speed, mesmerizing me already. She got into a minecraft world, and connected me in. I could see her little body on my half of the screen, and it was actually quite cool. 

 

"Okay, so, your left knob is like, backwards forwards, left right, and then the right knob is your eyes basically. You look around with it." 

 

I got a half decent grip on the controls, and began following Olivia's character around the little jungle we were in. She had already built a bunch in it, and we bopped around underground in her rooms she had dug out. 

 

"Okay, follow me, over here, okay?" She said, and I did as I was told. 

 

We walked down a really long corridor, until we fell off a cliff, and I must say it gave me a heart attack, but where we landed was truly beautiful. It was a balcony, over looking the land, with a view over a lake, and it was right where the sun was setting at that moment. It might have been cheesy, but it was really amazing to be there with her, even though it was through a video game. I put my controller down and took her actual body in mine and kissed her, pulling her face to mine with my hands. I could feel her smiling, and released her to look at her face. 

 

She was smiling, happy as a cupcake. 

 

"I can't wait to marry you," she said. 

 

"I can't either, it's going to be perfect." 

 

This wasn't a lie either, pretty much everything had been set, all the invites were out, the flowers arranged along with the cake, the rooftop was booked, the restaurant, my tux was ready, along with the bridal party, consisting of two of my friends and two of Olivia's from Canada. The dresses had been picked, and so had Olivia's. I could tell, because she had been having random smiles while looking at nothing since the day in the green room. I knew then that she had it, and I didn't know what it looked like or anything, and I was fine with that, I wanted the surprise. She would be beautiful in whatever she wore. 

 

 

 

\------------ 

 

Olivia's POV

 

It was here. The day was here. 

 

I laid on my back in bed, knowing that Ed had left last night for the hotel, leaving the house to me. My two best friends were my bridesmaids, sleeping on the couch and floor in the living room. My mum and dad were in a hotel too, probably already up I assumed, hearing my phone buzzing on my nightstand. I rolled over looking at the screen, mildly blinding myself with the brightness level of it. I smiled at the excited text from my mother, written in all caps, "THE DAY IS HERE!!!" with a few smiley faces to follow it. I quickly texted her back, before sitting up and thinking about how the past few months had gone so fast. I looked over to my closet, seeing the fabric of my dress hanging on the door of it. I got butterflies in my stomach just as my two friends bounded into my bed smashing me with pillows, making me laugh uncontrollably. 

 

Today was going to be perfect, no doubt. 

 

\--Ed's POV

 

I held my hands over my face attempting to calm my nerves about today, failing horribly as one of my groomsmen stood in the doorway. 

 

"Chap, stop freaking out, it'll be good," he said, before walking away to find some sort of breakfast. I groaned and stood up from the bed, still trying to calm myself. I figured a shower was a good idea, so I turned up the hot water and let it beat down on my skin. I still felt a nervous after my shower, but much better after waking up fully. Now it was just energy to get the day started and going. The ceremony wasn't until two, but I wanted it to be now, mainly so I could see Olivia and have her back to myself. She had kicked me out last night, me trying to hang onto every last moment with her, not wanting to go, but with the backup of her bridesmaids, she got me out of the house without a real fuss. 

 

I chewed down on some toast with my two best mates, when a knock came on the door. I opened it and my father came in, shrugging his shoulders in defeat, "well, the women kicked me out, I guess I'm with you guys now." We all laughed at his comment and welcomed him in, putting his tux on the bed for later. 

 

It was a fairly quiet morning for us boys, I straightened my hair and slowly pulled on my pants, letting myself focus on my breathing and my heart rate, looking up and out of the window I was near. I scanned the city of London, thinking about how beautiful it is. I felt a hand on my shoulder, turning around while buttoning my shirt, to face my father with my bow tie in his hand. I finished buttoning my shirt and he slipped the tie around my neck, tying it up and smiling. He finished and it was just mutual, the feeling between us didn't need words, it was just there, finished by a bear hug on both our halves. I closed my eyes, letting his warmth sink in, hoping that I would be as good a husband that he is to my mom. The hug ended with a pat on the back, and I checked my watch. 

 

"Five minutes till we go Dad," I said, smiling to him, and he smiled back. 

 

"Give it all Ed," he said to me, turning around and walking away to grab his jacket and he headed for the door, along with my two groomsmen, the last on holding the door and gesturing for me to come along with them. I grabbed my jacket off the couch it was laying on, sliding it onto my body, buttoning up the let two buttons on it. Olivia's parents and mine were in the hallway, waiting for me with a flower for my suit jacket. My heart was pounding as it was pinned to me, signifying that I was the groom. I ran my hand through my hair ruffling it before following everyone to the elevator, and then to the cars which were waiting outside. 

 

I slipped into the door of my car, along with my two groomsmen, and Stuart, who was already in the car, and was basically conducting this wedding more or less. He knew where I needed to be and when, which was helpful because I didn't overly know. 

 

"You're going straight to your spot, she's already there and you can't see her, so, right upstairs, okay? And you have to stay there, you can't come down." 

 

I shook my head, worried my voice would shake with my growing nerves at what he said to me. We were going, right now, and I would be in my spot, waiting for Olivia, just a floor lower than me, waiting to make her mine forever. I fiddled with my suit jacket hem until the car pulled up to the small shop, where me and Olivia shared memories and beyond on the rooftop, and today we were adding a really big memory. 

 

I walked up the stairwell quickly, being ushered by Stuart, and saying hello to the man who was marrying us when I made it to the front of the isle. My nerves were full on now, even though it was just a small group of people, I wasn't good at speaking, I was good at singing. My groomsmen were downstairs, leaving just me, Stuart, the small crowd, and my nerves. I must have been visibly nervous by now, because Stuart came up and talked to me to relax me a bit and fix me up before wiping the sweat off my forehead for me. 

 

"Stuart I'm so nervous." 

 

"Why would you be nervous, she's the girl you've fallen for, and she's fallen for you, do you think she's just gunna run away from you at the alter?" 

 

I smiled at his comment, bringing me back to reality, cluing in that I really didn't have anything to be nervous about, we were in love and I knew that, this was just making it official with a piece of paper. I settled down then, and Stuart returned to his seat. 

 

The rest of the rooftop had been cleared of the snow that had fallen, and white chairs were put up in about four rows, each seat being taken by a body. There were twinkle lights on the outer edge of the outside chairs, and yellow flowers were on the inner chairs, lining the isle, which was white and a thin layer of flowers had been placed on it, dancing around the edge of the fabric. There was a white wooden structure above the whole scene, keeping the snow away, and instead it more made a bit of a cave. The top was wood criss-crossed with plexiglass on top, letting you see the under part of the snow. Underneath more lights were strung, making a very pretty picture, even for two in the afternoon. There was one stair up to where I was with the priest, both of us on a platform, along with a piano that had been hauled to the roof, with one of Olivia's friends sat at the keys, ready to go when she needed to be. The couch from the rooftop was sat behind the platform bit, sheltered on it's own, facing out across London. I let the whole scene set in before my father came up the stairs and nodded at the priest before sitting down, signalling that this show was on the road. 

 

The pianist started playing and the groomsmen escorted the bridesmaids down the isle, before the chords changed and the familiar wedding song started to play. My heart fluttered as Olivia stepped out of the doorway with her father, lifting her eyes to mine, while everyone rose on the rooftop. 

 

My mind clouded over as her appearance washed over me. Her dress was a full tool bottom, snugging right to her waist, where it hit a band of silky material, wound around her and tied at the back. The top of her dress was a white and black plaid shirt, buttoned part way up, the collar being turned down just the right amount, and her sleeves were rolled up, completing the look. The necklace we shared was around her neck, hanging down to her waistline. Her hair was curled, brought down along hr one side, falling to her ribs. There was a small tiara in her hair, holding a veil over her face, which was rosy and perfectly done. Her eyeliner flicked out like she liked it, and her eyelashes were boosted with a few fake ones. She held a bouquet of white and yellow roses in her hands, while linked to her father. She was smiling and looked just as equally nervous as I felt. I walked down the step and took her hand after she passed her bridesmaid her bouquet, and kissed her father and let him sit down beside her mother. I led her up the steps, not letting my eyes leave hers. We stood there staring at each other for a moment before the priest started speaking to everyone. He spoke for a little bit before getting us to say our vows, and I had to go first, pounding chest and all, which Olivia must have detected because she squeezed my hands in hers when we were asked to join hands. 

 

_"Edward Christopher Sheeran, do you take Olivia Maddi Adams to be your wedded wife to live together in marriage. Do you promise to love, comfort, honor and keep her for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. And forsaking all others, be faithful only to her so long as you both shall live?"_

 

"I do."

 

_"Olivia Maddi Adams, do you take Edward Christopher Sheeran to be your wedded husband to live together in marriage. Do you promise to love, comfort, honor and keep him For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. And forsaking all others, be faithful only to him so long as you both shall live?"_

 

"I do."

 

We were staring into each others eyes, both trying to hold back tears as our words came out. I took the ring for Olivia from one of my groomsmen, slipping it on her finger, saying, "With this ring, I thee wed." 

 

Olivia then did the same, slipping the ring onto my finger, uttering the same words. The priest then started talking again,  _"Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this congregation, to join together this Man and this Woman in holy matrimony. You may kiss the bride."_

 

I took Olivia in my arms, a planted a kiss squarely on her lips, letting the photographer take a photo of us. It was perfect, we were married. I pulled away and smiled at her, leading her to a table that was behind her. We signed the marriage certificate, along with the rest of the bridal party. It was finally official, and on paper, we were married. 

 

I took her arm then, and lead her back down the isle, smiling profusely at her the majority of the way. Everyone clapped behind us, and as soon as we were from view from everyone in the stairwell, I felt Olivia grip her hand on mine and turn around to face me. 

 

She was smiling, and I pulled her into my arms, holding her tight. 

 

"I love you," she whispered into my ear before putting her lips on mine, holding my face in her hands. She had on for a while, letting us merge together before pulling away to walk down the stairs, hand in hand. Before we went I held her and told her she was beautiful. She blushed and turned, a smile playing on her lips. 

 

\--Olivia's POV

 

I lead him down the stairs, and we were soon followed by the rest of the guests that we had invited. It was small, filling the restaurant perfectly. The tables were moved into a sort of half circle around the stage, let tin everyone be able to see each other, and you could wander in the middle to visit with people. The tablecloths were white, with daisies cut short in little glasses, and little lights were all around the room and on the table fronts. It was beautiful, and I love it. Ed and I were sat at the top of the circle, and everyone else sat to our sides. We ate dinner and talked about numerous things. It was warm and casual, exactly how Ed and I wanted it. The windows had been blocked out of the restaurant and pictures of Ed and I were stuck on the paper and lit up with lights above them. Some were of us on stage, others at places we had visited, and some were of me sleeping in the morning light, the ones Ed had taken without me knowing. Ed was attached at me hip for a lot of the night, one hand on me, beer in the other. Someone tapped on the mic on the stage, and I looked up to see Stuart and heard everyone shushing. My nerves flared up a bit, knowing that Ed and I would have to say a part probably after Stuart. 

 

"Ed, Olivia, I've watched both of you turn from a shy person, into a person who commands the stage and are well rounded and lovely, so to watch you guys become a couple, and now get married, that's pretty amazing. I hope that both of you have a wonderful marriage, and no Ed, you can't come on my sofa when she kicks you out." We laughed at his comment, knowing that Ed slept on Stuarts sofa for a long time before moving out. He motioned for us to come up then, and Ed took my hand and lead me up the small set of stairs to the stage, the hot light beating down on us, a familiar feeling. 

 

"Olivia," Ed started, looking at me and holding my hand as he paused, with a cheeky smile on his face, "I don't really know how I found someone like you, but I'm glad I did, and I'm glad that you're willing to put up with me, and wear onesies, and help me when I'm sick, and play with me on stage. I knew I loved you the first moment I laid my eyes on you so many months ago in Toronto. I love waking up next to you, seeing you on stage, holding you when you're upset, and getting in trouble with you. You're beautiful inside and out, and please let me in, Stuarts sofa isn't as comfy as sleeping with you." 

 

I smiled and hit his arm as he kissed me again, laughing at his begging for the bed. I took the mic then, saying sappy stuff too, until I was finished and figured it was time for a surprise. 

 

"Okay, so, since were both musicians, we figured it would be a whole lot more exciting if we sang a bit than just talked all night." I said as Ed handed me my guitar, and slung his over his shoulder. I propped mine on my body, testing the strings just to make sure that they were working. I started into the song that both Ed and I loved equally, and both loved to cover. It was Rihanna's "We Found Love," and we took turns singing verses, finishing the last one together with a kiss at the end, causing our guitars to slam into each other like they do backstage. We laughed and put them down on the stage, for they were battered anyways. We laughed and danced a bit with the rest of our guests until Ed grabbed my arm and whispered in my ear, "I want you out of that dress, you don't understand." 

 

I whisked my head at him, surprised at his comment, but excited at the look in his eye when they locked on mine. I smiled a little bit and bit my lip, knowing exactly where he was going, and I was happy to go there. He pulled me closer to the door, saying goodbye to a fair chunk of people along the way, even though some had already gone. Stuart was at the door managing the place, and smiled when Ed waved and gripped my hand tighter. 

 

"Is the car outside Stu?" he said, and Stuart nodded at him, "Yeah, have fun you two." he said before I was ushered out the door, laughing my head off at Ed. 

 

They're weren't any people outside, thankfully, because I was coming more and more ready by the minute. Ed opened the door for me, stuffing the tool dress into the car with me, then hopping in himself. 

 

"I can't find you love," he was laughing and playing with the skirt of my dress. 

 

"That was the idea, I wanted to be a hidden bride," I said, pushing it down to see Ed's face. We were still laughing about it as the car took off and Ed attached his lips to mine, mashing them hard. I knew he wasn't drunk because he held steady on my lips, holding my face in his hands this time. He smelt good, and I could feel his beard growing through already. We were back at our house before I knew it, and Ed carried me all the way inside, kicking his shoes off, going straight to the bed, where he placed me on the mattress, letting my dress sprawl out on the bed. 

 

Ed crawled over my body, kneeling on my dress, reaching behind me, untying the bow in the back, letting my body relax from the tension. He unbuttoned the top part, pulling the top half of the dress away from my body, letting the white corset I was in show. He unravelled the rest of the bow from my body, and pulled the tool off of my body, leaving me in my shoes, full body corset, and my tights. I let my shoes drop, and Ed pulled my tights down my legs, kissing his way down my thighs as he went. I pulled on his collar then, untying his bow tie, and unbuttoning his shirt as he threw off his jacket, leaving him bare chested and lovely. He kissed along my chest, making me breath heavy as I fiddled with his pants buckle and button. They finally slid away and he kicked them to the floor, leaving him in his underwear and socks, which I noticed didn't match. He continued kissing my neck and body, sucking on my neck and biting the skin on my collarbones. 

 

He pushed his body onto mine then, telling me how ready he was, pushing his crotch to mine, letting me wrap my legs around his torso, grinding on him and making him moan. I could feel myself getting wet already, knowing that my underwear wouldn't hold much because they were straight lace. Ed got curious then, sliding down my body, pushing on the insides of my thighs spreading my legs and getting a better angle. He kissed on the same spots, erupting goosebumps on my body. He kissed my wet through my underwear, smiling at the dampness before peeling away the wet fabric. He pushed his mouth onto me then, sucking and grazing his teeth on me, making my juice come out without control. He sunk finger into me, heightening the experience. I grabbed his head and pulled on his hair, hard.

 

I pulled him up and turned him around so he was on the mattress now, but he kept his fingers inside me, wanting some sort of control. I knelt above his chest, not wanting to sit on his hand, until he pulled out of me letting his control go. I moved down his chest, placing wet kisses on his skin, making him have goosebumps. I pulled away his underwear, letting his piece have freedom from the fabric. I was dripping by now, and raised myself over him, touching his end with my entrance. I slid onto him, and his body automatically reacted to my suction, making his back arch and he grabbed the sheets above his head at it. I watched his eyes flicking and rolling, when I started thrusting him gently, making him whimper and breath heavy. I could feel his legs moving behind me when he was getting close, his body wiggling from the sensation. He screamed out a deep noise from his chest, pulling my body to his as he dumped everything he had into me, his liquids hot inside of me, making me scream at the feeling, clenching onto him tighter, grabbing his sides not wanting to fall. I could feel the heat all the way into me, never having this feeling before. 

 

"Ed, holy." I said as everything was subsiding, not quite sure what had just happened. His eyes were scanning my face, when his lips curled a bit at the sides, knowing he had shocked me a little bit. We were fully connected just laying there, for quite a while until we were almost asleep, when Ed moved a bit and pulled out finally, leaving me a little empty feeling. He pulled the covers over us, and untied the string of my corset, slipping the tight fabric away from me. 

 

He kissed me gently until I felt my eyes flutter shut, the first sleep with my husband. 

 

 

 

 

 

\----------------------------

 

Olivia's POV

 

I woke intertwined with Ed's legs, my skin against his still, a dampness between us from laying together all night. My eyes were dry and I assumed red as ever, due to sleeping without taking my makeup off. I rolled over on the mattress, attempting to see the time, gently making the body beside me stir too. I could hear groaning as I stumbled around with my hand for my phone, I was still beat from yesterday, I could tell. 

 

"It's so early, why are you making noise?" 

 

I heard the grumble from beside me as I finally found my phone and checked the time. 

 

"It's not early at all, it's eleven thirty actually." I said as he pulled my body back to his, his lips searching for mine as his hand took my head and turned me to him. I let him take me and kiss me, melting together in the light from above us. He opened his eyes after, looking right into mine. He smiled and pecked me again before sitting up and grabbing one of his tshirts from the floor. He put it over my head and I stuck my arms through before he got up and found a tshirt for himself and a pair of underwear. He went to the bathroom, returning with a package of makeup remover, kneeling on the bed beside me where I had laid back down. I closed my eyes and he gently wiped my face clean, kissing me to tell me he had finished. I opened my eyes to his, his mouth saying, "that's better," before pulling me up and carrying me to the couch, walking around the messy living room from the day before. 

 

They're were air mattresses and blankets strewn across the floor, looking like a perfect way to spend an afternoon. We laid down and snuggled into each other, watching pointless programs and eating food that Ed would get, having some sort of microwaved macaroni and cheese for dinner. 

 

"This is gross but good," Ed said, making me laugh with a mouthful of the mushy noodles. 

 

"Yeah right, gross but good is what this is, more like gross and gross." I was laughing at it, because it really was just gross in general, but that was okay, a lot of things were okay right now, and I liked that. 

 

\-- 

 

Ed's POV

 

It was early, super early, but something was wrong. I could feel that Olivia had slipped out of bed, her body not in my arms anymore. Her body had rarely left my arms for the past three months while we slept, so the fact that she had left now was odd. I heard a muffled gag from our bathroom then, and shot up onto my feet right away, walking on the cold tile to Olivia throwing up in the toilet, struggling to hold her hair back, so I took it and kept it away for her. I rubbed her back, wondering what was going on with her, she was perfectly fine before we went to bed, she hadn't been sick for months. 

 

"Ed," she said when she stopped throwing up for a second, "theres a box under the counter, get it, it's a pregnancy test, get it for me." 

 

I got it, ripping it out of the packaging as she wiped her mouth and stood up, pulling her underwear down and taking the stick from me. I was biting my lip, knelt in front of her as she peed on the stick. She handed it back to me, and I could feel myself shaking as we waited for the results. Can she really be pregnant? I was really scared then, I can't believe this is happening. I can't imagine being a father yet. 

 

We waited for about five minutes until the test was ready. We were both looking at each other, the test upside down in my one hand, hers in the other. I turned over the test and we both looked down at it. 

 

Positive. 

 

I could feel my face go white with the results, but at the same time I could feel my heart swell at the fact that Olivia and I had actually _made_ something. It was settling in and a smile was creeping on my face. I looked back to Olivia, her eyes welling at the idea of having a baby. 

 

"Sweetheart," I said before throwing the test on the floor and taking her head in my hands and kissing her. She was smiling as we kissed and giggling at our joy. I put my hands on her tummy then, knowing that our child was inside. Her tears fell on my hands, and she wrapped her fingers over mine. We were both overwhelmed and I knew that as I picked her up and brought her back to bed, lifting her shirt up to kiss her tummy before pulling her back into my chest, soaking in her skin. 

 

\-- 

 

Olivia's POV

 

I laid in Ed's arms, a new thought in my head, the thought that I had a child inside of me. I could feel Ed start to breath heavy behind me, signalling he was falling asleep. I smiled thinking of our child, sleeping away just like Ed, with little ginger hairs sticking out all over, his pale skin softer than Ed's, but still warm. I wondered what he would be like, maybe calm like Ed, or maybe he would suffer with the same stuff that I did, those terrible lows that I got sometimes, but I wouldn't know for a while. I let myself drift off then, letting my tummy grow as it wanted to. 

 

\-- 

 

Ed's POV

 

She was standing on the pathway to the recording studio, in shorts and tshirt that didn't quite cover her now prominent belly, basking in the June sun, six months pregnant now. She was smiling back to me, waiting for me to come out with her to the studio. I was standing on the deck still, just staring at her, the women who is my wife, my beautiful pregnant wife, whom I couldn't wait to see a mother. 

 

"Come on you, stop waiting, I need you to come and play for me, so I can finish up this song," she said, a hint of laughter in her voice at the fact that she was too big to wrap her arms around a guitar and her belly now, so I was the designated guitar player as she recorded a new album slowly but surly. She was still unsigned, not really caring to be signed really, especially now that she was pregnant, she knew that the music would come as she needed it, and that her fans were loyal, and enjoying her pregnancy just as much as she was. She had pretty wicked morning sickness, but she was determined to make the best of it, fighting away the urges to call herself fat. I made sure to love her every movement, kissing and caressing the baby inside of her. We decided not to find out the gender at the doctors, wanting the surprise to come on it's own, but secretly we had both decided that it was going to be a boy, having that feeling inside both of us. Part of the side porch had been covered in, creating a bedroom for our baby, painted a shade of yellow that we both loved. A crib sat in our bedroom, waiting with piles of clothes in it from the baby shower that was thrown a few weeks ago. I felt generally prepared actually, considering that we still had three months to go, three months until the little bundle came out to the world. He would be a September baby, which I liked, a little autumn baby. 

 

I watched her walk the rest of the path, catching up to her to hold the door open as she walked into the studio, sitting down on a stool so she wouldn't wear her back out. I picked up a guitar, strumming a song we had been working through for a couple days, and as Olivia started to sing out, I knew this was going to be a good song, actually, thats what I knew about every song we had done, I knew that the record was going to be flawless because of her voice, it showed everything that she was going through and that was flawless all in all. 

 

\-- 

 

Another month gone, two more to go. 

 

Olivia couldn't see her feet anymore and was getting worn out easier and easier as the days went on. A rucksack had been filled up with clothes and other things that we had been told to get together at the more-than-awkward baby classes we had gone through. We were still hanging about in the studio, not really working at the moment, more just sharing a laugh while drawing a face onto Olivia's belly, her belly button being a nose. We were both sat in large rolling chairs in front of the large soundboard, laughing away while a track we had made played through the speakers. 

 

"You know, I really like this song," she said, stopping to listen. "I think it's one of my favourites." She said, smiling at the fact that we had both sung on it, not really saying who's album it was going on, or if it was going on any album at all, maybe it would just be ours. 

 

"Me too," I said, rolling closer to her, making her look at me while I put my hands on her belly and leaned in to kiss her, caressing her face under my rough fingertips, breathing in her smell. 

 

"I love you," 

 

"I love you too,"

 

"and I love you," I said, kissing our baby.  

 

 

 

 

 

\--------------

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Ed's POV

 

We were sat on the hot sand, protected by a blanket, Olivia in my lap, me rubbing her shoulders. We were with my family, spending a day at the beach, the hot afternoon sun already making me sweat just as much as I do on stage. Olivia wasn't much better, her shoulders greasy from the sunscreen and her sweat. 

 

"Do you want to go in the water?" I asked her, taking her shaking head as a yes, watching her messy bun bounce up and down on the back of her head. I stood up from behind her, and pulled her up by her hands, feeling the extra weight against me. We wandered to the water hand in hand after telling my parents that we were going in the water, and Olivia stripped of her shorts, leaving her in her bikini, and she still looked fit as ever, she had barely put on extra weight, just baby weight. 

 

The water was cool, and the sand was squishy under our feet. Olivia sank up to her shoulders once it was deep enough, the weight being lifted from her back as her belly floated in the water. I sank in with her, still holding her hand. She let go and linked her hands behind my neck, letting our bellies touch now. She pulled me in close anyways, kissing my lips and smiling, both of us cooled down now. I rested my head on her shoulder and started humming in her ear, sliding my hands to her belly, rubbing circles on it. 

 

"Can you feel it?" She said, making me look back up at her, seeing her smiling at me. She took her hands from my neck and slide them over mine, taking them and placing them on a spot on her belly. 

 

"Can you feel him kicking?" 

 

I focused on my hands when a small kick hit on my hand. I smiled at the movement as Olivia made a face. 

 

"Ugh, uncomfortable spot, move a bit more so you aren't jabbing mummy love," she said, looking down at her belly while speaking. I smiled at her gestures as I felt the little body move inside of her a bit more until it stopped and Olivia laid back a little more into the water, floating her body, making my hands slide away from hers. I pushed off the bottom of the lake, following her back to the beach a bit, until the water was low enough that she could sit on the bottom but still have the water on her. She rested herself on her elbows as I swam over her, keeping my hands on the sand of either side of her. The top of her belly was out of the water and I rested my lips on it, making my way across it with my lips. She giggled at me and pushed my head down under the water with her hands. I came back up and mashed my lips on hers, soaking her with water, making her try and get away, except she couldn't really because she couldn't get up fast enough. I held her down by her hands, making myself a dead weight against her. She didn't pull much, and settled back down to the sand. 

 

"Eddddd, stop," she said with a pouty face, "I can't get up when you do that." I laughed and let go of her hands. 

 

"Okay, go, run away, but know that you'll miss me." I said, making her pull a face and contemplate leaving. 

 

"No, come with me," she said, pulling on my fingers to get me to come. 

 

"Okay, but I have a secret to tell you first," I said, smiling to myself, waiting for her to sit still and raise her eye brows at me telling me to say what I wanted to say. She did exactly that and so I started talking again, "okay, well, you see, theres this girl, and I think she's really pretty, and well, I kinda got her pregnant, which made her even more beautiful, and I don't think I could ever live a day without her." I whispered my words to her while trailing my head up her neck, breathing on her and making her shiver. I ended with a kiss on her lips, holding on her for longer than usual, driving my point home until she pulled away and smiled at me, trailing a finger down my jaw. 

 

"I don't think I could ever live without the man who made me pregnant either, I love him so much," she said, whispering in my mouth. 

 

"I love you too," I said in return, placing my mouth on hers again, before standing up and helping Olivia up too, wandering back to the beach. 

 

\--

 

Olivia's POV

 

I was self conscious at first, being pregnant and in a bikini, but Ed had taken it away when he started kissing my belly as I sat in the water. I really don't know why I was being self conscious about it, I loved it a lot, Ioved being pregnant in general. Why I couldn't share that joy with others was a little annoying to me, but it was okay after a while. 

 

We were back on the beach, and Ed had to towel off my legs because I just couldn't reach them. He had been doing it for ages now, after I would shower he would have to help me with my lower half because I couldn't reach, so he knew how to do it gently and make fun out of it. He would usually steal a kiss or two on my belly too, and that would make me smile. Little moments where I knew he was just loving that we were having a child. 

 

His whole family was amazing too, letting me in like I was one of their own. It was super nice that they were like that, because I had no family here, except Ed and our baby. We sat down and had food together, until the sun was setting and it was getting colder, even though it was still summer more or less. Ed stood up and gestured for me to come with him. I took his hand and stood up, holding his hand and letting him take me where he wanted. 

 

"You know I used to come to this beach when I was a kid and I have this favourite spot that I feel is only mine," he said, taking me into a bit of forest that was behind the beach. He lead me down a little path to a set of stairs, which I thought was a bit unusual, but I trusted him. They curved around some trees until a little landing appeared, with a path in the trees cut so you could look out. The sun was just setting on the lake and it was absolutely perfect. His hand squeezed mine, making me look at him and smile, and he grinned back at me, completely submerged in his own thoughts. I could tell now, I knew him well enough that I could see those moments where he was lost in his brain, but in a good way. I could see the love coming out of him, transferring to everything around him. It was like a fire, a fire that never died, but would flare up in times like these. He pressed his lips to mine then, sending tingles down my body and the little body inside of me, it's weight shifting inside of me. I could feel it as we kissed, and I liked it. I liked that we were all connected together all at once, just from kissing. 

 

Ed pulled away then, and we went back down to his family and eventually back home to our place. We both stripped of our clothes and stood in the shower together, I could see a light sunburn on Ed's skin as well as on mine. Eventually we ended up in bed together, watching some Simpsons before I felt myself drift into sleep even thought the episode wasn't finished. Ed stayed up and watched it, I knew that because even when I was sleeping I could feel him move in behind me, his hand resting on my belly, right up until we woke in the morning light. 

 

\-- 

 

Mornings weren't easy. 

 

I usually started them by throwing up the little that I had in my stomach due to being pregnant. Ed usually tied my hair back, brushed his teeth and rubbed my back at the same time. There was a permanent water glass beside the toilet now, and I usually drank it as I threw up. This morning was particularly brutal as my due date came closer and closer everyday, only a week away now. 

 

"Ed, I just want to stop throwing up," I said, completely exhausted already as I slumped on the floor, feeling tears prick the back of my eyeballs. I heard Ed spit out the toothpaste in his mouth and throw his toothbrush onto the counter, kneeling down in front of me. 

 

"Hey, hey, don't cry, it's okay, you're almost there, trust me, you won't have to much longer, it'll be okay." He said, holding my head in his chest, letting me have a little cry on the floor. 

 

"Come on, lets go back to bed," he said, straining to pick me up off the floor. I pushed my feet up underneath me, my hips feeling loose from being close to my due date. I waddled back to bed with Ed behind me, his hands on my hips, pulling the duvet back for me as I knelt onto the mattress. He knelt beside me as I sat up in bed, not making eye contact with him. 

 

"Hey now, whats that face, we all know that isn't how I like it," he said, pulling my face to his trying to catch my eyes with his. I gave in, raising my head to meet his face, pushing my forehead against his, letting a sigh out. 

 

"Sorry," I said, and he smiled at me. 

 

"Don't be sorry, I probably couldn't walk around with another life inside of me for nine months, I'd end up breaking it." I laughed at him and sat up better in the bed, feeling better because he probably couldn't do it. 

 

\--

 

Ed's POV

 

We were laughing, a huge smile on Olivia's face, her mood lightening from the bathroom just a few minutes before. 

 

But then she stops, and he eyes meet mine and are wide. I stare at her trying to figure out what was going on. 

 

"Ed," 

 

"Yeah?" 

 

"My water just broke." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

\--------------

 

Ed's POV

 

My eyes go wide like hers, and I momentarily freak out inside, but after a second a smile starts to form on my lips. This makes Olivia click in too, that were having a baby today. That our little human is going to be with us really really soon. 

 

"Um, Ed, wheres my phone?" She says while scanning the bed and nightstands. 

 

"Here," I say, locating her phone and passing it to her, watching her punch in the number of her mum and dad, who were staying at Stuart's for the time being. 

 

"Can you get a towel love?" she says as she slides the phone to her ear. I fetch a towel from the bathroom while she's on the phone, looking at myself in the mirror. My hair was messy and my tshirt was a little wrinkly, but okay for the day. My beard was showing a bit and I thought I should shave soon as I walked back to the bedroom, giving Olivia the towel to clean up her legs that are all wet from her water breaking while she was kneeling. 

 

"Mum, I don't know what to do, like, my water broke but I've never done this before, like, should we go now?" 

 

I listened to Olivia's end of the phone call until she hung up eventually. 

 

"She said that we probably don't have to go yet if I'm not having contractions, and said to call her when were leaving and that they'll meet us at the hospital." I nodded to her as she talked while putting on a fresh pair of underwear. 

 

"Here, help me with the sheets while we wait, they need a wash now." 

 

We stripped the bed and put clean sheets on when Olivia stopped moving. 

 

"Ow," she said while gripping her belly, feeling the first bit of her labour. I walked over to her, letting her lean on my shoulder as I rubbed her back, moving through her first contraction. 

 

"Maybe we should get going," I said, ringing Stuart at the same time. Olivia nodded her head, standing more upright, finding a pair of pants on the floor that would be comfortable for the car ride over. I finished my phone call to get Stuart to pick us up and take us to the hospital. 

 

In no time we were piled into the back of Stuarts car, Olivia having a contraction part way through the drive, gripping on my hand so tight I thought my fingers were going to go blue. It passed though, and we were at the entrance of the hospital, Olivia's hips loose as she walked to the desk to get signed in. We were put in a room, Olivia in a hospital gown, bringing back memories from the last time we were here, except that time was much more gruesome than this one. I shook my head from my dreams as the doctor walked in to check on Olivia. 

 

"Alright, shall we get this show on the road?" He said to us making me bite my lip but smile as I got nervous about it. Olivia just shook her head, smiling as she felt okay at the moment. 

 

"Okay, I'm just going to check you, okay?" He said, putting on a pair of rubber gloves, spreading Olivia's legs to see how far along she was. I felt weird seeing it, so I looked away and to Olivia's face that was watching mine, smiling at my reaction. 

 

"It's just normal, don't be mad that you're not allowed to touch," she said, making me blush hardcore. She laughed at me, making a smile break out on my face. 

 

"Okay, so you're about five centimetres along, and since we want to do this drug free, walking around would be the best way to move this along. Let gravity take its course okay?" Olivia said okay back to him, nodding her head at the same time. The doctor left and we hung around for about ten minutes until she asked if I wanted to go for a walk. 

 

"Okay, let me help you up," I said, moving to take her hands in mine so I could help her get up. 

 

She was eventually up and we were walking down the hall, stopping when contractions would come on, Olivia resting her head on me and groaning, letting me rub her back and shush her. We met other couples in the same situation, waiting for their own baby to come. We went back to the room after a bit, and the doctor came back, declaring that Olivia was about seven or eight cementers now, closer to eight. Olivia's contractions were getting closer together now, and a lot more intense. She had one in front of the doctor, whimpering through it, holding my hand tightly and gripping the sleeve of the jumper I had put on. I kept my other hand on her belly, gently rubbing as she worked through it. 

 

My emotions felt up and down through the whole thing, and I was tired, but about an hour later and another walk through the halls, Olivia was getting ready. I could tell, her contractions were intense and frequent, and she was starting to sweat. She was making this face where her eyebrows furrow, and she only gets that when she's getting really intense and ready to explode into whatever she's doing. She does it when she sings and when she writes songs, and apparently when she's about to give birth. 

 

"Ed, I think this is it." She said, just as a nurse walked in the room. 

 

"Are you ready?" She said to Olivia, and all she did was shake her head yes, not even making eye contact with the nurse. 

 

"Okay, I'll get the doctor then," the nurse said, walking back out of the room, but returning a minute later with the doctor, putting up Olivia's legs so she could start pushing. About three other nurses came in too, all read to help. 

 

"Okay, you're fully dilated and I can see the babies head, you can push when your next contraction comes okay?" he said, and Olivia nodded quickly, "I think it's coming," she said. A nurse took my hand and put it on Olivia's thigh, telling me to help her push as much as I could. I didn't really understand until she actually started pushing, her leg going tense under my hand and her hand gripping my jumper as I held her face with my other hand. I bit my lip handheld my breath as Olivia pushed as hard as she could, moving the baby out a bit. Her body relaxed when she couldn't push anymore and took a breath in. 

 

"Just a bit more Olivia, you can do it," the doctor said as Olivia pushed again, making the babies shoulders pop out and then the rest of his body came flooding out of her, and he was quickly placed on a blanket that was on Olivia's belly. I sighed and smiled at the little guy who was crying in front of me. I took Olivia's hand and squeezed it, looking down at her face which was covered in sweat. I kissed her lips then, hugging her tightly. 

 

"That was amazing," she said, little tears coming down her cheeks at her happiness. 

 

"Come cut the cord Ed," the doctor said as I looked back up at the scissors in his hand, taking them from him. "It's a boy by the way," he said, and I said, "I know," to him before taking the scissors and snipping his lifeline to Olivia. He was on his own now, a little new human being in the world. He was cleaned up and wrapped up tight before being shown to Olivia, her eyes lighting up at his little face. 

 

"Do you have a name?" someone asked in the room, "Yeah," I said, "Thomas." 

 

Everyone was smiling, but soon enough Thomas was whisked away to be checked out and Olivia was being fixed up as well, so I decided that it would be a good idea to let the rest of the waiting family know that we made it. 

 

I walked through the hospital to the waiting room, seeing Stuart, Olivia's parents, and my parents sitting there waiting for some sort of news. They looked up and smiled at me when I walked up. 

 

"It's a boy!" I said, and everyone stood up and cheered, patting me on the back and hugging me. 

 

"He's really cute," I said, "but unfortunately he scored the ginger part." Everyone laughed at me, but it was true, his hair was just as orange as mine, and his skin was paler it seemed. "His eyes are blue too, but I think that was expected cause both Olivia's eyes and mine are blue, and um, yeah. I don't know how much he weighs yet, they haven't told us, they have him now. His name is Thomas. Thomas Edward Sheeran." I finished as everyone listened to me. Olivia had come up with his first name, and my name ran in my family, so we put it as his middle name. Everyone congratulated me again, and there were a lot of "oooo's and awwwes," so I told them I would come back out and get them when they could come in and see him. I got back to Olivia and saw that Thomas was back in the room, sleeping in his little bed he got at the hospital. 

 

"Bring him here love, it's okay," Olivia said as I looked down at his sleeping face, perfectly delicate in every way. I picked up his little body, reading the tag on his bed saying that he only weighed seven pounds and nine ounce, just as much as a small cat. I snuggled in beside Olivia on the bed, putting Thomas in her arms, but keeping my one hand on hers as she held him. It was beautiful, all three of us together as a family, one unit now. 

 

I looked up to Olivia, smiled and kissed her, pushing some of her hair out of her face as I kissed her smooth lips. I couldn't believe that we had brought something so perfect into the world, but we had, and I liked that, I liked that a lot. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

\--------------------

 

Ed's POV

 

I woke up with a start, flinching wildly in bed. My eyes were having trouble adjusting, and my heart was pounding in my chest. I looked down when I felt a stirring body in front of me. It was Olivia. I scanned the room, no crib, no change table, and it was snowing outside. I had dreamt it. I had dreamt it all. No, Olivia and I hadn't had a baby yet, it was just a dream. Olivia still did have on a full face of makeup, and her wedding dress was strewn across the floor. My wedding band was still on my finger, so that wasn't a dream, that was real. 

 

"Love, lay back down, what are you doing?" I heard from underneath me as I felt Olivia's hand grazing my chest to lay back down on the mattress. 

 

"I just had a crazy dream, sorry love," I said while still trying to assess what had just happened. I knew it wasn't that late in the day yet, maybe ten in the morning or so, and I knew I could sleep more, but I was so shaken up that I also knew that sleep wasn't coming anymore. I wrapped my arm around Olivia's stomach, wondering what it would be like if we had a baby. I knew she wasn't sleeping yet either, I could tell how she was breathing, so I decided to question her on it. 

 

"Olivia, what do you think about having kids?" She turned over to face me before she started talking, tracing patterns on my chest as she spoke. 

 

"I don't know, we're still so young and our careers are booming, I don't think that having kids right now would be good, I don't want to be one of those couples who just have nannys for everything because we can't fit a kid into our schedules. I've always thought that making a marriage work on the road would be tough enough, but adding a kid, one way or the other they probably wouldn't get to grow up with a dad, and you know that, but if we wait until things settle more music wise, then we'll have kids, right?"

 

"Yeah, I know, and I don't want to be absent in our kids life, I want to be part of it, I love kids."

 

"Why are you thinking about kids anyways?" 

 

"I had a dream where I got you pregnant and then we had a boy and it just happened so fast and I woke up with a start and now I'm just thinking about it. And, we kinda didn't use protection last night." 

 

"Don't worry love, you know I take the pill, it'll be okay." 

 

She smiled sweetly at me, and kissed my lips, but I was still freaking out inside. I tried to concentrate on how she was kissing me and pushing her body over mine, but I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, something wasn't right. 

 

"Olivia," I whispered, barely audible, but I knew she heard me because she stopped and held her lips over mine, breathing into my mouth with a delicacy that could be shattered at any moment. 

 

"Ed, it's okay, every things perfectly fine, it's just you and me, just relax," she said, rubbing her hands on my shoulders and on my neck. I let my head sink a little bit more into my pillow when my phone started ringing furiously beside us. I jumped up, my nerves being on edge, picking up the phone without even looking at the number. 

 

"Hello," I said a little too loudly into the receiver. 

 

"Man, quiet down, it's just me, Stuart," he said to me on the other end, "are you okay?" he asked me. 

 

"Yeah sorry, I just had a weird dream thats all," I said. 

 

"Okay, well, I know this is probably sucky news to you, and it's awfully soon to be shipping you off, but, you're booked for three months in America and we're leaving in two weeks, and I want you focused Ed, so, I'm asking for just you to come."

 

My mouth seemed to stop working then, I couldn't find words anymore. I know I was a little distracted last tour with Olivia being there, but I didn't know that Stuart didn't want her coming at all because of it. I knew this day would come though, we would be separated eventually, just like Olivia said,  _marriage on the road would be tough enough,_ so I sighed and told Stuart that I'd be ready. 

 

"Okay, and plus, Olivia needs to headline her own tour here, so she's going to stay and do that, I know she's not signed to us, but I set it up anyways, so you can tell her, it might make it easier, both of you being occupied at the same time." 

 

"Yeah, yeah okay. I'll call you later." 

 

I hung up the phone and tossed it away, laying back down on the mattress, facing away from Olivia, trying not to fall apart. I felt her hand on my back, creeping towards my arm, which it wrapped over once it hit it. 

 

"Darling, tell me, it's okay," Olivia said, peering over my body to see the side of my face. 

 

"We're being separated in two weeks." I said, the words feeling wrong coming out, even though they were right. I didn't want to say it, I wanted it to be a lie. 

 

"You're being sent on tour here for three months and I'm going to America for three months, Stuart wants us focused and I guess that means not together for a bit." 

 

I could basically feel Olivia biting her bottom lip, this morning was being to much for me. I just wanted to sleep, even though that wasn't going well. 

 

"Don't worry, we'll make it work, we knew this would come eventually," Olivia said. 

 

"I know, but I don't want to be without you," I said, rolling over in a huff, trying to hold back tears, one escaping down my face. 

 

"Hey, no, don't cry," Olivia said, wiping up the trail, kissing my cheek at the same time. "We can call each other and talk everyday and Skype and everything. We can do this, trust me, I love you." She kissed the ring on my finger, her soft lips trailing along my fingers. I took her face in my hand, looking her in the eyes, trailing my thumb across her face, memorizing every single feature for the millionth time. 

 

"I love you too." I said, smiling, picking up the pieces of my brain one by one, with every look of her face, I could pick up one more. Eventually she set her head down on my chest, sighing and she let me run my hands through her hair. I memorized that too, every strand in my fingertips, running the pads down her bare shoulder and arm, her waist, her hip bone, and then back up to her chin. It was perfect, and I never wanted to forget it. 

 

Olivia leaned up after a while of silence, looking down at me, smiling and getting up to find a tshirt and a pair of underwear, asking me if I wanted a cup of tea, and as I shook my head yes, I decided that I needed out go out back for a little bit. 

 

I slid on some underwear, pants, and a hoodie, and yelled that I would be out back for a bit. I trudged through the snow and opened the door to the studio, flicking on the light, dumping my boots at the door. It was warm and inviting, being faced with a slue of guitars and recording stuff. I picked up one of the full size guitars, and started into a song. A song I covered a bit ago,  _Feather on the Clyde,_ by Passenger, each word flowing out easily. 

 

 _There is a river that runs through Glasgow,_  
And he makes her and he breaks her and he takes her into parts.  
And a current just like my blood flows,  
Down from the hills, round aching bones to my restless heart.

 

 _Well I would swim but the river is so wide and i’m,_  
Scared I won’t make it to the other side and well,  
God knows I’ve failed but he knows that I’ve tried.  
I long for something that’s safe and warm,  
That all I have is all that is gone  
I was as helpless and as hopeless as a Feather on the Clyde.

 

 _And on one side all the lights glow,_  
And the folks know where the kids go when the music and the drinking starts.  
And on the other side where no cars go,  
Up to the hills, and round aching bones to my restless heart.

 

 _Well I would swim but the river is so wide and i’m,_  
Scared I won’t make it to the other side and well,  
God knows I’ve failed but he knows that I’ve tried.  
I long for something that’s safe and warm,  
But all I have is all that is gone  
I was as helpless and as hopeless as a Feather on the Clyde, oh no.

 

 _And the sun sets late in Glasgow,_  
The daylight and the city part.  
And I think of you in Glasgow,  
‘cause you’re all that’s safe, you’re all that’s warm, my restless heart.

 

 

 

 

 

 

\----------------------

 

Ed's POV

 

She was laughing wildly as I kissed down her neck, pulling on her skin with my teeth. 

 

"Mmmmmmmmm, I love how you taste sooooo much," I said, making her smile and take my face in her hands. 

 

"I love everything about you," she said, pulling me down to kiss her soft lips. My body was over hers, her body on top of the duvet which was messy over the mattress. Our pillows were strewn about the room, the results of a mid-afternoon pillow fight, music blaring in the background. I never wanted this moment to end, but as I felt her pull away, I knew it was going to. 

 

"I'm going to miss you," she said, tears threatening to surface in her eyes. I stared down at her. 

 

"I'm going to miss you too," I said, wiping away a tear that rolled down her cheek, "Theres never going to be a moment that I don't think about you, you're always going to be on my mind." 

 

She smiled a bit, her eyes scanning down my face, closing eventually as she sighed. I laid down beside her, putting my head on her shoulder, wrapping my arm around her torso. 

 

"Don't think about it so much, it's going to be okay." I said, trying to lighten the situation. "Think about something else, liiiiiiiiike, what are you going to wear?" I said as I got up off the mattress and walked over to her side of the closet, flipping through the clothes. I could hear her laugh as she turned to look at what I would pull out. 

 

"Mmmm, I like this one," I said, pulling a blue, fit and flair dress off the rack, throwing it on the bed. "Put it on for me?" I made a pouty face as she just stared at me, but she eventually stood up and took the material to the bathroom, slipping it on. 

 

"Okay, here," she said as she walked up beside me at the closet, rummaging through some shoe boxes at the bottom, "if you like this dress, then you'll like….. these shoes to go with it?" She said as she pulled a pair of white heels out of a box, slipping them on her feet and standing up. "Hmmmm?" She said as all I did was stare at her, she looked like perfection to me. 

 

"I think I love it," I said as she turned and walked out of the bedroom, her heels clicking along the floor as she went. I peeked around the doorframe to see where she was going, catching her looking out the kitchen window, her hand on the countertop, her eyes watching the outside world, scanning down to her hand, her thumb playing with her rings, a smile forming on her lips. Her hand slipped down the folds of her dress, pulling at the hem a bit before biting her lip as a tear fell from her eyes, flicking them back up to the window, wiping her cheek before turning to look at me, smiling before shyly looking back to the floor. I walked up to her then, taking her shoulders in my hands, sliding my hands to her back, unzipping her dress as she stepped out of her shoes, taking her thighs in my hands, picking her up and resting her head on my shoulder as we slipped back to the bedroom. I rummaged through my side of the closet, pulling out the most comfortable things we owned, two onsies that matched. I pulled Olivia's on her feet, up her legs and up to her shoulders as she raised her hips off the mattress for me to do so. She put her arms into the fabric and I zipped up the front zipper. I dropped my clothes to the floor then and stepped into mine, zipping it up as well. I pulled Olivia's body off the bed again now, along with a loose blanket that was laid in the mess of the bed. I took her to the couch, turning on her favourite movie,  _Stranger than Fiction,_ and brought her between my legs as we watched the movie under the blanket. I knew she had drifted off part way through, but I let the movie play out, mindlessly watching it, letting the feeling of her slow breathing take me over. 

 

\--

 

Olivia's POV 

 

Ed's hand was tight on mine as he walked briskly through the airport, trying to get away from the cameras, which was proving difficult today. I could feel his frustration through his arm, usually people kept their space, but considering that Ed and I didn't really make public appearances, they weren't giving up the chance to get close to us. It was absolutely huge that we had gotten married, and despite our best efforts, a few wedding photos leaked, and that was all it took really. Everyone knew, and I think it annoyed Ed quite a bit actually. He liked his private life private, and his professional life to take the forefront. We eventually made it to the gate that he had to be at, and a lot of the photographers backed off as we rounded a corner to a spot that was a little more secluded. Ed sighed and sat down across from me at a table. He rubbed his face a looked at me. I took his hand that was on the table and gave it a gentle squeeze. He rubbed his thumb across my skin, smiling at the touch. 

 

"I love you," he said, rubbing my rings between his fingers. 

 

"I love you too," I said back to him, watching his eyes scan up to mine that were already on his face. He had little tears welling in his eyes, and I stood up, moving towards him, taking his face in my hands, rubbing his cheeks with my thumbs, pressing my lips to his. I didn't care if I could hear a few camera clicks as I did it, this was only for him, and we knew that. We both knew it was a goodbye kiss, a kiss that said, "Yes, I love you, and I won't forget you, and I promise to wait for you until I get back. I promise to never forget you, and that I won't touch or look at anyone while you're away. Maybe other people will look at me, but I only belong to you." 

 

Our lips separated and our foreheads pressed together as his plane was called for boarding. He took in a breath and let it out, the smell of cigarettes and tea floating across my face. Ed stood up and took my hand to the front of the gate, snapping the strap of his rucksack together on his chest when we got there. 

 

"I promise to call you when I land okay?" he said to me, and I just nodded, looking down at our hands, biting my lip as I knew he was leaving now. His one hand moved to my chin, pulling my head up to look at him. He gave me a little smile, "I love you," he said before pressing his lips to mine one last time. He pulled away then, his hand slipping from mine, his body moving away from mine, going down the carpeted hall to the plane. 

 

"Ed, wait." I yelled at him before he was too far away from me, making him turn around to look at me. 

 

"I love you too," I said, a tear rolling down my cheek. He smiled at me, rolling his lips together before blowing a kiss at me and walking backwards down the hall, making little faces and blowing kisses until we couldn't see each other anymore, and I smiled to myself before pulling the necklace he gave to me out of my shirt, wrapping it through my fingers while turning around. I walked back through the airport with my head down, hearing camera snaps, but not really caring anymore, I just wanted to go home and wait for that phone call. Before I even reached the doors I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I pulled it out and there sat a text from Ed. 

 

**I miss you already.**

 

I tried to keep my tears back but I couldn't anymore, they were streaming down my face as I climbed into the car with our driver, telling him to take me home. 

 

**I miss you too.**

 

I said back, looking out of the window at the busy London streets, leaning my head on the back of the seat as the city turned to country and then finally to our house. 

 

I unlocked the door, throwing my key into the dish that sat on the bench at the front door, not even bothering to hang my coat and scarf up as I let them drop to the floor. I crawled into the messy bed, pulling the duvet up over me, laying my head on his pillow, his smell overwhelming me. I put my phone on the nightstand, switching the volume on halfway, before drifting off into sleep, making things a little better for the time being. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

\------------------------------

 

Olivia's POV

 

I woke with a start, my phone blaring beside me. I picked it up, pressing the 'answer' button and saying hello into the receiver, laying my head down on the pillow again. 

 

"Hey sleepyhead," Ed said to me, clearly knowing that I fell asleep by my groggy voice. 

 

"Mmmm, I was tired. Your pillow smells like you," I said, making him giggle on the other end. 

 

"Not fair, I don't have anything that smells like you." 

 

"You never know, I packed your bag, you might have a shirt of mine or something in there." 

 

I could hear him rustling on the other end, ripping his suitcase to bits trying to find something of mine. 

 

"It's my favourite shirt of yours. You know I love this one," he said, the sound of him breathing in the fabric being heard through the phone. 

 

"I know, I thought you'd like having it with you." I said, smiling as I traced patterns on the mattress. 

 

"I miss you," he said, sighing and lying down on the mattress of his hotel room. I could hear the springs squeak and his shoes drop to the floor through the phone. 

 

"I miss you too." I said, biting my lip as I wished for him to walk in the front door and crawl in behind me under the covers. 

 

"Did you have a good flight?" I said, changing the subject. 

 

"Yeah, nothing out of the usual, just kinda slept and looked out at the clouds really. Thought about the show tomorrow, it's kinda cold here in New York," he said, ruffling the covers over his body as he talked. 

 

"I'm sure Stuart will keep you warm," I said, laughing with Ed, "because, you know he's a cuddly guy," Ed said, laughing even more. 

 

"But I should go love, you're tired and we both have shows tomorrow, I love you," I said, not really wanting to go, but I knew I had to, I had glanced at the time and I knew that it was past ten already. 

 

"I love you too," he said, "Think of me all the time, okay?" 

 

"Yeah, of course, I can't think about anything else," I said, "goodnight love." 

 

"Goodnight darling," he said before hanging up, the dial tone running through my ear. 

 

\--Ed's POV

 

I set my phone down on the nightstand, balling up Olivia's shirt under the covers, close to my chest. I had to get up early tomorrow for press, and even though it was only five, I wanted to sleep now. I heard the door unlock as Stuart piled into the room, his luggage in tow. I watched him from my bed, throwing his suitcase onto the other bed in the room that was behind me. I didn't feel like talking, so I kept my back turned to him. 

 

"You should probably at least eat dinner."

 

"I'm not hungry," I said. 

 

"Ed," he said, kneeling on the bed, grabbing my shoulder and turning me to look at him, "I didn't separate you two because I wanted to, I just know you two have to have some sort of separation with your music, and this is how it works. Don't be mad at me, okay? Don't take this out on me, you know I love that you and Olivia are together. Now what do you want to eat for dinner? I know you're hungry, you haven't eaten since we left."

 

He was right, I was hungry, so I told just something simple, "whatever you want," and soon he was passing me a piece of pizza on a plate as I sat up in bed. We sat and ate, watching tv until I laid back down around nine, falling asleep in the blankets, alone, for the first time in a really long time. 

 

\-- 

 

I woke up to the sound of Stuarts phone going off, indicating that we had to get up. I groaned at having to get up before seven on the first day of a tour. I was still jet lagged so it didn't really feel that early, but I knew that was going to make it a long day. I rolled out of bed and onto the floor, grabbing clothes and heading for the shower before Stuart could get in there. I showered and dried my hair with a towel, throwing the usual wax into it, messing it up before throwing on a shirt and a pair of pants. 

 

As I walked out of the bathroom, there was a knock on the door right beside me, and a familiar voice called from the hall. I swung the door open, tossing my dirty clothes on the floor as one of my best friends came in my room for a hug. He wasn't just my best friend, he was also my opening act and I was excited to have Passenger back on the bill with me. We chatted as Stuart showered, discussing set lists and time slots and such. 

 

Eventually we were split up and I was off to promo with Stuart and Mark, hitting morning tv shows and radio programs throughout the morning. I was already fading by lunch time, rubbing my eyes through the last interview of the day. It was onto the venue now, getting there just as the lineup reached the side door. 

 

We slipped inside, and I quickly sound checked before heading back to the green room. My nerves were growing inside of me as a bunch of us hung out in the little room. I gazed at my phone, 1:30 pm, about half an hour until Olivia would be starting her own concert. 

 

**I love you darling, you're going to be great tonight, I miss you. xx**

 

I sent the text off, getting nervous knowing that I wasn't going to be behind her tonight. I didn't get to walk behind her to the stage, kiss her before she goes on, then watch her play like I always got to. 

 

**I love you too, it's a full house, I wish you were here, I have to play now though, I love you so much, do me proud tonight. xxxxx**

 

I bit my lip as her text sent fireworks through my body as I looked up to the room around me, knowing that across the sea my wife was playing a show like I would be in a few more hours. I tired to sink myself in the conversation until I played, but it was hard, so I slipped myself out to have a smoke. I let the smoke sit in my lungs for a minute before letting it out through my lips. It took away some of the nerves inside of me, but they were still there at the end of the cigarette. I went back inside, finally settling enough to enjoy the conversation until it was time to get on stage myself. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

\---------------------

 

Olivia's POV

 

I crashed through the front door, holding my phone to my chin with my shoulder as Ed talked to me. It was a month into the tour now, and he was somewhere in America, while I had the night off. I had done two photoshoots during the day still, so I welcomed the soft covers of my bed when I hit them. 

 

"You sound sleepy," Ed said as I yawned to myself. 

 

"I am, sorry," I said, not wanting to be sleepy right now. It was hard getting phone calls or video chats in, time differences made things complicated for sure. Ed eventually just let me go though, and I threw my phone to the nightstand as I stood up, stripping my clothes off. I replaced them with a shirt of Ed's, biting my lip as I held the fabric in my hands. I climbed back into the covers, laying down on the pillows while switching off the beside lamp. I stared up at the ceiling, my mind floating through different layers of myself, a tear rolling down my cheek at how much I wished I was with Ed and not alone. 

 

I knew I had felt it seeping in for days, this loneliness. I know I'm surrounded by people everyday, but it's not the same as someone who you really love and who knows you like the back of their hands. People in crowds aren't like looking into someones eyes and knowing exactly what their thinking. It's not knowing their morning pattern, how they do their hair, how they eat or do the dishes, it's more like looking down and seeing pure love for yourself, a way to put you on a pedestal. If you're good at you're job, then sometimes you run into people who just act normal around you, who just have a conversation, but for the most part people freak out and cry over you, and thats not the same as real love. 

 

I could feel it coming in on myself, and I needed a way out. I rolled over onto my side, my tears falling over my nose. I needed a release. Something to take it away for a little while. 

 

I didn't know what I was doing anymore, I just knew that I was cracking a razor from the bathroom apart with a pair of scissors. I knew I said never again, but the line of blood was already showing on my body. I traced a line on my ribcage as I laid on the floor, my breath heaving as I felt something other than being alone for once in a long time. I could feel so much finally, as I curved the blade along my side, leaving little swirls across my skin. I knew that I would regret this later, when Ed would come home, when he would trail his hand up my shirt, pulling it off my head, looking down to the scars again. I know it will kill us, but we'll pick back up. We always do. Plus, we'll be together then.

 

I wrapped a towel across the cuts as I threw the blade into the garbage can, finally feeling the disgust come over me. My brain was clicking in finally, saying,  _what did you do?_ I could feel the pain coming now as I pressed on the open wounds, closing my eyes as I laid back on the mattress, trying to fight through the pain. At least it was telling me that I was alive still, it was giving me something else to focus on rather than missing Ed. 

 

Ed. 

 

He's still not here. He's somewhere else in the world, trusting me to keep myself together and now I've cut myself again. I've lost it, for sure he won't leave me alone again, ever. I closed my eyes as I let the darkness of the room envelop me, secretly watching me. 

 

\-- 

 

Waking up was just painful. I craved Ed's touch beside me, but instead my cuts were just being painful. I looked at myself in the mirror, tracing the lines with my cold fingers, they were raised off of my skin, rough against the smooth, a sick darkness that lied within me. 

 

I pulled on a sweater and some leggings, creating some sort of barrier or cover so that no one would see what I was when I had to play tonight. I did my hair and makeup, building myself up more and more, and before I knew it I was walking down the cold streets of London, hitting the venue with a smile on my face. I had a little crew, smaller than Ed's, but we were still close. A chorus of hellos and hugs were given to me, and all I did was smile and push through the fact that people were hugging my cuts, but they had no idea. I stood up on stage and went through soundcheck, playing songs that helped people to not cut themselves, when I did the very night before. I sat in the greenroom, closing my eyes until my phone started buzzing on the table in front of me. I picked it up, answering the phone as Ed's name flashed across the screen. He always called at least once a day, and if I was around then I would pick up, or I would have to have an explanation on why I didn't pick up the day before. 

 

I went through the conversation with him, all the usual stuff, but I couldn't help bite my lip when he asked if I was okay still, because we both knew what that question meant. I knew that he was worrying about me being alone all the time. I knew he was scared that I was going to cut again, but I really couldn't tell him now, he would come home and I knew that if I told him. He would say that he's coming now, picking the next plane home to me, and I didn't want that. I wanted him to stay and be on stage and be happy. I answered him with a, "yeah I'm all good," with some sort of convincing tone. I heard the pause before he kept talking, I heard him trying to sort out if I was actually telling the truth or not. 

 

"Oh, by the way, Stuarts gone home and should be at your show tonight, he just wants to make sure every things going to plan with your stuff too, cause he kinda manages both of us." 

 

My eyes grew huge at this, because Stuart knew me just as well as he knew Ed, and that was a lot. This was the first tour with me and my crew, so they didn't know me as well, but Stuart did. I let out a shaky, "okay," to Ed, before telling him that I had to go, my nerves taking over because Stuart would figure it out right away when he saw me. I hung up the phone after Ed and I said our goodbyes, closing my eyes at the thought of Stuart coming home. Almost on queue, he walked through the door and my body shot up straight on the couch, my hands resting around my body, which had gotten considerably thinner in the month without Ed, mainly because I lost my appetite not long after we were separated. I looked at Stuart and he looked at me, coming to sit beside me, grabbing my knee and shaking it a bit before he started talking. 

 

"Are you okay?" he said, looking at me as I bit my lip again. 

 

"Yeah I'm good, how are you?" I said, trying to be normal. 

 

"I'm okay, you look sick, are you sure your okay?" I hated how he kept probing, so I looked down and nodded at him, trying not to let my eyes water. His hand touched my back, "you can tell me, it's okay," he said, and I lost it. A tear escaped and fell onto my leggings, leaving a mark before I turned and pulled my shirt up my side, showing the cuts along my side. I was shaking visibly now as Stuart grabbed my hand and pulled me to his shoulder, my tears leaking onto his shirt. I had no more voice then, just gentle sobs as he told me to shush and that it would be okay. 

 

"I miss him so much," I whispered as I calmed down a bit, "but I can't tell him, I don't want to hurt him." I pulled away from Stuart, wiping the makeup away from under my eyes. "I know he would come home and I can't let him do that." 

 

Stuart shook his head and looked at me with concern in his eyes, touching my arm. 

 

"Are you hungry? Did you eat today, you'll feel better if you eat, it's okay." 

 

I shook my head no, because I hadn't, and I knew I should have, but I just didn't want to. Stuart got up and grabbed me some of the food that was littered around the room from lunch time, sliding it across the coffee table to me. I felt better knowing that someone I really knew was here with me now, I wasn't all alone, I was without Ed still, but at least someone was here to ease the pain a bit. 

 

"Thank you," I said as Stuart sat back down and watched me eat. 

 

"It's all good Olivia, I kinda knew it was going to be hard, like, Ed didn't even want to talk to me at first, I think he was more mad at me than anything. I just didn't realize you were going to get so lonely, I thought you would get closer to the team, I'm sorry about that." He said as I ate and nodded my head, shrugging my shoulders at the last time, trying not to get worked up again. I just nodded and finished up what I was eating as a few crew members came in. 

 

"Were gunna start in five," one of them said to Stuart and I, both of us nodding to him. My opening act was only half an hour, so I walked to the mirror to try and sacrifice my makeup that was messy from crying. I fixed it enough that I was happy with it, ruffling up my hair and grabbed my guitar. I could feel the professional side of me coming on now, I could hear the crowd already, and it was getting my adrenaline going. 

 

I walked down the long hall with Stuart behind me, my cuts moving with each step. I stood for a minute on the side watching the opener play until they were done. The lights went out and the crew readied the stage for me. Stuart touched my shoulder in the dark, and I could barely make out his face in the space around us. 

 

"Have fun with this, okay?"

 

"Yeah, I know, it's just weird, he's always been here." I said, just as the lights came back on and I turned to walk on stage, the crowd screaming and welcoming me like I was family. I smiled at Stuart, plugged my guitar in and played the show, forgetting about everything for a little while. 

 

\--

 

Stuart came back to the house afterwards, piling onto the couch as he was exhausted as I was I think. He had a time change to deal with and I know how that messes with you. 

 

"You can sleep on the couch if you want," I said, and all he did was shake his head yes and close his eyes. I tossed a blanket on him and left him be, scrounging around for my phone while closing the bedroom doors as I found it. 

 

**You did amazing tonight love. :)**

 

How did he know? He wasn't even here tonight. 

 

**How would you know?**

 

**I told Stuart to FaceTime it to me, I wanted to see, I had the night off and I just wanted to watch you play again. I miss it.**

 

My eyes started to well as I realized how much he still loved me, climbing into the bed as told him how much I missed him too, how I want to see him perform and that it's not fair that I can't right now. I eventually fell asleep on him, telling him that I loved him and that I couldn't wait to see him again. 

 

 

\------------------

 

Olivia's POV

 

I woke up at the smell of breakfast being made in the house. I felt like I had been hit by a truck over the night, something deep inside me. I was tangled in the covers and had to fight with them to get out of bed. I rubbed my eyes and searched for my phone, finding it deep inside my covers when it started buzzing. 

 

**Breakfast's ready**

 

It was from Stuart so I just tossed it aside, getting up and finding something decent to wear. I was still in my clothes from the day before, and I pulled them off my head before replacing them with pj's that my body had long been waiting for. I relished in the comfort and tied my hair up on my head. My makeup was a mess but I didn't overly care. I walked out of my bedroom to Stuart just putting the rest of breakfast on the table for us, bacon and eggs. 

 

"Thanks for making breakfast," I said as I sat down across from him. 

 

"No problem, it's better to be on this time," he said as we started eating. He was soon into his blackberry, answering whatever questions and emails he had it seemed. I ended up finishing before him, getting up and washing my dish in the sink. 

 

"Promo today or no?" I said to him, and he shook his head and said that they're were a few radio things this afternoon so to get in the shower and get going. 

 

I wrinkled my nose and headed for my shower, dropping my clothes to the floor. My cuts didn't hurt anymore, they were dried up and hard now, and I looked at them in the mirror as the room filled up with steam. I looked at my whole body, noticing a bit of a bump at my stomach.  _Ugh, this whole eating weird thing is messing me up,_ I thought, recalling how my eating habits have been horrid this past month. I knew I had to get back on track before Ed got home, and I silently vowed that I would. I would prove that I'm okay on my own, that I can handle myself, I need Ed to trust me and to let Stuart know that I'm okay. 

 

I let the shower wash away some of my thoughts and got dressed for the day. It was past eleven when I emerged from the bedroom, Stuart getting his jacket on and throwing me mine form the couch. I slipped mine on along with a pair of cute rubber boots as the spring melt was just beginning to start and the outdoors were wet now. Both of us got into the car and went through radio stations doing promo. They probably wouldn't run until the night-time, but promo was promo and it had to be done even though it gave me a headache and made me tired. Eventually we were at the venue, and the nightly gig routine began again. I slipped on a dress in the bathroom, biting my lip still at the size of myself. It was confusing, I didn't remember looking like this before, I didn't know what was going on, but still, it could only be fat right? I can loose it. 

 

\-- 

 

Ed's POV

 

She didn't seem right, but she seemed normal and Stuart hadn't said anything last night. I could feel something though, something inside her was different. I watched her last night part because I miss her but also because I wanted to see how she looked, I knew she was vulnerable on stage and showed a lot, and it was the only time I could get a good look at her when she didn't know. All that looked different was that she looked a bit more tired, but honestly touring does that to you, it wears you out. Something else though, something was gone from her, and I didn't know what, I needed to figure it out. I wanted to go home now but I knew she would kill me if I didn't, and it would disappoint a lot of people and a lot of fans. 

 

\--

 

I looked down at my watch, and another month had gone, which meant one more month to go. I was somewhere deep into America now, and I was in some radio station not paying attention to the question I was being asked. My whole self was tired and I was wanting to go to bed right now. I part listened to the question I was being asked and half answered it, but it satisfied the interviewer enough and they wrapped it up. 

 

"Maaaaaark," I whined to him with Stuart being home, "I wanna go hoooooome," I said to him as he scanned my face and flicked it back down to his phone. 

 

"You'll be home before you know it if you stop whining about it," he said, "now get in the van so we can get this gig going." 

 

I slipped into the van, putting my head back on the rest, sighing as I looked out the window at another town. I knew that if Olivia was here then she would find everything lovely about all the different towns. She would be like, "look at that shop," or, "look at that couple, they look so lovely," because she was always like that. Everything was new and fresh to her, and I loved that and missed that about her. I let my eyes drift closed, and I let my guard down for the first time in two months. I just let it go, my body physically responding and going into a deep sleep. 

 

I was stressed and had been for a while and I just let it go. 

 

\--

 

Olivia's POV

 

Another month had gone by and I was done, wholly done. I felt wrecked and my head wouldn't stop pounding. I had travelled around Europe and the UK, promo and gigs were my life and I was finally just walking through the front door of our house again. I knew Ed would be home at some point but I couldn't remember when right now. I crashed onto the bed, slowly peeling my clothes off of my body and getting into the covers. The bump on my stomach had grown a bit more and then had stopped, but it still wasn't going down. I knew I had done better this past month, I don't think Stuart would let me waste away for the sake of Ed. I was back to regular meals, but I was still stressed out. I kept thinking that it was done now, the last show was played, and Ed was coming home really really soon, but I still didn't feel right, maybe I just need a sleep I thought before my eyes shut with the lights on and my body under the covers. 

 

\--

 

I heard movement in the room but was unable to open my eyes or move because I was that tired, and I felt sick, but a weird sick, not a normal I'm-going-to-have-a-cough sick, this was different but I couldn't place it. I felt the bed depress beside me, and he was touching me. I smelt his familiar smell come over me as he pushed my hair out of my face, kissing my temple and my jaw line. 

 

"I'm home love," he whispered, making the corners of my lips twitch upwards, the only movement I couldn't muster. I felt his hand slowly pull the covers down, trailing a finger over my uncovered body, too worn to put on a tshirt before I slept. He slipped his legs in first, pulling his own tshirt off his body with one hand while laying down behind me. He pushed his body against mine, warming me to the very core. I could feel my breathing becoming constant in his grasp, letting his hand trace on my body, trailing down my sternum to the band of my underwear and across my hip bone to the dimples on my back. It settled on the depression that my hips and ribs made in-between, fingers splayed on my waistline, forearm on my hip bone. I felt his lips now, resting on my shoulder, his beard rough on my soft skin, but completely okay. He soaked up my body one moment at a time, remembering what it felt like to have me here. I wasn't some phone call anymore, I was the real thing and he was drowning in it. 

 

I needed to get up though, something was wrong inside of me. I could feel my gag starting to get activated the more I laid on my side. I slid out of his grasp then, holding his hand in mine before letting it slide as I walked faster to the bathroom. I kneeled at the toilet and let the contents of my stomach come up. I heard his footsteps behind me and his hands were holding my hair up. I was shaking as I went, and when I was finished I sat down on the floor while Ed got a blanket and wrapped it around me. 

 

"What's wrong," he said as he rocked me in his lap, the dim lighting from the bedroom making it hard to see. 

 

"I don't feel right, I don't know whats happening," I said, my first words to him being not so romantic. 

 

"I've gotten a bump Ed, it hasn't gone away."

 

"You don't think…"

 

"It stopped growing after a while, I'm not sure." 

 

I was biting my lip and playing with his hands now, remembering what they looked like and marvelled at how beat up and worn they were, even in the low light. 

 

"Maybe we should take you to the doctors, yeah?" He said, lifting me up and taking me to the bed. 

 

"Maybe," I said, finally being reunited with his face when he laid me down. I smiled at him as we stared at each other for a while. 

 

"I missed you so much," I finally said, bringing a smile to his face and getting him to lay back down beside me. 

 

"I missed you just as much," he said as he cuddled back into my body, "doctor tomorrow though, okay? I want you all to myself but I need to know you're okay." 

 

"I know, we can go." I said before pressing my lips to his, both of us breathing in sharply at the action, but melting into each others lips before we both drifted off into sleep. 

 

 

 

 

 

\------------

 

Olivia's POV

 

I started off the next day by throwing up twice again, before Ed called the doctors office and got an appointment for later in the day. We were sat on the couch, falling back into each others rhythms after being away for so long. Ed's hands were on my feet, rubbing his rough pads across the bottom of my feet. I was almost asleep when a car horn beeped from outside, signalling that it was time to go to the doctors. Ed got up first, pulling me up and helping me with my jacket. He always knew how to be a gentlemen and I loved that about him. We held hands all the way to the office, nerves picking up as we walked in. We were put in a room fairly quickly, knowing that people would see us and flock to us if we weren't quick. The doctor asked numerous questions before I had to lie down on the table. My shirt was lifted and my bump was felt and pushed on. My scars burned in front of Ed and the doctor, my entire body becoming self conscious for so many reasons. 

 

"Well, we'll do a pregnancy test first and then an ultrasound to see whats going on," the doctor said, "because you might be pregnant." 

 

I looked at Ed from the bed, biting my lip at how afraid I was. We had already talked and decided we should wait for kids, our careers being more important right now. Ed smiled at me, trying to comfort from far away as best as possible. I still had a lump in my throat though, I didn't know how to handle a child, a real human being. 

 

I was sent to pee in a cup before I was sat back in the room with Ed, my hands on the bed and my head staring down at my knees. I heard Ed walking over to me, taking my head into his chest with his hands wrapped around. 

 

"Don't worry, it's going to be okay, we're going to work this out." 

 

I nodded my head on his body, holding onto the sides of his hoodie, fist fulls of fabric in my hands. I pulled away at the sound of the door opening, Ed moving away back to his chair, sitting down again. 

 

"Well, it doesn't say you're pregnant, so were going to give you an ultrasound to see whats inside, okay?" I nodded and so did Ed as we stood up and were taken to another room. 

 

Ed got to sit right beside me in this one, holding my hand as the jelly was put on my stomach by the technician. It was cold and I was nervous, just wanting to know what was going on already. The technician pressed the monitor to me as the doctor watched the screen as well as the technician, mildly biting his lip as he watched what was going on. I couldn't really tell, the screen was just shapes to me and Ed. 

 

"Hmmm, okay," the doctor said, his eyes flicking to the technician who shrugged her shoulders at him and turned to Ed and I, giving a small smile to both of us. She took the monitor away from my skin then, wiping me and the device clean as the doctor wrote on his pad before turning to us, nibbling on his bottom lip as he did. The technician left the room then, Ed's grip tightening on my hand. It was quiet in the room and the tension could have been cut with a knife. 

 

"Well, you aren't pregnant," the doctor said, Ed's thumb stroking my hand a bit, "but you were. I'm sorry, you miscarried." 

 

I whipped my hand from Ed's and pushed my palms into my eyes, tears immediately forming behind my eyelids. I could feel my breathing get choppy as Ed's hands took my forearms and then slid to the sides of my head, his thumbs rubbing along my hairline, his face close to mine, his lips sushing me from crying. The doctor said something to him and I heard Ed reply but I couldn't understand what was said. My head was whirling in the room, the fact that I had something inside of me, something that was mine and Ed's, something that we made, but we lost it, no, I lost it. I didn't take care of myself and I ruined another human being because of it. I could feel sobs starting in my chest and they started coming out of my mouth without control. Ed wrapped his arms around me, slowly picking me up off the bed. I pushed my head into his shoulder, pulling myself tight around his neck, never wanting to let go, never wanting to be seen again. 

 

He carried me to the car, and I knew people were looking but I didn't care. I felt him bend down for the door handle, his hand grazing my butt as he went. I heard him apologize quietly to me before he slid both of our bodies onto the seat, telling the driver to go home, reaching to shut the door. He didn't even belt us in, he just held my body on his, my sobs becoming more laboured as we got closer to home. My nose was running and sounding sloppy as Ed reached for a kleenex box in the back of the car, peeling me off him to wipe my eyes and my nose. I looked up at him, his blue eyes offering comfort to me. He was soft and gentle, caressing each of my features as he wiped them, he didn't even say a word, he was just healing with his touch. I got a shiver then, and he pulled his hoodie off his head and onto mine, the fabric drowning in his scent, and his warmth. The sleeves were too long for me, so my hands were covered in them, but I didn't mind. The car stopped and Ed picked me up again, the movement making my head spin again, a headache just on the horizon for me. He walked right to our bed, laying me down and taking my shoes off and throwing them somewhere on the floor. 

 

He took his own off and crawled onto the bed with me, tucking us in even though it was early and we still had our clothes on. 

 

"I'm sorry," I said, Ed's lips on mine stopping me from going on about it. He knew that I would go on for ages if he didn't try and fix me, he knew that I would beat myself up, thinking that this was my fault, because it was. I pulled away from him, lightly pushing on his chest, rolling onto my back. 

 

"I didn't take care of myself, I should have known, I'm so sorry, I lost it." 

 

"No, no you didn't, you didn't know, no one did. Things happen, don't even think that way, child or no child I'm always going to love you." 

 

Tears we leaking down my cheeks again, the heat burning on my face. 

 

"Ed, I'm sorry that all this happened, I know you saw. I know you know I cut." 

 

"I know, but I don't even care, stop thinking that you're messing up and that I'm going to leave. I'm not, I'm staying here, through it all, you could slap me and I'd still stay, I'd still be here when you cry, when you smile, when you hurt, when you do anything. Kids will come, it just wasn't the right time yet, stuff happens, you can't change it, it's in the past, don't worry about it, you could cut everyday and I wouldn't leave, I'd still be here holding you, okay?" 

 

I nodded and wiped my face with the sleeves of his hoodie, turning to wrap my arms around him again. I pushed my face into his chest, feeling him pull the covers up onto our shoulders, holding onto my body, his lips on my head, humming some random tune that he had in his head. It was making the pounding in mine subside, and I could feel my breathing start to relax as my eyes shut and my body went limp in Ed's. 

 

\--

 

Ed's POV

 

I felt sleep take her over, her entire body floppy in my arms. I knew I wasn't going to sleep, but I was content with watching her sleep. Her hands were nuzzled into her chest, pressed against mine, covered in the material of my hoodie that was tear stained. It was hard knowing about losing a baby and how she cut, but I couldn't yell at her or make her feel bad, it would just make it worse. She needed a place to feel safe, and I wanted to be that place. 

 

I slowly let her body lay onto her pillow, putting the duvet up and onto her shoulders, making sure she was warm. I slide off the mattress, just staring at her, my beautiful wife. I gazed around the room, my luggage not even being unpacked yet, and Olivia had some too because she had been far enough away the past few weeks that she couldn't come home at night. I looked at the rest of the room, Olivia's clothes scattered on the floor, along with various blankets and paper here and there. Her wedding dress was still hanging on the door of the closet, the tool sticking out the bottom of the plastic cover. I trailed my fingers across it, smiling as I remembered how beautiful she was that day, she was stunning in every way. She was happy and showed it, I remember her laugh soaring across the room at the conversation she was having with whoever she was talking to. 

 

I looked back to her in the bed, the same women laying right in front of me. She was stunning inside and out and I loved every piece of her. I smiled as I trailed my hand along the duvet, barely touching her feet before kneeling down to pick up my suitcase, unzipping it quietly to not make her stir. I pulled out all my stuff, putting my clothes back in the closet and my bathroom stuff back in the drawers, I remember the day when Olivia insisted I don't leave my stuff out on the counter, that she hated how it looked messy when it was like that. It was those little things that made me love her, made me fall for her. 

 

I picked up random items of clothing off the side of the tub, and off the floor, tossing them in the hamper, before picking up our boots and closing the doors to the bedroom behind me to let Olivia sleep while I made something to eat. I put the boots back on the rack in the foyer, hanging up the few jackets that were on the bench in the closet. Each one was different from the first, Olivia's scent all over them, probably matching a different outfit. 

 

I scrounged for something to make then in the kitchen, pulling out the last box of fajita mix, making due with what was in the house. I could tell Stuart had cooked a lot, the cupboards were filled with things that he would eat more than Olivia would, she just probably settled with whatever he made, just trying to make it through the tour, while making a baby and missing me. I guess thats why something had to break, she body just couldn't do it all. It was kind of strange being in this situation, it was all so surreal after dreaming about having a baby with Olivia, it was all a bit too real really. 

 

I let the food cook before putting it on two plates, one for me, one for Olivia. I took them to the bedroom, leaning on the handle to open the door. I knelt on the bed beside Olivia, making her stir at the smell of food and at the mattress stirring. She rubbed her eye before blinking up at me. 

 

"Hey sleepy, you hungry?" I said to her as she proper herself up on her elbow, her hair all over the place. She nodded while she swallowed, watching me get situated in the bed beside her, her mind still foggy from sleeping. I pushed her hair behind her ear, taking her face in my palm before kissing her softly on the lips. She smiled against me before pulling away and taking one of the plates from off my lap where I had sat them briefly. 

 

We watched tv while we ate, the dishes eventually being placed on my nightstand as Olivia and I snuggled down deeper into the covers. 

 

"Gosh its hot in here," Olivia said, sitting up from having her head on my chest. 

 

"Maybe it's cause you have two shirts on love," I said, a smile playing at my lips as I found the hem of my hoodie and her shirt, slowly pulling them up, watching her face for permission to undress her. Her lips quivered at the sides before pulling into a smile, as she put her hands up for me to strip the clothes from her. I could see the bump on her, as well as the scars, not just from when I was gone, but from when she was shot and everything else. A long scar sat on her right arm still from when she had stitches, and I ran my hand down it, giving her goosebumps. She laid back down and I could feel the heat radiating off of her. Her hands slid down my body to the hem of my shirt now, her legs intertwining with mine as she pulled it up and off my head, laying her body on mine as soon as she threw it on the floor. Her whole body was soft against mine as I pulled the covers back up on us before I slid my hands on the band on her bra, unclipping it and pulling it away from her body. 

 

She moaned into my neck as I rubbed my hands on her back, pushing her body hard onto of mine. I wrapped my legs around her, grinding my crotch to hers, making her contort on me. Her hands were on my shoulders, her thumbs pressing above my collarbones, rubbing in circles. I fiddled with her belt buckle and pants button, pushing them down with my feet until I felt them drop off the bed from under the duvet. Olivia trailed her hands down my body and pulled mine off next, making short work off pulling my underwear off too. I kept control of her frame with my legs as I grabbed a pair of scissors from my night table and cut her underwear away, not bothering with pushing them away, I just threw everything on the floor, the scissors making a thud on the carpet. 

 

"I hope you didn't like those pair," I said, making Olivia smile, "I don't really care for underwear, don't worry," she said before pushing her pelvis into mine, making me groan under her. I kissed her hard, taking her body in my arms and flipping her over before pushing her thighs open with my knees and body. I sunk a finger into her, making her gasp and contract on my finger. 

 

"Relax love," I said, "I promise I won't hurt you," before I put another finger into her, curving around to hit her g-spot, making her groan and put her hand in my hair, pulling on the orange strands. She attached her lips to my neck, sucking, hard, making my emotions go into overload, groaning and screaming at the pain from it. I pressed my fingers into her more, making her bite me where she was sucking. I was holding my breath because of it, pulsing my fingers inside of her while I tried to contain myself from letting go already. I slammed my body on hers making her let go of my neck, gasping for air because of it. I let my fingers slide out of her, pushing them through her slit, her fluids leaking all over the mattress and my hand. I brought it to my mouth, sucking it off my fingers in front of her face, making her wrap her legs around my torso, grinding into me again. I smiled at her, sitting up and pulling a condom out of the drawer from my nightstand, slipping the rubber onto myself. 

 

I attached my mouth to her chest, working my way up her sternum and her neck, making her head throw back in frustration, my tip playing at her entrance. She groaned and took in a breath as I pushed inside of her, letting our bodies sit for a second, the pleasure on her face paramount to anything else. I took her head in my hand, making her look at me as I sat inside of her. 

 

"I will always love you," I said to her, 

 

"I will always love you too," she said, pushing my hair out of my face before I started moving my hips against her. I felt her grip onto me, the pressure something I missed while I was gone. We started panting the closer we got, a tear leaking from Olivia's eye as she got overwhelmed. I was begging for her to let go, my thrusts getting sloppy the tighter she got around me. I pushed my face into her neck as she orgasmed, screaming out at the pressure around me, not controlling my actions anymore as I let everything go with her. I was heavily breathing as we laid there, my body completely spent already from it. Olivia's hands were on my neck. 

 

"Holy," she said as she breathed, trying to catch up with what just happened. 

 

"I'm so happy to be home," I said, looking at her in the eye, making her smile. 

 

"I missed you so much," she said, kissing my lips, pulling my head to hers. I shifted my hips on her, making her twitch on my lips, letting me know that she was okay to go again. I craved for this moment to never end, just being attached in every way possible. 

 

"Again?" I said, 

 

"Of course," Olivia said. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

\--------------------

 

Olivia's POV

 

I was asleep in Ed's arms, waking up to his hand on my clit, rubbing circles over it with his rough fingers. I breathed in at the touch, his entire body pressed to mine, his warmth radiating through my body. I could hear his breathing in my ear, his lips pressing to my neck and ear as he rubbed. I pushed my bum into his crotch, making him giggle and breath out onto my skin. I could feel my wet coming on already, slipping my hand behind me and into Ed's hair. He shifted his fingers on me, making me start to groan and sweat, the feeling getting more intense by the moment. I arched under his touch, his other hand slipping under my body and pulling me back into his body, not wanting one inch of me to move away from him. He dipped two of his fingers into me, sliding them in and back out, teasing me with them. I could feel him pressing into my back, getting harder the hotter I got. He slipped his fingers in all the way, from behind, pulsing them inside of me, making me pull on his hair and mumble something under my breath, not really being able to talk. He slid his leg over my body, making me lie flat on my stomach on the mattress. 

 

"Was this a good way to wake you up?" He whispered in my ear. 

 

"Best way yet, mmmmmm," I said, his fingers readjusting as I answered, cutting my words short. 

 

He pulled my torso up, making me kneel on the bed, my head on my forearms as I placed my elbows on the mattress, breathing heavy from the angle. He kissed my spine and scars, massaging my back with his mouth. He pulled his fingers out of me, kissing my butt before I heard the sound of the condom package ripping, the rubber making a stretchy noise as he put it on. 

 

"Ready?" He said. 

 

"Hurry up," was all I could muster, and before I knew it his hands were sliding up my back, his body on mine, his member pressing into me fully from behind, doggy style. His legs were inside mine, pushing mine apart just enough. His hand snaked around me, rubbing my clit again, making me scream out as he started thrusting into me. I hit my climax quickly, shaking under his control, clenching around him as much as I could, falling onto the mattress from my elbows, Ed holding me up, keeping himself inside me, grunting as he felt everything I was doing as well as what was happening inside of him. He grazed his teeth along my spine as he twitched inside me, his body becoming sloppy as he lost control. His hand pushed hard on me, making me push on him harder, his sweaty forehead coming off my back, flinging backwards at the touch. We crashed onto the mattress as one, Ed shaking and groaning over me, clearly enjoying this a lot. 

 

"Oh my goodness, we need to this more often, holy that felt so good." He was saying between breaths as he pulled out of me, pushing himself onto his elbows over my body. 

 

He pushed his head into the crook of my neck, kissing my neck. 

 

"Good morning," was all he said before he knelt onto his knees, removing the sticky rubber from himself. I rolled part way to look at him, completely naked behind me. I took him in, smiling at his messy bedhead, his sweaty body, perfect the way it is. He was rubbing his eye before he noticed I was staring at him. "Stop staring," he said, placing his hands on my bare butt before leaning over me, "or you won't get that for a long time." He laughed and I slapped his arm, knowing that that was a full out lie. 

 

"We're so sweaty," I said, wanting to shower. 

 

"Come, lets have a bath, you deserve one," Ed said, getting up from the bed, walking to the bathroom, switching the bath on before I had a chance to protest. I could see him yawn in the mirror, the time change messing with his head still. I just laid on the bed, watching him get out the bubbles and dump them into the warm water. 

 

He came back to me then, sliding his arms under me, pulling me out of the covers and letting my wrap my legs around his back, sitting on his bum. I rested my head on his shoulder as he walked, closing my eyes as he started humming, his chest vibrating against mine. I smiled as he stepped into the hot water, sliding down slowly with me in his arms, letting the tub fill up around us. He grabbed the moveable head that was for the bath, making more bubbles with it around our bodies, eventually covering everything up, our bodies still intertwined. My hands were sitting on his sides, gently stroking his ribs as he took my head in his hand, tilting it back and wetting it with the water, shutting it off once my hair was wet. He went about washing it then, letting me close my eyes as he scrubbed. It was relaxing, being in his arms, the water taking away any sense of stress that was there before. I let him finish before opening my eyes to his, smiling at him as he squeezed the excess water out of my hair. 

 

I took it from him and tied it up on my head, not wanting it to get soapy in the bubbles again. I watched his face as I put it up, him being mildly mesmerized at how I could do it without looking. I smiled and took his head next, feeling his hands rest on my thighs beneath the water. I watched as his eyes closed now, scanning his facial features as his lips curled up into a grin as I washed his hair. I scanned all his freckles on his super pale skin which was slightly red from the heat of the water we were in. I could see each fair eyelash that attached to his eyelids, scanning the birthmark on his one eye. I took in his nose and his mouth, the scar on his bottom lip from his childhood, one I've kissed more than once. His beard had grown in a bit, looking a bit ragged on his soft skin. His neck was next, white and thick, a purple splotch and bite mark on it from the night before. I smiled at it, remembering how much he screamed when it was happening. I rinsed out the soap from his hair then, the ginger fibers becoming bright now that they were clean. 

 

I kissed his lips, feeling him push back on mine, soft but firm, letting me know he was there for me. We stayed there for a bit, just our lips working together, no tongue or neck holding needed. I pulled away, leaning my head against his, opening my eyes to watch his open to mine. I felt his eyelashes on mine as his eyes fluttered around my face, settling back on my eyes. He pushed his nose into mine, running it across, giving me little eskimo kisses, smiling as he went. 

 

"I got you something, wait here," he said before lifting himself from the tub, kissing me one more time before stepping out and getting a towel, rubbing it on his body and hair. I could hear him shuffling in the bedroom for what he got, the cat wandering in and jumping up on the edge of the bath, meowing at me before settling on the window sill. Ed walked back in, a pair of track pants on his bottom half now, a box in one of his hands. he knelt down beside the tub, putting the box on the edge, holding it in his two hands, being a little nervous about giving me whatever was in the box. 

 

"Ready?" he said, looking up at me. 

 

"Yeah," I said, nodding to him and smiling at him, sitting up to see what was in the box better. 

 

He opened the box, revealing a horse shoe that was worn and scratched up, looking oddly familiar to me. My eyes watered as I realized where it was from, it was from one of the horses I dearly loved when I lived at home and rode horses all the time. 

 

"Where'd you get this? This is one of Rockeys shoes Ed." I said, looking up at him, my eyes wide. 

 

"Your mum gave it to me, I saw your parents when I went to Toronto and they gave it to me to give to you, she said it meant a lot to you." 

 

"Ed, this is the shoe from the picture of me winning first place. I won for the first time on the horse that this shoe is from, it's so special to me. Thank you for giving it to me." I said, tears trickling down my face as I wiped my hands dry and picked up the cold shoe. I wrapped my arms around Ed, kissing him and smiling as the cold metal warmed in my hand. I pulled away and stared at it, running across the worn bits of it, remembering all the memories that came with it. 

 

Ed ran his hand across my arm after I looked at it for a second. 

 

"Want to hang it up?" he said, and I looked at him, nodding my head as he grabbed a towel for me, wrapping me up in it as I stepped out of the bath, pulling the plug as I went. He dried me off before pulling one of his tshirts over my head, making me smile as he had trouble finding the right whole for my head, pulling a face when I finally popped through. I pulled on a fresh pair of underwear, horseshoe still in hand while Ed pulled on his own shirt. I walked out of the bedroom to Ed getting on the counter in the kitchen, a hammer on the window ledge, along with a few nails. 

 

"Above the window, yeah?" he said to me, pointing. 

 

"Yeah." I said, passing it up to him along with the hammer and nail. 

 

"Don't hurt yourself." 

 

He nodded at me, and then hammered his thumb, scrunching his nose up at the pain. He kept going though, getting the horseshoe up above the window, making me smile at it. 

 

"Perfect," I said as he climbed down, pulling me into his chest, soaking in his smell that was already coming over him. 

 

"Perfect as making breakfast under it?" he said, raising his eyebrows at me and opening the fridge to get the ingredients for pancakes out, singing as he went. 

 

I smiled and helped him until they were ready and we sat on the couch, watching mindless Friends episodes and other programs, until Ed curled up on me, his head on my belly. He turned and pulled my shirt up after a while, whispering to my tummy. 

 

"I know I'll never know you, but I still love you," he said, pressing his lips to my stomach, making my heart swell. I ran my hands on his head, trailing my thumbs on his hairline and forehead, until his hands traced up to mine, taking them and pressing them to my belly, his gentle kisses going along the centre of my body, eventually resting in-between our hands. He turned his head and rested it on the same spot, his ear pressed up against me now, like he was listening. He sighed and I watched his eyes readjust back to the tv, his fingers curling around mine, holding onto me. 

 

I let my attention go back to the tv too, knowing full well that Ed really wanted to have kids now, knowing that he was holding back until we were both ready, silently wishing that I was actually pregnant when we went to the doctors, probably taking the miscarriage worse than I was, because I was scared to have kids, I wasn't ready, but he was. 

 

 

 

 

 

\-------------

 

Olivia's POV

 

I woke up in the covers of our bed, rubbing my eye as the light poured through the window above me. I judged that it was past ten am, the light bright and awake. I leaned up on my elbow, looking at the empty spot beside me, wondering where Ed had gone. I picked the sticky note up off his pillow, reading that he had headed out back for a while and not to freak out that he was missing. I smiled at his messy writing, almost childlike. I peaked my head up to the window ledge when I heard his voice floating along the backyard. I smiled at him sitting on a lawn chair, trying to sort out a song that he was writing. I listened as the melody floated through the window pane, his words not understandable, but the notes were. It was really pretty what he was writing, and it matched how he looked. His hair had been ruffled with his hands, mildly frustrated at the song. He was hunched over his little guitar, a hoodie and jeans covering his body. The cuffs of his jeans were rolled up, perched on his trainers, one tucked up underneath him. He pulled his sleeves down on his hands as he wrote out another line or two, scribbled down on a piece of paper that was sat on the outside table in front of him. This was all taking place beside the shed, the green of the fresh grass and trees contrasting with Ed's orange hair. I smiled as his lips twitched while he was writing something down, his face softening from frustration to something better, to being settled. 

 

I decided to slide out of bed then, picking up the tea that Ed had put on a warmer beside me, sipping it as I stood up and found some pants, tucking Ed's tshirt into the band as that was all I was wearing. I tied my hair up on top of my head, rubbing under my eyes as I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror. I put my hands on my belly, smiling and silently wishing I hadn't lost it. I sighed while turning around, finding a tube of chap stick, rubbing it on my lips and watching Ed a little more through the bathroom window. I picked up my tea that I had put on the counter, walking to the door that went to the back from our bedroom. I opened it quietly, leaning on the frame as I heard Ed more clearly now, secretly watching him work. It was one of my favourite things, watching him play. I could just see a little bit of him, his shoulder muscles working to drive his arm across the strings. 

 

I walked across the back deck to see him more clearly, leaning on the railing just out of his vision, keeping my eyes locked on him. I could hear the words he was singing now, catching the chorus of the song quite easily. I started singing it out, making Ed looking at me as I swung my legs over the railing and sat on it. He smiled as I sang and he played, swinging my legs a bit, tea in hand. 

 

\--

 

Ed's POV

 

She was beautiful, sitting there, still drinking her tea that I had set down a long time ago. She sang out what I had been writing making it even better than when I did it. I stopped playing when she reached the end of what she knew, and I just sat there, staring at her. She sipped her tea, making a face like she hadn't been eavesdropping on me. This just made me smile even more, standing up and walking to her. 

 

"Eavesdropper," I said as I put my hands on her thighs and she looked at me with her mug in both her hands, her bare feet rubbing on the sides of my legs. 

 

"Well you were singing outside, what can I say." She said, grinning down at me, reaching out and trailing her finger down my cheek. 

 

"Come here," I said before picking her up off the railing, swinging my guitar behind me. She kept one hand on the back of my neck, the other on her mug, not wanting to spill it. I swung by the table, picking up my paper while holding her with one arm, before walking us into the studio shed. I let her down on the couch that was in there, trailing my finger across her cheek before sitting in my own chair behind the large soundboard that resided in in the studio. 

 

"Go on and sit in there, take this," I said, handing Olivia the paper with the song on it, watching her roll her eyes as she opened the door to the sound booth and sat down in front of the microphone, raising her eyebrows at me from behind the glass. 

 

"Just sing it like you heard it, I know you know it, the guitars already recorded, I was just finishing the words." 

 

I watched her look down at the sheet, silently scrolling through the words before she raised her hand for me to roll what I had recorded. 

 

I let the track ring out, leaning on the edge of the sound board as she sang out what I had written, making it so beautiful and melodic, making me melt at the sound of it. She hit the end of the lyrics and looked up at me as I hit the stop button on the board. 

 

"Happy?" She said as she got up and sat on the couch out of the sound booth. 

 

"Happier than ever, I should get you to sing all my songs." I said as I rolled over to her and picked up one of her feet, rubbing my thumbs on the bottom of them. They were still warm, soft as a kittens fur. I looked up at her, a smile playing on her lips at my comment, clearly not overly enthused about it. The foot rub seemed to be over powering her anger though, which was good enough for me. 

 

I rolled my chair right up to the edge of the couch, being mindful of our legs as the squeezed in-between the couch and the chair. 

 

"I won't actually, that would make less time to love you," I said before leaning forward and planting my lips on hers, moving off the chair, placing my knees beside her body, straddling her on the couch. I moved my lips against hers, trailing them down her jaw, nibbling on her ear a bit before returning to her lips. 

 

"You really wish we had a baby, don't you?" 

 

The words slipped out of her mouth and into mine, each one filled with a little bit of guilt I could tell. I pressed my forehead to hers, sighing out across her face. 

 

"Yeah, but it's okay, we have time." I said, trying to settle her about this subject. I want kids, but only if she wants them too, only if she's ready for it. 

 

"I know you're sad about losing our baby and I'm so sorry." She said, her eyelashes brushing mine as she looked down. 

 

"Hey, look, we're gunna have a family when everyones ready and things aren't crazy and when we can support one fully. Don't worry about when, we're going to get there okay? Stop feeling guilty about what happened, it could have happened even if I was home, it might just be your body right now, you can't change anything about it now." 

 

"Ed lets have a baby." 

 

"What?" 

 

"Now, lets have one now, okay, maybe I'm upset because I really want one now, I just realized that like, I really want one now, I really love what I lost and I want one now. I know it won't be the same but you're right I can't change that, but theres others, lets have a baby Ed."

 

I sat back on her legs, looking up at the ceiling trying to digest what she had just said. 

 

"Are you sure?" I said, looking down trying to read her face, coming up with nothing. 

 

"Yeah, we have the time to, we both have to make new records and you know that, we could work it out good right now, can we at least try?" She said, making it mildly hard not to say no because she knew that I really wanted a kid. 

 

"Later," was all I could say as I slipped off her lap, rubbing my face in my hands, trying to settle back into work that needed to be done at some point. 

 

"Do you mind manning the board?" I said, watching Olivia shrug her shoulders and sit in the chair, rolling up to the board as I made my way to the booth, settling into a solid session of song making. 

 

Eventually we crashed back inside for lunch, deciding to have soup from the cans because we really didn't feel like cooking, slurping up the noodles as we watched some news program on the tv. 

 

"You do want a baby, right?" Olivia asked while looking straightforward. 

 

"Yes, I do, it was just abrupt what you said, I thought we were gunna wait but now is okay too. I'm sorry I didn't say anything." 

 

I was watching her nibble on a noodle, clearly not settled yet. Finally she scooped more soup up and relaxed, sighing out as she ate. 

 

"Okay, we'll try later then. Whenever you want to," was what she said, looking at me and smiling, the awkwardness from before vanishing as if it never existed. I was always curious on how that worked with women, how they could just switch, but I didn't care at this moment, I was too busy thinking about now it was up to me to choose when we would go for it. Before we would just do it when we felt like it, now it felt like a waiting game. 

 

I guess I would just know? 

 

Spending the rest of the day in the studio, it was now beyond late. I could see Olivia yawn from behind the glass, my voice becoming more raw from singing the whole day. A lot of material was covered though, making a bit of a platform to work from. I came out of the booth finally, closing the binder of loose papers with words written across them. 

 

"Come, lets go to bed," I said walking up to Olivia who was saving files and shutting the soundboard down. I let her finish until she turned to me, putting her hands up to my shoulders indicating that she didn't want to walk. A lot of the time she didn't ask to be carried, more that I would just pick her up and she would stay, but this time she wanted up. I picked her up by her thighs, her head instantly leaning on my shoulder, her eyes closing already. I turned off all the lights in the studio, locking the door and walking up to the house. I flicked our main light off, but turned on the twinkle lights that danced around the edge of the room. 

 

I laid her body down on the mattress, slipping mine behind hers, running my hand through her hair, pushing it aside to kiss her neck. I let her skin sink into my lips, the softness taking over until I felt her body relax under mine, signalling she was asleep. I just laid there, admiring who she is, how she can give up so much just to have a baby. She's an unsigned artist, literally paving her way by herself. Of course it wasn't as hard as it was before, but still, self-funding isn't easy. Now she was saying that she would put that on hold to have a baby with me, to take the time to raise it too. 

 

I let my own eyes flutter shut soon after Olivia's, feeling my body decompress as I fell asleep. 

 

\--

 

I could feel the body in my arms moving beneath me. I flicked my eyes open to see Olivia starting to stretch out like she does when she wakes up. I could see her eyelashes start to move as she opened her eyes, turning to face me. I smiled at her and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips which were warm and soft. 

 

"Good morning," I said, getting a smile in return. 

 

"Hi," she said, touching her finger to my nose from under the covers. She snuggled into my chest, putting her arm around my torso pulling tight against me. 

 

"Mmmmmm, I'm so comfy," she said, making me smile as I trailed my fingers down her neck. 

 

"Me too." 

 

We laid there for a good half an hour, mindlessly cuddling and occasionally trailing fingers on body parts or kissing. Eventually Olivia was laying on her back, laughing at some story I was telling her about when I was a kid. 

 

"Honestly, it wasn't cool wearing blue glasses and ear stuff, it sucked." I said, propping myself up on my elbow, reaching out for her body, sliding her back over to my body because she had wiggled away a bit while she was laughing. 

 

"Okay, well, if our kid is like that then you won't laugh." 

 

"Maybe I'll just laugh in my head because I'll be thinking of you being like that." 

 

"Whatever," I said as pushed a piece of hair out of Olivia's face. 

 

"Okay, do you want a summer baby or winter?" I asked, becoming a bit more serious. 

 

"Ummmmmmm, I don't know, I think having a spring baby would be nice. Like May time." She said thinking about it. 

 

"Okay, boy or girl?" 

 

"I don't think it would really matter, either or would be fine, but a boy would be fun." 

 

"What about a name?" 

 

"I have no idea. Why? Do you have one." 

 

"Um, I like Thomas, but it doesn't have to be that." 

 

I watched Olivia think about it as she laid amongst the covers.

 

"I like Thomas," she finally said, looking me in the eye as she said it. She smiled and reached up to kiss me. 

 

"Okay, so if we get pregnant I say we don't find out the gender okay? I vote surprise when it comes out," she said, as I nodded my head a yes, agreeing that not knowing would be fun. 

 

We just laid there then. 

 

We just laid there and stared at each other, knowing that everything was falling into place again. I don't know a lot about love or relationships or whatever, but I know that sometimes things can get rocky with anyone. I know that you can go forever building something up to watch it fall down in an instant. I could feel it now though, I could feel everything floating away that had happened since I got home. Even though it wasn't even a week yet, it had been up and down for sure. Olivia's body was slowly returning to normal, her body getting rid of the body inside of her. 

 

I trailed my eyes up and down her face and her chest that had come uncovered a while ago. I could feel everything start to swell inside of me, just like it has in the past. I watched as Olivia's body start to rise and fall more and more as we just looked each other up and down. I watched her eyes turn from happy and pretty to something more driven and lustful. 

 

"You want to?" I said, and that was all it took for her to pull on my shoulder and attach her lips to my neck. 

 

I didn't even bother pulling her shirt off, I went straight for her underwear, ripping them off her legs. Our lips were all over each other, as were our hands. Olivia bit my neck as my fingers attached to her clit, rubbing circles on it making her juices come faster. I could feel the heat of her on my fingers as I pushed two into her. She let go of my neck with her teeth, flinging her head back into the pillows. She groaned as she orgasmed on my hand, making me fully ready. Her hands were trembling as she pulled my underwear down part way, making me pull them off my feet because she was so worked up. 

 

"Ready?" I said, sitting up in-between her legs at her entrance. Her hands were on my hips, her chest rising and falling as she laid on the mattress. 

 

"Go," was what she said before I jammed myself into her, making her whimper and breath choppy. 

 

"Just breathe love," I said as I sat inside of her, not moving yet, my hands on her hips. I waited for her breathing to calm down a bit before I started pumping in and out of her, letting her come for a second time before I did. 

 

She was tight and hot around me, making it hard to control anything, until I let myself so inside of her. She grunted and moaned as it happened, her thighs squeezing my sides as her insides tightened even more. I moaned at it happening, the best feeling in the world. We both finished around the same time, both breathing heavy. I pulled myself out of her, leaning on my elbows over her. 

 

"If that doesn't make a baby I don't know what will." She said, making me laugh. 

 

"That was amazing." She added, touching my cheek. 

 

"I love you." I said, looking her right in the eye. 

 

"I love you too. I'm glad this is happening." 

 

She smiled before I leaned down and kissed her again, pulling the duvet back up over both of us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

\------------------------

 

Olivia's POV

 

I woke up tangled up with Ed in the covers. We had a fairly busy morning I guess you could say, and when I rolled over and read the clock, it was already 2pm. Ed was breathing heavy beside me, his lips moving out with each breath as his face sat on the edge of his pillow, his hand under it. His hair was all over the trail, matted in the back and probably on the side that was down on his pillow. His skin was sweaty still, sticky to the touch. His smell had repossessed the house as soon as he got home, and I could smell it now as I laid beside him. 

 

I moved my face close to his, pushing my nose on his, hovering my lips near his, trailing my finger down his cheek, making his eyes flutter a bit and open for a second. He groaned and shifted his weight, pressing his body to mine, wrapping his arm around my body, pulling me closer. I pushed my lips to his, holding them still until he pushed harder and started working his lips on mine. He licked my bottom lip, pushing his tongue into my mouth, breathing out onto my face. He pulled back, biting my bottom lip and pulling it, letting it flop back into place as he rolled onto his back, keeping his eyes locked on mine. Our legs were hooked together, making my body move with his, moving me to lay on his chest. His hands and arms stayed around me, playing with my hair. I could feel him twirling it and then letting it fall back down. It was lulling me back to sleep when he moved his body and launched an arm for the remote. He grabbed it and turned on the TV, letting some weird program play out. 

 

"You hungry?" He asked me, looking down at me at a commercial break. I nodded as yes to him, wanting him back as soon as he moved away to the kitchen to find food for us. He wasn't wearing any pants or boxers, and stripped of his t-shirt while walking for the kitchen. I could only see his well made bum, but it still made me bite my lip, knowing what he looked like on the other side. 

 

I cuddled with his pillow as he made food, toast with nutella, always a fan favourite. It was hard to keep my concentration on my food as he slipped back into bed with just a shirt on his upper half, but I did it. 

 

I had ended up in-between Ed's legs when he came back, my back resting on his chest. We laid around for a long time watching TV before Ed shut it off. I felt him lean over beside me, pulling a guitar up off the floor from his side of the bed. He set it in front of me, starting to play something I hadn't heard before. 

 

"Tell me if this is good." He said before he started singing. I knew he had been writing a lot, but I didn't know it was this good. Of course it was good, he was an amazing writer, it just always surprised me at  _how_ good his is at it. I let him sing the whole song in my ear, until he was finished and I felt like cracking at the seams. He let the guitar drop on my lap, his arms snaking around my body with his head in my neck. 

 

"So?" He said. 

 

"That was beautiful, it was so so good." It was all I could say, I was floored, it was so beautiful. 

 

"Good, I was hoping you would like it." 

 

I could feel him smiling behind me, mildly rocking his body back and forth. I felt a smile playing on my mouth at his cheekiness, knowing he had something up his sleeve. 

 

"Come on a date with me?" He finally said, suddenly fidgeting with the edge of my shirt. 

 

"Why wouldn't I go on a date with you, isn't it like a million girls dreams?" I said, laughing a bit at how shy he was being about the song and about asking me to go out with him. 

 

"Yeah but I just want one with you." He said, knowing that he didn't have to be nervous anymore. It was funny how he could be a tiger sometimes, but a kitten at other times. I liked that about him, he was sweet but good at the same time. 

 

"Okay, I'll go on a date with you, but where are we going?" 

 

"Secret, my surprise. You'll find out later." 

 

I knew the discussion was done now. It was a date, but I didn't know when, where or what he was up to. I just had to go along with the ride for now, trusting that he had it under control. I rolled my eyes and got out of bed, leaving Ed on his own as I showered, getting all my sticky sweat off of me. 

 

"Ed, showers yours," I yelled through the door, telling him to shower without making it obvious. He strolled in a minute later, stripped of his clothes already. He hopped in the steaming water, humming as he went. 

 

"We should go to my parents soon, my mum wanted to see me the whole time I was gone, maybe we should go next week." He said from inside, leaving the idea out in the open. His parents were lovely, pretty much a second set for me due to me being far away from mine. 

 

"Yeah, I love your family, we can go if you want." 

 

"Okay, I'll call her later." 

 

I smiled thinking that I would see his family, making the UK feel a bit more like home every time we went there. It was like I had a family here and one in Canada. I guess it was the same for Ed, knowing that he saw my parents when he played on his last tour. I know they didn't see him a lot in person, but the fact that they went and saw him even though I wasn't there was really important to me. I was never sure if my parents would approve of who I married, but I think they were really happy with Ed. I know that he would give them a lot of respect too, he was really good with his parents so he'd be good with mine. My mum had texted a bit after I told her that I got the horseshoe and she had told me that Ed had taken them out for dinner and thats when she gave him the horseshoe. I thought that was lovely that he did that for them. 

 

I stripped the bed after towel drying my hair and putting some clothes on. I could hear Ed brushing his teeth, tossing his toothbrush into the drawer. I was pulling on a clean sheet when he walked out in a shirt and boxers. His hair had been refluffed, the matted bits gone now. He was purely hot as he pulled on a pair of track pants, running his hand through his hair and scratching his head. He pulled on his own pillowcase, jumping back onto the bed as I pulled the duvet back up on the bed. I got on the mattress near him, putting my own fingers in his hair as I looked down at him. 

 

"Do you feel okay?" I said to him as he looked at me, his eyes a little dark and tired looking. 

 

"I'm tired," he said, rubbing his eye before pulling me down with him. It wasn't that late for either of us, especially considering that we slept for a quite a while today, so I was curious to why he was saying he was tired. I dismissed it though, letting sleep take over me as we cuddled. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

\-----------------------

 

Olivia's POV

 

I woke up to the sound of Ed coughing in the kitchen, making something to eat. I wrapped myself in a blanket before quietly stepping out of the bedroom, yawning as I entered the kitchen. Ed turned to me, looking tired and rough, like he hadn't slept for days. 

 

"Are you okay?" Were the first words that came out of my mouth, my filter not quite on yet due to not being awake. 

 

I watched him shake his head no, pouting his bottom lip out at me. 

 

"My throat hurts," he said in a pouty voice, rubbing his eye at the same time. 

 

I shooed him away from making breakfast, ushering him to sit on the couch while I buttered the toast he was making. I walked to him when I was done, his body wrapped up in a blanket now. I gave him his breakfast and the tv remote, touching his face before I walked away, checking for a fever. It didn't seem so, so I walked away to get my own breakfast, eventually sitting on the couch beside him, watching the news while we ate. Eventually Ed fell asleep on the couch arm, letting me have time to clean up the super messy house, which was a wreck from us. 

 

Eventually Ed woke up, moaning as he moved on the couch. I touched his face, his forehead being sweaty and hot, a fever showing up. He swiped my hand away as he repositioned, always being grumpy when he's sick. I sighed, walking away to get the thermometer and medication, coming back to Ed cuddled up in his blanket. 

 

"Come on, you have to." I said to him, earning a groan from him as he shifted his body to look at me, as I was behind the couch, letting the blanket fall off his mouth. I slipped the thermometer into his lips, holding it for him as he started to rub his face again. 

 

"Don't do that, you'll get an eye infection, your hands are dirty." 

 

He rolled his eyes at my comment, clearly wanting to be left alone to sleep. His eyes parted from mine, focusing back on the tv. I ran a finger down his cheek, leaning a bit more over the couch. I knew he was grumpy, but he shut his eyes when my fingers hit his hair, rubbing his scalp a bit. The thermometer beeped at me, reading a fever of 100F. I wiped it with a kleenex before walking around the couch, lifting Ed's feet and sitting down. I rubbed his feet until I heard gentle snoring at the other end of the couch, scanning his face and body. I loved every bit of it, and couldn't imagine living without it. 

 

I threw the tv on some quiet music channel, crawling up Ed's body, moving the blanket over myself as I snuggled up to his chest. He instinctively curled his hand around me, instantly making it feel like home. I closed my eyes, soaking up his smell and his warmth. I heard it start gently raining part way through our nap, the drops pattering on the window near us. Even though we sleep intertwined every night that were together, theres nothing like snuggling and napping on the couch. I loved listening to his breathing and his heartbeat, his hand moving or twitching on my back as he dreamed, a cough coming up his throat a few times throughout. 

 

It rained for the rest of the day, just like we stayed on the couch for the day. Eventually we ordered dinner and ended up spooning on the couch. I could feel Ed's lips brushing on my neck as he moved behind me, sitting up to drink his tea and blow his nose. 

 

"I think you should play some," he said, his hand tracing the length of my neck and shoulder, giving me goosebumps, "you haven't played all day." 

 

I knew he was right, I had been with him and I was craving to play. I stood up, pulling a guitar from the wall, plopping down in front of him on the coffee table. He had flicked the tv off and sat up on the couch, the blanket on his lap. 

 

"What do you want me to play?" I asked him, looking at him sitting there in his baggy hoodie and sweatpants, trying not to bite my lip or get hot, I knew he was sick and we were waiting. 

 

"Mmmmmm, play something you haven't played in forever, play one of the first songs you ever wrote." 

 

I wracked my brain trying to remember something I learned a long time ago for him. 

 

"Okay, wanna hear the first song I ever covered? It's a Lights song, okay? Called  _Cactus in the Valley._ " 

 

He shook his head yes, and I started playing. It was a bit nerve wracking playing just for him, it was easier when you had hundreds of people to look at, not just one, and not a famous one. Just because we were married didn't make his talent go away, we both knew how big he was getting now, and not just in the UK. 

 

I tried not to think about it as I played to him, the song oddly fitting for our situation, all about personally withering, but asking your partner not to leave, that you can't live without them, that you're sorry you failed. I watched Ed's eyes flick all over me as I played, resting on my hands for a while, finally stopping on on my face, keeping eye contact through the last chorus. He smiled at the end, the scar on his lip stretching as the corners of his lips turned up. I looked down at the body of my guitar, blushing wildly, butterflies erupting inside of my belly. I didn't realize that I could still feel like this, after all this time, he still gave me butterflies. 

 

\--

 

Ed's POV

 

She was blushing and biting her lip as she kept her eyes from me. I liked that I could still make her feel nervous and happy and flustered even after all this time. I knew she still gave me butterflies, and I'm happy to know that I give her butterflies too. 

 

I pulled her hand away from the guitar, making her put it on the floor as I pulled her back on the couch with me. I liked how she fell asleep on me, cuddled on my chest. I was sick but I didn't care, I held her close to me anyways, turning her around in my lap, swinging the blanket onto both our laps. 

 

"Thank you," I said, whispering in her ear as she giggled a little bit in my lap. I wrapped my arms around her waist, placing my head on her shoulder. I was really grumpy earlier because of being sickness, but honestly she takes it all away. From the moment she touched my cheek and ran her hand through my hair, it was all gone. She took care of me, and that means a lot to me. 

 

It means a lot that she loves me. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

\-----------------

 

Ed's POV

 

I woke up the next morning sick as a dog, laying on the couch alone. I must have fallen asleep here, Olivia leaving me to sleep instead of waking me up and making me move. It was light out right now, and I could hear the shower running, signalling that Olivia was up already and that it was past nine. Even though I had slept for ages, I still felt beat. I moved my body up into a slight sitting position, my muscles aching as I moved. I also trigged a coughing attack, my throat being all gooey and gross. I groaned and laid back down, pulling the cover I had back up over me. I could hear the shower shut off and the foot steps of Olivia walking around the house, making breakfast probably for herself. I kept my eyes shut as she came closer to me, setting a tea and a plate down near me, stroking my face and kissing my temple before she walked back to the kitchen and then to a chair beside me in the room with her own food. I rubbed my eye before sitting up some, reaching for the toast on the coffee table, nibbling on it while Olivia watched some Ellen on tv. 

 

I primarily stayed on the couch today, even when Stuart came with fan stuff from the past couple weeks. I watched Olivia go through it, reading parts of letters out loud, showing me little dolls and things for both of us. I held each of them, smiling at the different interpretations of us. There were two dolls with magnets in the mouth section that came together to make them kiss, I thought that was cute and put it on the table to stay. 

 

Eventually I was put to bed though, Olivia tucking me in the covers before kissing my forehead and temple, shutting the door to the bedroom for me to sleep. It was only about seven, but I was defiantly feeling worse before I was feeling better. My throat was raw and my nose was stuffy, and every body part was sore. I hated being sick and I wished it would go away, I had things to do. 

 

\-- 

 

I woke up the next morning hot and sticky, my hair matting to my forehead like I had played three gigs in a row. I felt really bad and I didn't know why. Olivia came in, leaning over my tender body, wiping my hair away from my face a bit, a worried expression plastered over her face. 

 

"Mmmmm, maybe the doctors would be a good idea," she said after I coughed and it sounded like I was a seal. I had no fight to put up to go to the doctors so I struggled to get up and go with her when she nodded for me to come. She helped me put on a clean shirt and pants first though, my body not having the energy to do anything. 

 

The car ride made me feel funny, like I was in a cloud, my head floating. I didn't know why it felt that way, cars usually felt normal. 

 

We were put in a little room when we got to the doctors, the walls bringing up too many memories of the last time we were here, making my head whirl even more than it already was. We lost a child here, I kept thinking, and I wanted to stop. Eventually the doctor came in, looking down my throat, touching my back with her stethoscope, the cold metal making me shiver. At the end she swabbed my throat, making me gag really bad, I didn't like being here at all. 

 

"Sorry, had to do that," the doctor said when I gagged, half smiling at me and looking apologetic, "It looks like you have strep." 

 

I was a bit confused at the comment, not really knowing what, "strep," was, but by Olivia's face I assumed it wasn't a great thing to have. It certainly didn't feel good inside of me. 

 

I was sent home with a prescription of antibiotics, and an order to stay in bed until I felt better. Honestly I wouldn't try anything right now anyways because I was beat from just going to the doctors for less than an hour. Olivia picked up the prescription while I waited in the car on the way home. Once we were home I crawled back into bed, almost falling asleep instantly. Olivia came in with one of the pills and a glass of water first though, getting me to take it before I fell onto the pillows fast asleep, completely knocked out from the sickness, I barely remember her kissing me goodnight or pulling the covers over my body, tucking me in. 

 

\--

 

Olivia's POV

 

He was dog-sick, pale, sweaty, tired and basically every other thing that you could say. I could hear him snoring gently from the bedroom while I did the dishes, smiling at the funny noises that occurred from him while he slept. I could tell he was in a deep sleep, he would mumble out words or make gurgley noises every so often, and he only did that when he was completely out. 

 

I puttered around the house for the afternoon, pulling the bed part of the sofa out, putting sheets on it and a blanket. I knew Ed would house our bed for a long time, so I figured it was worth it to get it out. 

 

Eventually I heard Ed's snoring die down, signalling he was waking up a bit, probably a bit hungry, and even if he wasn't he should eat anyways. I got him some soup, placing it on his night table before looking down at his face while he slept. I could see little tear streaks from the corners of his eyes, running down into his hairline. I ran my thumbs across them before he wiggled and blinked his eyes open, moaning at being woken up. 

 

"Come on love, you just have to eat a little," I said as he went to roll over, but his eyes perked up at the sound of food coming so he sat up a bit instead. I helped him sit up and eat, his face visibly tired from everything. He had a nasty cough and a runny nose, but he managed half the bowl before he didn't want any more. I got him to take another pill too. Just eating was exhausting, so I tucked him back in the bed, but unwrapped his feet and passed him the remote for the tv, rubbing his toes as he watched an episode of Friends. His hand found the top of my foot at some point through the episode, tracing circles on it as he watched the show. I loved seeing him get groggy and fall asleep, even if it was because he was sick. His eyes would get droopy first, and then he would get the yawns, then his body would start breathing slower, until his eyes would close and he would drift off into his dreams. His mouth would twitch and smile, sometimes uttering words or phrases, or groans. He was a cute sleeper, cuddling up to whatever he was sleeping with, in this case the covers around him. He pulled them up tight to him, his arm sneaking out of the covers, resting on top with his hand near his face. He looked really peaceful when he slept, almost like a baby. I crawled up to his face, studying each freckle and mark, each piece of milky white skin. I placed my lips beside his birthmark, making him breath out and wiggle with a smile on his lips as it must have tickled a little bit. 

 

I let him sleep then, crawling into my bed in the living room, yawning before drifting into my own dreams. 

 

\--

 

 

 

 

 

 

Olivia's POV

 

Ed was sick for the next week, slowly getting back to himself. He still wasn't completely heathly, but enough to walk around and shower now. His voice was scratchy still though, rough and a bit gooey from the amount of stuff in his throat. It would take a while to clear thats for sure. Another matter was at hand right now though. 

 

I was sitting on the edge of the bed, pleading for Ed to go to the doctors to look at his eye. It was red and gooped up, signalling he had pink eye, probably because he rubbed his eyes when he got sick or tired. He was in a whiney mood though, not wanting to go back to the doctors. 

 

"It's just cause I'm tireeeeed," he was saying, picking at the goo with his fingers, then trying to touch my hand. 

 

"No, don't touch me, pink eye is really easy to spread, I don't want it too," I said, moving away from his touch. 

 

"Ugh, come on, I'm fine." 

 

He kept whining as I threw a bottle of hand sanitizer at him, not wanting his hands near me. 

 

"We're going to the doctors whether you like it or not, you have pink eye, and it doesn't just go away, you need meds for it." 

 

I was done with this conversation and walked out of the room, hearing Ed sigh and moan from the covers. 

 

"Get up, we'll go as soon as you're ready," I yelled at him from the kitchen, picking up my tea and drinking it. 

 

I could hear him mumbling something grouchy as his feet hit the floor, shuffling along to the closet, ripping clothes out from the drawers and off the hangers. To my surprise he emerged ten minutes later looking half decent with a hoodie and jeans on, mismatched socks on his feet and his hair ruffled a bit. I smiled at him because he looked adorable as he walked up to me. 

 

"Okay, lets go," he said, gesturing me to go out the door. I grinned a bit more before stepping out the front door into the warm spring day. 

 

\--

 

We came home a few hours later, Ed being a bit more pissed off than before because I was right, he did have pink eye, and on top of everything he had to do daily eyedrops because of it. I told him to lie down on the bed so we could put some in, his giggling already starting before I was in the room. 

 

I walked in, smiling at his obvious nerves at putting stuff in his eyes. He was horrible at it, wanting to blink every time, or getting a laughing fit right before. I had to hold his bottom eyelid open with my hand on his face to keep him still before getting the first eye done. 

 

"Okay, one more," I said, placing my thumb on his other eyelid, pulling it down just like the other one. He giggled at this for some reason, his hands wrapping around my wrist, and his lower half wiggling on the mattress. I worked quick though, dropping the medication into his eye making his scream out that it was cold and tickly. He blinked a whole bunch of times, his eye watering down his cheek. I rolled my eyes at him, putting the cap back on the little bottle. I couldn't help but laugh a bit at him as he wiped it away and sat up before rolling back down on his side across the king-sized bed. I hit his bum that was sticking up with my hand, before walking out of the room, Ed calling out for me not to leave. I tried to decide if him being full on sick and sleeping was worse or better than him having the so-called, "man flu," that he seemed to get full on as I got a tea for myself in the kitchen. 

 

I walked quietly back around to the bedroom door, resting my shoulder on the doorframe, looking at Ed who had gently fallen asleep again on the mattress. I could tell he wasn't fully asleep, readjusting his body now and then trying to get comfortable. I walked into the room, placing my tea on the nightstand, climbing into bed myself, half moving his body with my hands to get him into a more normal position under the covers. He was still a little awake, moving his own weight under the covers, pulling them up and over us, tucking in his legs. I nuzzled close to him, locking my legs around his, placing my hand on his side, looking at his sleepy eyes that were locked on my face. 

 

"I'm sorry I've been so sick," he said, his blue eyes glinting in the dim light of the covers. 

 

"Don't be, it happens. I'll probably get sick at some point too." 

 

"I know, I just don't want to burden you right when I get home. I want to go out and have fun and do stuff," he said, pushing his head in closer to me, placing it on my shoulder and collarbone, his warm hand settling on my side, his thumb tracing patterns. 

 

"It's okay, we will, remember, you said a date." 

 

I felt him let out a breathy laugh at this, a squeeze from his hand answering yes to me. I looked down at his face, his eyes flicking around the room for no real reason, struggling to stay awake. I moved my hand to his hair then, rubbing little circles with my fingers, watching his eyes instantly close at the touch. He shifted a final time in the bed before his hand went dead-weight on my side, telling me he had fallen asleep. 

 

I rested my chin on his head, sighing at the pureness of the moment, getting to watch him sleep. I was blessed with a wonderful man, hopefully a wonderful baby, and a wonderful life. I couldn't ask for anything better or more perfect, being here in this moment. I watched his face while he was sleeping, his pink lips moving in and out with every breath he took. His fair eyelashes would move while he was dreaming, along with his eyeballs behind his eyelids. His ginger hair becoming messy and untamed as I played with it in my fingertips.

 

Eventually I just laid there listening to his breathing and his heartbeat on my chest, my eyes closing just like his did. My hand fell from his hair as I drifted off into sleep as well, landing on the pillow behind him. 

 

\--

 

We woke up much later, Ed getting restless and rolling over, waking me up and startling me a bit, not being used to sleeping with someone else usually. I pushed myself up onto my arm quite quickly, uncovering his body making him wake up from the heat loss of the cover. He groaned as he woke up, rolling over smiling at me, running a finger down my jawline as he woke. I smiled back down at his sleepy features, putting my head on my hand for a moment before leaning down and kissing along his jaw up to his soft spot behind his ear, giving gentle ear nibbles too. 

 

After a while we relocated to the couch, eating whatever unhealthy things were in the cupboards and from the fans. They're was far too much chocolate, thats for sure. 

 

Eventually we settled in watching an episode of Star Wars, both enjoying it very much until the night came, and the last thing I remember was Ed carrying me to bed, holding me in his arms. 

 

\--

 

Ed's POV

 

A month had gone by, my throat had healed up and now I was left standing in Stuarts living room, struggling to get my tie on correctly. It was the night of mine and Olivia's date, and I was nervous for some reason. 

 

"Here," Stuart said as he took my tie in his hands and tied it so it was even for me. I gave him a lop-sided smile, slipping into my suit jacket. 

 

"Thanks, I'm a bit bad at this dressing stuff." 

 

"I know, you always have been." 

 

Stuart walked away from me then, "your car is waiting out front," he said as he looked out the front window. 

 

"Okay, well, I guess see you when I see you then." I said, slipping my shoes on and heading for the door. 

 

I kept chewing on my lip on the way to pick up Olivia, I knew she would be beautiful, I knew she would be perfect. I think that's what scares me the most, knowing that she's amazing and that I'm the odd one who could really mess this up at any time. 

 

I got butterflies as we pulled up, my belly doing summersaults right before I knocked on the door, watching it turn and the beautiful lady appear in the doorway…

 

 

 

 

 

\----------------

 

Ed's POV

 

She was effortless, the bottom of her summer dress floating around her legs. It was a long green dress, the top like one of her tank tops that pulled in at her waist and then went all the way to her ankles. I could see that she had on creme coloured sandals, her toes painted pink and her nails were a light blue. She had on some gold thin bracelets as well. Her face was perfect as usual, and her hair was tied up into a bun thing, with little curled pieces framing her face. My eyes flicked all over her body, taking in how beautiful she was. She leaned on the door, smiling back at me, making me click in that I was just standing there. 

 

"Uh, hi," I stammered through what I was saying, becoming awkward even though I talked to her everyday. She laughed at me. 

 

"Hi," she said through a giggle, running her hand down my forearm, slipping her fingers into mine. I curled my fingers around hers and lead her to the car, pulling the door shut behind her. I sat and stared at her in the car as she looked out the window with a smirk on her face. 

 

"Stop staring," she said, not even having to look at me to know what I was doing. She turned to me as my gaze diverted down and my cheeks got hot. 

 

"Love," she said, pulling my chin up in her hand to make eye contact with me, "you don't have to be so nervous, it's just me." 

 

I smiled at this, knowing so much more than she did. It was more than, "just her," that was the thing about her, she just thought she was ordinary when in reality she was so special to me. I trailed my hand up her arm, tracing my fingers over her tattoo that was on her shoulder,  _never forget who you are,_ I read, pulling my hand back down her arm and interlocking our fingers. 

 

"You look really good in that suit," she said, her hand smoothing my tie a bit, always doing that to me, trying to sort me out a little bit. 

 

"Thanks, that dress it's,  _stunning,_ " I said, pulling her by her knees closer to me, getting to put my hand around her waist. Her scent floated over me then, sending goosebumps across my skin. I held her close until we arrived at the small restaurant, our favourite, Olivia smiling at the sight of it while jumping out of the car before I could get her door. I did get around to get her hand before she had to wait though, closing her door behind her, leading her up the steps and to the back, the decent to the top made many times before. I made sure Olivia didn't trip on her dress, helping her hold it up a bit, out of her foots way. We plunged into the warm glow of the rooftop, the summer coming on quite quickly even though it was only the beginning of June. I pulled out her chair for her, tucking her under the table before sitting down myself. We ate and settled into a conversation that was silly for the circumstances. 

 

"Ed, you didn't tell me you fell on stage on the last tour, I can't believe I missed it." 

 

"I was grateful you weren't there, it was embarrassing." 

 

"Don't worry, we all know you're awkward and clumsy." 

 

"Am not," I said, standing up and grabbing her frame up into my arms. The sofa we had sat on so many months ago was still on the rooftop, facing out to Londons skyline. We settled down onto it, watching night fall slowly on the city, the sounds of bars and concerts coming alive as lights turned on in downtown flats. It was beautiful, watching the city come on with Olivia's head on my shoulder, her body pressed to mine. 

 

"Ed," she said, sitting up and looking at me, taking my hands in hers, "I have to tell you something." 

 

"Okay," I said, turning to face her, tucking my foot up under me like I always did. 

 

"Um, okay, I don't know how to say this but," she was stuttering while she was speaking, her cheeks flooding red as she looked down to our hands, pulling one up to her chest, fiddling with the silver chain and emblem that resided on it that was around her neck. It was the one I gave her, always around her neck on one of her necklaces, or just by itself. 

 

"I'm pregnant, uh, we're pregnant." 

 

My eyes flicked to her head from our hands, my mouth twitching at the sides, the first thing I felt was a weird sense of joy. Olivia didn't look up though, my hand having to trail her face up to mine. Her cheeks and neck were all red now, her forehead a bit sweaty from her nerves. She let out a shaky breath as I smiled at her, words not necessary as I put my lips on hers, kissing her gently and slowly, our noses rubbing a bit while my hands soothed her jawline with my thumbs, before one slid down her shoulder and arm, crossing to her belly, stroking it with my index finger before pressing my whole hand to her stomach. She pulled away then, putting my other hand on her, her hands over mine. She finally looked up at me properly then, a smile poking through her nervous state, visibly calmer now as she drew me into another kiss, this one rougher than the last, her arm around my neck, one hand on my shoulder, my hands on her waist. We worked against each other, our tongues pushing on each other, spit escaping from our mouths a bit. We stopped, our foreheads together, breaths coming out fast across each others faces. 

 

"We're gunna be parents," she's said, laughing a bit. 

 

"I know," I said, "I can't wait." 

 

I felt her breathe out and smile on my face, leaning back on the couch, hands on her tummy. 

 

"Boy or girl?" She asked. 

 

"Mmmmm, boy," I said, "but it could be either, I don't mind, they're going to be perfect." 

 

I crawled over Olivia, picking up her side and shuffling her to the back of the couch, laying down with her, our heads on the arm of the sofa. 

 

"I love you." I said, just looking at her face, burning this moment into my mind. 

 

"I love you too," she said, almost at a whisper, her eyes scanning my face too. 

 

We just laid there then, until Olivia got a shiver down her back, making me lean up until I stood and picked her up. 

 

"Home?" I said, her head nodding quietly, laying down on my shoulder before her eyes closed as I slipped our bodies into the car. She was asleep by the time we were home, nuzzled into the side of my neck, my hair brushing her face a bit as I moved us to the house. I felt her hand swipe her face as it tickled, making me mentally note to get a haircut soon. 

 

I laid her on the mattress of our room, slipping her dress off her shoulders, revealing that she was already a bit tanned from sitting outside. I pulled the dress off her body, laying the fabric on the bed beside me. I pulled one of my tshirts over her head before reaching under and taking her bra away from her skin, tugging the hem down to cover her underwear up. I pulled her hair out next, not very gently, retrieving a sock from inside her hair, completely confused on how it worked. I rubbed my eyes as I tossed it to the floor, not understanding girls at all. I wiped her face clean next with a cloth and some of her makeup remover, knowing how to do that part fairly well, numerous nights Olivia falling asleep in my arms, full makeup on, me having to take it off. I sat beside her on the bed then, her hands curled around a pillow that was near her, her legs a bit tangled already. I trailed my hands up her belly a bit, pushing my tshirt up to see her skin. My eyes still fluttered at the scars from when I was gone, and my fingers trailed over the given tattoo from me to her. I ran my fingers over the blank skin in the middle though, a little life hiding in there. I kissed it, right above her belly button, holding my face there, feeling her warmth against my face. I couldn't wait to see our baby, something we created together, that was purely us, but still individual. 

 

I couldn't wait for the first steps they took, the first day of school, the first words spoken, the first kiss they have, the first time they get in trouble, the first of anything they do. I couldn't wait to see it all, and it was beginning now. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

\-----------------------------

 

Ed's POV

 

It was a month later, and you could see Olivia's tummy just starting to transform. She slipped on a light dress in the summer light, because we were going to a family dinner with both of our parents. Hers had flown in for a vacation and we had sent them different places. We were telling everyone that we were pregnant tonight, and to be honest, I think we were both peeing our pants scared. I watched Olivia press her dress down and ruffle her hair, the loose curls falling down her back. She turned to me, walking across the room, smoothing the collar of my shirt down before smiling at me. 

 

"Are you ready?" She said, her eyes flicking up to mine from my collar, her lashes long and black, and pretty mesmerizing. 

 

"If you approve, then yes," I said, getting a laugh and a belly pat from her before she turned and grabbed her shoes off the bed, slipping them on and telling me to, "come on," as she walked out of the room. 

 

\--

 

I followed her through the restaurant, meeting up with the other four people in our group, hugging each one and kissing the ladies cheeks, before I took Olivia's hand and sat down. I knew my hands were sweaty as I figured out what I wanted to eat, this place not being the typical Nando's for me. We eventually settled into some sort of conversation though, my shyness making me a bit awkward.

 

Due to our families not being all together at once, I was asked numerous questions by Olivia's dad, some of them a bit odd coming from a father, and some of them were surely meant to keep me in my place. 

 

"Dad, you don't have to grill him with questions, he's not hurting me, you know that." Olivia said, mildly raising her eyebrows at her dad, knowing him better than I did. He slumped back in his chair, huffing a bit before smiling at his daughter, a toothpick in his mouth. I sure hope I wouldn't be like that if I had a daughter who got married, it just made me sweat more. 

 

"Ahhh, just foolin' with him, no harm done, right?" Olivia's dad said to me, and all I could do was nod my head, not just at his question, but also because I was trying to clear my nerves from my mind. If I'm being honest, I was terrified about his reaction to knowing that I did his little girl without protection, even though we were married and had full right to do it. 

 

"Okay, Ed and I have something to tell you guys actually," I heard Olivia say, and I literally felt the colour drain from my face. I felt her hand slide to my knee, a gentle squeeze making me want to hurl for some reason. 

 

"Ed?" I heard Olivia whisper to me, "can you look up for a second?" 

 

I hadn't even noticed that I had been looking down at my hands sheepishly for quite some time now, my head flicking up at Olivia, my eyes scanning across the table at everyone else staring at me. I could feel the sweat drip down my back as I put on a smile and pulled my chair up a little bit. 

 

"Uh, yeah, we have some news," I said, placing my hand on top of Olivia's that was still on my knee while turning to look at her face. She was smiling, the more socially proper one, turning her head back to the rest of the table. 

 

"We're going to have a baby!" She said, loud and clear for everyone to hear. The table fell silent for a second before both of our mothers erupted into a shower of hugs and kisses, and comments like, "I knew it was going to happen," and, "I'm so excited," along with, "when are you due," and, "how far along are you?" 

 

My hair was ruffled by my mum when she engulfed me in a hug, tears welling up in her eyes as she held my face in her hands. 

 

"I wasn't really sure if this would ever happen for you, I'm so happy!" I laughed as she held my head, hugging me again before I could stand up. 

 

"Thanks mum," I said as she pulled away back to Olivia and her mum. 

 

I turned to the two dad's then, mine had taken a seat next to Olivia's across the table from me. They weren't as vocal about their opinions yet, and I was right scared as neither of them was smiling. Olivia's dad took a swig of his beer and nodded to my father before he spoke to him. 

 

"I hope he did a good job, eh?" He said, making my father smile as they had their conversation. 

 

"He must be decent at it because I don't think ginger hair is really what ladies are into," fell from my dad's mouth, making me embarrassed that they were talking about this right in front of me. I felt my cheeks go red as they made a few more comments about it. 

 

"Ah, come on Ed, don't be shy, it's all cool that you did the deed. We're happy that you two are gunna have a baby, you'll be a great diaper changer." Olivia's dad said to me, giving a gentle slap on the arm for reinforcement. I was still trying to shake my nerves and clear the conversation that just happened from my mind. He was smiling at me though, making me relax that he wasn't going to take me out back and beat me up, I'm not fit enough to fight him off. 

 

"Thanks," I managed to say, "and yeah, I did a good job on your daughter." I said, making both fathers jaws drop. I leaned back and took a sip of my beer then, smiling at Olivia who had turned a bit to look at me and our fathers, a bit confused on what was going on as she was caught up with our mums. I smiled at her, leaning in and giving her a kiss to tell her that everything was alright. 

 

\--

 

The conversation around the table lasted fairly long so we walked back into our house pretty late. Olivia yawned as I unzipped the back of her dress for her, her hands slipping the fabric off her body as she went to the bedroom. I flaked out on the couch, untucking my shirt and undoing my pants to get comfy as I watched some tv. 

 

"Hey you, you want a tea?" Olivia said to me from the kitchen, making me turn to look at her, her hair up on her head, her body in a loose t-shirt and sleeping shorts, with knee-high socks on her legs. 

 

"Yes please," I said while running my eyes up and down her body, turning away before she turned around. She came with our teas, plopping down right beside me, curling her legs up near me, making me feel that familiar knot down low in my abdomen. I silently hated myself for having a penis and tightish pants, which made Olivia smile as she readjusted to get closer to me. 

 

"You okay?" She asked on purpose, kissing up my jaw to my mouth, my throat putting a moan out as she palmed me through my pants. 

 

"Thanks for undoing your pants already," she said as she straddled me and laid me down on the couch. I felt the remote slip from my hand to the floor as she ran her hands across the band of my underwear, my bulge becoming more and more prominent. 

 

I raised my hips as she pulled my pants down, her hand knowing what to do, making me groan again. I gasped as she kissed down my hip bone, then down my erection, taking me in her mouth. She sucked on me and made me come in her mouth, lapping up what I gave her. I breathed heavy as she came back to my mouth, kissing around my face as I tried to catch my breath. 

 

"Man, I don't know what to do with you," I said when I caught up a bit. 

 

"Mmmm, you don't have to do anything," she said, "except drink your tea before it gets cold." 

 

With that she got up off me, picked her tea up and wandered back to the bedroom. 

 

"Oh, and maybe if you come to bed you'll get a second time, yeah?" 

 

She smirked as I leaned up to see her walk into the bedroom, ditching my pants on the floor while trying not to spill my tea as I tried to get to the bedroom. She was laughing as I sipped my tea in the doorway, my underwear still around my one ankle, not successfully getting them off yet. 

 

"It's not fair that I already got you pregnant. If you weren't, this would be different." I said, crawling up her body on the bed, placing my mug beside hers on the nightstand. 

 

"Ed, it's okay even when I'm pregnant, you know that right?" 

 

My eyes narrowed at the thought, "really?" 

 

"Yeah, it's totally fine, maybe you should read a bit sometime." She said, making me wrinkle my nose at reading about pregnancy and birth and stuff. I kinda didn't want to know, but I kinda did at the same time. 

 

"I'll read later," I said, "no time now." 

 

I pulled the covers up and over us then, going right for the goods. 

 

 

 

 

 

\-------------------------

 

Ed's POV

 

Another month had gone by, the heat of the summer beating down on our shoulders and we sat in the back garden, a tub of ice cream with two spoons sitting in-between us. I played guitar as Olivia spooned ice cream into my mouth, as well as hers. 

 

"Mmmmm, no, Fmaj7 fits better," she says, laying on the blanket that was spread out, her slight belly showing under her crop top.  

 

I played the section again, her eyes closing as she listened and dissected the song I was working on. 

 

"Yeah, I like that, now sing along with it too."

 

I repeated the verse with words, Olivia's gentle voice humming subtle harmonies along with it. 

 

"I like that better, but it's your song, up to you." She says, making me laugh as she gives me the final decision, but not before giving her opinion. 

 

"Maybe I just like eating ice cream," I said, putting the guitar down, picking up the ice cream, spooning a bit of it into my mouth as I peered over Olivia's body. 

 

"Can't make a living on eating ice cream."

 

"Who says, someone has to taste test," I say, making her laugh as she accepts the spoonful that I'm putting into her mouth. 

 

"Mmmmm, can we have ice cream that tastes like you?" She says, "I like how you taste, you're my favourite taste." 

 

"Mmmm, maybe," I say, giggling as I put more ice cream in my mouth, "like this?" I mumble, leaning over her, pressing my cold lips to hers, our tongues melding together with the ice cream mixed in. 

 

"Yep," she says as she pulls away a bit before pulling me back down to her lips. I set the container down to put my hands beside her head, getting a better angle. I can feel the cold of her spoon on my cheek, held in-between her fingers like its a pen. 

 

"Mmmmm, cramp," she said on my lips, pushing my shoulders back slightly as her belly had a cramp. Her hand rested on the spot where it hurt, pulling a face at the same time. This happened all the time, she said they were like period cramps but without the rest of the period. I pulled her hand away and lifted her shirt up where it was hurting, pressing my lips to her tummy. I moved my lips on her skin, her hands tangling in my hair. 

 

"Okay, better," she said, tugging my hair lightly as her cramps subsided. 

 

"What would I do without you?" She said, holding my face again, pressing her lips to mine. 

 

"I'm assuming it would be awful." I said, making her crack up on the blanket. She laughed out loud before her body subsided to little giggles. 

 

"I'm sleepy," she said as I leaned over her on my elbows, getting more ice cream from the tub. 

 

"I feel like someones suggesting a nap, hmmm?" I said, raising my eyebrows at her as a smile came across her face. 

 

"I don't know, maybe," she said back to me, shrugging her shoulders at the same time. 

 

"Okay, one sec," I said, getting up and walking to the house, leaving her on the blanket. I came back with the duvet, dumping it in a shady spot before picking Olivia up off the ground, her head resting on my shoulder as I fiddled with the blankets, making a cocoon type thing for us. We snuggled into the blankets on the ground, half covered because it was still pretty warm, even in the shade. 

 

"You smell like sunscreen," Olivia said to me as we got close. 

 

"It's because of the pale-factor. Every ginger pale person has to smell like sunscreen, or risk looking like a tomato." 

 

"Just smell like sunscreen?"

 

"Well, I guess wearing it helps a bit, but smells a big part you know." This caused another giggle fest to happen, before Olivia's eyes got droopy, eventually closing as I trailed my fingers through her hair. 

 

I watched her sleep, along with scanning the rest of the yard. Our things were strewn about the grass, my guitar, a hoodie, the ice cream, Olivia's water bottle, along with other random items. I thought about how our little child would be running around in this grass, learning how to walk and ride a swing in this backyard. I thought about what it's going to be like to be a dad, probably stressful but amazing. I thought about Olivia and how she was going to be an amazing mother. 

 

I thought about how amazing she always has been. How she is literally the most stunning human being I have ever met. Better than anyone famous I've ever run into, better than the queen. I smiled at that fact, liking it a lot. I could hear my phone ringing from inside the house, but I didn't care, I pressed my lips along Olivia's hairline, but it kept ringing, the call coming in more than once. I huffed as I moved out of contact with Olivia's body, and into the house, picking the phone up when I got there. 

 

"Hey, whats up Stuart?" I said, reading the ID on the phone as I answered. 

 

"Someone may or may not have just gone platinum in America…" Stuart said on the other line. 

 

"Really? No way, that's incredible, really? I can't believe this is happening," everything was spurting out of my mouth so fast, it was such a dream come true. 

 

"Yeah, dinner tonight, okay? I'll get a car for you two, we can't  _not_ celebrate this." 

 

"Yeah of course, we'll be there. This is crazy Stuart!" I said, gaining a chuckle from him on the other end. 

 

"I know, I'll see you tonight." 

 

I heard the phone hang up before I snuck back to Olivia, moving some of her hair out of her face, cooing to her to wake her up. 

 

"Mmmmm, what?" She said. 

 

"I have news," I said to her, her eyes adjusting to the light. 

 

"Oh?" 

 

"I just went platinum in America," I said, her eyes lighting up as she smiled at me and kissed me. 

 

"I'm so proud of you, oh my goodness Ed," she said, not being able to wipe the smile off of her face.

 

"Yep, and Stuarts taking us out for dinner because of it, okay?" 

 

She nodded her head while leaning up to kiss me better, smiling against my lips. 

 

\--

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ed's POV

 

We dressed half decently before rushing out to the waiting car for us. I wasn't quite sure where Stuart was taking us, but we hadn't seen him in a while, and we hadn't told him were having a baby yet. I wasn't quite sure how. I was uneasy on how he would take it, and how he would react if I asked for time off after having an up and down last year or so. I knew it was time to get back on track, but a baby is a once in a lifetime thing. 

 

We were at the restaurant before I was ready, slipping out of the car and up the stairs to our table where Stuart was already waiting for us. 

 

"Hey!" He said, welcoming both of us just like we always did. We sat down, ordered, and chatted away until the conversation hit a serious note.

 

"Okay, so, with going platinum comes some work, and you know that Ed." 

 

I shook my head as he talked, my nerves coming up again already. 

 

"So the company wants you on a six month tour, starting in three months. Everythings already set, tickets go on sale in two weeks." 

 

I felt like throwing up everything I had just eaten at his statement. The due date was right in the middle of those three months, I can't bare to think about missing our babies birth, but at the same time touring is my favourite thing to do, and it was coming quick, already set up and ready to sell, and it would probably sell out. 

 

"Uhm, that sounds good, but theres a bit of a problem," I said, my eyes fluttering around from my food to Stuarts face, to my drink, to anything that would distract me. I looked at Olivia, her eyes looking anywhere but me, silently telling me that yes, this is my duty to tell him, he's my manager. 

 

"Uh," I could feel myself stuttering, "they'res a, um, a due date part way through." 

 

I looked up at Stuart, his face showing confusion at what I had just said, probably because it didn't make that much sense. 

 

"Who's due date?" He said, valid question, one I didn't want to answer. 

 

"Olivia's." 

 

I felt Olivia's hand on my thigh then, patting it gently under the table. 

 

"You two are?" Stuart said, his eyes darting back and forth between us. "How long?"

 

"Three months," Olivia said, Stuart leaning back in his chair, drinking a bit before speaking again. 

 

"Well that is quite the pickle then." He said, his eyes not meeting mine. "Congratulations though, I'm very excited to see a little one from you two, I hope he gets your hair Ed." 

 

I smiled at his comment, mildly wrinkling my nose at him. 

 

"Um, I'll have to see what I can do, I can tell you that I can't wipe out the whole tour though, I think you know that. I'll see if I can get the week off that your due date is on, but we all know that babies don't follow our schedule, they come on their own, hopefully this one plans for that week I guess." He said, making me nod my head, I knew that it wouldn't be an idea fix, and I didn't even know if I would get that time off, hopefully things could get switched around, if they didn't I don't know what I'll do. Work is work, and I need it to support a baby and a wife. 

 

I mainly played with my food the rest of the evening until we were finished and standing outside, Stuart doing his usual work on his phone, waiting with us for our car. 

 

"Well, I hope everything goes well for the next bit, I'll call you later, okay Ed?" I shook my head at him, watching him say goodbye to Olivia, rubbing her belly a bit before turning to me, pulling my ear close to him. 

 

"Never thought you would utter those words to me, good job," he said, slapping my back and hopping into his own car before we got into ours. 

 

"That was, um, rough?" I heard Olivia say, my eyes connecting with hers, growing wide as I finally settled a bit. 

 

"No, it's going to be rough, that was just the beginning." She knew what I meant when I said that, she knew that she would go through the last bit of her pregnancy without me, possibly the birth, and the first bit after. I felt her hand touch mine, everything slowly falling into reality as we sat in silence. I looked down at my lap, tears brimming my eyes, I was suppose to be the strong one, but I really didn't want to miss anything. A tear fell from my eye, making a mark on my pants. 

 

"Come here," Olivia said, pulling my head down to her lap, her hands playing with my hair, wiping away the tears that fell from my eyes. It was silent for the rest of the ride home, a few sniffles here and there. I crashed on the couch as soon as we were in the door. Olivia knelt in front of me. 

 

"I don't want to go on tour, I want to stay with you." I said. 

 

"Ed, don't be silly, touring is one of your favourite things, Stuart will get you home to see your baby arrive, you won't miss it." She said, trying to comfort me. 

 

I knew she knew she couldn't though, I watched her read me through my eyes, kissing my temple before getting up and walking away, the sound of the shower coming on not soon after. I just laid there, I felt like it was one thing after the other. I just wanted to do what I wanted, sometimes it was really hard to deal with having to go places, when all I wanted to do was be home. I know I loved touring, but I love Olivia and our baby so much more.    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

\-------------------------

 

Ed's POV

 

Month Four. August. Two months to tour. 

 

That's when it all really started. Olivia started having morning sickness, throwing up all the time when she woke up. Sometimes she would just wake up from a dead sleep, get up, go to the bathroom and throw up, me not far behind her. I held her hair back countless times, loosing track somewhere along the line. I would rest my head on her back, humming, listening to her body. I felt bad, I felt like I did this to her, I got her pregnant and now she was throwing up all the time because of it. Sometimes she would cry, we would sit on the bathroom floor, the light coming in through the window, her tears streaking the shoulder of my tshirt. Her body would be inside of mine, her legs wrapped around my waist, her arms tight around my neck, mine around her torso. I would whisper to her, mindless things. 

 

Today was one of those days, we were sat on the floor again, bodies intertwined, tears fading slowly. They're was always a cloth nearby too, my hand always finding a damp one, wiping her face clean. She leaned on my shoulder, right in the joint, letting me wipe her neck and chest, sweaty from throwing up. I tossed the cloth back on the counter, pressing kisses to her forehead, trailing down her nose, hitting her smiling lips. She whispered too many thank yous, the only way to quiet her was to kiss her some more until the ritual ended with her squeezing me in a hug.  _I loved her hugs._  

 

She would lean back then, our eyes meeting, my body moving first as I untangled from her, my hands grabbing her sides, pulling her up with me, her weight changing every day. We would decide what to do then while flushing the toilet, and usually Olivia would brush her teeth while I gave out ideas. 

 

"We could go outside? We could watch a film? We could play some, I dunno." I said. 

 

"Can we have a bath?" Olivia piped up after spitting. I smiled, baths had become more and more frequent lately. 

 

"Of course," I said, turning the taps on to the right temperature. I put the bubble bath in while Olivia hummed over the notifications on the iPad, giggling a things once in a while. I would come up behind her, playing with the hem of her shirt, scanning the tablet a bit myself before lifting her shirt up, kissing her shoulder blades and giving her goosebumps.  _I liked that, her goosebumps._  I would scan her body in the mirror, silently swearing in my head. She would get cold fast, wrapping her arms around herself before shivering and taking off her underwear, slipping into the now frothy bath. I would follow her, stripping of my clothes before sinking into the water opposite of her. I would watch her tie her hair up, smiling at me watching. 

 

Everything about this was perfect, and I loved memorizing it. 

 

At the same time it was hard, and I hated memorizing it. 

 

It was perfect because it was Olivia and me, and our child. I loved it because I loved both of them, no matter what happens. Maybe Olivia got sick sometimes, but she was also glowing. I knew she was really loving being pregnant, even if she got self conscious sometimes. I had written countless songs about her, some in my head one moment, gone the next, words forgotten, but the feeling left behind. I loved her, everything about her, and I didn't want to let go, even for one minute. 

 

That's why I hated this at the same time. I knew I was memorizing her right now, at this moment because I was going to go. I was going to wake up on an October morning, pack my stuff, walk down the airport corridor with her hand in mine, kiss her goodbye, and go. I was going to leave and I couldn't deal with it very well. 

 

I couldn't deal with the fact that for the last three months she would throw up alone, she would cry alone, she would smile alone. She would look around this bathroom and be reminded of me. She would smell my tshirts and cuddle them. She would hum my songs to her belly, telling our unborn child that I would be there if I could be. I knew that she would have help, my mum would come and tie her shoes, but it wasn't the same. 

 

I would be across the world, tracing my finger over a picture of her, a picture of her bump, wishing,  _craving_ to be with her. I would stand up on stage every single night, singing songs that were written for her ears, but were gifted to millions of other people through their car radios. I would stand there under the lights, her touch in the back of my mind, quietly telling me to put my hand on the neck of my guitar, and to sing out everything I felt. She would be there in every line I sang, every chord I played, every step I took would be for her. 

 

I would hopefully be whisked back in time to be beside her to hold her hand while our baby came. Hopefully I wouldn't get some crazy call on the plane home, telling me that we had a boy and that he was beautiful. I was so desperately hoping that I would be there. If I wasn't, I don't know what I would do. It was so incredibly important for me to be there, I don't think anyone understood. This is  _our_ child. 

 

After that I would be whipped right back into touring, counting down the days of the last three months of waking up in different cities. I would mark off mentally how many days are left, until I get to walk back into my childs life, until I get to be a dad, a real dad. I couldn't wait for that day. I couldn't wait for the first day alone, with Olivia and our baby. I wanted to lay in bed together, our child in-between us, squirming in their blankets, making funny little noises until they fall asleep and we put them in their crib together. I couldn't wait to see Olivia feed them, or catch the moments where she's just saying little things to them, being motherly. 

 

Right now though, I was still in the memorizing stage, touching up Olivia's legs as I moved in the water, pulling her across the bottom of the tub, making her sit infront of me so I could rub her shoulders. I knew she felt the best in the water, it took the weight off of her body, it let her relax for a while. She leaned back on my shoulder after a while, her head fitting in the crook of my neck. 

 

"Mmmm, I love you," she said, placing small kisses along my jawline, my head rolling to let her have a better angle. 

 

"I love you too," I said, turning back to place a kiss on her temple, "Oh my goodness your fingers are  _raisins_ though!!" 

 

She started laughing as I held her hand up, clearly acting childish now, scooting out of the water, retrieving a towel for her while wiping my own body dry. She was laughing as she stood up and stepped out of the bath into the towel in my arms. 

 

"You're so silly," she said as she took the towel from me, walking back to the bedroom, her footprints across the carpet. 

 

Maybe I was silly, maybe I was crazy, but I didn't really care. I had it all. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

\--------------------------------

 

Ed's POV

 

Month five, a month to tour. 

 

We were sat back in this stuffy doctors office, another ultrasound day. Today was the the first day we would really see the baby though, the other times it was more just shapes and stuff. This one should look like a baby. 

 

We were brought into the room again, the little one that had blue walls and a white ceiling, the one we had lost our baby in the first time. 

 

Olivia was fairly big now, it was obvious that she was pregnant, barely putting on baby fat, it was all baby. I smiled as her shirt was raised, her tattoo's an odd shape from being stretched out a bit on her hips. The jelly was applied to her bump, the monitor rubbed across her skin. We held hands, Olivia being fidgety with mine. She would look at the monitor, and then look at me, and back to the monitor. She was happy, excited and I couldn't help feed off of her. 

 

"Oooookay," the technician said, "now we don't want to know gender, so I'll just tell you which part is which. That's it's head, that's a foot, that's the other foot, hand, hand, ooop, theres the nose." 

 

I watched in awe as she pointed to various parts of our baby on the screen. I couldn't believe that that was inside Olivia, right on the other side of her skin. I traced my finger on Olivia's side, making her turn to me, smiling. 

 

"That's our baby, Ed, that's inside me," she said, her eyes going a bit wide when she thought about it. "That's kinda weird eh?" 

 

I laughed at her reading my thoughts, kissing the back of her hand as my giggling subsided, "that is weird," I said, because it was. 

 

The technician handed us some pictures then, pictures from the ultrasound. I let my eyes flicker over the entire picture, memorizing more and more of our baby. I knew I would take this with me, but I wanted it imprinted in my mind now. I smiled as I felt Olivia's hand touch my forearm, her index finger going down the skin, erupting goosebumps on my skin. I flicked the picture down, touching it to my nose while looking at Olivia, smiling underneath. 

 

"We can go now," she said, smiling at me with pure adoration in her eyes. I felt those familiar butterflies in my tummy, relieved that they were still there, and that they still came from her. 

 

"Okay," I said, taking her hand and pulling her up off the bed. We walked out together, looking at each picture together in the car, giggling at the fact that it was actually happening to us, that it was real. 

 

We crashed back into the house, still chattering away to each other as I kneeled down and took off Olivia's boots for her, she couldn't reach very well anymore with the baby inside. She wandered to the back bedroom as I took off my own sneakers, finding her laid on the bed with the pictures close to her face as she looked at them. I laid down beside her. 

 

"They're going to be beautiful," I said. 

 

"I bet they'll get your hair."

 

"I hope not, I hope they get yours, I like yours." I said, playing with a piece of Olivia's in my fingers. 

 

She readjusted to face me, putting the pictures above my head. 

 

"I'm going to miss you," she said, making me move closer to her, "I don't want you to miss anything, I know this is really important to you." 

 

I pulled her into my chest, kissing her forehead. 

 

"I know, I don't want to miss anything, but I also need to feed our family. I promise I'll be there when they come, I won't miss it. I know it seems like I'm putting money first, but I don't want to, it's just, between the shortened tours last year, and only a little tour this year so far, you know I have to do another one, and that it would be longer. But I'll be there, I might miss some moments but I won't miss the big one. I won't leave you to do that on your own, I'll be right there. I'll do anything, I promise, you call, I'll be there." 

 

I could feel the dampness of her tears on my shoulder, I didn't want her to cry about this.

 

"Please don't cry, I don't want you sad." 

 

She laid back on the bed, sighing as her tears stopped. 

 

"I know you don't want me to be sad, it's just sometimes overwhelming. I guess that happens though, right?" 

 

I nodded my head, brushing away a bit of her hair. 

 

"Help me pack?" I said, distracting her from the situation. 

 

I heard her laugh a bit, distraction working I thought as I pulled open the closet doors, finding my suitcase amongst the clothes. I held up different clothes, some old, some new, some that were Olivia's favourites. We laughed at some stuff that I had, it was old and out of style, pretty much horrible. I knew which ones were her favourite, getting an immediate yes from her to bring them, sometimes she wanted to hold them before I packed them away. I pulled out her favourite hoodie of mine, a dark green pullover, her face smiling as I held it up. 

 

She nodded to bring it, but I didn't pack it, I walked up to her and slid it over her head. It was probably the only one that would fit over her right now, the material baggy and warm. 

 

"You can keep this one," I said as I wrapped my arms around her, nuzzling my head in her neck. 

 

"Okay," she said, smiling against my shoulder, "it smells like you." 

 

I lent back, holding her face in my hands, "everything smells like you when I'm gone, every shop makes me think of you, every venue, every song, every restaurant, every interview, something reminds me of you, wether it's a piece of clothing or your favourite food on the menu, it makes me think of you, and I hope you know that, I hope you know that you do that to me. I'm so in love with you." 

 

I was kissing all over her face as I talked, finishing at her mouth, pulling the collar of the hoodie to bring her closer to me. She opened her lips to let me in, my arms wrapping around her neck, her hands gripping my sides. I felt her inhale as I ran my hand up the back of her head, our bodies readjusting how we sat. I pulled her legs over mine, the feeling of them wrapping around me comforting. Our entire fronts were touching now, not being able to get any closer than we were. I could feel Olivia's heart starting to beat faster, our lips smashing together. 

 

"Ed, please do something," Olivia desperately said to me. 

 

I pulled one of my hands down to her belt and button, pushing my hand down her underwear as fast as I could. Her head threw back as I ran my fingers up her slit to her clit, rubbing it back and forth. She moaned on my shoulder, pulling on my hair. 

 

"So soon," I whispered, surprised at how fast she was coming. 

 

"I'm sorry, I can't control it," she said as I stuck a finger into her, feeling her grip on as soon as I did. 

 

"Please, two," she said, her wish my command. 

 

I could feel her winding up, her heat becoming intense on my hand. She was soaked already, breathing heavy against me. 

 

"Let go," was all I whispered to her when she released, everything tightening, her body shaking on mine. I held her close to me as I felt her hands slipping on my tshirt, her teeth sinking into my shoulder. I closed my eyes from the pain, letting her ride out the orgasm. She settled a few seconds later, her body relaxing on mine, both of us just sitting there, my hand still inside her. I felt her heart rate slowing, deciding to take the risk and move my fingers. As soon as I did she gripped my sides tighter, kissing up my neck. 

 

"Please do it again," she said, latching her lips on my neck and sucking, making my fingers activate. 

 

We could do it all night long if she wanted to. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

\----------------------------------------

 

Ed's POV

 

Month Six. Leaving day. October. 

 

My eyes opened one at a time as I rubbed them, my vision a bit fuzzy from sleeping and not having my glasses on. I could still make out Olivia's figure infront of me though, her hair messy on the back of her head from sleeping. I smiled as I looked at the blonde and brown pieces mixed in together. The window blind was pulled down, but they're was a crack open at the bottom, making our room look hazy and dim. My eyes moved from Olivia's hair to the walls of the room, which had been plastered with pictures of me and Olivia. There were some with fans, some from on stage, and some from in bed; then there were the ones of just me or Olivia in the picture, some from when we were kids, a few of either of us sleeping or just sitting in the backyard. I had a favourite though, and I could pick it out on the wall from anywhere. 

 

It's this picture of Olivia, sitting on a blanket in the backyard, my guitar in her lap, hers on the ground beside her. She's in this light purple sun dress, the fabric floating around her thighs, onto the blanket. I remember taking the picture, standing on the deck behind her, telling her to turn around for a second. I remember her turning her head to look at me, the word, "why?" coming our of her mouth as she turned. She laughed as soon as she saw the camera, and that's what she was doing in the picture, laughing. Her hand still on the fret board of the guitar, other hand still strumming, her hair down her back, her shoulders rounded perfectly, her face laughing. It was literally everything that Olivia is, it sums her up all in one picture. That's why it's my favourite, because it's purely her. I can remember her protesting me keeping it, telling me to delete it cause she looks silly when she laughs, I wouldn't let her take it away from me. I remember sticking it up on the wall, Olivia wrinkling her nose, but letting me put it up anyways. 

 

I smiled to myself, when Olivia wiggled infront of me, signalling that she was going to wake up soon. I traced my hand down her arm underneath the covers, making her whine a bit at my touch. 

 

"Shhh, it's just me," I said, moving in closer to her, moving her hair out of the way before laying my head down on her pillow behind her. I placed little kisses on the bare patch of skin at the base of her neck, making her shiver. 

 

"I'm going to miss that," she said as I held my lips to her. 

 

"I'm going to miss doing it," I said feeling her hand find mine, squeezing it as she locked our fingers together. 

 

"I can't believe your leaving already," she said. 

 

"I know, I'll be back soon though, and my mum and dad will come, and so will yours in a few months, you won't be alone like last time." 

 

I still felt bad about that, leaving her alone for three months wasn't fair. On the flip side I thought her crew would become more of a family than they did. It wasn't that they didn't like each other, they just didn't all click like family would. Stuart came to the rescue though, he was family to both of us, which is why I sent him home to make sure Olivia was doing okay because I felt like something was wrong. I knew I wouldn't loose her, but I wanted her to be happy even when we were apart. 

 

"Hey, can you feel that?" Olivia said, moving my hand down to her belly, "They're kicking." 

 

I could feel it, a little foot kicking out on Olivia's insides. I smiled as it bumped on my hand, the first time I really felt it well. Olivia had felt it before, but I hadn't been able to feel it. I could now, and I just wanted to touch their little feet in my hands. Olivia moved before I could really savour it though. 

 

"Sorry," she said as she got up from the mattress, walking to the bathroom quickly. I got up as soon as she was at the end of the bed, grabbing her hair as she knelt down to the toilet. I spooned her from behind, feeling her back muscles moving as she threw up multiple times. My thighs held her hips up as I balanced on my toes, my head on her shoulder blade. I felt her pull her head up and lean into me, so I let go of her hair and put it on the ground, letting us fall gently to the tile. She was still shaking a bit from throwing up, something I learned happens when she throws up. I grabbed the towel that resided on the handle of the cabinet closest to the toilet now, turning Olivia's body a bit, wiping her face. 

 

"He's still kicking if you wanna feel it more," she said, still shaking a bit. 

 

"Is he?" I said, placing my hand back down on Olivia's tummy. She moved my hand to the right spot, and sure enough they were still kicking away. I smiled and looked up at Olivia, who was watching my face. I kissed her on the cheek, resting my head on her temple as her hand cupped my cheek. She patted the side of my face before moving back to look at me. 

 

"Pretty cool eh?" she said, her Canadian roots poking out with the question. I laughed and nodded my head. 

 

"I think they stopped though," I said, frowning a bit. Olivia stopped moving for a second, feeling for any movement. 

 

"Yeah I think so," she said, frowning and shrugging her shoulders, "what time is your flight?" 

 

"Uh, eight I think, we're flying at night this time." I said, trying to remember the flight time. 

 

"Okay, so you have to be there at what? Five or four?" 

 

"I think four, it says on my phone," I said, getting up, looking to locate my phone, "I can't see anything today, goodness." My eyes wouldn't focus as I walked back into our bedroom. 

 

"Your glasses are on my night table," I heard Olivia call from the bathroom. I crawled over the mattress to her side, swiping my glasses off the table, pushing them on my face, being able to see clearer than before. It wasn't perfect, but it was better. 

 

"Maybe I should get my eyes checked when I get home," I said as I scooted back to my night table, rummaging for my phone. 

 

"We can if you feel you need to, are those glasses not good anymore?" Olivia was saying as I found my phone, hopping off the mattress back to the bathroom. 

 

"Yeah, I'm a bit fuzzy still with them on," I said, sitting back on the floor with my phone in hand, "I have to be at the airport for four, Stuarts sending a car." I looked up at Olivia who was smiling at me. 

 

"What?" Came out of my mouth, a bit confused on what was going on. 

 

"Nothing, you're just cute with glasses on," she said, touching the frame of my glasses with her fingers, wiggling them on my face before kissing me. I smiled, holding her neck lightly. 

 

"Your cute all the time," I said, making Olivia blush. 

 

"Can we get up now?" she said, looking up from her lap, trying to cover her blushing. 

 

I stood up, taking her hands in mine, pulling her up with me. 

 

"Okay, we have six hours to do whatever we want, so what should we do?" I asked, watching Olivia think about it. 

 

"Pancakes, Fresh Prince and onesies?" She said. 

 

"Sounds like a plan," I said, walking to the closet, rummaging to get our onesies. I found mine first, then pulled out Olivia's that was on her side. 

 

"Okay, come here," I said to Olivia, tugging her shorts down her legs, getting her to step out of them. 

 

"Can I have clean undies first?" She said, making me smile as I rummaged through her drawer. I pulled her other ones down, getting her to step out of them before threading her new ones onto her legs, pulling them up so she could reach them. Her top went next, and she quickly put on a bra. I didn't look at anything when she did, I knew how self conscious she was right now, even if she was beautiful to me. I unzipped her onesie while I waited, getting her to step into the feet when she was. 

 

"I wonder if I'll ever see my feet again," she said while I pulled the sleeves up on her shoulders, then grabbing the zip and zipping it up past her belly. 

 

"I'm sure you'll see your feet again, the real question is if this onesie will fit both of you at the end." I said, because it was getting a bit tight. Olivia shrugged her shoulders, pulling the fabric at her belly. 

 

"Yeah, maybe I'll get one a bit bigger sometime." She said before she walked out of the room, starting to grab stuff for the pancakes. I hurried into my own onesie, feeling cuddly in the fabric already. 

 

We sat and watched numerous episodes of  _the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air,_ and ate pancakes,before 3:30 came along, the time the car was coming. We grabbed my stuff and headed for the airport, both of us still in our onesies. 

 

"I think we should just wear onesies all the time," I said, making Olivia laugh and lean on my shoulder. 

 

"I love you," she said, holding my hand. 

 

"I love you too," I said kissing the top of her head. We were at the airport with Stuart and security before we knew it. 

 

"Okay, everyone has to stay back, no crowding," I could hear the security yelling, holding the barricades back from everyone pushing. I kept Olivia's hand in mine, holding her tightly as we figured out where we were going. 

 

"If you want to sign some stuff you can," she said to me, "you have some time." 

 

"Mmmmm, I don't know, it looks kinda rowdy today," I said back to her. 

 

"Well, maybe we could calm the yelling press down over there then, we would just have to stand, that wouldn't be crazy." She said, pointing to the press section of the large airport, there cameras taking shots even though we weren't turned to them. 

 

"Okay I guess," I said, taking Olivia's hand back into mine from when I dropped it to look at the map of the airport. We walked over, security behind us a bit still, the cameras going off as soon as we stopped. I didn't really like that it was crazy like this, but I guess that's what you get, and Olivia felt okay in my arms, her one arm around my back holding my side. We scanned the camera's, the flashes making me half blind. 

 

"You guys look cute!" One photographer yelled out, making me giggle and look down at Olivia, who was looking up at me. Security came up behind us then, telling us it was time to go, ushering us down the airport to check in. This was the part we weren't looking forward to. 

 

We got put behind a bit of a wall, giving us a spot to say goodbye, even though I didn't want to. 

 

"I love you," I said first, holding Olivia's face in my hands, "forever, I promise I'll be back soon, I'll call you when I land, I'll think about you the whole time." 

 

I kissed her lips then, massaging mine against hers as I felt her tears trickle down my hands. My heart felt like it was in my throat, like it was getting ripped out of me, and I didn't want it to. I pulled away from her kiss, wiping her tears with my thumbs. 

 

"I love you too," she said, her voice cracking a bit at the end, "we'll be waiting." 

 

She smiled, rubbing her belly a bit. I knelt down to her belly button, resting my forehead against it while placing my hands on either side of it. 

 

"I'll see you soon," I said before pressing my lips to the fabric. Olivia put her hands over mine, rubbing them softly as I breathed out across her onesie. She ran her fingers through my hair then, down to my chin, pulling my face up. 

 

"Have a good tour, okay? I'll miss you, and I'll aways love you." 

 

"I'll always love you too," I said, hearing Stuart say that it was time to get going. I held Olivia in a kiss for as long as I could, my hands deep in her hair. I pulled away one last time, looking her face over again. 

 

"I have to go now," I whispered, Olivia nodding her head. 

 

I let her go, my hand trailing down to hers, grasping on for a second before they lost contact, both our hands slipping to our sides. 

 

I had to walk away then. 

 

Walk away into a different world. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

\--------------------------------------

 

Ed's POV

 

I woke up when I heard the seat belt sign ding, rubbing my eyes before sitting up for the decent of the plane. I had passed out about five minutes into the ride, my mind having to escape everything for a while. I looked out the window as I sat there, touching my finger to it before I could see the ground, looking around at my surroundings. I knew that America was different than London, but those first few moments on the ground were weird, always. New York seemed to always be alive, a high energy pumping through everything, all the time. It was like there was never a quiet moment. We had to wait on the plane for a bit to get to where we could get off, so I switched on my phone, silently going through messages and twitter. I smiled at all the people who were coming, but sorta frowned at people asking about the baby, figuring out that our due date was part way through the tour. How they got that we were even pregnant to begin with boggled me. 

 

I followed Stuart through the airport, fans and press being there even though it was late. I yawned, waiting for my luggage to show up on the belt, shoving my hands into the pockets of my onesie, pulling the photo of Olivia out that I had brought with me. My favourite photo. 

 

\--

 

Seven months pregnant. 

 

I had a photo of another ultrasound that Olivia had texted me. My eyes scanned the photo, Olivia's fingertips on the edge of it. I smiled at the little black and while bulges, knowing that was our child. I kissed it before texting Olivia back, Mark walking in. 

 

"Your on in ten, okay?" 

 

I nodded my head at him, getting up and putting my guitar on my body. I shook a bit of nerves away, clinging on to some, they made me know I was real, and that everything was happening right now. I played a bit, getting the words flowing, getting everything in gear. I followed Mark down the dark hallway, the crowd already screaming. My arm hairs stood on end, goosebumps from head to toe. 

 

I could feel the sweat dripping off my face as I played, the room being a hot one. I heard my breath in my ears as I breathed in, another verse, chorus, verse, breath a bit Ed, breath. Chorus, bridge, this chord, now this one, I felt my fingers moving, almost like an out of body experience. The adrenaline in my body pushed me more and more as I went. I tossed my guitar on the floor, standing on the big boxes at the edge of the stage. I made the crowd my choir, looping track on track on track. 

 

Then silence. 

 

That moment of silence after I hit the loop pedal for the final time, before the crowd takes off, is one of my favourites. Maybe it's only a second, but I can feel my skin crawl because of it. Maybe it's because a reaction is coming next, and it might be bad, might be good. Most of the time it's good. 

 

I walked off stage, Stuart patting me on my back as I walked back down the hall, the normal lighting messing my eyes for a second. I wiped my face with a towel as I got into my dressing room, back pats and congratulations being given along the way. I said thank you to as many as I could before hitting the couch, my body heat still not regulated. I could feel the tiredness sink in as soon as I sat down, my body relaxing from standing and moving for a while. If Olivia was here she would be happy and in her pj's already, coming and rubbing my face and kissing it, being the proudest of them all. 

 

But some things don't stay the same. 

 

I pulled my phone out of my pocket, rolling through the notifications until I found the one I wanted, the one where Olivia says she's going to bed, and that she loves me. I don't know why I love those texts so much, maybe because I know that she's tucked in bed now, and I know how she sleeps. Maybe it's because I know she's safe, that her body is just quiet, making our baby. I smiled at it, silently wishing I could be there. 

 

I hated good morning texts though, because I knew what that meant. I knew that she was sitting on the bathroom floor, alone. I hated thinking that, thinking that she probably slept with her hair in a tie now because no one catches it in the morning anymore. The fact that she wretches over that toilet without me is heartbreaking. She would never say a word to me, I knew that. I could hear it in the tone of her voice this afternoon, how she said, "yeah, mornings are hard," I knew it. I knew that it was hard to be alone. Some things need to stay the same, me being there needed to stay the same. 

 

\-- 

 

Olivia's POV

 

Eight months. Two months into tour. 

 

I was getting massive. It wasn't just my belly that had changed shape now, it was my hips that were changing, like everything was moving out of the way. I felt like I waddled more than walked now. I hadn't seen my feet in months, that was weird. I forced myself to do things though, knowing that being in bed would just stop everything. My mums voice ran in my head, "it's harder to hit a moving target." I knew she said it about old age, but I felt that it applied now. If I stopped moving, then so did everything else, if I kept moving, so would this pregnancy. I wouldn't push it though, knowing when I needed to sit down, letting Ed's mum take over whatever I was doing. 

 

Ed's parents were lovely, and I liked getting to know them better. Ed's dad was making the side porch our babies room, and it was so cute already. It had windows all along one wall, and I liked that. 

 

More than just that room had changed though, things in the house had been tidied and child proofed. There was a crib in mine and Ed's room, yellow blankets lining it, a change table in the bathroom, baby clothes scattered about on it, yet to be put away. 

 

I laid on the bed right now though, my arm draped carelessly over my belly, my eyes shutting gently even though I wasn't under the covers yet. I was in a conversation with Ed, our texting being rampant throughout the day. I sighed as my phone buzzed, opening one eye at a time before deciding that I had the energy to pick it up and read it. I smiled when Ed's name lit up on the screen, giving me a bit more of a reason to read it. I laughed at the picture he sent, a ginger cat with his face in a food bowl, the text saying, "eating dinner," indicating that Ed was stuffing his face, probably like that cat. I giggled giving a witty reply before putting my phone back down on the mattress. 

 

I sighed as I laid there, the coldness creeping into my bones like it always did at night. I winded the necklace Ed gave me around my fingers, smiling at the emblem on it. I have to admit, it is hard when he's gone, and about twenty times harder when I'm hormonal. There are days where I want to call him and tell him to come right away, just so he can hold me, so I can smell him. I held back though, knowing he had to tour to not just support us, but to be happy. 

 

I felt my phone vibrate again, wanting to cry when Ed read my thoughts. 

 

_Wish you were here, x._

 

I wish you were here too… we both wish you were here. 

 

I felt the baby start kicking as the thoughts ran through my head, I hadn't even typed anything back. I touched my belly, softly humming to calm him down. Humming always worked, it always settled the baby when they started kicking, their tiny feet hitting my ribs and other organs. I swear I've had a few bruised ribs from it sometimes, but humming or singing always calmed it. I figured that was good, at least the kid liked music already, knowing he would grow up surrounded by it, the melodies flooding his ears from the moment he comes out. 

 

I decided that covers were a good idea then, slipping under the cool blanket, taking my phone with me while I shut off the light. One more goodnight text to Ed, one less day until goodnight kisses with him. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

\-------------------

 

Ed's POV

 

I couldn't sleep, I knew it was coming. I could feel it. I knew her due date was three weeks away, but I needed to be there now, I couldn't wait. I've waited long enough, but I knew Stuart would never let me out. I needed a different way, I needed help. 

 

I had been seeing the signs already, in the crowd. The ones that were saying that they hoped it all went well with the baby. I knew that everyone knew when we were due now, it was hard to keep a secret, people let things slip. I had been a bit ticked at first, but I settled after a while, and it felt kinda nice to talk about it occasionally on stage. It wasn't a main factor, that was always the music, but still, it wasn't like I had to keep this massive secret from everyone. 

 

\--

 

This crowd was quiet, the room was smaller, and I was comfortable. I played song after song, stories in-between, and it was going really well. There was a break for a moment in everything though, and thats when someone had to yell out, "are you excited for the baby?!" 

 

I stopped then, stopped in that moment. This was my way out, the fans, I knew it. 

 

"To be honest, I'm not saying that I don't love being here, but I feel like I should be going home now, even though I'm not scheduled to go back for another two weeks. I feel like it's coming, like I need to be there." 

 

The crowd let out a huge aww, and I pulled a face at them. 

 

"You should be let home!" Someone yells out, the crowd cheering with them. 

 

"I don't really decide that, but yes, I would if I could." I said, a bit of a giggle in my voice, I didn't want to come across super serious, I just had to get into the next song now, just get through the next song. 

 

\-- 

 

Next night, bigger crowd, a bit more rowdy, but still not bad. I was smiling as I started the next song, the crowd whispering as  _Small Bump_ started out of my guitar, the vocals coming up and out of my mouth. It was one of those nights when I really felt like Olivia was doing the work for me, she was keeping me going, every line was about her, and I felt like she was almost in the room. 

 

That's when I saw them, the signs. 

 

The signs for me to go home, all over the crowd, as far as I could see, they were popping up. They wanted me to go home, each sign saying, "You should be home," and not even in the meanest way, in the best way, because they wanted me to be with my family. I couldn't even make it through the song, the crowd finished it for me, cheering louder than I had ever heard it at the end. I put my guitar down, standing on one of the boxes with my mic in hand when the song had ended, the signs still up, the crowd silent. 

 

"Guys, thank you so much, you don't even know how much this means, this wanting for me to go home, I just don't know if I actually, can, I don't know, it's up to other crowds you know? Cause I don't want to disappoint another crowd, I don't know if I can pull it off." I said, the crowd screaming back at me, making me smile when they started saying that I could do it, it's the right thing. I bit my lip as I entered the next song, knowing that this was way harder than I thought it was going to be, this was killer. 

 

\-- 

 

A sweaty set later and I'm back not sleeping on the bus. I picked up my phone, scrolling my twitter mentions, and about ninty percent of them are telling me to go home. People aren't going to come, people are dropping out so I can go home. 

 

"Not going to the @edsheeran concert cause he should go home! #sendedhome"

 

"Ed should go home to be with his baby and wife. #sendedhome"

 

"@edsheeran should be allowed to be with his family. #gohomeed"

 

I almost dropped my phone on my face at the reaction, thousands of people wanting me to go home. My stomach was in knots, I knew it was coming, people wanted me to go, I should be home, I need out. I need out now, when this bus stops, I'm going. 

 

\-- 

 

I couldn't sleep anyways so I waited until the bus stopped moving, pulling my clothes on in the tight bunk space. I knew it was early, but it was worth the yawning. I grabbed all that I needed, stuffing it in my rucksack as the bus quieted and stopped, I slid gently from my bunk, walking quietly with my shoes in my hand, sitting to put them on at the door. 

 

"You're going aren't you?" 

 

I heard our bus drivers voice from a bit away from me, making me look up to see him leaning on the back of his seat. 

 

"Yeah, yeah I am, don't tell." I said, even though it would be obvious when everyone else got up. 

 

He smiled at me, sitting down beside me on the couch. 

 

"I wouldn't tell a soul Ed, but everyone will know, honestly I think we've just kinda been waiting, we knew you wouldn't wait, and I don't just mean the team, I mean the fans too. Everyone wants you happy, and you aren't here, you're worried sick and the calls are enough, I know that, trust me, I waited and worked right through my wife's pregnancy, and I regret not taking the time off to be there. I know I still miss a lot of my daughters life, but I gotta work, but you can afford to go home, so go do it, this is the airport you need, get a cab and go, it'll work out in the end, you won't regret this." 

 

He handed me a piece of paper, the airport location scribbled on it. I looked to him, smiling as I took him in a hug before he pushed me away. 

 

"No time for this mushy stuff, get out of here," he said, pushing me to get up and head out the door. 

 

I turned as my hand hit the handle. 

 

"Thank you," I said, "I owe you." 

 

With that I opened the door, stepping out into the brisk weather, shutting the door gently before pulling my hood up and taking off at a jog down the street until I hit the corner, walking to a bit busier road where I got a cab, heading to the airport. 

 

Now, I wasn't great at this, and it felt like my heart was going to fall out of my chest as I stood looking at the different flights. I decided to just ask for the next flight to London, hoping that it would be soon, and that it would be direct. Turns out the flight wasn't direct from where I was, but it was fairly quick. Frequent flying made it easier, and the lady at the counter seemed to recognize me and hustle her way around for me, getting me in the right direction before I knew it. My first plane boarded in half an hour, left in an hour, went to New York, layover was only an hour, then a long flight home. I was still a wreck though, my heart beating so hard at the thought of Stuart realizing I was gone, storming to the airport, grabbing me and beating me half to death. I knew he wouldn't be pleased, but maybe our driver was right, maybe they were all just waiting. I tried to shake my head clear as I boarded the plane, alone, for the first time in a few years. I always travelled with my team, and it was odd sitting beside strangers, but this was worth it, it was all worth it. 

 

\-- 

 

I made it, I made it through the layover and everything, and hadn't seen a face I knew the whole time. I didn't dare turn my phone on yet though, I knew it would be ugly probably, my messages and calls killing my phone I assumed. I found a cab instead, rhyming off my house address, not being able to stop my stomach flops at all now. I wasn't worried about Stuart anymore though, I was worried about Olivia, and her reaction. I didn't know if returning at the wee hours of the morning unexpected would be taken well or not, I'm hoping it would be well received. 

 

It was now or never to find out though, the cab was out front our house, and it looked dead inside, which creeped me out a bit, I never got up too much in the night and so it was weird to see it in the dark. I put my rucksack on my shoulder though, paid the driver and walked up to the house, fumbling with my keys in the dark on the way there. I looked at the finished side room before opening the door, trying to be as quiet as possible. 

 

Taking out my foot on the corner of the closet door frame wasn't that quiet though, making me yelp in the dark. I could hear Olivia stir from the back bedroom, biting my lip while holding my baby toe which was now throbbing under my sock. I crept quietly to the back though, touching a bit of Olivia's hair when I got to her. She looked pretty in the moonlight that was shining through the window above her, the window blind left opened a bit. I kneeled on the mattress, making her wiggle and groan before blinking her eyes open at me. 

 

"What are you doing here?" She said like I was a ghost, her groggy voice being quiet, "and what unearthly time is it?" 

 

She turned to look at the clock, the red numbers casting light onto her face. 

 

"Ed it's 2:30 am, whats going on?" 

 

"Uh, don't be mad, but I may or may not have run away to be with you." 

 

I watched her face scrunch up in the dark, still not quite awake. 

 

"You're mad, just know that, completely mad." 

 

She laughed as she figured out what I had done, her hand running down my arm as she laid in bed. 

 

"Are you coming in bed or are you going to stay like that all night?" She asked after a moment, looking at me properly. 

 

"I guess I'll get in, aren't you mad?" I said, a bit confused by her reaction. 

 

"How could I be mad at the man I've been craving for the last three months, when he's home unexpected? The only one who will be mad is Stuart, and that's because he set up that tour for you and now you're missing, his biggest nightmare." She said as I pulled my clothes off and snuggled up behind her in the covers, surprised at how big she had gotten, I couldn't even wrap my hands around her anymore. 

 

"Ugh I gotta pee Ed," she said just as I was going to fall asleep, wiggling on my body. 

 

"Do you need help?" I whispered behind her, waiting for an answer. 

 

"Nah, I'll be alright." 

 

I felt her get up and start walking around the mattress when she stopped, her hand on top of my foot at the end of the bed. 

 

"Maybe I do need help." She said, making me lean up in bed. 

 

"Why?" I asked. 

 

"Cause my water just broke." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

\--------------------------------------

 

Ed's POV

 

"What?" 

 

"Ed, my water just broke, and everything is wet, please get a towel." 

 

I could hear the urgency and fear in her voice, along with a hint of humour. I rolled out of bed, my brain in that foggy state of not being awake and being awake. I could also feel fear coming over myself because were having a baby and I just got home and I honestly just ran away from my manager and I really wish I knew what to do because I'm a guy and I've never done this and I think I'm freaking out and she told me to get a towel. 

 

Towel. Towel,  _towel._

 

I walked into the bathroom, grabbing a fluffy white towel off the shower door, coming back to see Olivia standing in the same spot a bit awkwardly, her feet sinking into the wet carpet. I switched on the light before going over to her, seeing that her legs were covered in the wet, drying them off as she put her hands on my shoulders to support herself a bit. 

 

"Ed, what if it has your hair?" 

 

I looked up to her, leaning back to see her face around her tummy. 

 

"Uhm, then it has my hair, is this what we should be asking right now?" I said, going back to the carpet with the towel. 

 

"I don't know, I don't know what to do Ed. Can you grab a pair of underwear for me?" 

 

I went to the closet and got her a pair of underwear, leaving the towel on the ground before I heard her make a noise behind me. 

 

"Ohh, maybe we should call someone." She said as I saw her hold a hand her tummy and put a hand on the mattress. 

 

"Are you okay?" I asked, and I don't know why, it just fell out. 

 

"Right now, yes, later? Maybe not so much." 

 

I smiled a bit before passing the underwear to Olivia, grabbing my phone from the nightstand where I had placed it when I crawled into bed. I dialled my mum, her voice flooding my head a few rings in. 

 

" _Hello?"_

 

"Hey mum, it's Ed." 

 

" _Is everything okay?"_

 

"Um, this is a long story, but I'll tell you later. I'm here, and Olivia's water just broke and uh, what do we do?" 

 

I felt silly asking the question, but I could basically feel my mum smile on the other end before she answered. 

 

_"Just stay put, we'll come over, okay?"_

 

"Okay, thanks mum." 

 

She hung up before I could say goodbye, so I dropped my phone to the bed, turning back to Olivia. 

 

"They're gunna come over, she said to just stay put so," I said, shrugging my shoulders, watching Olivia. 

 

"Ed, come here," she said, putting her hands on the mattress and leaning a bit as I moved towards her across the fabric. 

 

I touched her chin, tilting it up to look me in the eye. I smiled when I saw that her eyes were welling, and not out of pain, but out of happiness. 

 

"We're gunna have a baby," was what came out of her mouth before she pressed her lips to mine, putting one of her hands on the back of my neck. I felt her teeth graze my bottom lip part way through, biting onto it suddenly. I let out a little yelp, pulling away but she kept her teeth on me. I didn't know what she was doing but her hand grasped a handful of my tshirt as she let go of my lip and put her head on my shoulder. She let out a moan at the same time, making me move under her to support her and rub her back. 

 

"Wow, this is actually happening Ed, that was a load of pain and pressure. It's so quick." 

 

"It's okay, were gunna make it, don't worry, it's gunna be okay." 

 

I tried to comfort her, but this was all foreign to me, I wasn't quite sure what to do when there was a knock on the door, signalling that my parents were here. I pushed on Olivia lightly and she stood up, letting me get to the door to let my parents in, my father being the first to talk.

 

"Babytime, is it?" He said, smiling in his usual way. I nodded and went back to Olivia, getting her a shirt and some track pants, getting her to step into them as another wave passed through her body, making her grab my shoulders pretty tight from it. I slipped her shirt on her next, tugging it over her belly. 

 

"Ed we have her bag so come out to the car when you're ready." I heard my mum say to me, making me yell back that we were coming. 

 

"Are you ready?" I asked Olivia, going into travel mode, fighting through the fact that I hadn't slept in ages. She nodded her head, taking my hand to walk out to the car. 

 

I grabbed my phone and some random stuff from the floor as I let her hand slip from mine for a second, shutting off the lights as I went. I looked at her back as she walked away from me, noting how her hips were loose and a bit wobbly, and it made her look top-heavy. I kept going though, putting her shoes on her feet before putting mine on and going out to the car. 

 

One more painful experience which my mum told me was a 'contraction' on the car ride to the hospital, and we were there. Olivia in a hospital gown, which still made me shiver, an IV in her hand, her fingers laced around mine as we roamed the hallway, stopping for a contraction once in a while. 

 

You know, I've never heard Olivia swear that much but I think she was making up for it now. The amount of "Fuck Ed's" and "Holy shit's" I heard in the span of an hour was a bit of a surprise. I rubbed her back through it all though, swaying our bodies in the hallway while others looked at us. Our families came by eventually, Olivia's parents over from Canada, sitting with my parents in the waiting room, waiting for the bundle of joy to pop out, which seemed to be soon with Olivia's next words. 

 

"Ed, we should go push." 

 

I don't know if it was terrifying or amazing to go through this, but it sure was intense. A few nurses and the doctor milled around the room setting things up as I held Olivia's hand through another contraction, this one making her eyes tear up from the pain. She said no meds though, and she was pretty tough for pushing through this because it seemed pretty unbearable to me. 

 

"Okay, next time were gunna push okay?" I heard the doctor say, and I watched Olivia nod and readjust her body a bit. 

 

"Are you ready?" She asked me, looking me dead in the eye, and that made me tremble a bit. She was so dead serious right now and I was having trouble understanding it, probably because I felt frazzled, I didn't expect to come home to this. I nodded though, and she nodded back, gripping my hand tight as the next wave came. 

 

"Okay," was all she said before she pushed, every muscle in her body tensing at the same time. She held her breath and for a second all you could hear was the nurses counting in the room, until Olivia let go and exhaled, whimpering at the same time. 

 

"Holy fuck Ed," was all she squeezed out before she pushed again, that silence coming over the room again. I held her hand tight, not sure where to look but when I looked down I saw a baby head, and that made my head whirl. What made it worse was that it defiantly dawned some orange locks. I could feel myself shaking as Olivia grunted and let her head fall back, taking a breath before pushing again. 

 

"One more push and it'll come," the doctor said, and that's what happened, a screaming, crying being came out, and thats when I lost it. I felt myself buckle and fall, the blackness enclosing me before I knew it. 

 

\--

 

"Ed, Ed, wake up, Ed, Ed!" I could hear her yelling and someone was patting my face with a cloth. My head spun when I opened my eyes, but settled when I remembered what was happening. 

 

"Did I?" I said, realizing I was now sat in a chair not too far away from the bedside. 

 

"Yeah, you just passed out, it's okay, sometimes that happens with new daddies," the nurse said to us, smiling a bit, "but it wasn't for long, you can still cut the umbilical cord, just try and be steady." 

 

I made an 'o' shape with my mouth, "sorry about that," I said as I looked to Olivia, a smile plastered on her face, obviously this was funny to her now that she wasn't in pain. 

 

"Come here," she said as a pair of scissors were passed to me, our baby squirming on her belly. I cut the cord and looked down at the little body. 

 

"It's a boy," the doctor said to me, "you kinda missed that part, sorry." 

 

I looked back down, completely stunned that we had a boy, but I would be stunned if we had a girl too, I'm stunned that we had a baby. 

 

"Olivia, he has my hair," I said, making us both erupt into laughter. 

 

The rest of the room gave us funny looks but smiled when they took in that this had been a topic of before. As we died down the last question was asked. 

 

"Does he have a name?" 

 

I smiled at Olivia and she smiled back. 

 

"Benjamin Edward Sheeran." 

 

 

 

 

\-----------------------------

 

Ed's POV

 

I watched our little boy wiggle in his blankets that he had been wrapped in, his body moving in the cot before his face scrunched up and he let out a cry, followed by full on crying, which made me not sure on what to do. 

 

"Bring him here," I heard Olivia say from the bed behind me. 

 

"How, I don't know how Olivia," I said as I tried to situate my hands around his little body. 

 

"Just support his head in your elbow and hold him kinda like you hold the cat," she said as I put my hands under him, sort of awkwardly cradling his crying body. I passed him down to Olivia who wiped his tears before figuring out what he wanted, tucking him under her covers so he could eat. 

 

"You don't have to be afraid, he's not going to bite you," Olivia said as she turned to look at me, smiling. 

 

"I know, I don't want to break him though," I said as I kissed the top of her head, resting my nose on her for a second. 

 

"Ow!" Suddenly came out of Olivia's mouth, "he'll bite me though, gentle down there love." 

 

I stifled a giggle in my sleeve as Olivia repositioned herself on the bed so that I could slip in beside her. 

 

"Sit with us," she said, patting the bed. 

 

I flicked my shoes off and crawled onto the bed, peeking behind the covers to look at our baby. He was sucking on Olivia, his little face content as could be, orange hair all over the place. He certainly wasn't going to be a bald one. I touched his skin with my finger, trailing it over into his hair, the fibbers feeling light in my touch. He seemed to respond to my touch, making little baby noises as he let go of Olivia, his eyes opening a bit to look at me. 

 

"Woah do you see his eyes?" I said to Olivia, shocked at the colour of blue they were. 

 

"It's intense eh?" She said to me, pulling her shirt up at the same time. 

 

"There that like, fake colour of blue, they're so light and reflective, thats crazy." I said, marvelling at them as he opened his eyes again, flicking them around my face, gurgling a bit already. 

 

"Here, sit up, I'll show you how to hold him." Olivia said, putting her hand on my shoulder for me to sit back, which I did, putting my legs out flat on the mattress, waiting for instruction. 

 

She gently placed the little body in my arms, moving my hands a bit to hold him better. 

 

"Like that," Olivia said as she moved me one last time, my eyes flicking between her and Ben, my mind being a bit stunned that I had all this perfection in my life. I smiled at both of them as Olivia let her hand rest over mine, peaking at Ben to see that his eyes were shutting, his mouth starting to hang open in my arms. 

 

"That's so cute," she said, a smile playing on her lips. I kissed her then, being sure not to crush Ben in-between us, but still working my lips against her. 

 

I heard a ruffle then, pulling away as Stuart appeared in the door, quite frazzled looking as he stood there. It was like he was trying to decide wether to yell or to forgive me. 

 

"Hi Stuart," Olivia said, his eyes flicking to her from me, visibly sighing as he got a hold of himself. 

 

"Hi," he said, deciding that walking over and hugging her would be a good idea. He looked to Ben then, leaning over to move his blankets a bit to see his face. 

 

"Awwe, you two make cute babies!" He said then, "and I guess I'll yell at you later then Ed, cause I really can't when this little guy is around. Boy or girl? Name?" 

 

"Boy, and Ben." Olivia said, smiling at the whole scene. "I just have to pee," she said after, slipping off the bed to the bathroom, allowing Stuart to sit on the bed more. 

 

"You know I'm not really mad, okay?" 

 

I looked up at him, a bit stunned that he wasn't full out yelling yet. 

 

"Really?" I let slip out.

 

"Ed, seriously, I knew you would go. You've followed your gut for years and I wasn't going to hold you back. Okay, maybe some warning would have been nice, but it's your baby, I wouldn't let you miss it. I know the fans won't mind, you have like the nicest fan base ever." 

 

"Thank you." I said, letting a smile shoot across my face, "you're the best I could have asked for." 

 

He hugged me then, wrapping his one arm around my neck, putting his other on my arm, giving it a squeeze. Ben wiggled from the movement, both of us disturbing his sleep that he had fallen into. 

 

"Sorry love, Uncle Stu is here," I whispered down to him, rocking him a little in my arms, I was getting into this. 

 

Stuart laughed a bit at me as he moved off the mattress and to the door, nodding for some more of the team to come in along with our parents. Olivia came out of the bathroom too, sitting back on the bed with me as my team shuffled around the room, it seemed everyone had come. The few girls on the team couldn't wait to dress him up, already seeming to be working on halloween costumes. Mark ruffled my hair as he looked down, hugging me like Stuart had. 

 

"All his outfits have to go with his hair tho, I'm sick of Ed contrasting his, this kid has to have style." I heard one of the girls say a bit loud, the room snickering because of it. 

 

"Hey, I like my hoodies," I said to her, narrowing my eyes at the same time, "if my child does too, I guess its just genetics." 

 

This made the room crack up even more, and made Olivia roll her eyes. 

 

"Give me my still-cute child back," she said to me, taking Ben back into her arms. 

 

"Hey you wouldn't have him without my part," I said, sticking my tongue out and smiling at the same time. She made a face back, her eyes being all wide and her lips sticking out as she wiggled her body a bit at me, making me laugh at her. 

 

"Okay okay, he's yours," I said, caving at her. She smiled down at him, whispering things I couldn't hear to him, kissing his forehead until one of the tech guys started talking to her. 

 

I looked around the room at everyone that was here, my whole life, in one room. I couldn't believe these past hours, my life went from on the road to home to hospital to baby and now here, surrounded by everyone who's always been with me. I fiddled with the hem of my hoodie as I felt like I wanted to bottle the feeling up and save it forever, the feeling that I had a huge family, because I did. Because everyone was loving and caring, and it revolved around me. It wasn't a selfish thing either, it was just what it felt like to be loved. A baby in my wife's arms, family, friends, and me. 

 

Only one thing was missing, but it'll come in time, we'll show our little boy to the fans when the time is right, and I already knew they would love him too, because I love him. 

 

We all sat in that room for hours, some baby cries happening, nervous parents doing things for the first times, Ben being passed around the room eventually, each team member wanting to see him unclose and personal, which was fine with Olivia and I, we knew we were going to have plenty of time with him. 

 

Eventually the room ended up clearing as the night came over us, the time difference making things weird for everyone, but that was just the jet lag. After a while it was just Olivia and I again, Ben sleeping in the cot at the end of the bed. 

 

"So I guess were not sleeping through the night for a while eh?" Olivia said as we shuffled down in the bed, face to face. 

 

"Probably not," I said as a few gurgles came from the cot, both of us waiting to see if Ben would start crying. Nothing came except his little puffs of breath, so we sunk into sleep for as long as we could. 

 

 

 

 

\--------------------------------

 

Olivia's POV

 

I watched Ed buckle Ben into the back of the car for the first time, making sure he was safe before sitting into the seat next to him, his eyes constantly on him. I slid into the car on the other side, smiling at Ed as he smiled at me, that funny smile that he got, that proud I'm-a-dad-this-is-my-son smile. I watched him silently fiddle with Ben's blankets, making sure he was tucked in and safe, even though Ben was sleeping right now. Every so often he would sigh or wiggle at Ed's touch, or at Ed's voice, it was like they had a special connection already. 

 

I felt my door shut beside me as I clicked on my own seatbelt, raising my eyebrows at Ed to put his on as well. He did reluctantly, known for not wearing one while we drove. I wouldn't have him go through a windshield if I was in the car though, you can count on that. 

 

The car took off soon after, Ben sleeping the whole car ride home, Ed constantly playing with something in his hands. It was something I loved around him, how his hands had to be busy all the time, even if he was just singing he would be playing with the hem of his shirt or his hoodie strings. Right now he was playing with the strap of the baby bag, twirling it and folding it in half, wrapping it around his fingers, occasionally picking at it. I leaned my head on the back of the seat, just taking in the quiet moment of the car, knowing that it probably wouldn't last long. 

 

Last night was a long one, the start of many I was assuming. Babies don't know when to sleep or when to be awake, so they cry at any time. Ben was the same, waking up almost every hour, either needing a change or a feeding, or he just wanted to be held. Ed was blessed with sleeping anywhere, anytime, and through anything. Not saying he didn't get up, and I knew he was dealing with a time change, but sometimes just having someone else up with you is nice. 

 

When we got home I realized that my eyes had shut and I had fallen asleep. I felt Ed's hand on my thigh, the warmth radiating through my jeans as his voice cooed to me. I smiled before I woke up, his accent sometimes making me laugh for no apparent reason. Maybe it was because sometimes it came across more American than British because he spent a lot of time with American people, and when the accents crossed, it just came across as funny. I waved his hand and face away from me as I opened my eyes, telling him that I was awake now and that he could stop. I watched him smile before toying with the baby seat, pulling the detachable part out and onto his lap, Ben inside. He opened the door and slid across the seat until his feet touched the ground, to which he came around to my side and held my hand as I slid off my seat, holding my hand all the way up to the door, Ben in his other hand. 

 

Ed settled Ben and I down on the couch before he ran back out to the van, getting the bags and such from the hospital visit. He dropped them on the floor before coming to me and straddling me, attaching his lips to mine with such force that I felt my head the back of the couch and push in so I could feel the wood on the other side.  

 

"I missed you so much," he said as he pulled away, nuzzling his head into my neck. 

 

"I missed you too," I said, giggling as I slipped my hands into his hair, his teeth grazing my neck a bit. 

 

"I'm sorry I slept so much last night, I didn't mean to, I wanted to be with you when you got up but I had been up for like over a day and I couldn't peel my eyes open, I'm so sorry," he said, kisses trailing over my neck and face. I stopped him by holding his head in my hands.

 

"It's okay, but you can make up for it, watch Ben while I shower?" I said, having the feeling that Ben would wake up sometime soon, he'd napped for a while now unfortunately. 

 

"Okay, I can do that," Ed said, not really knowing what he signed up for I assumed. He hopped off my lap, going to Ben beside me, unsnapping his seatbelt but leaving him in the seat. He plopped down beside him, picking up the remote as I got up and went to find some more comfortable clothes. Jeans on my post-pregnant body weren't the most comfortable. 

 

I got in the hot shower after leaving my clothes on the countertop. As I dipped my head under the water I could hear the beginnings of a cry come through the house, Ed's voice cooing afterwards. I smiled a bit as I started washing my hair, not in a mean way, just in a lets-see-how-this-goes kinda way. 

 

\--

 

Ed's POV

 

Ben was crying but I was determined to reign it in on my own. I rummaged through the baby bag, pulling out a bottle of formula before taking Ben in my arms, leaning him back and raising the bottle to his mouth. He avoided it and kept on crying, making me shush him with my mouth a bit. I stood up and walked him around a bit, praying that he didn't need a diaper change.  _Not now,_ I thought, wanting Olivia to be done with her shower sooner than later. I felt his bum though, and sure enough, that was it. 

 

I sighed as I knelt to the floor, pulling the baby bag over to myself, laying the change sheet down before laying Ben down on it, his body squirming as I unwrapped him from his blanket and unsnapped his onesie he was in. I was totally useless at this and Ben made sure I knew it. He wiggled all over the place as I tried to wipe him clean, screaming from the cold wipe. 

 

"Shhh, I know mummy's better at this," I said to him, pushing my nose into my shoulder because basically, I don't know how Olivia did this without gagging. He was starting to settle now though as I finished wiping and pulled out a clean diaper. I sighed as I stuck the diaper together around his belly, looking down at his squirming, squishy body. His eyes were still watering and he was still crying a bit, but he was settling. I picked him up as I went to the garbage can, holding his tiny body against mine, listening to him gurgle in my ear. 

 

I looked down at him and saw him slobbering my hoodie up, his features much more awake now, mouth open, eyes darting around. I kept my hands on him as I sat back on the couch with him, holding him so he could look up at me. His eyes flicked around the room, the TV making him gurgle in my lap. I chuckled at the kid as I ran my hand through his hair, even though it was sticking up in all different directions already. 

 

I heard Olivia's feet on the floor then, coming up behind us, her hand finding the bottom of my hairline right away, playing with the little curls that were there. It made me shiver. 

 

"Good job love," she said as she kissed my temple and came around the couch, "did Daddy do a good job?" 

 

Ben gurgled at her then, his movements uncontrolled as he flailed around in my arms, his tiny hand gripping my hoodie a bit. 

 

"I'll take that as a yes," Olivia said as she sat down and made faces at Ben, his fingers wrapping around her index finger when she put her hand up to his. 

 

"Welcome home, by the way," she said to me then, turning up and smiling at me. 

 

"I'm glad to be home," I said as I pushed my lips on hers again, a warm fuzzy feeling coming over me as I did. 

 

This was perfect now, everything settled in that moment. Everyone was home, right where they belonged. I smiled in the kiss, putting my hand on top of Olivia's on the couch, holding Ben in my other arm while he held Olivia's finger. We're a family now, a true family. 

 

 

Olivia’s POV

 

*one week later*

 

It was about three am, and I was sitting on the end of the bed, feeding Ben while Ed rested on his elbows under the covers.

 

“Come on love,” I said as Ben let go of me and started crying again, “we need to sleep eventually.” 

 

“Pass him here, lay back down,” Ed said, reaching his hands out as he took Ben from me. I went back under the covers, my head hitting my pillow gently as I heard Ed softly cooing to Ben. 

 

“Mmmmmm, give me love like her,” he trailed on, fragments of song lyrics coming through as he hummed, settling Ben back down. Eventually my eyes fell shut too, the only reason I know Ben had fallen asleep was the fact that Ed had gotten up and then came back to bed and cuddled me. I liked feeling his warmth on my back, it was everything I needed. 

 

“Thank you,” I whispered as we repositioned a bit. 

 

“No problem,” I felt Ed hum into my back, his breath tickling my neck. 

 

I let myself drift in-between dreams and memories, one of Ed and Ben floating in. 

 

It was a few days before, and I was doing the dishes as Ed laid on the bed with a sleeping Ben. 

 

I knew that Ed was adoring Ben, I could see in my mind who he placed the blankets perfectly around Ben, and then would push Ben’s hair out of his face as they laid together. Bens lips would be moving as he breathed out, a bit wet because he was a droopy baby. I could picture it as Ed’s smooth voice started ringing out across the room, quiet, but just loud enough for me to hear. 

 

I remembered I went to look then, slipping the rubber gloves off my hands, walking to the edge of the countertop, just so I could barely see. I was right about how Ed had positioned everything perfectly around Ben. I watched as Ed sang out, just memorizing everything about Ben, occasionally running his finger down his cheek, to adjusting a piece of hair that moved in Ed’s breath. Every so often Ben would wiggle in his blankets too, and I slowly watch as Ed put his head down on his arm, falling asleep beside Ben. 

 

I scooped up the camera then, snapping the picture of my two boys sleeping. There were countless pictures of Ben now, but I really liked these ones, they were perfect. I ended up printing one off and hiding it in Ed’s rucksack, hoping that he would find it one day, one day when he’s sad and lonely, missing home because he’s in another city. He’ll find it and lay with it, stick it in his room on the bus, trace the outlines of it with his stubby finger, the ones I love. 

 

I like dreaming of Ed, but I was getting sad that we only had a few more weeks left together. I knew for a long time that he would be going, but I always felt that it would never come. It’s weird knowing something but wanting to believe it’s not happening so badly that it feels far away. Like you just start believe that it’s just not coming. This was though, and I know that people had been coming over and helping, but I would eventually be on my own. I would be alone with out child sole depending on me to survive. It wasn’t like I couldn’t handle it, it was just the fact that it was the first time, and really first times are scary. 

 

I could do it though, I thought as I rolled over into Ed’s chest, my eyes opening even though I was sleep deprived and I knew Ben would wake again before the morning. 

 

I traced Ed’s features in the night, like Ed traced Ben’s. I scanned down his neck, the fuzz on his hairline, down to his t-shirt. I wrapped my arm around him then, pulling myself close, his smell filling my nose. He wrapped his arm around my side lazily while he slept, while I memorized how his stubble felt on my cheek. As I realized we just played a memory game all the time. 

 

As Ed memorized Ben, I memorized Ed. Ed memorized me while I memorized Ben. Ben memorized the world, while the world memorized their own loved ones. 

 

 

Ed’s POV

 

I held my phone to my ear as I held a bottle to Ben’s mouth, listening to what Stuart was saying and pleading that Ben would take the bottle. 

 

“Come on love,” I whispered. 

 

“What?” 

 

“Not you, Ben, keep going.” 

 

Stuart kept talking, rambling about when we were going back to the States, what happened to the dates we’d miss, what time my plane was, and whatever else. I was half paying attention to him, watching Ben slurp down the milk in the bottle, and listening to the sound of the shower running in the bathroom. 

 

“You got all that?” 

 

“Urm, yep.” 

 

“You’ve barely been listening, I’ll just email it to you.” Stuart said. 

 

“Sorry Stu.” 

 

“It’s okay, you just feed Ben, I’ll email.” 

 

I listened to the phone line go dead, tossing my phone onto the mattress as I returned my full attention back to Ben and what he was doing. Little sounds came out of his mouth as he sucked on the bottle, a drip escaping his mouth. I wiped it with the edge of my shirt, his soft cheek indenting under my finger. I leaned back on the headboard, closing my eyes for a minute, putting my headback, running over certain things that had stuck from what Stuart had said. I heard the shower shut off, and I felt Ben move in my arms. I raised my head to look at him, his mouth had let go of the bottle as it had finished. I propped it on the nightstand, shuffling to the edge of the bed, putting Ben on my chest to walk around and hopefully burp. I looked out the door window as I patted his back, humming gently as I watched snowflakes fall to the ground. I liked winter, it had good memories, good times were spent in the snow. 

 

I stopped smiling when I felt a wet trail down my back though. I knew what it was right away and I stopped moving, closing my eyes before letting out a chuckle. 

 

“That’s gross mate,” I said to Ben, who I pulled off my shoulder, wiping his chin with my shirt, calling to Olivia. 

 

“Olivia, can you grab me a towel?” 

 

“Yeah, why? Oh.” 

 

Olivia had peered out the door of the bathroom, looking to see what was wrong. She quickly rushed out with two towels, putting one on the floor and one on my back, scooping up Ben at the same time. 

 

“Are you making Daddy all dirty?” She cooed to Ben as she set him down in his crib. 

 

I patted the towel on the carpet with my foot while I stripped of my dirty t-shirt, throwing it in the laundry bin. 

 

“Do you mind if I shower now?” I said to Olivia. 

 

“Yeah sure, considering you have baby puke on your neck too.”

 

She smiled as she kissed me when I walked by, scooping up a clean t-shirt and jeans. 

 

“Isn’t it attractive? Having baby puke on me?” 

 

I smiled back at her as she laughed, pushing me towards the bathroom. 

 

“Yes, very attractive.” 

 

\--

 

Olivia’s POV

 

I listened to the shower run on as I wiped Ben’s face. 

 

“Did you not like that one? Hmmm, don’t feel well?” I said as he started to wiggle and cry. 

 

“Awe, it’s alright love,” I picked him up and started walking around with him as he wailed on my shoulder. 

 

I toweled my hair with my other hand, multitasking had become a regular thing to me now. Ben continued crying as I sat down on the edge of the bed, letting my towel drop onto my lap, holding his mouth up to me, his lips stopping their quivering, latching on. He was an easy one to please, he just didn’t do well on formula sometimes. I wrapped a blanket around us, my damp hair wetting the edge of it. I could feel him sucking, and it was almost a comfort now. I knew that Ed had just fed him, but he was lapping up everything anyways, probably because most of it came back up. We switched sides when I heard the shower go off, Ed’s feet squeaking on the floor. He came out a minute later, towel flopped on his head, another one around his waist. He awkwardly climbed into a pair of underwear while holding his towel with one hand, his hair towel in his face. He eventually just dropped his waist towel, pulling his underwear on with two hands instead. That made me smile, because we had both been naked around each other numerous times, yet we were both still relatively shy around each other during the day. 

 

“Is he eating a lot?” Ed said as he pulled on a t-shirt next, walking up to me and peaking behind the blanket. I nodded my head in response, swatting him away when I realized that he wasn’t just looking at Ben. 

 

“I’ve been deprived, what can I say.” He said. 

 

“You’ll be deprived for longer if you do that,” I said back to him, moving the blanket a bit, even though I could feel my blush creeping up my neck at Ed being cheeky. The smell of his clean body and hair instantly turned me on. 

 

I felt Ben let go then, his little body rolling more onto my arm then before. 

 

“Is that better?” I said as wrapped the blanket under my arms, bringing Ben back up to my chest. He was already falling asleep again, traces of tears almost gone from his face. 

 

I wrapped him up better in his crib blankets as I settled him down on his mattress. He was already drooling a bit as I trailed my finger down his fluffy cheek, they were like Eds; that patch under his cheekbone would go red when he got warm, his hair never wanted to lay flat, and his lips were those perfectly even, perfectly pink colour. He had my nose though, my long eyelashes and my jawline. His eyes were a mixture of both of us, this dark blue from my eyes, a lighter blue from Eds. 

 

I left his side and put on some clothes, going into the kitchen after, where Ed was drinking a tea that he had made. 

 

“Hey you,” I said as I nuzzled into his arms, his lips grazing my head as he chuckled a little bit. 

“Hey,” he said back, “you okay?” 

 

“Yeah, just soaking you up while you’re here. When did Stuart say your flight is?” 

 

“Two weeks exactly I think, he’ll email he said.” 

 

“Mmmmm, I was thinking,” I said, pulling up to look at Ed in the eyes, “I think that after you come back, that we should take a trip.” 

 

I moved to get a tea for myself, Ed’s hands toying with the ends of my wet hair. 

 

“To where?” He asked. 

 

“To Canada, I grew up there, and we barely visit. I haven’t been home in months and it’s part of Ben’s ancestry so, we should go.” 

 

I watched his face, gauging his reaction to the idea. He pouted out his lips before pulling them into his mouth and letting then pop out and go back into place. He lent onto the counter on his elbows before he looked at me and started talking. 

 

“Yeah we should go, we should go to every place in Canada that you want to. We can go and show Ben everything, but I think we should chill at home for a few months first, cause I want to be here with just us three, no timeline, no pressure, just us.” 

 

Ed had moved in close to me while he talked, pushing his lips on mine, making me melt. We didn’t get quiet moments a lot, so we took advantage of it when we did. I felt him trace his tongue over my lips, asking for permission to enter. I parted my lips and let my breath come out over his face, his tongue sliding effortlessly into my mouth. I let him dominate me, my face getting sore from his beard rubbing. I could feel my lips get puffy as he backed me out of the kitchen and to the couch where I sat down when my knees hit the edge. Ed straddled over me, putting his right knee onto the fabric before his left, still keeping his lips on mine. He was slow and romantic about it, his breathing keeping even. 

 

“Canada sounds amazing the more I think about it,” he pulled away to say, looking me in the eye. 

 

“I know eh,” I said before smiling and flicking my eyes between his and his lips. He smirked and continued kissing me, his body pressing to mine when I moved my head back against the couch. I let him pull on my bottom lip with his teeth as he slid off my body and to the couch beside me. 

 

“What are you doing?” I said as he sat quietly. 

 

“You said that if I push then I don’t get anything, so I’d rather wait then ruin it all right now.” 

 

I smiled at his silliness, tilting his chin back to look at me as he flicked the tv on. 

 

“You’re a good man,” I told him, kissing his own red puffy lips one final time before snuggling up on his lap, catching up on some quiet time as he put on some  _Fresh Prince of Bel Air._  

 

 

 

 

 

Olivia’s POV

 

“Ed, oh my goodness stop!” 

 

It was a year and a half later, and we were laying about in my old bedroom, in the heart of Ontario, the same exact paint covering the walls. 

 

“I’m sorry, I just love you too much to stop.” 

 

“Seriously, you’re so bad.” 

 

Ed was viciously kissing my lower back, hands on my hips, lips all over my scars. I flipped over in his grasp, making him plant kisses up to my belly button before he rested his chin on my belly, looking up at my head that now rested on my pillow. 

 

“Your bedroom is so colourful,” he said, sitting up and scanning the room. 

 

“I was an artistic teenager, what can I say?” 

 

That was true, truer than anything. My walls were covered in various paintings, some dark, some streaked with colour. They’re were other sections plastered with pictures, of literally anything. Some of horses, some of gigs, some of past friends, my parents, my cats that I had. 

 

I let Ed crawl in my lap, shifting us so we were spooning, my head above his. My parents had wanted to take Ben shopping, so we let them, having the house to ourselves was nice. It was mid-summer slash spring, so all the windows were wide open, the breeze blowing through the house. I wrapped my legs around Ed’s torso, my hands playing with his hair. I watched his eyes flicker around the room before the gently shut, his hands hanging off the edge of the bunk bed with the mattress that was too high, so it really didn’t have a guard. I let my eyes look at his tattoos, blurred from his blonde arm hair. I moved from his arms to his breathing chest, detecting his heartbeat through his shirt. 

 

“Do you think your parents have ice cream?” 

 

It mildly startled me when he spoke, and I creased my eyebrows at the question. 

 

“I don’t know, do you wanna look?” 

 

“Kinda, but I’m really comfortable.” 

 

This made me giggle, we were like school children again, teenagers that were too bothered to move, when in reality we worked all the time, had a child, and were vacationing around Canada. It was really nice to just lounge around though, without a care in the world. 

 

“I’m gunna look,” Ed finally said, unwrapping himself from my legs and sliding ungracefully off the end of the bed, “don’t go anywhere.” 

 

“Okay general,” I said with a firm head nod, pulling the blanket up to cuddle with in the mean time. 

 

Ed returned a few minutes later, two spoons stuck in a pot of chocolate ice cream, a few scoops taken out already. 

 

“Couldn’t wait, hmm?” 

 

“Nope.” 

 

I smiled as he scooped some into my mouth, fitting his body inbetween my legs, kneeling on the mattress. 

 

“What was the most played album on that radio?” He asked, waving his spoon towards the radio/CD player that was still sat on my dresser. 

 

“Um, I don’t know. I guess I would say the first ever Lights EP, I listened to it everyday for like two years, it’s probably still in there.” 

 

“Really?” 

 

I nodded my head, watching him fiddle with the ice cream before setting it down and hopping off the bed. He pressed play on the CD and sure enough I was right and the EP started playing out. 

 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” I said, grabbing the ice cream and sitting up a bit, letting Ed come back up on the mattress. 

 

“You should make an electronic record, it’d be cool.” Ed said to me, listening to the album play. I thought it over in my mind. 

 

“I don’t know anything about making an electronic record though, I’ve only ever done acoustic stuff. Actually, I recorded my first record in these walls. I played some of the stuff I wrote in here on the night you met me.” 

 

“Play one?” Ed asked, pulling the tub of ice cream back to himself. I sighed and hopped off the bed, pulling my guitar out of the case that was laying on the floor from when we arrived. I turned the radio down before I climbed back up on the bed, situating myself with my legs hanging off the edge. 

 

 _“All along it was a fever_  
A cold sweat hot-headed believer  
I threw my hands in the air and said, "Show me something,"  
He said, "If you dare come a little closer."  
  
Round and around and around and around we go  
Oh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know  
  
Not really sure how to feel about it.  
Something in the way you move  
Makes me feel like I can't live without you.  
It takes me all the way.  
I want you to stay”

 

I felt Ed curl up next to me as I sang, the tub of ice cream discarded on the bed, his vocals coming out of no where next to me. 

 

 _“It's not much of a life you're living_  
It's not just something you take – it's given  
  
Round and around and around and around we go  
Oh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know  
  
Not really sure how to feel about it.  
Something in the way you move  
Makes me feel like I can't live without you.  
It takes me all the way.  
I want you to stay.”

 

Ed made everything melt. 

 

He was just like that, he made everything including me melt. Sure we sang at home, we helped each other with different tracks, but there’s something about singing a song that you’ve sung millions of times, worked out the kinks already, that makes you feel like home. Like everything is settled and perfect, like everything is  _melting._

 

We hushed the next part, singing it simply, singing it quiet, singing it how it was suppose to be. 

 

_“Ooh the reason I hold on_

_Ooh cause I need this hole gone_

_Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving_

_Cause when you never see the light it's hard to know which one of us is caving_

 

_Not really sure how to feel about it._

_Something in the way you move_

_Makes me feel like I can't live without you._

_It takes me all the way._

_I want you to stay, stay._

_I want you to stay, oh.”_

 

“I love that one,” Ed said afterwards, pulling my chin to his, pressing his lips to mine. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ed’s POV

 

“Are you sure you mind taking him for the week? For sure?” 

 

I could hear Olivia ask her mum the same question she had asked a thousand times that day. It was cute listening to her motherly banter, but I seriously needed her help packing this luggage bag, I had clearly done a bad job. 

 

“Yes, I raised you, I can take care of a cutie for a week, can’t I?” 

 

Olivia’s mum was cooing to Ben, making him giggle. 

 

“Olivia, can you help me?” I yelled to Olivia, in which I could almost feel the eye roll through the house. Her footsteps followed not long afterwards. 

 

“Oh Ed,” were the first words out of her mouth when she saw the luggage. 

 

“Were not going to survive if you pack like this,” she said as she pulled the clothes out of the luggage, repacking them for me. 

 

“Good thing I have you then,” I said, making her turn and look up at me with a smile on her face. 

 

“You’re so bad,” she said turning back to the packing. 

 

I watched as she piled things ontop of each other, slipping socks and underwear inbetween the bigger things, zipping the bag up neatly when she was done. 

 

“There we go,” she said as she sat on the bed and smiled at me. I smiled back. 

 

“Are you excited?” I said to her as I sat beside her, brushing some of her hair back from her face. 

 

“Yes.” 

 

“Good, me too.” 

 

We were headed to the very up north of Canada, Olivia had been invited to go and play a festival, the only requirement was to bring warm clothing. The town would be celebrating the return of the sun, for they don’t see light for five months of the year, and don’t see the night for five other months, with only two months having some day, some night. It would be around -35 for our trip, or bloody cold if you ask me. 

 

“Okay, so we have to get up at 4:45, cause our plane is at 9, plus we have to drive to Toronto. Okay?” 

 

I nodded my head as Olivia rhymed off the times, we were leaving Ben with her parents, a week wasn’t so bad and we had to figure out where he would go if we were both working at the same time. She patted my cheek before kissing my lips and standing up. 

 

“Come on, I think dinner’s ready.” 

 

\--

 

I could hear my phone beeping not too far from my head, the noise past annoying at this time in the morning. Suddenly an arm was reaching across me, making the alarm stop. I sighed and snuggled into the covers of the spare rooms bed, until they were being ripped out of my hands, making me groan. 

 

“Noooooooooo, I wanna sleep,” I said as I pushed my face into my pillow. 

 

“You can sleep later, come on love,” I heard Olivia say as she dumped the covers at the bottom of the bed, walking out of the room. 

 

I huffed and raised my head to look at the clock. Yep, it was definatly 4:50 in the morning. I decided to sit up after one more face-into-pillow moment, making my muscles work at this hour was always a bit painful for some reason. I groaned and rubbed my eyes, ruffling my hair in the same movement. I scrounged for clothes in the room, finding mine ontop of the luggage bags, pulling my tshirt over my head before the trackpants that Olivia had left out. I could hear Olivia making some sort of cereal, so I wandered out to a cup of tea on the counter for me. 

 

“Can you grab the luggage and I’ll check Ben and then we can go?” Olivia asked, making me nod my head mildly as I wandered back to the luggage in our bedroom. 

 

I grabbed the three bags we had, piling them into the back of Olivia’s parents car, noting that I would need a hoodie before I came out again. When I walked back into the house I saw Olivia’s dad getting his own breakfast as I heard Olivia in Ben’s crib. 

 

“We’ll be back soon,” she whispered as she touched his cheek. I walked in beside her, touching Ben’s mop of hair that he had now. He slept through the night now, his pink lips coming in and out as he slept quietly. 

 

“Bye love,” I whispered as I felt Olivia shift beside me. 

 

“You two good to go?” I heard Olivia’s dad whisper into the room, causing Olivia to give a thumbs up and a touch to my hand. I smiled and looked up, even though I was half asleep I could still feel my heart strings tugging towards Ben. I knew it was only a week, but it still felt just as hard leaving now as it did when I went on tour. I knew it was going to be fun though, and we would be back in no time. 

 

Olivia sat in the front passenger seat, and I sat in the back on the drive to the airport. I fell asleep pretty quickly, waking briefly when a blanket was placed on me, a kiss on my temple. I was woken up when we got close to the airport, Olivia’s hand on my knee, shaking me awake. 

 

“Ed, we’re here, you have to wake up now,” she was saying, my foggy brain trying to descramble itself. I peeled my hands out from under the blanket and rubbed my eyes, which made her stop shaking. 

 

She was smiling as I opened my eyes, turned around in her seat, an excited look on her face. Olivia always loved travelling, I had just gotten used to it I guess. 

 

I sat up and looked out the window, Toronto was always a nice looking city, as nice as a city could look of course. The airport lied out infront of us, different terminals all over the place. Olivia’s dad let us out at the doors closest to where we needed to be, and the long process of figuring out where we needed to go began. Thankfully both Olivia and I were fairly good with maps, so we figured a route out easily and were met with the rest of the people on this trip in no time. There was only a few of us, and filming would start tomorrow. 

 

A series of videos would be made, mainly on Olivia, and the concert would be filmed too. It would be cold as ever we were informed, but we would have a good time. Things weren’t overly planned out, which was nice. Olivia would play the local school and the concert, and then would dot around the town and do some filming and singing around the frozen land. Olivia was into it all, learning about the culture and how the town worked and such. 

 

We all boarded a plane after security, flying out to Edmonton, and man Canada was beautiful. It was a lot bigger than Europe, and everything was so spaced out. We would look out the window and see huge spaces of farm land, cities dotted throughout it. 

 

We landed in Edmonton later in the day, housing a hotel room for the night, continuing travel the next day. 

 

 

 

Ed’s POV

 

We travelled for the next day, filming a little bit on the plane, the view outside the window becoming more and more frozen and baren. It was weird but beautiful, expecially when we landed, the ground frozen solid. It was absolutely freezing though. 

 

“I think it’s time for the longjohn’s,” Olivia said, joking about infront of the film crew. 

 

We hopped in the van that was waiting for us a minute later, cramming everything into the small space. Olivia and I were sumshed together, but it was alright. 

 

“You okay?” Olivia said to me. 

 

“Yeah, just cold,” I said back to her. 

 

She laughed and held my mitted hand, looking out the window. 

 

“It’s gorgeous here, look at it Ed,” she said, pointing at the same time. 

 

She was right though, it was gorgeous here. It was pretty barren, but the trees that showed up were frosted with ice, shimmering perfectly. There were rocks that jutted out of the snow too, making it look like a movie scene. We drove for a long time, Olivia sleeping a bit on my shoulder before we arrived at the tiny town in the middle of a frosted desert. We unpiled into our hotel that was more like a Bed and Breakfast, but still had a hotel sign outside. It was cute and cozy, the walls a warm crème colour. The temperature gauge outside the window was reading a steady -30C though, and I felt that it was necessary to climb under the covers at that temperature, so I did. I stripped of my jacket and pants and climbed into the bed, that was soft and fuzzy, and had an electric blanket under the comforter. Olivia laughed as she saw my confusement at a wire coming out of a blanket at first, scooping my jacket up off the floor and throwing it on a hook near the door. 

 

“It’s electric,” she said as she climbed in beside me, turning the dial up a bit. I made an ‘o’ shape with my mouth as we let it drop to the edge of the bed. She scooted off the bed though, heading for the bathroom before I could protest her leaving, even though she would come back soon. I felt the blanket getting warm then, and it instantly made me sleepy. 

 

Olivia crawled back in the bed a few minutes later, her face clean, her body in pj’s. 

 

“It’s so warm in here, wow,” she said as she crawled into the bed, snuggling up to my chest. 

 

I giggled and wrapped my body around hers, bear hugging her in bed. I could feel her laugh a bit, her hands gripping the sides of my tshirt. Her nose pressed into my chest until she squeezed my sides to make me move away. 

 

“Hey, I was cuddling you,” I said. 

 

“I still need to breathe silly,” Olivia said, pushing her hair out of her face before snuggling more comfortably into me. 

 

“Better?” I asked. 

 

“Yep,” she said with a kiss on my nose. 

 

I reached over and switched the light off, pulling the covers up to our chins. I kissed Olivia once more before getting comfy and drifting off to sleep. 

 

\--

 

I woke up to empty arms, groaning when I couldn’t find Olivia’s body heat in the covers. I rolled over and sat up on my elbows, scanning the room for Olivia. I looked over to her pillow and saw blood on it, and flew out of bed to the bathroom, making my heart pound too hard this early in the morning. Olivia was standing in the bathroom, leaning on the countertop, Kleenex jammed up her nose. 

 

“Are you okay?” I said as soon as I saw her. 

 

“Yeah, I have a nosebleed,” she said, pulling the bloody Kleenex out of her nose, replacing it with another one. 

 

“Oh,” I said, watching her hold her nose against the Kleenex, “I don’t remember you getting nosebleeds.” 

 

“I don’t usually, it’s just really dry here so I guess I got one now,” she smiled as she held her nose, her voice funny because of it. 

 

“Well, come back to bed, it’ll be okay,” I said, grabbing the Kleenex box off the countertop, nodding my head for her to come. 

 

I propped the pillows up and helped Olivia crawl back under the covers one-handed, tucking her back into our warm cocoon of a bed. I let her sit inbetween my legs, my hand playing with the rings on her finger, the significance of them being strong. I still wanted to grow old with her, and I always would. 

 

Her nose bled through a few more kleenex’s before it died down, the last Kleenex coming out clean. 

 

“I don’t think it’s bleeding anymore,” she said, placing the box onto the night table.  

 

“That’s good,” I said as there was a knock on the door before it opened and a voice called out from around the corner. 

 

“Hey, I just wanted to tell you two it’s time to get up,” one of the film guys told us, peaking around the corner cautiously, “oh, you are up.” 

 

“Yeah, I got a nosebleed, we’re up,” Olivia said to him. 

 

“Oh okay, well we all have to be ready by lunch, it’s weird how dark it is even though it’s like 9:30.” 

 

“I know eh,” Olivia replied. 

 

“Yeah, well, I guess that’s how it is,” the techy said, making his exit while shrugging his shoulders.

 

“It’s 9:30?” I said, no trace of any light coming through the curtains. 

 

“Yeah, the sun doesn’t return until the day after the gig, it’s like we’re welcoming it back because it disappears for five months of the year. But apparently they have no night for five months too, and then two months have day and night. Pretty weird, I don’t know if I could do it.” Olivia gave out the facts. 

 

“Yeah it would be weird, I guess pros and cons.” I said before Olivia turned and kissed my cheek and slid out of my lap. 

 

\--

 

Today was a fun day for sure, Olivia got to play a highschool and it was amazing. I hadn’t seen her perform in ages and it was like the first time I saw her. Standing eye-level with the audience, a guitar and mic, and it was so so good. She met as many people as she could afterwards, a lot of them knowing who she was even though it was a rural area. The power of the internet for sure. 

 

Next up was a cold a capella session for Olivia, who was a trooper and stood outside in the snow and sang two takes of one of her songs. She got back in the van and immediately cuddled up to me, warming her hands under my jacket. I laughed at it, but held her close. She looked even tinier amongst her big winter jacket and hood, big mittens and boots. She never looked more in her element either though, this was defiantly her home turf. For me I would forever love England, for Olivia she would always love Canada. 

 

 

 

 

Olivia’s POV

 

There’s something home-like to me when I’m in the freezing cold, with the person I love. There’s something that brings back memories of days busking in all types of weather, to all types of people. 

 

As I stood at the one and only show that I would play on this trip, I looked out to the small crowd that was inside the church made of snow. I could see to the very back, and right in the middle Ed stood, his messy hair making him easy to pick out. I scanned faces throughout every song, and in each one was etched an appreciation that I came all the way to see them. This wasn’t just another youtube video through a screen, this was a super special night because they never get to see their favorite artists live. Actually, they never get to see any show, because artists rarely come up this far north. 

 

As the show finished and I suffered through another nose bleed backstage, I felt something that rarely happened at shows in the city. I felt really really loved by a group of total strangers. I felt like I had made a lot of peoples night, made a lot fo people happy, and that’s something I love to do. 

 

Ed slipped through my dressing room door, laughing as he leaned his head on my shoulder, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind. 

 

“Maybe we should donate your nose blood,” he said. 

 

“Please, that’s ridiculous,” I said, nudging him in the ribs a bit and laughing. 

 

“You know what’s not ridiculous?” he asked, “your performance, I forgot how stunning it is.” 

 

I could feel the scruff on his cheek rub on my neck as he talked, his voice quiet and airy, but happy. I could feel his heart beating on my back, heat radiating through his hoodie. I tried to keep my voice steady as I replied, trying to keep it as quiet as he had talked. 

 

“I guess you haven’t seen it in a while, hmmmm?” I asked and he nodded, pressing his lips to my shoulder before there was a knock on the door. 

 

“Are you alright to sign tonight?” The manager of the trip asked me as Ed let go of me and I turned to look at him. 

 

“Yeah sure,” I answered, pulling the Kleenex from my nose, making sure I wasn’t bleeding anymore. 

 

“A few kids asked if Ed could come out too, is that okay?” 

 

I turned to Ed who was messing about with a little puzzle on the table. 

 

“I don’t see why not,” I answered for him, getting a head nod from the manager. 

 

We spent the next two hours meeting and signing things for numerous people, until it was well into the night. When we both got back into our hotel room we crawled into bed without saying a word. Ed snuggled into me, his breath warming my neck and hairline. Tomorrow was back to my house, then back home to England after another few days, and home sounded good right now. 

 

\--

 

Ed’s POV

 

We loaded our stuff onto the plane as our journey back home started, days of travelling starting again. It seemed as we were leaving a piece of ourselves behind as we took off into the air, a few hands waving from the tarmac below. I smiled at Olivia, taking her hand in mine, squeezing it good. 

 

“I’m glad I get to grow old with you,” I told her, “I’m glad I get to grow old with you too,” she said back. 

 

A long flight later and we were in Edmonton, which was chilly but felt like a summer heat wave to Olivia and I. We both took off our hats and soaked up the sun, until Olivia reminded me I am a pale ginger who should not be in the sun that long. We stayed over in Edmonton and then took the flight back to Toronto where we were reunited with a sleep-deprived child. 

 

“He didn’t really want to sleep without mummy and daddy around, that’s for sure,” Olivia’s mum said as she passed Ben to Olivia. 

 

He immediately put his head on her shoulder and started sucking his thumb, before his eyes started to shut quietly. He reached out for me before he totally passed out though, grasping my thumb with his fist before he went limp in Olivia’s arms. Needless to say he slept the whole ride back, drool all over his chin. 

 

We spent the next days with Olivia’s mum and dad, just hanging about their house before we were off to England. We landed nine hours later, massively jet-lagged. 

 

“Fairly sure our child will never have a normal sleeping schedule,” Olivia said as she settled Ben down for the third hour in a row, slipping back under the covers next to me. 

 

“When he’s sixteen he will, no worries,” I said back to her.

 

“Unless he follows his fathers footsteps and moves out at sixteen and gigs his way through life and doesn’t sleep at all,” she said back, smiling at me in the moonlight that was coming through the window. 

 

“True,” I said, “not that it’s a bad thing.” 

 

“Of course not love,” Olivia whispered to me, pulling her body up against mine, pressing her lips to me. 

 

I let the softness of her skin melt into my fingers, gently prying at the edge of her sleeve because I craved more of her, I always wanted more of Olivia. I pulled at the edge, slipping my hand onto her shoulder blade, making her smiled while we kissed. She rolled onto her back, making me move partially onto her, my hand slipping back to her arm. She dragged her hand up my arm that was leaning on the mattress, supporting my weight. She smiled as she moved to the hem of my tshirt, pulling it up and off of me, my hair getting ruffled in the process. 

 

“Not fair,” I whispered to her in the dark, moving my lips to her neck, “you know exactly how to remedy everything.” 

 

I felt her lift her hands to my hair then, letting me pull her own shirt up and over her head, her hands flopping on the headboard a bit at the end until they fully curled into my hair. I returned my lips to hers, all while moving my body on top of hers all the way, drinking up her skin with mine, trying to be as quiet as possible. Her hands felt down my body before pulling the fabric of my underwear down, letting me kick it away into the sea of covers. I pulled hers off a minute later, kissing her collarbone at the same time. I caressed every single mark on her, every single bump, scar, bruise, cut, goosebump and bone that stuck out. I loved every bit of her and leaned my head on her shoulder when I had finished soaking her up. I felt her shiver as I breathed down on her shoulder, wrapping my arms around her while propping myself up to look at her face. 

 

“I love you,” I said to her as she tucked some of my hair out of my face. 

 

“I love you too.” 

 

\-- -- 

 

I shuffled along the grass as I walked to the familiar spot, sitting down when I got there. I sighed outwards, looking up at the clouds on a sunny Saturday in London. I played with a blade of grass before leaning on my knee, propping myself on my hand. 

 

“Sometimes I really miss you guys,” I said out loud, even though no one was near. 

 

“Sometimes I wish I could ask you what sounds good dad, I need your advice with fans and press forever, sometimes I wish you could tell me how to use the washing machine again mum, I still don’t know how much detergent is really right.” 

 

I let out an airy laugh and laid out on the ground, reaching out and fixing a few flowers that were growing in the grass around the base of the stone. 

 

“You would like these mum.” 

 

I let my eyes trace up the stone then, reading the words that I wish I got to read more often. 

 

_“Two souls lay here_

_Two souls which are connected in a way_

_That seems to only happen in fairytales_

_Two souls that wished to grow old together_

_Two souls that almost broke apart more than once_

_Yet their wish was granted.”_

 

 

 

  


End file.
